Getting Over A Broken Heart - Part 2

1. Be careful...don’t date destructive people.
   Some people want to experience love so badly they end up getting involved with all the wrong people.

   If you date crazy people, you have crazy break-ups.

   I talk a lot about this on my blogs about love addiction. These people have no real idea who the person is they think they are in love with. They end up dating crazy people. Some relationships are simply not worth the drama and the pain. People who get involved in these relationships are begging for heartbreak and a messy break-up. A friend of mine said something to me a while back I will never forget: “If you date crazy people, you’ll have crazy break-ups.” You can save a lot of pain if you commit to only dating people who are stable and have their act together. Relationships are challenging enough. Why shed needless tears by getting involved with dysfunctional people. 
   
   A girl called my show the other night who had a 4.0 grade point average, but was dating a very destructive guy. I told her, “You have a great head, but a stupid heart.  Think with your head.” I should have said, “You have a great head, but a foolish heart.” Remember, if you date crazy people, you will have crazy break-ups no matter how smart you may think you are. So save yourself needless hours of heartache and tears. Don’t date crazy people. “Girls really need to realize and pay more attention to the guys they date. It’s not all about a pretty face!...that’s where [so many girls at my school] went wrong in the first place” (rissa)
   
   
2. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
   One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult and touch raw emotions.  This proves we are human.  It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit awhile back called “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on.  If we don't, that pain will come reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way. “No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn't last and you end up worse off than you were before.” (Jonathan)
   
   
3. Immediately take your broken heart to God.
   There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing

   …all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what.

   could be further from the truth. Here’s why. You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what. It says in the Old Testament of the Bible, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you. “It is very important to go to God after you've had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart.” (Osman)

4. Take heart, you won’t die.
5. Don’t overreact and embarrass yourself.
6. Talk to someone who cares.

Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 - 6:30:12 PM
its so hard to get over your first love and even harder the 2 but all you can do is cry then get back out there and learn from your mistake if you ask me i think love is the slowest form of sucide and everyone dose it some more than others but "its better to have loved and lost then to have never of loved at all." i want to thank you dawson for all you have done for me
- jessica

Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 - 6:28:06 PM
WELL MY 2 EX'S BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WOTH ME AND I HAVE A NEW ONE NOW...WELL I DONT WONT THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN SO I RALLY DONT NO WHAT TO DO???
- CRYSTAL

Wednesday, Jan 16, 2008 - 11:48:50 PM
i have a comment on the 2nd one. you seei dont do well with hurt and pain. ive had too much already and im only 14. i bring my trobles to God many times. after i feel better. i kinow you say to embraceour feelings of pain and hurt. well i cant. in my family oif you cry its a sign of weakness. after reading your blogs for the past 2 months. i realized its not. i wish i had known this earlier in my life.
- samantha

Wednesday, Jan 16, 2008 - 11:46:14 PM
hello mr. mcallister, i listen to show almost every sunday. it makes me cry to hear all these amazing stories. anyway just wanted to say that i apericated what you do. thanks
- caroline

Wednesday, Jan 16, 2008 - 12:10:28 AM
WOW man. i heard you on the radio and you are wonderful. my gf just dumped me, and i read your blog and it helped me. first mistake i made: dont date crazy people. she had mental issues, and i knew it from the beginning, but i still gave her a chance. i got really attached and loved this girl, and i still do. but im trying my best to move on. i took my broken heart to God, and now im planning a night out with my friends. i felt the pain for a LONG time... a really LONG time. i didnt embarass myself, but the girl i was dating embarasses me on a daily basis at her workplace and at college. i dont think she still does, but the damage is done. lesson from this experience? dont date crazy people, if you find out they are crazy, leave ASAP before you get too attached!! im trying to get back in to working out and eating right.... the depression i suffered from her was really bad. i never thought about myself though, i always thought about others. i dont think i can ever think about just myself.... so since thats the case, ill try my best to help others out. thanks so much, im looking forward to reading more of your blogs.
- mujtaba

Wednesday, Jan 16, 2008 - 12:05:11 AM
What if the guy you date says he wants to take a break to catch up on school work because you're a distraction. Then he still wants to be friends with benefits...But when he hears that you had a past relationship with a guy he now has a grudge on for taking your virginity, he stops talking to you completly...10th grade comes araound and you tell him how you feel and spill your heart to him and he turns you down...Then about a month later, he makes out with you then that night says it means nothing...And you're sure this is the guy you love but dont know why. So about a week after not talking, you write him a note and send it to him. You tell him that you respect him and try to move on. Then he starts sitting with you in homeroom and walking you to your classes and staring at you in the hall as if he wants to get back with you. That is what is happening to me now. I really love Victor. I dont know why but I do and I want to know how he really feels. Because if he dosent...I will just move on. I dont want my feelings to be toyed with but I have my heart set on him. We are so much a like and he makes me laugh and smile when ever we talk. I tear up when ever I think about him. He was my first kiss and that was special. I cant help but think about the great times we had together that meant a lot to me. My friends dont like him because he's rude to them and plays around to much but...they know my feelings for him. I dont know what to do!!!
- Caresse

Wednesday, Jan 16, 2008 - 12:04:10 AM
This information really helped me get over someone that broke my heart! Like Dawson says, think about your future and all that you have ahead of you, and not ponder over what happened! YOUR LIFE WILL GET BETTER!
- Jose Z.

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 11:10:49 PM
I Loved this blog it was sooo meaningful. I just got out of a bad relationship and I love listening to your advice and your show on Q102. It's true girls go for teh wrong guys: like the quote you made with teh one caller i used my heart and need for love to cloud my vision and my head, I turned away everyone elses opinion and went with my silly heart. Thanks for giving me tips on my recent broken heart, Michaela
- Michaela

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 11:09:47 PM
I really relate to this part you have on dating. What helps me the most is listening to your radio show on Sunday's. It is very powerful and uplifting. When you point out what a healthy person would do to face challenges in life it is very exciting to listen to because you show everyone hope and encouragement in a new way, that they have probably never heard in such a great, bold, honest way. The things you write about on getting through a broken heart are amazing. I really liked how you transformed the way I thought about it. When you say the reasons it is important to let yourself feel the pain, it gave me permission to respond how my body wants to respond. Lately, I have been doing functional, healthy things to get over a broken relationship. When I listen to your show, I cry and it has got to be the easiest feeling I've ever had, it is automatic and comforting. I get so much strength from all the energy you have and the joy you put into life. I would especially love to talk to you sometime because what you say really helps me feel better and there is such a constancy in what you say and it helps me make connections and breakthroughs that help me realize more and more the importance of taking matters into your hands and doing all that I can to make my life better and do things that will lead to more goodness. Your show has helped me to wake up and exercise my mind to find better ways to live a healthy, peaceful, joyful life. You do really great on your work. I've also called the hopeline and talked to two volunteers and received some pretty good news and inspiration to move forward! Thanks for everything you know, -Katie
- Katie

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 6:30:21 PM
I love this topic as do i the rest of them but this 1 is great. I have had my share of broken hearts. some i have broken myself and some others have broken mine but this blog is truely teaching me to move on!
- Brittany

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 6:29:50 PM
Last night before I went to bed I turned on the radio to distract myself from my own thoughts. I heard the show for the first time. I just caught my boyfriend of three years cheating on me. He was lying and manipulating me to believe he still loved me. He messed with my head, heart, body and spirit. I feel so betrayed and heart broken. This website and the show is a great resource for me during this difficult time. I know I will shine through this because I deserve only the best and am willing to be patient and work hard for a happier future.
- Iris

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 2:13:24 AM
Dawson-My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago after a month-long relationship. We were friends before and we pretty much went back to that. However, I still sometimes think about him that way. What do I do?
- Mehaa

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 2:13:13 AM
hello! i pray you are doing well and i thank you for your radio show and for this website. i absoluetly love the blogs that you have posted because they have given me insight on life altogether and i know i'm only 15 and have not been in a gf/bf relationship as of yet, but i completely understand about the love segments. I'm also wondering if you can post blogs on long distanced relationships and about how to talk to a parent/guardian about dating someone that is of a different race/ethnic background if they are reluctant to bring up the subject themselves. Have a blessed day and if you post blogs on those subjects i would greatly appreciate it. thanks.
- angelica

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 2:10:58 AM
mite b to late to put tiz but id wnt my head stone to say {make it beter] tats my saying for the world n its problems make it beter get it
- oscar

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 2:06:31 AM
Hi, my name is kimberly. I really like this guy that is a (little) bit older than i am, but i really like this other guy that is the same age as me. I dont think that he knows that i like him though.But i dont know what guy would be begtter to me or will have a better relationship with me. But if so and i pick the wrong one i dont want to risk loosing friends with the "other" guy. So mainly what i am asking is what i should do. I have limited it down to two choices. Either Just stay friends with the one guy and drop the whole liking thing, because he doesnt know. Or just be really tight with the other guy and dont date him BECAUSE he is older. I dont know i really hope that you get back to me with what you think i should do. Thanx Bunches, Kimberly
- Kimberly

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 2:04:51 AM
I just had a break up and you are right about Number 2... Crying helps me through alot but not all of it...I cry once a night if I break up with a boyfriend...My current boyfriend or ex whatever you want to call him we dated for 2 weeks we know eachother from elementary school and I know him really well went to school with his older sister and hung out with her and all that jazz...He started to stay with me and then he talked about moving in with me when I get my own apartment away from my roommate and I was ok with that I told him I wanted to ask his mom for permission... Well after that he started to act weird... I think it was more the fact that my last relationship which ended in July was an end to an engagement... My engagement left me because he didnt think I was going to say yes... That ended after a year and a half... Yeah my current didnt like that I did things by what went wrong with the last relationships I had but I dont want to make the same mistakes I did before so thats why I do that... I care about him and I have always liked him and I would like to try it again but I dont want to push him into anything he doesn't want to be in... What do I do?
- Sara

Tuesday, Jan 15, 2008 - 2:02:34 AM
i love listening to your show its the best .. i always wait to listen its the best! .... i love this topic that your blogging about! im in that area right now on trying to heal my heart because ive liked this guy for 2 and 1/2 years i went out with him then and i found out that he cheated one me (well he couldnt make up his mind on if he did or not and it was with my summer best friend) ... so i stayed friends with him and he was always asking me out and i wouldnt say yes or give him and answer so like 2 months ago i started going out with him and he was acting all weird and so then i found out he cheated on me after he broke it off with me i stayed mad for awhile and was even depressed for like a month (im not depressed anymore i moved away from that by asking him questions like why and my friends keep me happy) so like now i talk to him still and everyone like friends want me to just forget about him and get him out of my life but i refuse to do that because i know he is better than this and i love him so much! ... its just a mess right now but i tell everyone well people who understand me what im going through! i guess i just have to slowly let him go or fight for him and its just a hard decision!
- Kelsey

Monday, Jan 14, 2008 - 9:29:55 PM
i just broke up with my boyfriend like last month of a year and 3 months that is because i felt i needed to see more ppl. there's alot of my friends always comming up to me asking me about thier boy problems even boys come up to me and asked me and soem girl problems and wat makes it wrose is its always the my best friends are dating and they both ask me aobut eachother and i t whurts me a lot. so i really dont know wat to do.. i dont know if i should stop giving advice casue it seeems that they are always fighting cause of something i said but i do give really good advice just tell me wat to do.. but im at school so i got to go bye.. ♥♥,,,, Brandi-Kaye!!! p.s. I Love Your Show I Listen To It Every Sunday!!
- Brandi E.

Monday, Jan 14, 2008 - 9:28:25 PM
Yea, i'm going to agree it is hard to get over a broken heart. My boyfriend of 11 months broke up with me. He said that he was tired of my b*ll cr*p because i got grounded and the only time i could talk to him was at night on my cell phone. So he broke up with me and it ends up he was "getting" with another girl. The other girl didn't like him so he had gotten really upset. He finally called me and was telling me that he really does love me and that he was sorry for what he did but htat didn't make anything better because he then told me that he wasn't planning on going back out with me. He told he that and told me that the reason was because he didn't want to get in a relationship before he went to the national guard(n.g) because it would be hard to break off with the person (expecually if it was me) before he had to go. The only part i didn't understand is the fact that he won't be going to the n.g. for 2 or 3 more years. And i have this big feeling that he will find someone else even though he told me he wouldn't. I really do love him and i don't want to lose him for anything in the world! I know in this comment it may sound like he really does love me and all but he's told me he loved me since we was only going out 2 months. For the whole 11 months we have been going out thought we have broke up more times than i can count on my hands and feet! But everytime but 1 he has broke up with me......i've only broken up with him one time. But i'm the stupid one that keeps taking him back every little time. This article goes with me a little. "Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain." Thanks ....:::::~Hannah~:::::....
- Hannah

Monday, Jan 14, 2008 - 12:26:00 AM
Dawson-- I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months last week. I know 6 months isn't that long a time, but I completely gave myself to him. I would drive 74 miles (one way) to see him, sometimes several times a week. He never came to see me. He also told me that he didn't love me and he never would. Instead of breaking it off and trying to heal myself like a normal person, I would do just about anything to keep the relationship going. I can't live without him and my heart is genuninely broken. I know God is the only one who can fill the hole in my heart, but I don't know how to ask Him and I don't understand how He can possibly fix it.
- Kate

Sunday, Jan 13, 2008 - 11:38:29 PM
Hey Dawson. I'm not sure if my heart is broken so much as dieing. My family went through some rough times which culminated in my parents divorcing after 20 some years and my middle sister being diagnosed with an as yet uncurable cancer. A couple of months before my parents divorced I broke up with my girlfriend of 9 months. I would have married her after I graduated from college, but she refused to stop the smoking, the drinking, the drugs, and the sex that resulted from her taking leave of her senses. It's probably not the best way to deal with it, but I forced myself to forget my entire sophomore year of school, the nine months I was dating her. And so my heart was broken then, and when things got turbulant with my family I had to distance myself from the entire thing because it was making me suicidal. I have as yet not been able to start loving my family again, I care for them, but I don't love them. And the remnants of my former reputation in my hometown make it impossible for me to have many friends. I feel like I have no one to care for, and it's like, if you don't care for someone you lose the ability to care for anyone. Just want to tell people, always have someone to care for.
- Steven L

Sunday, Jan 13, 2008 - 11:14:34 PM
Wednesday someone told evan(my boyfriend) that i was going to breakup with him. and i told him i wasnt. and i asked if he belived me and he said he didnt know what to belive well i called him and poured my heart out to him. than i asked do u know i love u? and he said idk anymore. i asked do u love me?. he said he doesnt know any more. Well Thursday i didnt go to skewl. and he told Mike(my friend that is completly in love with me but i just dont like him like that) to tell sarah(my bestfriend) to break up with me threw text. But sarah waited till after school to come over to my house and tell me. so he didnt really break up with me but he did. oh and the reason why he wanted to break up with me was becuase Mike loves me more than he does && i dont even like mike and i love evan and i will never go out with mike. So he called me after skewl some time and we talked. another reason why he wanted to break up was becuase "we come from two different worlds" so basically hes a popular and im not. && Friday he didnt even look at me and it kinda seemed like he didnt wanna talk/see me. But wen we talked Thursday night we had a real convosation. and i laughed and smiled and felt how u useally makes me feels. And i know its going to take awhile to get over it but it seems like its taking to long and that he already moved on becuase he messaged me on AIM today and i asked what he did today. and he said he went to the mall with his guy friends and saw 9 hot girls there. so obiously i dont mean anythign to him anymore and he still means more than my world. this suxx. anyone got any advice for me plz email . thank you
- ¢¾Amanda¢¾

Sunday, Jan 13, 2008 - 9:14:03 PM
Hey Dawson. Love your show! I just wanted to say this- I found that breaking up with someone was aharder emotionally for me, then him breaking up with me.
- kristen

Sunday, Jan 13, 2008 - 9:13:49 PM
Hey dawson i luv ur show...i can't miss every sunday night. i should go #6 that is the best way u can heal a heart broken.if you talk someone who cares u.They will help you how to overcome heat broken.Always keep telling ur story and the more u tell ur story is the more you will recover first.
- khalid bin ibrahim bin mohamed

Sunday, Jan 13, 2008 - 9:11:03 PM
ok well, i've always told my friends that they can come to me whenever they needed me and that i would tell them that i wouldn't hurt them or their feelings! Well one day i had to brake up with my bf because it didn't feel all that right nemore and i knew that i loved him but i had to brake up with him and all of my friends came to me and said it's all right u did what u had to do and it will get better i promise that's what they all say to make me feel better and i guess what i'm trying to say is that nomatter what happens people will always b there when u need them most! newayz thank you and to every1 who has a broken heart i hope that it gets better 4 u! ~Brooklynn
- Brooklynn P.

Sunday, Jan 13, 2008 - 9:10:02 PM
Your blog is somewhat lacking in some content that is required before true love can happen... People who date and etc. know the risks they are taking. The only people damaged are those who do not know how to love, or how even to date.
- Skyler

Saturday, Jan 12, 2008 - 11:47:34 PM
What do you do when a boyfriend becomes one of your best friends? Someone that understands how you feel, but also shares those inside jokes. Someone you love and cherish, but also someone that you can just chill back with. But what do you do when they check out of your life; best friend and boyfriend are gone. Ive had this happen, and i did ball my eyes out and get depressed, and thought i couldnt live without him. I've put so much into him and this relationship, that i couldnt end up losing two things at once. How can u go to a best friend when ur boyfriend breaks up with you, whose the same person you want to talk to things about? Yeah guys may come and go, but best friends are suppose to be forever. I love him and will always love him. Mending a broken heart like that is torture.
- :+: JuliE :+:

Saturday, Jan 12, 2008 - 10:17:45 PM
So many girls put so much into their relationship with one guy, that once they break up, their whole world changes. The start balling their eyes out and get depressed over a person that shouldnt mean so much to them. They overreact and even if they were going out for a short period of time, they act like that guy was their life and they cant go on without them. when that isnt true. put your faith in your friends. they will be by your side forever while guys will come and go.
- rissa

Saturday, Jan 12, 2008 - 10:16:12 PM
Well getting over a broken heart is hard to overcome Dawson. In response to that question I like to think about the passage that says a joyful heart is good medicine. So I guess when you are going through a bad situation get into the word, pray, and ask God to mend your broken heart back together. This really takes time as I know because of all the pain I have been going through lately. I am just trusting that God will deliver me from the pain I feel. The only thing though is that you as a person have to chose to be happy. You have to meet God half way in order for him to do his job. I had to chose to be happy, and let my situation slide off my back, and just give up my situation to the Lord. We lay every burden, every sorrow, every broken heart down to the Lord, and let him do the mending. That is his job anyways, because he took all our pain, suffering, sickness and died on the cross for us. So if this gets posted I would just tell others Cast all your cares and worries on him, because he cares for you.Nothing absolutely nothing is too big for God.
- Christina

Saturday, Jan 12, 2008 - 9:35:46 PM
well first off on the first one...you may feel like you are going to die after a heartbreak and feel like just getting away or suicide but if you were to do that it would just make tings worse and if you believe that everything will work out and God has a reason for doing this then I think you should be able to be just fine but just like everything else it takes time... 2) if you overreact then most like other things you will embarass yourself.You may be heartbroken but just dont let it take you over and bring you down let God in and let him do his work.He has a plan and everything will work out for a better thing. 3)Talking to someone who you know and yrust will help you greatly.A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful.they tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much. God loves you and is willing to help you out.You may think nothing good will come out of this and you are going to die but God knows what hes doing and has a better plan for you. I know from personal heartbreak how it feels.I felt like somoene ripped my heart out and threw iit on the floor and stomped on it.It was horrible.But with God and support of my friends and family I am still here today and as happy as ever that he did it to me to bring me closer to him which I just love!
- Kaitlyn H

Saturday, Jan 12, 2008 - 4:09:22 PM
it really hard getting over a broken heart, its happened to me many times and its really hard to get over b/c everything reminds you of it but it just takes time and i know it will get better
- Julie

Saturday, Jan 12, 2008 - 12:23:16 AM
This is truely what I was looking for. My husband left me and our children Monday night. He said that he didnt love me anymore and wanted a divorce. All the bills where in his name and he had the lights and water cut off to our home. I was so angry. He asked me to meet him tonight because he had some things for the boys. So I met him. He wanted to get back together. I love him so much but I cant take him back because of what he did to my children. He cut there lights and water off. I just dont know what to do anymore. I still love him. what do i do
- marley

Friday, Jan 11, 2008 - 7:08:58 PM
ive had a broken hard before its hurts but we got to learn to get over it and forget things instead of holding it all inside i held on and it just hurts more
- laura

Friday, Jan 11, 2008 - 7:07:48 PM
i jus wanted 2 let you kno this blog iz really helping a lot. Just by me reading it. I havent gotten my heart broken yet....hopefully i wont have 2 experience that but if i do,i kno wat to do in advance and i think this will be great advice for tha near future....and this is great advice for my frends because my frends always git there feelings hurt and sumtimes all i can do iz be there for them and now i can give them advice on wat they need to do to git over their problem.
- riah

Friday, Jan 11, 2008 - 7:06:33 PM
My best friend was in an interracial relationship for 4 yrs. It tore her and her family apart struggling to be with a black guy. He began cheating on her and she gave her virginity to him. Her friend introduced her to another guy over the internet and she started talking to him. The internet guy talked her into breaking up with her boyfriend (which I agree was smart), however, she started falling for this guy she'd met over an internet game and shortly after she broke up with her 4 yr relationship she moved hundreds of miles away to another state to be with this guy several yrs older than her claiming she was over the first guy. I'm afraid this guy will be bad for her for pressuring her to move, she didn't even give herself time to feel her broken heart when she met the new guy the day he came to pick her up. This rebound move scares me and when she sees this wasn't her prince charming on a white horse that's when she'll see she wasn't over him at all.
- Magan

Friday, Jan 11, 2008 - 10:29:48 AM
I'm really thankful for this blog, both for my personal life and as a way to read on how to help others. My best friend is going through a very rough time, and I will surely read to her your third advice on trusting and openly talking to God about our problems, because I believe exactly what you recommended, I have yet found a way to express myself as clear as this blog. Like it was said in a previous blog, sometimes people want to find God-like attributes in mere human beings, in her case, she always expects me to deliver the "knock-out punch" when it comes to comforting her, when God's the only one who can really help us heal or hearts. God bless.
- rafael

Friday, Jan 11, 2008 - 10:29:44 AM
these r good ways..it helped me get overmy broken heart!!! thx!!! p.s. I LOVE listening 2 ur show on Sunday night!!! Luv, .:Gabby!:.
- Gabby