Getting Over A Broken Heart - Part 3

• Take heart, you won’t die.
  
  Having your heart broken over a relationship will not cause you to die, but it may make you to feel like you did. You could lose your appetite and plenty of weight (one time when a girl dropped me I lost 15 pounds); even lose your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. You may feel shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache. Your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you. But you still won’t die. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” You may want to think about the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They didn’t die, and neither will you. So take heart and hold on.
  
  
• Don’t overreact and embarrass yourself.
  
  When someone you love rejects you, it is so easy to overreact. After all, the pain is so intense you want to do just about anything to ease it. You immediately begin to ask, “How can I get my bf/gf back?” That’s when things get crazy.

  Embarrassing yourself only makes the pain worse and slows down the healing process.

  Text messages start flying. Your MySpace becomes a billboard chronicling every detail about your ex. Now the whole world knows and you will later look back at what you did and say to yourself, “What was I thinking?” The fact is, you weren’t thinking. You were reacting. Driving by your ex’s house 100 times, emailing non-stop, or calling your ex over and over again will not help the situation. It will just make your self-esteem sink lower. Hold your head high and go on with life. Embarrassing yourself only makes the pain worse and slows down the healing process. “I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months last week. I know 6 months isn't that long a time, but I completely gave myself to him. I would drive 74 miles (one way) to see him, sometimes several times a week. He never came to see me. He also told me that he didn't love me and he never would. Instead of breaking it off and trying to heal myself like a normal person, I would do just about anything to keep the relationship going. I can't live without him and my heart is genuinely broken.” (Kate)
  
  
• Talk to someone who cares..
  
  I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing with is like a human crutch to help you through a time of brokenness. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most. The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” So find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets, and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did. “Talking to someone who you know and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much.” (Kaitlyn)

Thursday, Jan 24, 2008 - 12:03:13 AM
I love your show dawson even though i am 12 i still take the advice u give i have this boy thats name as ivan adn he loves me we have gone out but we kinda have had an on/off relationship but after the advice u gave me we settled thing we have been goin out for a year and a half now thanks for helping young adults with there problems and i will always love your show keep up the good work.
- Mikaela

Thursday, Jan 24, 2008 - 12:02:12 AM
i agree with u brother Anonymous "Don't ever fall in love in the first place." What is love? everybody was being gave birth by his mother (naked)...so be who you are and don't start any kind of drama. After that you will not have to worry anything. be your self. Great blog Dowson.i luv you're show.keep up mate!
- Khalid bin ibrahim bim mohamed

Wednesday, Jan 23, 2008 - 6:54:58 PM
what if we want eachother back? what if im willing to forgive him and love him again? is it ok to take him back? i mean me and my ex only broke up cuz i was stupid for not beiveing him and beieving some stupid romare!
- PAMIE

Wednesday, Jan 23, 2008 - 6:54:34 PM
Its not that i'm saying that you should just hang on to the one that you love its just you can't just get over that one person the same day you get a brokeing heart.
- Jamie H.

Wednesday, Jan 23, 2008 - 6:53:56 PM
i finnaly got the chance to check out your web sight and im glad i did i alwayz tune in to your station i my self just got a divorce witch in return i lost my little girl come to find out my EX had been cheating on me for a few years and waited to tell me three days befor our daughters 1st birth day that she had been one unfaithfull and that my little girl is infact not mine after 2 DNA tests it was true she wasnt mine. i tried to fix it if i could id still be with her for the simple fact i loved her and my little girl with out limits anywayz its been 5 months since thin i still cry at night when i think about it all, but at the same time i hear you talk to otheres and vise versa and i relize that things could be worse i now have moved to a old town of mine Greeneville TN. i have two jobs and i go out just about every night with friends and i am seeing a girl now i just wanted to say thanks for being here when otheres just say "o you will be just fine" and leave it at that your a great man thanks justin
- Justin

Wednesday, Jan 23, 2008 - 12:32:19 AM
Its easyer to move on they try to hurt yourself really bad and its hard to stop crying when then guy out broke up with was the one that you truly love and he meant your lift to you.
- jamie h.

Wednesday, Jan 23, 2008 - 12:31:03 AM
I just recently went through a break up with my ex. We've been separated for about four months now. Well my dad died when I was younger and I can honestly say without a doubt that the pain that i felt when we split was just as bad as when my father died. But she cheated, and I tried to get counseling with her and she agreed but then she cheated again with the same multiple times. And yes I did all the embarrsing things the blog just mentioned. The text msg's, the myspace billboarding of our relationship information, driving 60 miles to go try to work it out. Lost about 20 lbs and I got bags under my eyes that could stop flood water. But the I realize one day that no matter how devistating the pain was, no matter how much I cried and suffered in agony, no matter how much sleep I lost. That would not bring our relationship back together. All I was doing was literally killing myself. I really quite literally almost lost my mind. My point is everybody has free will and she has the will to cheat as she pleases and I can't change that. But I also had free will. The free will to not give her power over me and to move on to lead a productive life. The people who loved me and the ones I loved where counting on me. I dropped my pride and cried out of help. I prayer for God to help me and I got the help where ever I could find it. And I still love her and thats ok. But Ive moved on...and never let give anyone your free will to move on. Forgive them and dont give them power over you. THANK YOU SO MUCH DM FOR POSTING THIS BLOG. GOD BLESS YOU BROTHA
- Steven

Sunday, Jan 20, 2008 - 9:48:09 PM
How can you just "move on" and stop caring as much as you did? i mean come on we all know nobodys worth the tears and the ones who are would never make you cry, but there is acturally NO way to just up and stop caring and say you honestly could care less about ther girl or boy. Sometimes its worth it in the end and other times you just feel like an fool but at least you can say, you did your part and you was honest even if the other person was finding it hard to tell the "girl/boy" that they no longer love them.
- Brandy

Sunday, Jan 20, 2008 - 9:17:45 PM
I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that.
- Anonymous

Sunday, Jan 20, 2008 - 2:34:42 AM
my friend said that 'no man is worth crying over but the ones that are wont make you cry.' She is right if some one makes you cry then you dont need them so just move on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- jo

Saturday, Jan 19, 2008 - 1:31:23 PM
i listen to ur show every every sunday and i love it and i wish it was on more than that a week. you really are an inperation.
- Lisa R.

Friday, Jan 18, 2008 - 10:59:26 PM
i read your blog and i appreciate that you are taking time out of your day to write this. there are many people these days that are having to heal from a broken heart. yet they still feel empty in the end even when they are over him/her. i always say "don't cry because it ended, smile because it happened". it makes me sad to see my friend suffer from a broken heart including men. they take it a little bit farther then women because they tend to hide their emotions more than we do.
- Christine J.

Friday, Jan 18, 2008 - 10:56:19 PM
Getting over a heartbreak is hard. For years my friends have come to me and talked to me about their heartbreaks. After they're done letting everything out and reminising about the good times, they feel better. I am the one that everyone comes to for advice and when they need someone to talk to or to just listen. Now I'm in a situation similar to the ones my friends have been in. I had been going out with this guy for about 6 almost 7 months and then we broke up, turns out he had been cheating. When i found out it was with my best friend, I was devestated. I talked to some of my other besties and they said "I know it hurts, but you'll get over it" and guess what? I did. So to everyone who has been through a heartbreak or who is going through one, the road to recovery may be a short or long one but keep your head up high and remember it will be okay.
- Bernice

Friday, Jan 18, 2008 - 7:58:14 PM
hart break is life and its not just bf and gf kinda stuff its life my hart broke when i nw i would never be able to run tract again when i blew out my knee but u will bounce back from it just look 4 the next best thing
- chris

Friday, Jan 18, 2008 - 7:57:54 PM
i am tring to gey over my broken heart i cry at night because of it my exs name is brandin and when we broke i thought i waz gowing to die becuase we dated for 3 years and then we broke up now i do not know what to do not know what to do with my life and i do not think i can see him agan.
- rebecca p

Friday, Jan 18, 2008 - 7:57:04 PM
iI was reading your blog about just freinds i uesd to have friends in utah before i moved to texas that were guys. It was cool between us . i still miss them a lot. anyway thanks.
- canada girl