Getting Over A Broken Heart - Part 4

7. Give yourself time to heal.
   If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. Every wound or hurt takes time to heal, and having a broken heart is no different. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. “The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It's going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost.” (Lindsey)
   
   
8. Learn lessons from the experience.
   

   “...everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it.”

   It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example:
   
   • Did you fail to communicate openly?
   • Were you insensitive to your partner’s feelings?
   • Were you too possessive or selfish?
   • Were you physical sexually?
   • Were you dishonest in the relationship?
   • Am I learning how other people can be hurt?
   
   Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship. “It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it.” (Brian T.)
   
   
9. Don’t overanalyze.
   Some people (and this may be you) are big time dwellers. They spend hours analyzing every last detail about the relationship. These people always end up getting confused and coming to the wrong conclusion because they cannot look at the situation in a balanced way. They end up either worshipping their ex or hating them for what has happened. Over analysis over a broken relationship only leads to confusion, depression, and massive waste of time. Once you’ve thought through what went wrong with the relationship and what was good about it, let it go or you will cause yourself unnecessary drama and heartache in the depths of your heart. Staying busy doing other things will help you from dwelling too much over the past. “Don’t over analyze things…I think a lot of people do that after getting out of a relationship...they may question themselves…What did I do wrong?; was it me?; you know stuff like that. And those people who question themselves are the main ones (sometimes) that get tied down and can’t move on with their life…” (riah)
   
   
10. Don’t go into rebound dating.
    

    “…I go right back to guys to try to solve the problem and it starts all over again.”

    While it is important to move on and be around other people, beware of rebound dating. Rebound dating is when you use someone else in a romantic relationship in the hopes they will help you feel better or remind you of the other person who has broken up with you. Rebound dating causes you to experience the horrors of comparing the new person you are dating with your last love. Comparing others never works. For one thing, you no doubt have a distorted view of your last love. No one will meet those standards. The new person you will begin to care about will be quite different than the one you lost. Try dating just for fun or hanging out just to get to know people better. But remember, panic rebound dating never works. “…I get all depressed over something that was totally a waste of time and tears. Then, I go right back to guys to try to solve the problem and it starts all over again.” (CJ) CJ is a rebounder. Try not to fall into that trap.

Thursday, Jan 31, 2008 - 8:33:10 PM
Mr.Dawson! I have listend to your show for about 7 months and I love how you bring scripture and God into this! You are a gifted man and you remind me of my mom a lot! She works with youth at our church! Thank you for all you've done!
- Brandon

Wednesday, Jan 30, 2008 - 10:52:06 PM
well the way i get over a broken heart is by doign some stupid things and trying not to think about her
- jason

Wednesday, Jan 30, 2008 - 10:51:52 PM
hi dawstin my name is samantha and im 14 turning 15 next week on the 10th. although im only 14 i have a major back injury that seems to be getting worse and worse each day, some days i cant even walk. the reason im telling you all this is that i fear i might die from this or become paralized for the rest of my life. my life is all about being outside and running and playing. if i die i dont want to leave this world holing on to the grudges i have. i was wondering if you have any advice for me. i need to let go of these feelings but i havent yet been able to can you help me???
- samantha blair

Wednesday, Jan 30, 2008 - 10:41:11 PM
your are on of the few people that care for the teenager and i would like to say thanks and your show is one of my favorites to listen to on sundays night
- Travis

Wednesday, Jan 30, 2008 - 10:40:15 PM
I have read all these blogs about heart break and for the most part they are all young people. I 'm here to tell you that there is life after divorce, after countless heartaches and there will be another love. it just doesn't feel like it at the time. I recently had to let go of a relationhip that has been toxic for me for a long time. Easy for him to move to the next ex, but I have takena time out and learning to ok with me. I will share these blogs with the young people I work with since relationships are the "root of all evil" in their young lives. Thnx Dawson for all the time and effort you put in to this unconditional work. :) Jenni/CA
- jenni

Tuesday, Jan 29, 2008 - 11:18:13 PM
omg, ever since 4th grade, ive had a crush on this guy, and we started dating the summer before i started 7th grade. we went out for about 2 months. then one of my best friends told me that my bf was cheatin on me, so i broke up with him. then i found out that my friend was lying, cuz he wanted to date me... so i tried to get back 2gether with my crush. i got one of my other friends to ask him for me, and he said yes and that he would call me later, but he never did, and he got a new gf... that was in october, and i still break down crying about it at night and i cant sleep... im still friends with the guy who broke us up, but i know ill never trust him again... i want to ask my ex if he'll go back out with me, cuz he doesnt have a gf right now, but im afraid that he'll say no... ur posts have helped a lot though, cuz i used to start crying every time i saw him at school, but now i hardly ever do... so thanks for posting all this stuff, it really helps! :) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
- Jessica

Tuesday, Jan 29, 2008 - 1:23:11 AM
Hi Dawson my name is brittney & i was listening 2 u talk on the radion last night & wanted 2 call but couldnt bring myself 2 do it...you see abt 4 years ago i was in the 7th grade & i went 2 a church lock-in & my friend that was 2 years older than me was dating this guy & i thought he was ugly but as time flew by i thought he was cuter everyday & i became pretty much ubsessed w/ him. the next year i moved schools & still saw him but never really talked 2 him, then another year went by & i was in the 9th grade & he was a junior & we started talking & then he stopped texten me out of no where so i gave up & time went by & at the end of my 9th grade year he asked me 2 go 2 a church thingy w/ him & i did & after that we tried real hard 2 see eachother & then he asked me out & we dated all through summer & he was my 1st!!! & i was totally head over heals in love w/ him & but right b 4 school started he went 2 a party got drunk & madeout w/ another girl & i stayed w/ him...we were 2gether for 4 months & i called him crying cuz we never got 2 see eachother & so we broke up but still talked all the time...& i did stuff w/ 1 of his best friends & he found out & called me crying & i felt like dying...after that he wouldnt speak 2 me, i felt like he didnt want me so i wouldnt eat i slept all the time & puked a lot, i took 37 pain relievers & passed out on my bed & luckily woke up & puked them up b4 they all got in my system! we talked it over & got bak 2gether & was 2gether & they day after we got bak 2gether he went 2 a party & passed out & another girl took advantage of him! & i stayed w/ him...& then 2 months later he broke up w/ me out of the blue & it crushed me, he told me things didnt feel the same! so he wouldnt talk 2 me, i went on w/ life saw him at church on wednesdays w/ his new gf & i had a new bf & it has been 4 months since all that & the other day he wrote me on facebook & said he still cared abt me & wanted 2 be w/ me but he said he wanted a future w/ me & didnt want 2 ruin that by bein 2gether now b/c dont get 2 see eachother...he wrote me a poem & it broke my heart, i broke up w/ my new bf the other day & his new gf annoys him but we cant be 2gether, idk wat 2 do i love him so much & i wanted him for 3 years & then finally had my chance w/ him & i feel like i dont belong 2 anybdy else but him!!! he is a senior now & im a sophmore & im scared 2 lose him, ur post have been helpful 2 me & have helped me think so maybe i will have the gutts 2 call u next time...thanku :)
- Brittney who loves him

Tuesday, Jan 29, 2008 - 1:21:30 AM
Dawson- everything you say is so tue...especially the part about letting go of mementos. Its really hard, but letting go of them makes it so much easier
- Megan

Tuesday, Jan 29, 2008 - 1:21:19 AM
It's so amazing that one person can help so many people. Keep it up what you're doing. you rock!!
- brandon

Tuesday, Jan 29, 2008 - 1:21:05 AM
First and foremost, thank you for all your advice and understanding to everyone that you have helped. I have so many things going on. My boyfriend and I [of almost a year and a half] are back together again but he broke up with me two weeks ago because he felt that he needed to change himself to be "good enough" for me and that he couldn't handle the stress of being someone he's not. I fell in love with him for the wonderful person that he is and was, and I do not want him to change at all. He was drunk when he did this, and he realized what a mistake this was the next day. We had a long, sincere talk and decided what we needed to do in order for our relationship to be successful. He has quit drinking for this month to see if it will help to keep us from fighting [also we are both worried that he is becoming an alcoholic.] Everything is seeming ok between us except for a few things... First, I think i am pregnant. I went to the doctor and had a blood test done [the results should be in tomorrow]. This is extremely hard to think of having a baby right now because I am a freshman in college, neither one of us are financially stable right now, and both of our families would be extremely disappointed. Regardless, I do not believe in abortion so that's not even an option. What should I do?? And what if I am pregnant and then my boyfriend just feels obligated to be with me for the sake of the kid?? I have extremely low self-esteem as it is. Sadly, I am very insecure also because of my dysfunctional family and painful childhood. It scares me to death that I could lose everything. I have worked so hard to get where I am with college and everything. Also, my boyfriend is the only person I have let my guard down to because of the intense hurt and pain in my past. It makes me crumble to even think that all my hopes, dreams, love [everything] could disappear in an instant. I need your help. Thank you for listening. Please respond.
- Christina

Tuesday, Jan 29, 2008 - 12:20:56 AM
Me and my boyfriend had been together for six months, i know is not too long but just like you said it, that the time dint really matter, it was how much love there was in a relationship and between me and him everything seem to be perfect, we were just ment to be, we had everything, and one day he broke up with me, out of nowhere he said it wasnt the same, and he just left me like that with no reason, he change alot and i still dont understand what happened, so its been 4 months since we broke up and still it seems like i cant get over him. i have been reading your blogs and they had helped alot!..i also lisent to your show and you are really helpful so thank you for helping all of us.. God Bless you Dawson...
- XIMENA

Tuesday, Jan 29, 2008 - 12:03:47 AM
hi dawson i need help my ex broke up with me for nothing i cant move on or i cant sleep and i do badly in school and i cant go to anybody for help i need help
- daniel h.

Tuesday, Jan 29, 2008 - 12:03:21 AM
Dawson your blogs on a broken heart are really amazing.The only problem is number 7.Ive given myself plenty of time to heal,d*** near 6 months now and i still find myself thinking of my ex-girlfriend.I dont know how to stop thinking of her.Ive dated 2 girls since,but still find myself missing her.She's the one who cheated on me,and i know she's bad for me,but i just cant seem to completly forget her.What do I Do???Thanks for any advice you give.Peace
- Another Anonymous person

Monday, Jan 28, 2008 - 12:44:17 AM
My boyfriend of nearly a year recently told me that our relationship was not "really really serious enough" to keep it going while he left for the Navy. Needless to say, it broke my heart and I'm trying to piece it back together. I've been through this once before a few years ago and I know all the signs and that I'll get over it. I was also his "friends with benefits" prior to our relationship and then nearly became that again after he broke up with me. My first boyfriend used me the same way after our relationship ended. So, I just wanted to tell others, as I speak from experience, that the stage of feeling neglected, torn apart, and "numb" is extremely hard, but please, for your own sake, just don't go back to that person. I got back together with my first bf four times. I told myself I loved him and he was my future, and that's all that mattered. Our problems would fix themselves and they didn't. It just doesn't work that way. Realize that the one for you is still waiting for you. Maybe going through the same problems as you. And don't let yourself fall under the title "friends with benefits". You might feel healed for that brief moment while he tells you he loves you and misses you. But once he leaves the pain just returns worse than ever and it continues in the same circle every time he uses you. Get friends, look around at guys, don't do anything drastic, just realize your single - your free to find someone else - and give up on that past guy. He's not worth it.
- Sarah

Sunday, Jan 27, 2008 - 10:03:01 PM
I've had my heart broken twice , from my first love & from my past.I also got "half-heartbroken" from my near second love.My heart and feelings now feel as if they are numb and I can't love again.Can you help me Dawson?
- Brittany

Sunday, Jan 27, 2008 - 10:02:08 PM
Hey Dawson, I'm listening to your radio show and reading your blogs. And I just broke up with my gf today of like over 2 years. I still love her, but the pain of being in love with her is now way worse than the joy of being in love with her. So thanks for your blog and helping alot of people like me... D-Rock
- D-Rock

Saturday, Jan 26, 2008 - 12:14:26 PM
dawson this is a great blog series that you have started. ive read all of them so far...and i gotta give you your props. i especially like how you have elaborated on them to give more insight. its great what your doing and letting god use you to help those in need. thanks for all you do and god bless.
- riah

Saturday, Jan 26, 2008 - 1:40:12 AM
Dawson i'm so lost. My now again ex has hurt me so much in just ONE month yet i can't let the relationship and feelings go. He left me but came back two days later but i know we both we're hurting but this time it's like it meant nothing to him. Before this time we broke up he was proposing and everything..I mean in my last relationship i got abused but i never had my heart feel like this. What do i do? he keeps calling me saying he misses me and wants us back. Do i take him back or do i move on to somethin better? HELP...
- seriously confuzed

Friday, Jan 25, 2008 - 9:24:58 PM
I've been heartbroken so so many times and its true it does take time to heal and i learned from my mistakes like for an example dont date too soon when your really young and dont move too fast in the relationship, dont be sexually active, when you break up with someone and your hurting then you heal and they want you back DONT do it the same thing will just happen all over again.
- Carli

Friday, Jan 25, 2008 - 8:22:40 PM
Dawson, as usual, I agree with you completely. Some of the things that I do to help heal a broken heart is to take time to get to know myself. I do things like go to the park, re-aquaint myself with positive friends, hold myself, compliment myself on hard steps taken. You are so right! It is so easy to blame oneself and over analyze. The hardest thing to do while in emotional and mental break up is to learn from yourself. However, a broken heart will quite often reveal who we really are. The way we react in pain is the core of our emotional being. I have shocked myself with who I became and the things I allowed to happen.
- Sonya Blackburn

Friday, Jan 25, 2008 - 7:56:39 PM
i'm just getting over a broken heart. i didnt realize how hard it is too fall for someone completely wrong for me. i dont even know what happened, i guess his drugs and alcohol got in our way. i knew about it and i didnt get out of the relasionship. which was totaly my fault. at the time i thought the famous line "i can change him" it turns out i changed him for about a week after 4 months of nagging him. now that it's over it hurts but,after all is said in done, i just have to remember i have to kiss a lot of frogs before i find my prince!
- brittany

Friday, Jan 25, 2008 - 7:56:16 PM
Hey I have been having a brokeing heart for almost 2years and I still do have you and i can't every get over it. its not that east to get over one.
- Jamie

Friday, Jan 25, 2008 - 7:48:53 PM
I have never had a broken heart, because I have only loved the person I am with.I didn't love either of my ex-boyfriends, even the one I dated for 5 years. I have a friend who loves someone and they broke up...she was a wreck for a long time before they got back together. My personal opinion is that if it was ment to be, then it will be. I love my boyfriend with all of my heart, and I probably would be heart-broken if we ever broke up. But, if we did, I would know that it was for the best. That's how I think everyone who has broken up with their boyfriends or girlfriends should look at the situation. *That which does not kill you, makes you stronger*
- Abby