Finding Out How She Feels About You
I’m kicking off 2009 taking questions from you about the most confusing and frustrating things that boggle your mind about the opposite sex. It’s obvious to me that we’ve struck a chord as people are responding in overwhelming numbers to these blogs. I hope to continue coming up with interesting answers to the best of my ability. And I hope you continue sending me your questions.
QUESTION #5) Jared asked: How can you tell if a girl wants to be more than a friend if she doesn't tell you?
Dawson: You’re right, Jared, it can be very difficult to know what someone from the opposite sex is feeling about you unless they come right out and tell you. I also understand the fear of not wanting to embarrass yourself (or her) by coming out and asking how she feels toward you. It is very difficult to be vulnerable in a healthy way.
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It is very difficult to be vulnerable in a healthy way. | We usually fall into one of two ditches, so to speak, when it comes to being open and vulnerable. The first ditch is the ditch of hiding. This explains the person who keeps everything locked inside. They keep all their feelings and thoughts to themselves, as a kind of emotional self-protection. They trust no one, and in the ends it works. They are safe, but empty. The second ditch is the ditch of over-indulgence of their feelings. These people tend to rush into romantic relationships looking for that romantic high. Their actions end up driving the other person away.
Emotionally, you want to find yourself somewhere in the middle of the road, far from either ditch. If you have a hint the girl who is your friend has deeper affection for you, then take it upon yourself to gently and carefully find out. Start by taking an interest in what’s going on with the details of her life, and see how she responds. If she’s seems open about sharing her heart with you, that’s a sign of trust. Trust is a valuable quality in any relationship. You might also want to tell her a few things like, “I really appreciate you,” “Spending time with you really means a lot to me,” “I trust you,” those kinds of words, and see how she responds. Sometimes she will say the very same thing back to you, like “I really appreciate you, too,” “Your friendship is invaluable to me, too.” If this happens, then you have a good indicator that she’s probably feeling some of the same emotions you’re feeling.
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Gently, lovingly and openly lead with your own emotions. | But, friend to friend, I want to warn you: Don’t start saying things like, “I love you,” “I can’t live without you,” “I need you,” or “Why don’t you text me more.” These kinds of words are very emotionally explosive and threatening to a girl. But you will find if you gently, lovingly and openly lead with your own emotions, your friend will in time, respond. Here’s a thought. Why don’t you talk with another girl who you can trust, and ask her what you should do? It’s always good to get a female’s perspective. Take your time with your friend. In the end, given time, the truth always comes out. Good luck, Jared.
QUESTION #6) Ashley said: Why does my boyfriend have no clue how I feel at all? It is hard to explain to him how I feel. I don’t tell him how I feel anymore since he doesn’t seem to understand. I might as well give up.
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If you want him to know how you’re feeling, it would be best to keep it as simple as possible. | Dawson: : I wouldn’t give up just yet. Emotional communication, as I mentioned above, can be very difficult. Plus, men are wired differently than women, especially when it comes to feelings. If you want him to know how you’re feeling, it would be best to keep it as simple as possible. Guys can feel like girls have to use so many words when they talk about their feelings. When they actually have very short emotional attention spans, and often do not have the verbal skills of most women. The language you use when you talk about emotions might even seem like a foreign language to him. Be patient with him.
Let me ask you this, Ashley. Does he show he cares about you in other ways? If he doesn’t seem to care what you feel, it might be because he actually doesn’t care about anyone except for himself. But if he does care for you, this may just be a small bump in the road you need to work through. Look for other ways he shows you he cares about you. If you can’t find any, it might be time to move on.
Please keep sending me the questions you have about the opposite sex. I look forward to answering more of them next week!
Thursday, Feb 12, 2009 - 5:02:56 PM
This was very intresting but i have A question of my own...
How can you tell that he loves you even though he never mentions a thing about love,,For example i have liked this one guy for five years sure he has been there to talk to me and read my poetry when i ask of him but other than that i want to know how to know i just dont want to be wasting my time wiith him i mean i have other things to pay attencion to like school and work but i love him a little too much my friends say.
- Carinne
Wednesday, Feb 11, 2009 - 11:18:38 PM
there is a girl in my class that i sometimes catch staring at me, should i ask her out? i dont know her, but i think i may like her too.
- Greg
Wednesday, Feb 11, 2009 - 11:17:33 PM
hey Dawson i have a situation. I like this girl i have for some time now but i dont really know how to tell her about it we are friends and we talk all the time but she is very confusing. I had a conversation with one of my most trusted friends and she told me that she told her that she didnt feel that way about me but she says otherwise she tells me she loves me just out of the blue and she does all of these other little but significant things and my head is just a royal mess. what's going on does she like me or is she just messin with me?
- carlos
Wednesday, Feb 11, 2009 - 10:20:53 PM
sometimes i try to give my husband clues about what i want or how im feeling but he doesnt seem to catch on. sometimes it has to get to the point that i get depressed and thats when he actually notices. i just want him to man up a little bit and care for my feelings for a change.
- nuria
Wednesday, Feb 11, 2009 - 3:39:48 PM
Hey Dawson, i was hoping you can answer this for me. I never seem to be attracted to any girls i know. However i see some girls around(mostly school) who i don't have any connections with at all, but would like to get to know, and hopefully date. What should i do? Whats the best way to confront them if any?
- Daniel
Wednesday, Feb 11, 2009 - 3:38:57 PM
I like this girl that I've known for a couple years but I've never dated someone that's my own age and im afraid what she'll do if I tell her the way I feel about her
- Matthew
Wednesday, Feb 11, 2009 - 1:13:08 AM
why is when i try to tell a girl i like her and i freeze when i wana tell her how i feel? why do girls like to tease me beyond anything i can understand? i like this girl that has a kid but i dont know why?
- william
Wednesday, Feb 11, 2009 - 1:12:51 AM
hey heather the way i can tell one of my guy friends likes a girl is if he acts different around her cause thats what i do around the girl i like and i don't even mean to do it.
- Alex
Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009 - 10:19:31 PM
I have this super crush on this boy and i think he does too but when i'm around he acts like i'm nobody? Should I ask him If he likes me or move on?
- Karla R.
Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009 - 8:02:57 PM
i really like this girl and we are friends we talk all the time and i don't know i to tell if she likes me what shoud i do?
- chris
Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009 - 6:07:09 PM
hey Dawson,
i am having some problems with my friend Joe, he tells me one thing and then the next thing you know he is telling me something sifferent... we dated for about 3 months and then he broke up wiht me, but then just this year we started hanging out and then we left together and went for a walk in the middle of the night, he started saying "this is really romantic" but i didnt think anything of it and then he asked if we could be friends with benifits and i agreed that we could but then he started saying junk about me until he told me he no longer wanted to be firneds and never call him again... could you explain that to me? oh and we never had sex just kissing... i am really confused and hurt by him that i would really appreciate it if you could answer my question, i have a million of questions but i have to go so please email me.... Tianx ~*~ Tiffany ~*~
- Tiffany H.
Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009 - 1:18:19 AM
Why does my guy best friend act more interested in me than his girlfriend? She is one of my best friends and he doesn't even talk to her in person. I like him too and he knows but he still acts more interested in me, why is that?
- Emily
Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009 - 1:18:05 AM
hey dawson i listen to you all the time. your cool! I really like this girl, but she is going out with this boy that is 2 and a half years younger than her. she is the only girl i have ever liked that it wasnt because of sexual reasons!
- JAKE
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 11:26:47 PM
Good information..
Thanks for sharing.. ;)
- DieceOffecurf
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 10:43:31 PM
Dawson, I can understand girls and relate to their problems. In fact I often prefer them for my friends, because guys are often pigs. Why do guys treat girls like that, and why, in some cases do the girls just lap it up?
- charlie
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 10:26:28 PM
Hey Dawson,
How do I tell if a guy likes me? I read your blog about how to tell if a girl likes you, but how about from a girls point? I know that guys and girls are TOTALLY different so how do I tell? The guy I like doesn't know I like him...I haven't told him cause I don't want to get rejected. Please help. Thanks so much!
- Heather
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 8:04:24 PM
I like this girl but I don't know if she likes me and we talk alot. But I don't know and would realy like to know. ; )))
- Josh
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 3:22:36 PM
Ok, so I'm 17 and have never even been on a date. I've asked guys out and every one of them said no. Why is that? I like to think I'm nice but it seems like there's no hope
- Steph
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 2:18:48 AM
how do i get the courage to ask a girl out? when i do i get scared and my mind starts to come up with all these things that might happen. and now im in 8th grade and still scared to ask girls out because of the girls i have and they ended up eather cheating on me or useing me. how do i get the courage to just ask the girl i like out?
- Jay B.
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 2:18:19 AM
I was in a real bad relationship in aug 2006 and then left her old gf her name was katrina now live in lynn haven florida to start fresh relationship but girl never give me a chance to what do you think i should do ? Been single for 4 years no gf yet .
- Jay E.
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 2:16:31 AM
I'm 61, my wife passed in 05 in 08 I felt it was time to start looking for someone to be with or just start dating. I found it very hard I wasn't ready to let go but I was going nowhere in my life I was breathing and working I had no ambition anymore and that wasn't me. I was once so full of life I finaly realized I turn into a nobody, my highlite for the week was renting movies to watch Saturday night. I meant a lady (58) 7-4-08 at a friends
problem is she lives in CA. and I'm in Mo. she comes back to visit her mother that's ill she also has doctors here she has to follow up with due to her previous heart surgery so her stay here last 2-3 months at a time maybe twice a year. We hit it off real good now we talk everynight and email eachother at times. She's talking about wanting to move back here but someday moving back to Ca. or maybe Fla. where I lived. I don't really want to be here either. I often thought of moving back to Fla. after my wife passed but I own and have so much I just can't up and move now. This lady doesn't know of all my assets but she was looking for someone who's not a loser and I have no problem with that. So... I'm in love with a lady 1550 miles from me, maybe see and be with her 3-4 times a year. She says she loves me too, I say why a nice looking lady, intelegent lady as you doesn't have someone already? Most guys she dated didn't turn out to be what they said they were and when she meant me she found what she'd been looking for, a good man. I said nice guys finish last so this mostlikely won't last long. She said stop trying to be nice and be yourself and you may change the comment you just made. So am I nuts? Now I don't want anyone but her she's actually everything I've always wanted in a woman but somehow I never meant one until I meant her. My heart is with her I never dreamed I'd ever be in love again, now very seldom do I think of my wife although she's still very much a part of me, I miss her and I talk to her but not as I once did, now I know I can go on and I must go on and to do that I have to put my girlfriend first she's 1500 miles away, drives me crazy not to be with her. Unfortunately I'm only young in my mind, everything still works and I'm in decent shape but I don't have that many years left to where age wins and my life sucks. Guess I should enjoy what time I do have because nobdy knows when it when end? Thanks for your time
David
- David
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 2:14:15 AM
Hey Dawson thanks I'm in about the same situation and I'm gonna try the advice u gave Jared.Thanks for everything u do 4 me but for everyone
- Jeff
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 2:14:07 AM
Dawson, what about the girls point of veiw? I liked a guy and he knows that I like him but I don't know if he likes me. Some of the things u said helped me but I know that guys and girls are like way different and not everything is the same. I'm confused....
- Lexa
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 12:58:21 AM
Me and one of my ex-girlfriend both go to the same school.And she keeps giving me singals that she wants to get back together,what should I do.
- christian
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 12:29:27 AM
I'm very much like the first "ditch" i try to hid my feelings only because my family isn't an emotional family... I do have a question though....I was with a guy for about 4 or 5 years and then all of a suddon he dumps me after he meets my friend who moved here I still have deep feelings for him and i've tried to tell him that... because they went out for like 4 months and broke up and he kept coming back... my frieds just say he's not worth it an you too won't work out so just drop it... but from how our relation ship is we both have strong feeling for eachother... so what is some advice you could give me... i have a feeling that he is just going to do the same thing... would you say get back together with him or move on?
- Samantha
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 12:15:43 AM
hey Dawson! so there is this girl and we have been really good friends for a while , and i wanna know how i can get out of the friend zone?
- james
Monday, Feb 9, 2009 - 12:06:50 AM
there is a really good friend of mine i think loves me but is afraid to say anything about it, but i dont feel the same way. what should i do
- Greg
Sunday, Feb 8, 2009 - 11:46:43 PM
How can I seriously tell a guy I like him and find out how he feels? There's this guy at school who I've told I like but he always replies like it's a joke with things like "I'm gay" or "I'm sexually confused" yet my friends here him talking about me positively after I leave. What should I do?
- Bella
Sunday, Feb 8, 2009 - 11:35:26 PM
Ok Dawson, I need help man. Me and my best friend have tried dating twice, and both have ended tragically because it gets too awkward. I don't know what I am doing wrong or what I can do to try to get this to last. Thanks
- Mike
Sunday, Feb 8, 2009 - 11:17:05 PM
so my best friend and this guy from my dads hockey team have a thing and he wants to ask her out but me and the guy been talking a lot lately and i just got back from a hockey party with him and he texted me a soon as i left and i think i like him and he's sending me signals but i'm not sure if he likes me but i don't know what to do because if he does my friend will hate me!
- courtney
Sunday, Feb 8, 2009 - 10:03:42 PM
Ok I read this, but I'm still worried. What if the girl have feelings for you, but is dating another guy? Does she love you? Or is she playing with your mind? Cause I have a problem with this girl. She is taking and she says its fun when i'm around. But she also spread rumors that we were couzins witch is not true. I feel like she is embarrased when she is around me. Please help me.
- Anthony
Sunday, Feb 8, 2009 - 8:36:33 PM
WHATS UP DAWSON I JUST WANTED LET U KNOW IM GLAD YOUR HERE HELPING THESE TEENS ABOUT THERE PROMBLEM WOW WHAT WE DO WITH OUT U
- sara
Sunday, Feb 8, 2009 - 7:45:17 PM
ok this one is confusing for me man, so i got with my girl about 4 onths ago and we have been friends for 2 years before that, well my problem is that her friends say they don't like me so she goes over their without me and gets drunk and she says she doesn't mean to do it but when she gets drunk she gets naked, i have told her that i didn't like it because it made me feel very uncomfortable my girlfriend at her friends house getting drunk and naked all she said is she didn't see my problem with it because a body is just art so i told her to put herself in my shoes and asked how she would feel if i went to my female friends house and got drunk and went around in my boxers only, so she responded i wouldn't care cause i trust you and i know nothing would happen so i didn't get through to her i've got a couple of more questions if you can help me with this cause i love her and i don't know what to do.
- mike
Sunday, Feb 8, 2009 - 1:25:51 AM
i like this girl at my school but i don't know if she even knows i exist what should i do to get her attention
- Alex
Sunday, Feb 8, 2009 - 1:25:14 AM
DAWSON I HAVE A FEMALE GF WHO LIVES ABOUT 120 MILES AWAY FROM ME, WILL THIS WORKOUT, WE ALREADY SAY THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER. I'D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.
--BEN
- Benjamin
Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 - 11:01:42 PM
if a girl like talks to you alot and hangs out woth you alot and openly shares whats going on in he rlife with you, do u think thats a sign of her wanting to be more than a friend?
- CJ
Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 - 10:16:27 PM
hey Dawson,
I was just wondering how to tell if a guy is really falling for you or just playing with your heart.
thanks for running such a GREAT show.
i never miss it!
- ashleigh
Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 - 8:29:51 PM
Dawson, there is this guy i really care about (my best guy friend). how do i know if i care about him just as a friend or more than just a friend?
- lucy
Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 - 6:51:42 PM
How can you tell if a guy is really falling in love with you, or if he is just using you? After my last relationship, I've had serious trust issues and I can't seem to tell if my boyfriend of two months is actually falling for me, if he is just telling me what I want to hear.
- Chelsea
Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 - 5:00:35 PM
Me and my boyfriend just broke up about 2 weeks ago and now he's telling me that he's been dating a girl for the last 3 years. About a year and a half ago we dated for 11 months and when he came back this time he was saying stuff like I love u so much and I can't live without you. I think he's lying about this girl but I just want to know why he would lie to me like this. and he still says he loves me and misses me. I just can't believe he would do this to me.
- maggie
Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 - 1:55:47 AM
My best friend is a guy. Who I am falling in love with. I told him that I really like him, but he likes one of my girl best friends. So my question is even though we decided not to be together right now, why does he act more interesting in me than her?
- Emily
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