Why Do Girls Go For The Bad Guy?

Audio Extras:

Call #1

Call #2

These recent blogs about your 50 top questions about the opposite sex have definitely struck a nerve with you. You agree, the differences between the genders can be unbelievably confusing and challenging. The more progress that is made to help you increase your understanding of the opposite sex, the healthier your relationships will be. Thank you for all the great questions you’ve been sending. I promise to keep answering them the best I can. Now to the questions…

QUESTION #7) Joseph asked: What is the motivation for a woman to go after an abusive, degrading man when she can just as easily get a nicer, more respectful guy?

Women love a challenge. They also love a man with a great amount of confidence.

Dawson: This is a great question Joseph. Many guys have spent sleepless nights wondering that same thing. Let me try to answer it. Women love a challenge. They also love a man with a great amount of confidence. They like guys who go their own way and do their own thing. They like their man to not care about what other people think about them. They value strength—they like to know their man will protect them in a dangerous situation. While everyone is different, these are some of things that women are drawn toward. Unfortunately, many guys who exhibit these characteristics can take them to the extreme and be self-centered, demanding, and even abusive.

Some women have been beaten down so much they feel they only deserve an abusive guy.

But on the other hand, from some female’s perspectives, many “nice” guys can appear to be boring and uninteresting. They are not a challenge. They are easy to figure out, easy to trust, easy to understand. Not a bad thing at all, but it doesn’t challenge a woman to get closer. The answer, if you’re one of the “nice” guys, is not to get mean or careless. But you will increase your attractiveness to some women by increasing the confidence you have in yourself. Move confidently toward the things you are interested in, and excel at those things. Remember, the more confident you become, the more attractive you are.

Still, some women are confused by the drama of an abusive relationship. Growing up in a dysfunctional home, that’s all they’ve ever known. Some have been beaten down so much they feel they only deserve an abusive guy. That is why you will see some girls keep going back to the same cruel, controlling, obsessive, and yes, abusive guy. It’s sad, but the best thing you can do is be kind to these needy girls. And stick to dating healthy girls who will respect the fact that you respect them.

QUESTION #8) Max asked: Why do some girls say that they are fat or ugly when they truly aren’t? I think most of time they are looking for attention but sometimes it’s not that. Could you explain why they say those things about themselves?

Society tells girls over and over again, unless they look a certain way they are an inferior product.

Dawson: Most women love to feel beautiful. The shopping mall is proof of that. They can spend hundreds of dollars on clothes, makeup and jewelry all because it makes them feel more attractive. Plus, society tells them over and over again, unless they look a certain way they are an inferior product. Not everyone can meet the high standards of the magazine covers and advertisers. Still, we’ve all seen beautiful women who weren’t very pretty at all, simply because they didn’t like themselves. Right? This is at the core of your question. One of the responsibilities of a little girl’s daddy is to tell his daughter she’s beautiful. If she doesn’t get that positive reinforcement from her dad, she’s going to convince herself she is unattractive.

Some women do not understand the powerful truth about inner beauty. Inner beauty is the good qualities that come from within. These are such things as love, kindness, compassion, creativity, and sensitivity to the opposite sex. In the end, it’s the inner beauty that will allow a woman to be beautiful far past her physical prime. Yet, many young women neglect developing the inner beauty in working only on the outer shell of their physical being.

In the end, it’s the inner beauty that will allow a woman to be beautiful far past her physical prime.

God has made each of us beautiful in incredibly, unique ways. But it’s easy to forget, and simply focus on trying to get other people to like us, or to tell us we’re valuable. Many women find it effective to cut themselves down, just so they can hear someone disagree with them. It’s a way of forcing a compliment out of someone. Before long, the person can’t ever say anything positive about themselves. Your role as a man, if you’re dating someone, is to let your girlfriend know with your words how beautiful she is, inside and out. And you will have given her a priceless boost to her self-esteem.

I still would love to hear from you. What question are you dying to ask someone about the opposite sex but have never had the chance? Let me know in the comment section down below. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thursday, Feb 19, 2009 - 8:46:58 PM
How do you know if the guy you are in love with, who is also your best friend likes you back? My best friend acts like he likes me back even more than before I told him how I felt. We decided not to be together because we thought it would be too weird right now, but I'm convinced he likes me. How do I know for sure?
- Emily

Thursday, Feb 19, 2009 - 8:46:11 PM
Hey.. So i've just got out of a relationship of 2 years.. I have one 3 year old and just had another boy on the 12th of feb.. My ex left back to ny with his mother.. i'm 22 and he's 21 my first son isn't his but the second one could be.. he's an abusive guy and i feel like i need to be with him.. we've fought for 2 years and we still fight on the phone.. he makes me feel bad about myself and he says mean untrue things to hurt my feelings.. WHY DO I FEEL I NEED TO GO BACK TO HIM? alot of people say i'm codependent and i know i am... (I've put up with my dad who is a alcoholic for 5 years now) i'm even willing to pick this guy over my family.. Just up and leave with my kids to be with him.. I know its a bad choice but how do i cope with this feeling? is it true love or is it just lust? Or maybe is it just feelings i have for him? I'm so confused.. He's not a good guy.. He can't keep a job but he's there to comfort me when i'm hurt.. what do i do?
- sara

Thursday, Feb 19, 2009 - 9:20:34 AM
it has been 3 year sence me and this boy broke up and i still ant over me and everone tells me that he still ant over me that he still loves me but he says that we cant date cause he goes to anouther school and he is going to let "other school" get in between usis that just an excuse or he just dont want to hurt me i know im only 15 and he is only 15 but i really think that is my love my mom said it is. ind one omy friend said that he talks about me but not alot and i stay worried all the time he did not do dope when he wuz with me and now he does it ever night and he even skips school to do dope and it hurts cause i no i love him ALOT want do i do
- nickie

Thursday, Feb 19, 2009 - 8:52:33 AM
My wife met some "bad boy" at bar which she left me for 2 yrs ago. Now that he has kicked her to the curb she wants to come back, ***** that I dont want sloppy seconds. Doesnt matter though i got custody of our kids which is all that matters to me.
- chris

Wednesday, Feb 18, 2009 - 10:49:30 PM
im in love with a girl that doesnt like me more than a friend.but i always do sweetthings that would get her attenion but it never works. what should i do keep fighting for her love or just let her go? because im tried of getting hurt.
- Terrell

Wednesday, Feb 18, 2009 - 10:49:10 PM
2 months after my ex and i broke up yesterday she randomly decides to talk to me(for the first time since)....? When she said "Hi Jordan." it kinda shocked me, so I didn't say anything. I actually left where I was and went to get my coat. So now her friends are all asking my why I didn't talk to her. I wanna talk to her but I'm still kinda in the shocked mode... what should I do?
- Jordan

Wednesday, Feb 18, 2009 - 9:49:53 PM
Do teenagers actually fall in love? Or is it just puppy love and lust?
- Sam

Wednesday, Feb 18, 2009 - 9:12:29 AM
why is a first kiss so nerve wrecking? -crystal
-

Wednesday, Feb 18, 2009 - 12:14:05 AM
Is it true that it is easy for a man to walk away from a very long term relationship like 9 years and not have feelings about it or be hurt? And soon be able to move on to another woman without a problem?
- Danielle

Tuesday, Feb 17, 2009 - 11:26:06 PM
why is it that some guys that should be confident in their decisions second guess themselves to the point that they change their minds? My boyfriend talked himself out of dating me and then back into dating me later on... what gives?
- Mandy

Tuesday, Feb 17, 2009 - 9:59:49 PM
Dawson, I just have this thought. I know they love a challenge, I know one of my best friends does. But it could also be the fact that the guy is a manipulative liar, promising he'll never do it again, and the girl pities him, and also believes that she might be able to help him with his anger, or go as far as to change him.
- Charlie

Tuesday, Feb 17, 2009 - 10:28:14 AM
like i understand the fact that girls call them selves fat and ugly when some of them truely arn't. my daddys tells me all the time that i am beautful but some how i still refuse to see it. i have a wonderful boyfriend and i love him dearly and he is for ever telling me that i am perfect the way i am. i really do believe him when he says that but i still wanna change so many things about myself... i do feel beautiful most of the time. like 95% of the time. but the other 5% i feel ugly and unworth it... is there something wrong with me????
- dani

Tuesday, Feb 17, 2009 - 2:00:13 AM
So, this isn't really about the opposite sex, but in your last blog, you mentioned people who bottle everything up inside of them. I am one of those people. For all of my life, I've been the good girl. I've been focused on my academics and have stayed away from popularity and drugs. Now, I'm getting really bored with all of that, and since I bottle all of by emotions inside of me, I am going crazy with frustration. I want your help because I am afraid that I will do bad things. I already hit myself to get my anger out without hurting others, and I don't want to start doing drugs, but I'm afraid I will. Please help me not ruin my life find a way to deal with all of my trapped emotions.
- samantha

Tuesday, Feb 17, 2009 - 1:20:10 AM
The thing about most girls is that they are told by society that they have to look a certain way to be pretty, and if they achieve that, they get social power. Beauty is a girl's way to build her self esteem. Basically, if a girl isn't obsessed with her looks, she's found another way to build her self esteem.
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Monday, Feb 16, 2009 - 11:45:14 PM
I'm in my late 20s. Most of my friends are married, some are starting to have kids, and as each month/year goes by, I understand that there are less and less options (of good men) out there (since more and more people are getting married/taken out of the single "market"). I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago because I wasn't sure that he was "the one" I wanted to be my husband. I wasn't certain I was "in love with" him because I felt like he annoyed me too much, and that perhaps I wasn't attracted enough to him. But I know I love him very dearly, want to see and be with him everyday; he is a good friend that I have a lot in common with, and I know he is a responsible, good person with a great job, educated, and all the things that really amount to a good partner/father/husband. And he adores me and accepts me as I am. My parents also think he's a great life partner for me. Is a person just supposed "to know" when they've found the right person to marry? I always have a hard time making big decisions, and I know I can be overly critical about people and a loner at times. I don't want these flaws of mine to ruin my chances at what could be the best person I'll ever find as a husband. He may just get away and I'll have regrets later that I didn't stay with him. Or maybe we're just not meant to be anything other than friends and I should move on to find someone that I will fall passionately in love with. I can't figure out what to do. What would you do? Please help.
- -Anonymous

Monday, Feb 16, 2009 - 4:47:53 PM
My best friend is Daniel. I am lucky enough to have a best friend like him. Yet, I also have a problem, I am beginning to fall in love with him, he knows that I like him but not about the love thing. And he is dating one of my best girl friends, she knows how I feel about him too, but we try to act like nothing is between us but it hurts me so much. Daniel and I decided not to be together as it would be too weird and ruin it right now. Yet he always flirts with me, and acts like he may be falling in love with me too. How do I handle this? I've tried explaining this to my friend who is his girlfriend but she doesn't really understand the situation. What do I do? And Why does he act more interested in me than her?
- Emily

Monday, Feb 16, 2009 - 11:32:50 AM
How can you tell if a guy is serious about a relationship or being in love with the girl they are with?
- Kristina

Monday, Feb 16, 2009 - 11:31:18 AM
This is more of a USA and UK problem than in many other parts of the world. Societies that focus on raising and having children tend to not have the sexism problems that the USA and UK are dealing with now. Nice guys should travel outside the USA, learn some culture, and foreign women will be chasing after you by the dozens.
- MH

Monday, Feb 16, 2009 - 1:58:25 AM
how do i break away from my dad's intimidation before it ends up getting me killed, i cant keep on doing as he wishes forever, whenever i try to say no, i almost get killed.
- Sylacar

Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 - 11:39:59 PM
I would like to answer Angela's question and say that men and women want different things. Men want sex and women want love. Men give love to get sex. Women, in the opposite effect, give sex to get love. Anyway, in middle school, why do a lot of women treat men like crap?
- Ben

Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 - 11:12:05 PM
I myself LOVE the shy nerdy type, I think its pathetic if you get bored with a decent guy. There is enough drama in the world. Life SHOULD be simple, it doesn't always have to be a soap opera.
- Cam

Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 - 10:22:07 PM
Hey dawson why do women keep going back to there abusers?
- Diego

Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 - 9:12:45 PM
What do you look for in a good Christian guy/girl?? and why do there not seem to be that many around? also how can you know if a guy likes you as more than a friend?
-

Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 - 8:38:09 PM
All of this stuff is very true! I have a boyfriend that is the "nice" guy, the one that is easy to figure out and he has low self esteem. We've only been together for a about 2 weeks but I feel like I like him and sometimes I don't! Is it because I'm bored? That he's way too easy to trust and I don't get that challenge? I feel so confused!
- Anonymous

Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 - 8:04:50 PM
Are men ever into just being in a relationship? Everywhere I turn my friends are getting broken up with because they refuse to have sex with them.
- Angela

Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 - 6:13:04 PM
I know what this is like...im in and have been in a relationship like this for 2 1/2 years. Mind you...i didnt know all the bad things that were coming until after i got pregnant by him when i was 16 but, when i met him, i knew he wasnt the good christian man that i should be seeing. This was partially in rebellion because I was in a wonderful relationship with a great christian man and he had to break up with me because he was russian and i was american... i still wish things would have worked out between us because now i am treated worse than i have ever been. But im a full time college student, i own a home and i just struggle with wondering if i could do it without him now because of all our bills. I know i am supposed to trust God to take care of the finances, but when I have a structured income of $1,300 a montha dn my bills come to $1,800 a month...therin lies the problem. If anyone can learn from this or maybe help me with my situation that would be WONDERFUL!!! God Bless
- Lauren T.

Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 - 6:12:03 PM
What makes a guy or girl become gay?
- James P.

Sunday, Feb 15, 2009 - 12:19:37 AM
What is the best way for a guy to get a girl to like him?
- Jeremiah P.

Saturday, Feb 14, 2009 - 9:41:20 PM
Why does all the nice and sweet guys always end up to be really big jerks?
- Jovana j.

Saturday, Feb 14, 2009 - 10:46:43 AM
Why do guys and girls have such trouble communicating with each other? Sometimes it feels like guys speak a completely different language than girls. Is there a biological explanation for the differences men and women have in expressing themselves? Or is social conditioning to blame? How can I learn to speak my boyfriend's language - so that I can understand his point of view and help him understand mine?
- Anonymous

Saturday, Feb 14, 2009 - 2:16:33 AM
why is it that all guys flirt? no matter how old they are or how they look, guys will flirt with you...i liked the attention when guys flirted with me and i thought they were serious, but it turns out they just wanted to "have fun". how do i tell them that i want them to only flirt with me if they are serious?
- alyssa

Saturday, Feb 14, 2009 - 1:07:40 AM
Why does my best friend,who's a guy, act more interested in me than his girlfriend? She is also one of my best friends and he knows that I like him, and so does she, but he acts A LOT more interested in me, why is that?
- Emily

Friday, Feb 13, 2009 - 2:16:40 PM
Yes, your blog is completely true about women these days.
- Mollie Lee