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Why Lust Is Destructive
As you know, I have been blogging on Love vs Lust. These have been extremely important blogs because everyone dating needs to ask the question “Am I in love or am I in lust?” Whatever you do, don’t mess up on this question or you will walk into a world of hurt. As I wrote last week, lust literally means over desire. It is when you take something that is good, twist it, and add cravings to it so you are consumed until you are gratified. When we speak of lust as it relates to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined this way - when a person’s body is far more important to you than is his/her soul.
Love is the foundation our families and society
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Lust is as different from love as night is from day. | are based on. Lust is just a physical emotion that we act upon when we get caught up in the moment. However, most of us fall in love with someone we find physically attractive. Because of this, hurt and confusion can easily be caused when you or your partner confuse love and lust with each other. Lust is an intense sexual desire or appetite that is based on self-gratification and has little to do with true feelings for the other person. As someone once said, “Lust is as different from love as night is from day.” That’s because love is an act of the will, covered with a deeply passionate and tender affection for another person. Lust wants to get, love longs to give.
This week, I want to blog on the destructiveness of lust because it’s easy to think, “So what’s the problem with lust?” After all, it is all around us, in songs, movies, advertisements, etc. Lust sells because it appeals to the dark side of us that only wants to get. So this week I’ll answer the question - what’s wrong with lust?
The problem with lust is...
- It is based on extreme self-indulgence, not caring about the other person.
Someone once said, “Hate is the opposite of love.” That is true, but so is self-indulgence. Love can hardly wait to give. Lust can hardly wait to get. Lust turns people into liars, deceivers, and manipulators. Their actions towards others are based on the craving to get. Just as a junkie will do about anything to get his fix, so someone steeped in lust will do about anything to be self-gratified.  I received an incredible, insightful comment from Sarah. She said, “…I dated guy after guy who would only tell me that they loved me when we were being physical. That was when they loved me. The rest of the time I was an object of abuse and rejection.” Sarah was wrong in one sense. She said, “They loved me when we were being physical.” She should have said, “They loved themselves when we were being physical and I was the object of their gratification.” Lust is always ugly because it is self-indulgent and self-centeredness is never a pretty thing.
- It abandons the other person when it is no longer getting what it wants.
 I can’t tell you how many times girls have called me on my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, to announce they were pregnant, their boyfriend is long gone, and they are left all alone. I call it “Sex and run.” I hate hit and run accidents because the person who is running is showing zero responsibility towards the person he/she hit. Lust that causes sex and run is even worse. As soon as lust no longer gets what it wants and is forced to face responsibility, it runs leaving heartbreak in its path. Sex and run is an ugly thing full of selfishness and irresponsibility. Lust never understands it always faces consequences. “I have been in this situation a couple of times. I went out with a guy for a year in a half which ended up being a waste of time. I thought I loved him but really I just loved being with someone cause I was afraid of being alone. He only wanted me for my body... that was all. I didn’t give it to him so he cheated on me for a long time.” (Samantha)
It’s amazing to me how quickly people in lust scatter when they figure out their lust will not be gratified. Aimee Rose sent me a really cool comment I had never thought of before. She said something like this, “I’ve heard you can never fall out of ‘love’, but you can always fall out of a lust.” You’re right on the money Aimee Rose.
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“I’ve heard you can never fall out of ‘love’, but you can always fall out of lust.” | Lust will die in an instant if it is not being fed. In fact, lust can turn to anger when it is rejected. “About 6 months ago I was with this guy and I thought it was love. I mean he said all the right things done all the right things. I really thought I was in love but it turned out that relationship was no were near love. We had a lot of fights and arguments about sex because he was ready and I wasn't. Well he didn't get what he wanted so he up and left. For a long time I was dazed and confused but finally I got to thinking that if that was love then he wouldn't of cared about sleeping with me he would of just gotten pleasure from being around me…”(Lisa M.) Lust attacks not only guys, but females as well. So always keep your eyes open for it so you can do all you can to protect yourself from this destructive monster. Remember, lust kills, but love brings life.
NEXT WEEK’S TOPIC – COMPARING LOVE AND LUST
If you have a good definition of love or lust, please leave me a comment below. I would also like to know about if you are in a truly loving relationship. What makes it so great?
I can’t wait to read your stories on a loving relationship in your life. I read every one your comments. They’re priceless to me.
Wednesday, Feb 20, 2008 - 5:36:56 PM
Love is selfless. It is bestowing honor on another person. It is agreeing with who they were created to be.
Lust is selfish. It detracts value and worth. Although it feels good, it causes pain.
- Sarah
Tuesday, Feb 19, 2008 - 7:34:35 PM
Hey Dawson I have listening to our show.Butt the differs beween love and lust is that if a guy says that they love you don't belive time that the diffrern beween love and lust ok.
- jamie h.
Tuesday, Feb 19, 2008 - 6:45:37 PM
i think the deff. of love is when u love somebody so much that u would not brack there heart and that u will stay with thim ur hole live
- rebecca
Tuesday, Feb 19, 2008 - 12:02:32 AM
Dawson,
I just wanted to Thank You for your show. I have been listening for about 5 years, and I LOVE your show. I try to listen every sunday night on KDWB. I really am blessed that your out there for these teens and yough adults. It helps me know how to pray for them. I am so Thankful to God for you, and your ministry. Thank You for doing what God called you to do. May He continue to Bless you and your ministry!
Thanks and God Bless,
Abigail S
MPLS MN
- Abigail
Monday, Feb 18, 2008 - 7:03:25 PM
when the shackles of life get too tough, let go.
- mack b.
Monday, Feb 18, 2008 - 7:03:12 PM
im young, but i realized quickly that lustful people know how to get what they want, even if it means lying to you about how they feel. lust is like a thief that snatches the heart right off your sleeve.
- lori
Monday, Feb 18, 2008 - 7:02:53 PM
why does it have to be so hard when it comes to trying to find out if its love or lust?
- andreana
Monday, Feb 18, 2008 - 7:02:46 PM
From reading some of the others comments I can see how Lust plays a part in my relationship. You'd think its the guy pushing but most of the time its me. I feel bad about it cause he's trying to do right by me.
We were at a friends in her room and nothing happened but at school a few days later he told me he didnt want me coming over there cause he didnt trust himself with me. I didn't understand why he didn't trust Me to be of good judgement with how far we went but I'm coming around slowly. Thanks Dawson , these last few weeks of listening to your show has put things into perspective for me, my relationship, and what I want from it.
- Maya
Monday, Feb 18, 2008 - 12:23:24 AM
love vs. lust
i found out the hard way what lust is. lust is being with someone beacause you like what you do with that person. it feels good at the time. afterwards, you could care less about what the person is doing, how they feel or when you'll see that person again. after awhile you feel guilty and empty inside. this is not love. love is caring, love is kind, love is more than a physical attraction. when you love someone you would give your life for them. love is not just physical, love is an emotional and spirtual too. to determine the difference between lust and love one must peel back the layers of the physical attraction and then look deeper to see if there is anything left. if there is still someting there, a reason for wanting to be with someone then there is love.
i myself had to determine the difference and now i am so grateful to have found what love actually is.
steph
- steph
Monday, Feb 18, 2008 - 12:22:43 AM
-Poem about Lust
I desire in moment not in the heart
I chose to spend a night with you,
But those hours were spent in lust,
I felt your passion,
Touched by dominance,
I felt something in me
I stared into your eyes,
But after the moments over I begin to despise,
I have a heart that believes the words you say,
I don’t know how I will be able to walk away,
But I praise myself if I don’t think of you today.
My dreams wander to the person I love,
You constantly reappear,
I force myself to vomit thoughts of you,
I slip into sinful fantasies,
But the night is a painful reminder,
That I remain alone.
- Amy
Sunday, Feb 17, 2008 - 11:33:48 PM
I agree with Lust being very destructive. But I pride myself on keeping a fit and athletic looking body. I consider myself to be an attractive individual and hear it from members of the opposite sex frequently. I have one question though...
Is it wrong to pursue women of similar physical attractiveness, if you like them for their personality and other intangible qualities?
- Nick
Sunday, Feb 17, 2008 - 11:21:48 PM
This is all very interesting to me, the whole concept that its not really love it's lust. I have lusted more then I have loved and cut, shaped and molded all the men that were in my life I had feelings for into what I wanted to be as my "boyfriend" yet none of them seemed to ever want like I wanted. I see now because I beleive they knew what it was and because I have a need to be someones Girlfriend when I feel comfortable with that person. I hate being alone and find lust more easily then love. Lust does hurt, each and everytime I know what the outcome will be and I still touch the hot stove with my bear hand. Maybe for girls, all women, all ages that are dealing with and understanding what I'm saying the I leave you with this one thought...... We have to LUST TO FIND LOVE, the world is cold and when we find something warm it feels so good so we lust. Lust to me is what you have to go through to find your love, the world isn't a perfect place.
- Dara
Sunday, Feb 17, 2008 - 10:09:03 PM
Very very good brother. Right on the ball about the subject of lust.
- comment left on DMLive MySpace by ~ Richard & Mari
Sunday, Feb 17, 2008 - 6:46:25 PM
wow this helped me alot.
thank you for talking about this Dawson.
- yoon
Sunday, Feb 17, 2008 - 12:39:59 PM
Thanks so much 4 talking in this. I've had problems trying 2 figure out if i like some guys or not and this helped.
- Vixa C.
Saturday, Feb 16, 2008 - 1:49:26 PM
I know i posted a little bit ago but i wanted to ask you one more thing. Is there ever a healthy lust?? I mean is there a good kind of lust out there or is it all one in the same?? -Anne
- Anne N.
Saturday, Feb 16, 2008 - 1:41:39 PM
wow this is a really good subject!
so i want to ask somthing. I've been thinking a lot on this and well wean some one is a luster what does this mean for them?? What are they to do about this feeling of lust? How are they to have good relasonships with this in the way?? -Anne
- Anne N.
Saturday, Feb 16, 2008 - 2:17:41 AM
I know i do definitly write a lot maybe too much on here but this has to be a really good topic to discuss because of the whole love-lust relationship that people confuse. love is forever, lust is never...
[[if you know what i mean]]
- Christine J.
Saturday, Feb 16, 2008 - 2:17:12 AM
The girl that im with right now thinks were in love but i think im just in lust. I have told her this but she just says " oh.. youll come around and eventaully love me" but im afraid thats not gonna happen what should i do.
- quaid
Saturday, Feb 16, 2008 - 2:16:55 AM
i need a opinon on how to deal with people that throw things at me and that spread roomers about me and i am getting really tired of it how do i deal with something like that please tell me how
- hillary pickle
Saturday, Feb 16, 2008 - 2:04:42 AM
yes all of these may be sad but somtimes we gust have to try to get over our old bf and try to find another bf and there is a seacrite to it U DO NOT DATE A BOY THAT HAS THE SAME NAME AS OUR OLD BF
- rebecca
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