Do I Have To Read Her Mind?

Our deepest desire is to love someone who knows everything about us and still loves us, even more.

Through these recent blogs, I’m diving into the toughest questions you have about the opposite sex. It’s taking us on an exciting journey deep into our hearts. Through this adventure, hopefully you will be helped into having healthier, more meaningful relationships. By the way, I love reading your comments about how some of these answers are really helping you. Anne wrote: “Thank you so much for these 'Understanding/50 questions' blogs... they are most insightful!”

With that in mind, here are this week’s questions.

QUESTION #11) Robert asked “I have found that girls tend not to speak their minds. Why is that? When you ask, ‘How are you doing?’ they may say, ‘I'm all right,’ when they’re feeling completely the opposite. Why do girls do this?”

In a healthy relationship, we need to give the other freedom to be who they are, with the understanding they’re loved unconditionally.

DAWSON: I have heard that same question from both sexes. You need to remember our deepest desire is to love someone who knows everything about us and still loves us, even more. It would stand to reason then, our biggest fear is someone would know all about us, and reject us. And so we go back and forth with someone we care about. At some moments, showing who we are—at other times, covering up what we think might not be met with approval of the person of the opposite sex. Let’s get to women specifically.

Women love to be pursued. They want to know the man they love is completely focused on them, and wants to make sure she’s happy. Women love it when the guy makes an effort to emotionally move toward her, to discover what she really means behind what she is saying. But yet, this kind of behavior can be very confusing, downright frustrating, and exhausting.

Most guys are very visual and for whatever reason, quickly sum up the impression they have received from the girl in a matter of seconds.

If you’re in relationship with a woman, and you feel confused about what she’s attempting to communicate, why not try gently talking to her about it? It’s also important you express your commitment to her when she reveals vulnerable areas of her life. Tell her how much you care about her, and how you desire to understand her better. And tell her if you’re feeling confused about what she really means, then you’ll ask her for clarification, instead of just walking away. Remember, women long to be listened to, and have the man she loves truly empathize with her.

But to be fair, all of us have times when we don’t know exactly what we feel. Sometimes we feel one thing one minute, and then something else the next. In a healthy relationship, we need to give the other freedom to be who they are, with the understanding they’re loved unconditionally.

QUESTION #12) Miranda asked: “What exactly do boys think about and look for when they FIRST meet you? I wonder all the time, and I try to read their faces - but what really goes on in their heads?”

DAWSON: Most guys look first to see how attractive the girl is (remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder!), or if there is some kind of chemistry between them. This is the case nine times out of ten. Most guys are very visual and for whatever reason, quickly sum up the impression they have received from the girl in a matter of seconds.

After that, most guys try to figure out what kind of person you are. For example: Are you kind? Are you confident? Are you funny? Are you shy? Arrogant? Are you a good conversationalist? Do you have anything in common? Do you show any signs of being interested in them? Remember, most guys make quick observations about these things.

More times than not, it is how you feel about yourself that determines how attractive you really are.

I’m guessing behind your question is an even more practical one: How do I get guys to notice me? The easy answer to that one is: By being attractive. But you have to realize being attractive doesn’t necessarily mean hot or gorgeous. It means being comfortable in your own skin, it means you take more of an interest in other people than in yourself, it means you make other people feel good around you. If guys aren’t noticing you as much as you’d like, it could be you’re not portraying who you really are. More times than not, it is how you feel about yourself that determines how attractive you really are. Not every guy is going to think you’re the hottest, most beautiful woman in the world. Who cares! What matters is you are who you are, and that you’re becoming more loving every day. In the end, that will attract the kind of guy you need to be with anyway.

Please, I need to hear from you if you’re someone who has a burning question about the opposite sex. Go ahead and comment down below here and let me know what you’re wondering about. I’ll do my best to answer them in the coming weeks.

Friday, Mar 6, 2009 - 3:10:30 AM
i was talking to my guy friend the other night, and i told him i liked him. the next night, he said that he had asked one of his friends out that day. he has dated my two other friends before, and is now going out with me. i have been warned that he is a player, but he is one of the sweetest guys ive ever known. i only get to see him once a week, but i really like him and he says he loves me. what should i do?
- catherine

Friday, Mar 6, 2009 - 3:09:52 AM
How do you know if your best guy friend likes you more than just a friend and is falling in love with you?
- Lucy

Friday, Mar 6, 2009 - 2:32:48 AM
hey dawson im stuck in the middle of two boys who aren't friends or enemies but i recently started dated one of them and now the other is mad at me i like them both what should i do
- ?????? ??????

Friday, Mar 6, 2009 - 2:32:25 AM
hey ur the best person to talk to when people need someone besides thier parents thanx alot LUV U LOTZ LIKE TATER TOT LOL
- kaitlyn g.

Friday, Mar 6, 2009 - 2:17:10 AM
hey dawson my step dad told me that im not suppose to see my boyfriend at all butt I see him everyday and they followed us home and now they want to movbe in across the street but my step dad dont know anything about it and my mom dosent care just as long as we dont go farther then kissing
- kaitlyn g.

Friday, Mar 6, 2009 - 2:15:47 AM
Hey Dawson, This is a very interesting blog you wrote. I have a question, How does someone corp with love from a distance? I ask this because I have been in this situation for more than two years. I love my boyfriend more than ever but it is getting hard not being with him by his side. He lives in the United States, and I have visited him twice and it is so hard to be without him but regardless of the long distance, I still love him and he will always be the love of my life. It has been more than a year since I dont see him and I feel sad and terrible because he is passing through tough times and I cant help him because I am too far away. I am planning to go to the United States at end of July to continue studying and to see when can I see him again. I really miss so much and I cry myself to sleep every night and also I cant get him off my mind. I always pray so that he is ok and so that nothing bad happens to him. I hope I can be able to help him once I am over there closer to him. Thank you for reading my comment and response, I feel a little better that I got it out of my chest. Hope you have a great day and take care always and keep up the good work that you do for us.
- Cute Boricua Model

Thursday, Mar 5, 2009 - 9:50:59 AM
How can you get a girl to answer a question you have for them in the answer you want
- DAVID

Thursday, Mar 5, 2009 - 2:06:39 AM
how cana guy be sweet and loving one day but the next he is the biggest jerk ever?
- julia

Thursday, Mar 5, 2009 - 1:22:47 AM
I have a friend I have known for a while now and we both had a thing for each other about two years ago but then he moved away and we go to different schools so it was hard. Just recently we saw each other and he said he still liked me but then he just "met up" with his ex. What does he mean?
- Miranda

Thursday, Mar 5, 2009 - 1:22:30 AM
Okay, you tell a guy how you feel but you have a past with this guy and now he doesnt believe you when you tell him what do i do?
- Tiffany

Thursday, Mar 5, 2009 - 12:04:51 AM
hey Dawson HEY I LOVE THIS BLOG i have a question for you. how do u get ove a guy that u broke up with him even if u really love him.
- hannah

Wednesday, Mar 4, 2009 - 5:15:37 PM
Tiffany T........depends on the person maybe their shy maybe not maybe they dont really know if you feel the same about them but coming from a guy i know that most guys to me kinda tend to act weird around girls of course im not the famous dawson mcallister but i hope that helped?
- a stranger here to help

Wednesday, Mar 4, 2009 - 2:11:39 PM
How would you know if a boy don't like you?
- DiAMONd

Wednesday, Mar 4, 2009 - 2:20:10 AM
Hey Dawson- I listen to your show every Sunday on my drive home from work. My question is why do guys lead girls on? I dated this guy (who I had very strong feelings for) four years ago but we broke up after three of months because he moved to California and it was too difficult being in high school to keep up the relationship with a country in between us. Over those four years though, we've stayed pretty close friends, calling to catch up with each other from every day to every two weeks if we're single and about every month if one of us is taken, out of respect for that relationship and the other person. The thing is, when we do talk, it feels as if we never broke up in the first place. He tells me things that just makes my heart melt all over again and I don't know if he really means it or if he's just saying that to string me along as a back up to make him feel as if he's still attractive or to keep me around if/when he moves back to the east coast(his mom just divorced his step dad and plans on moving back to be with her family in CT and wants him to come with her.) I want to know if I should hold on to the strong feelings that I still feel for him, in hopes that something will come of it in the future, or if I should forget about him, that he's really just leading me on with no plans on ever following through with what he says, and just let him go. Thanks for everything you do!
- Kimberly

Wednesday, Mar 4, 2009 - 2:13:24 AM
hey dawson this is anthony from FORT WAYNE, INDIANA i wrote a blog the other night about this girl from my youth group that i like and she is like 3 years younger than me and i just want ur other viewers to send me there thoughts if dating a girl 3 years younger is right or wrong
- Anthony

Wednesday, Mar 4, 2009 - 2:12:46 AM
If the girl you are dating asks about marrige, what do u do or say? And we are two grades apart, so how will this affect collage, and how we will be together if i go somewhere further away from her?
- Brandyn Miller

Tuesday, Mar 3, 2009 - 9:30:47 PM
hi.. frst i love your show... well i am about to have a baby with this guy that i have been with for two years and we ave grown apart in the past fe mounths... he dose not talk to me much and he dose not kiss or come to tuch me in the loveing way... well i was wondering why? is he just scared about the baby that will be here ina few weeks or is he not in love with me nymore?
- terri

Tuesday, Mar 3, 2009 - 2:51:30 PM
Hey Dawson,I heard you talking last night and I think its a wonderful thing that you are helping people with their problems. I have been dealing with some problems also, guys are always dumping me because they say that I'm not good enough for them or i'm not pleasing them, what ever that means. But im am not giving in. and they don't like that so they dump me and its really frustrating because they don't understand that some girls are not like that which i think is just bogus, and they dump me cuz they dont no me. they dont no who i am or wat i am like so u no what. im planing on staying single for a while now, because he last guy i was with dumped me because i wouldn't you no do it with him... soo that goes to show dont trust them... hopefully one day there will be a guy who is faithful to me and love me for me not for my body =D right? - Kelsey, MN
- Kelsey

Tuesday, Mar 3, 2009 - 12:30:50 PM
Why do guys sit there and hold your hand and then act all weird around you but say they do like you???
- Tiffany T.

Tuesday, Mar 3, 2009 - 2:52:00 AM
Why do guys say that they are so confused when they aren't??
- Amber

Tuesday, Mar 3, 2009 - 2:01:57 AM
How do you get a really deep and meaningful dating relationship?
- Sheldon

Tuesday, Mar 3, 2009 - 12:47:16 AM
I see all these comments and my first thought is....WOW. It seems that numerous individuals are somewhat intimidated by their affectionate other. Translation: girls and guys have crushes, and the human feeling of rejection is a fear that we all hate to face. I crushed on a girl who was EXTREMELY attracted to a friend of mine, even though we got along great. We had a lot in common, especially in music and culture. I just wanted to take things slow, but instead she is now dating my friend, who moved like a lion to a gazelle. So there is always confusion what moves are best. It really depends on the individual.
- Daquan J.

Monday, Mar 2, 2009 - 3:14:31 AM
I have a question for you Dawson. What can friends do to help victims of abusers and molesters? Why is it that some of them end up showing the horrible past by their actions in flirting and in relationships?
- Jo jo Song

Monday, Mar 2, 2009 - 2:02:56 AM
my question is more like "this or that" the difference between telling a girl how you feel about them and asking a girl out is huge. well at least in my experiences so my question is: which is typically better to start a relationship?
- thomas

Monday, Mar 2, 2009 - 1:46:26 AM
hey i really really like this girl but she u dating someone and she likes me but she also likes me wat to do email me please
- Cameron C.

Monday, Mar 2, 2009 - 12:41:58 AM
girls confuse the life out of me!! they usually dont speak their mind and it just helps confuse me even more
- August

Monday, Mar 2, 2009 - 12:13:55 AM
i have a question for you Dawson. OK.. i really really really i mean REALLY love this guy. i wanna know if he even likes me. we talk all the time. and we even joke around when we have freetime in class. but how do i know if he likes me back?
- Leslie

Sunday, Mar 1, 2009 - 11:59:26 PM
hello Dawson. okayy, first off i wanna say i listen to you every sunday night! your show is great! [im listening to it now!] i wish you would have it on more often! but to my question. I usually am very open to guys like telling them that i like them and all, but i really like this guy but im affraid to tell him, because im so scared he will reject me! if he rejects me i would be crushed! could you please help me out here?! :/
- Brittany

Sunday, Mar 1, 2009 - 11:31:42 PM
Hey Dawson...I'll give a little back story... There's this girl who I met through a friend and her and I hit it off from the beginning. We were always talking and just having a good time. After a few months, I started to become overwhelmed by this girl and let the "love" bomb slip...I regret that because I didn't love her and I scared her. After that we talked about how we felt and she said "It's either being with you, or living my life according to god, and I have to choose god." That's not fair to me...how do I compete with god? I guess she did have feelings for me until I said I loved her...Anyways... After about...6-8 months of not talking, she finally started talking to me in December, and things are starting to go back to the way they were in early spring. And things are even starting to get better... We're playfully flirting, hitting, things like that. Nothing serious, but flirting nonetheless. I recently asked her to prom and she said yes...:D But here's the thing...She keeps on pushing me away at times. Blowing me off, seeming distant etc... And I can't take this constant push and pull with her. I want to talk to her about these feelings I have for her again, not love, but I'm afraid to push her away forever. She means so much to me. I try to care about her but I can't do it without coming off like a complete creep! Soo...yeah.
- Aaron

Sunday, Mar 1, 2009 - 11:13:48 PM
hey Dawson.... I need help.. I like this girl and we date online and it's a long distance relationship.... And she likes me... And idk I need help... And if anyone wants to help me... Or whatever please email me I'd love to hear what you guys would say? Ty Please help me...
- Will

Sunday, Mar 1, 2009 - 11:04:56 PM
Guys confuse me so bad. They always tell you they like you but they never ask you out. They keep texting you. Saying stuff like I really like you but they never ask you out. Why is that . I would really appreciate your advice. Thank you, danielle
- Danielle s.

Sunday, Mar 1, 2009 - 10:21:13 PM
hi dawson first of all i just want 2 say that i have been listening to u every sunday night and there is alwas something on there that is similar to something in my life.... that there is this girl at my youth group that i started 2 go 2 like a month ago and i have very strong feelings for her but i dont know wat 2 say 2 her i have feelings that she has been flirtin wit me but the thing is that im 17 and she is 14 and all of my friends say that she is 2 young so i just wanted 2 see wat u say about it
- Anthony

Sunday, Mar 1, 2009 - 9:30:19 PM
Do you have any tips for focusing on loving God, instead of on if I like a guy or if he likes me, while becoming friends with them? I keep finding that there are some great guys that I would love to become friends with, but I have a hard time not crushing on them, and then it gets awkard! I don't have a problem crushing on them if they aren't single, but I have a harder time talking to them, because I don't want anyone else to accidently think I am. I would also really like to become really good friends with some single guys.. so maybe it could become more later? So, I don't know, any tips on this? Also, do you respond to the emails? or.. ?? cause you only ever answer one or two questions in your blogs I've noticed, and I never got a response to a question a few weeks ago.
- Madelyn

Sunday, Mar 1, 2009 - 8:04:30 PM
thank you so much dawson. the answers are the most helpful advice ever. being an only child i dont have anyone to give me insight on guys. its really helpful. Thanks again dawson.
- Kayla

Sunday, Mar 1, 2009 - 6:58:19 PM
There's this girl I've been talking to on the bus for the last 4 or so months. All I wanted to be at first was friends, but after time she won my heart. I got her a rose for Valentine's day. I thought things were going good until the other day. I happened to be walking by when she was with a group of friends, then all the sudden she jumps behind the corner saying, "Oh God, there he is," getting all her friends to look at me. What's going on here, have I scared her away? I don't know how to take this, I'm in shock. This is the very first negative sign she has ever shown me.
- Jon

Sunday, Mar 1, 2009 - 12:10:20 AM
hey there Dawson, To respond to this blog I went thru my dating past, I found the right person who is very biblical , honest, sincere, and he believes in the old fashioned courtship like from the bible I met some on thru my ork nearly 2 years ago and have been happy ever since this because his family is all christian people,looks to me is important but believing what the bible says about dating and courtship is what i take my stand on in my life. I will be 39 years old this year and totally believe that saving your relationship on how god wants it to be is the best choice on dating in my opinion. I want to tell all the youth of america to say pure in the sight of god and let god find your mate . He helped me, I went thru being engaged three times till i found my mr right with the help of god and now I am engaged the fourth time and it has been a struggle but god has he me and my fiancee do well we are blessedright now we have jobs and we see each other alot when we can so god bless you Dawson miss hearing from you al the tell your dad and mom I did say hi thanks brenda from Cedar rapids, Iowa
- brenda

Saturday, Feb 28, 2009 - 11:03:06 PM
what do you do when you like a guy but he don't like you the same way?
- casandra

Saturday, Feb 28, 2009 - 9:11:31 PM
well why do they do that?
- Casandra

Saturday, Feb 28, 2009 - 5:34:32 PM
I am just wondering how do you get to know a girl without talking to them constantly. Because i have friends that are girls and every time a guy tries to get to know them and talk to them a lot they say, "wow, that guy is a creeper." when really he is just trying to see what there about. do you have any advice or help you could give me?
- Kyle

Saturday, Feb 28, 2009 - 9:29:49 AM
How can you tell if a girl likes you more than a friend? Are there certain things to do or say to possibly find this out?
- Clint

Saturday, Feb 28, 2009 - 2:36:26 AM
Ok so theres this girl at school with me and i really like her and we're really close and we talk like almost every day. I cant even begin to say how much she means to me, like shes the only reason i look forward to every day, to be with her and when i am its just like heaven and nothing else seems to matter. Well my question basically is how do i know if she likes me, and if i should ask her out because i have thot about this for a long time and i dont know if friendship in this case might be better, because it is more stable and always there, rather than risking it for a relationship that might not work out. I dont know i really like her though and i dont know what to do. If i should go out with her then wat are some steps that i should take to know if she feels the same way?
- Bob

Saturday, Feb 28, 2009 - 1:25:47 AM
hey ok i have this one guy and we are friends and he knows that im like totally in love with him and he says that he really likes me to and he always says these really sweet things to me but he has a girlfriend and idk if he just says he loves me or wat????
- celena

Saturday, Feb 28, 2009 - 12:32:28 AM
I think you should do a Blog on if you really love someone and how would you know. because i love my boyfriend and i think its real but what if it aint?
- Amber S.

Thursday, Feb 26, 2009 - 11:09:06 PM
Why do girls give mixed messages regarding whether or not they like you? Sometimes they act like they like you, and sometimes not. How also, can you tell if a girl that does this actually likes you or not?
- Matt

Thursday, Feb 26, 2009 - 10:51:53 PM
i need 2 talk 2 u because i'm going out with this girl marry but i keep asking other girls out 'what should i do dawson mcallister' ]\=spongebob
- ethan

Thursday, Feb 26, 2009 - 8:42:56 PM
How can you tell if you're best friend of the opposite sex likes you? My best friend is a guy, and I like him and he knows how I feel. I'm fairly sure he likes me too, but how do I know?
- Emily