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"I'm Pregnant. How did I let this happen?"
Last week I blogged about getting pregnant before marriage. Very few of these pregnancies work out well. No matter what people say, there is all kinds of pain and havoc mixed with fear. Most people who get pregnant out of wedlock didn’t mean for it to happen or have not counted the costs of what it would take to raise a baby, mostly alone. There are others who don’t even think about what their actions might do to their family. It is almost always upsetting to the family of the one who is pregnant. While these wounds can be healed, they still cause great damage and hurt in relationships.
I received a comment from a guy named Jonathan who talked about the pain in his family because of an unplanned pregnancy.
“My unmarried sister who lives about 800 miles away was talking to my parents on the phone...I heard her tell my parents she was pregnant. She and her boyfriend decided to get married and raise the baby. My mother is very emotional and couldn't even mention my sister for the longest time. Going to the wedding was completely out, because it would have been an emotional train wreck for my mom…[she] seems to have mostly recovered and is talking to my sister again, but there is still some hurt inside me…The hardest part is that I don't know when I'll ever see her again…and if I do, the kids will have missed out on seeing their uncle for probably several years of their lives. Plus, tensions at home escalated…which made things incredibly hard on my dad, my grandmother, and me. At least, through all of this, there is hope. I can be thankful to God that my sister's husband is a Christian man who shouldered his responsibility as a father and not a jerk who ran off at the first sign of trouble.”
Jonathan and his family are very fortunate the father of the baby is going to shoulder his responsibilities as a father. I receive hundreds of calls every year where that is not the case, and the mother is basically on her own trying to raise her baby. One has to wonder how is it if having a baby before marriage is so difficult, why so many people still get pregnant, thereby altering their lives forever. It’s worth talking about because you may be thinking some of the same things people who get pregnant out of wedlock are thinking. So here goes.
They Think They’re In Love
When a person thinks they’re in love, nothing else matters. All they want is to keep that feeling alive, that feeling of being super in love
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“It seems that girls get pregnant because they are so in love with their partners that they do not see anything else.” | and cherished and accepted by the opposite sex. The hard, cold reality of unprotected sex does not make a difference on these people. They’re living on the “we’re in love” high and nothing else matters. But then, oops, life has a way of showing up and someone gets pregnant. “It seems that girls get pregnant because they are so in love with their partners that they do not see anything else, like what the consequences could be.” (Mehaa)
“It Can’t Happen To Me” Syndrome
Have you ever wondered why most soldiers are like 19 or 20 years old? It’s because when a person is young, he/she can feel bulletproof, like nothing’s going to
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“Teenagers are kind of in denial. The whole ‘we’re invincible’ stuff is what runs through our head during every situation.” | happen to them. Some people feel that way about getting pregnant. They play sexual Russian Roulette and don’t think for a moment they will get unlucky and end up pregnant. Sadly, many of these people are wrong. There’s an old saying that goes, “If you play with the instruments, you will get music.” People who play and don’t plan for the consequences often end up paying far more than they bargained for. “Teenagers are kind of in denial. The whole ‘we're invincible’ stuff is what runs through our head during every situation. So if we find someone that we have feelings for and they want to have sex, a teen most likely would. Rebelling for some reason is what teenagers like to do, so having sex is a way to show the parents that you are an adult and you can take care of yourself...” (P.J.)
They Want A Child To Love
 There are some girls who are so lonely and empty they convince themselves having a baby will give them love. The baby somehow will know to give love back to their mother. But the fact of the matter is babies may be cute, but for the most part they’re takers who have great needs. Early in their lives, they have no concept of how to love their mother or father. Teenagers and young adults who plan on having a baby should get their love from some other source, and then give it to the baby unconditionally. They should expect the baby to give back. “[Pregnancy] is a growing problem that has a lot of reasons. Many of the girls come from broken homes or parents who don’t pay enough attention to them. They are looking for someone to love and they think they will find it in a baby.” (Emily)
They Want Attention
Some girls see their friends get pregnant and watch all the attention the new mother gets.  They say to themselves, “If I got pregnant, I could get that attention too.” And since these people are suffering from a love and attention deficit, getting attention no matter what the consequences seems like a good option. These people don’t think about the huge commitment they are making for a tiny bit of attention for just a little time. “They see other people with babies, and how much attention they get, and decide ‘Hey, maybe I should have a kid too…’” (Richard)
They Are Trying To Keep Their Guy
It is true. Some girls actually think if they get pregnant to a guy, he is more likely to stay in the relationship. Sometimes that is true,
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Getting pregnant to keep a guy is the riskiest reason of all. It almost never works. | but usually the opposite happens. On my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, I hear hundreds of stories of girls who get pregnant and when they’re boyfriend finds out, he runs. I call it “sex and run”. When he finds out his girlfriend is pregnant, he doesn’t think about the baby or his girlfriend. He only thinks about getting out of a jam. Getting pregnant to keep a guy is the riskiest reason of all. It almost never works. “Another time I came across someone who became pregnant so the guy couldn't leave her”…”Others get pregnant to keep a punk boy around” (Richard and Emily)
There are more reasons than what I have listed of why people get pregnant. Whatever the reason, everyone should think hard and fast about the consequences. Babies are wonderful when you’re ready for them, but something quite the opposite when you are not. Just remember, life has a way of showing up. And if you get pregnant out of wedlock, the whole course of your life changes forever.
NEXT WEEK’S TOPIC – WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT
What would you do if you find out you were pregnant?
If a guy, what would you do if you found out your girlfriend was pregnant?
Wednesday, Mar 12, 2008 - 5:59:10 PM
If I got pregnant again I don't know what i would do. I would know how it happen but I wont remeber it happing to me at all.Couse I more and likely would of have been on drug and I would remeber the dude at all.
- jamie h.
Wednesday, Mar 12, 2008 - 5:58:36 PM
I don't understand what is so traumatic about getting pregnant as a teenager or before marriage. I got pregnant in high school a few times and it's not that big of a deal. You just get an abortion. And then that's it. End of story. No harm, no foul. And definitly no need to freak out over nothing. The fact of the matter is that sex is a part of life. And because of that, things like getting pregnant happen from time to time. But you don't need to let it get you down or ruin your life. You just suck it up, deal with it, and move on with your life. It's not rocket science.
- Anonymous
Wednesday, Mar 12, 2008 - 12:38:10 AM
If I got pregnant, wow, I don't know what I'd do, but my friend just recently found out that she's pregnant and I'm really scared for her. She's excited and everything and I am a little, but I don't think she realizes yet that, "Wow, this is actually real." Ya know? Me and her are the best of friends and know everything about each other, we pretty much go through the same stuff, but with this, I didn't know what to tell her and I felt bad. I'm supposed to be there when she needs me for advice, but I kinda wasn't, that's why I called in! I just wanna say, thank you Dawson for the advice you gave me. I'm going to talk to my friend about what she sould do! You're a life-saver!!!
- Briana
Tuesday, Mar 11, 2008 - 10:38:26 PM
all I've got to say is:If your gonna get pregnant at a young age, keep the kid.(if your able to) I promise most people (8 out of 10) won't have kids at a young age again. They learn all the respondilities.
- McKenna
Monday, Mar 10, 2008 - 10:28:09 PM
ok so here is my insight about all this cause i know how it is. sex is a persons choice most of the time. if you get raped or any of that then i can understand.i am 18. i myself am pregnant and couldnt wish for anything else. i am in love with my baby and things can only grow. you cant blame your parents or home problems on sex or preganacy. my parents are divorced and re married so i am lucky enough to have 4 loving parents who are very supportive. but im not pregnant cause of attention or lack of. im pregnant cause this is what we want. i think young pregnancies are better personally. me and my baby's daddy are together and going strong. he is very supportive of it all and i think as excited as am.so to all the young girls keep your head high it will all work out for the best! :)
- cayela
Monday, Mar 10, 2008 - 6:25:42 PM
I am 19 yrs old and not being pregant my self i dont know all the struggles. But i have 3 very close freinds to that we have grown up together and been thick as thieves. Those three are now new young mothers. One got married. Who is working and trying to make ends meet. One is a single mom and has nothingt o do with fater he just up and left her the day the baby was born. For her i have seen nothing but struggle. she has always had a smile on her face. She is the most happeist person i know. No matter what her problem is she will always have hope. She knows that GOD is always in CONTROL and even toh she made one mistake he wont quit loving her.
Seeing her and what she has been through i want to be giving and thankful like her.. Now dont get me wrong she wish she would have waited but wouldnt trade her duaghter in for the world.
- Megan M.
Monday, Mar 10, 2008 - 6:24:54 PM
I got pregnant at the age of 17. My boyfriend broke up with me when he found out. I had my son with help from my parents . I met a wonderful man when I was 5 months pregnant . We became friends because I was not interested in dating at that time. We remained friends for about a year . We were both in love with each other and we got married. He adopted my son . We have been married for 7 years now and we have a daughter as well she is 5. I was blessed very much so. So dont give up because there is still HOPE for us out there !
- Teffany
Monday, Mar 10, 2008 - 12:59:20 AM
This gurl Katie waz really mean to me when i was in 8th grade last year. She punched me in the face because i said she was being a "fake" person. So next thing i know i'm on the ground with a bloody nose and people askin me if i'm okay. anyway now she's pregnant!!! (loser) Does anyone believe in karma??
- Rachel
Monday, Mar 10, 2008 - 12:25:32 AM
I was in a issue like this when, I was 19, I got pregnant during my senior year in high school, But my life turn out ok I finsih school 6 months pregnant.
- Megan
Monday, Mar 10, 2008 - 12:09:18 AM
I'm 23 now. I was 22 when I got pregnant out of wedlock. When I first found out I could not believ this could happen to me. I was not in love with the guy I was dating who of course is the father. About a month or two after we found out I was pregnant I broke up with him. I now have a beautiful 7 month old daughter who I wouldn't trade for anything. It is a struggle though being a single mother and having no help at all from her father. Many times I wish I would have waited because I was wanting to be married and settled down with a career. if I could give advice to any girl it would be to wait til you are married and are prepared to have a child. Having a child brings many responsibilities along.
- Keomi M.
Saturday, Mar 8, 2008 - 10:52:31 PM
Well i have to say that it's basically a matter of self-control. I actually had a close call one night when i was with my boyfriend. We were SO...So...SO close to going all the way, but we stopped. He said that he loves me more than anything, but he doesn't want a baby. One day, he said,we would do it, but not now when we were so young. I don't think i could have stopped myself, so i'm lucky that he had that sense of control over the situation. If more teenaged boys, and even girls, had that, i think that the percentages of teenaged pregancies would go down.
- Abby
Saturday, Mar 8, 2008 - 10:52:08 PM
Well, I got pregnant the 1st time at 14. I was in 8th grade. I was a sl**...the father bailed out....he came back and told me he loved me, her was 17...said that we could have another baby later...so i aborted it, killed my own flesh, and i regret it. the 2nd time, because i never learn, different guy, i was 15 and i had a healthy baby boy. 13 mnths. born 9 lbs 7 oz. 19 in. Devon Taylor. is his name. The reason I got pregnant is b/c I was attention starved. I didn't come from a broken home. MY 'rents paid attention to me. SO thats not the only reason. i did it b/c i wanted something that loved me know matter what. unconditional love. My dad didn't want me..raped and abused me and my mom got knocked up the 1st time @ 14....i was running from my life...livin in the fast lane and it caught up with me.....that's why
- Amy
Saturday, Mar 8, 2008 - 12:42:05 AM
hi dawson;;
My comment has nothing to do with the blog but it's something that i want 2 get off my chest 2 you! Well, me & this guy have been on/off for about 6 months. He's broken up with me 7 times, i never broke up with him! I really like him, sometimes i think i love him! He does all the right things, says all the right things so i go right back 2 him. Everyone says he treats me wrong but i think i don't wanna see it so i keep going back 2 him! Now i don't know how to say no to him! I just got back 2gather with him & i'm already regretting it! But i've been reading your blogs about lust vs. love & it's really helped me to realize that he's "in lust" with me! I don't think he realizes that yet, i don't wanna hurt him or myself! So what do i do, stay with him or leave him behind? I need some insight! Thank you for your time! =)
- Kayla
Saturday, Mar 8, 2008 - 12:41:34 AM
You give awesome advice to people in need. Love your show so much and hope to here more. Thanks so much.
- Tiffany L.
Saturday, Mar 8, 2008 - 12:41:19 AM
hey dawson yea i kno its been a while since ive commented on ur blogs(lol) but yea pregnancy is not something tht i worry about because ive already made up in my mind that im not going to have sex until marriage. But to answer tha furst question if i found out that i was pregnant well furst off i would make up in my mind that im going to keep that baby. because even though many ppl think its best punishing tha baby by killing it is not going to help anytihng. if anything it will make things worse. second i would tell tha father and my parents. which will be tha hardest things to do. beacause lyke you said many ppl dont expect it. Then i would prepare myself for everything that was coming to me. all my responsibilities (spell check) because its lyke most parents say you brought it into this world and you can take care of it. That would take a lot of prayer and getting closer to god. because being a parent is going to take a lot of work, being mentally fit for everything. so yea thats what i would do.
you can tell i watch ALOT of tv!...haha but yea im done oka bye
- riah
Friday, Mar 7, 2008 - 11:09:44 PM
this blog is awesome and im sure it will help alot of girls get it through their heads that having a kid wont get attention except for some bad looks from strangers because there to young to have a kid in the first place. having a kid might give you joy but people should wait until their married to have a kid. their alot of responsibility. if you dont want a kid dont do anything to get one in the first place and if you get pregnant to kept your guy its not really fair to him if you didn't make the desission to have the kid in the first place because abortion is the worst thing to do.
- lesly
Friday, Mar 7, 2008 - 11:09:20 PM
i think that gilrs who get pregnant at a young age should keep the baby because i once got pregnant and i ended up taking the baby out; from this day on i regret everything becasue i was just thinking about what was happening, not what will happen afterwards. Even though having a baby is a lot of work, teens should plan and think about everything decision they make.
- Patience
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