How To Get To Know Someone Of The Opposite Sex.

First off, thanks to Kayla for her encouraging words about this blog series on 50 Questions About the Opposite Sex: “Thank you so much Dawson. The answers are the most helpful advice ever. Being an only child I don’t have anyone to give me insight on guys. It’s really helpful.”

But fear that keeps you from living the life you desire is not a good thing.

As I read through all the questions you are sending me, one word keeps coming to mind. Fear. Fear is a powerful emotion. Fear can paralyze you and keep you from going after what you want the most. It can convince you something horrible will happen if you go after what is in your heart. Now, fear that keeps you from the edge of a cliff, or from changing lanes in busy traffic without looking, is a good thing. But fear that keeps you from living the life you desire is not a good thing.

Let’s take a look at a couple more questions this week, and see how you can move toward getting rid of fear in your life.

QUESTION #13 Sarah asked: “How do you get to know someone of the opposite sex?”

To be confident, you have to believe you are truly loved by God, and at least one other person.

DAWSON: Most people would say they’d like to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I believe there’s great value to these kinds of relationships, even if you’re simply friends without any of the romantic drama. Megan agreed with me when she said, “I think it's great to have a friend of the opposite sex because sometimes the same sex won't understand some things you are going through. If you have been in a bad break up, a guy can see your point of view when you're talking about your ex, and it gives you an opportunity to see both sides of the story.”

Still, fear often keeps people from taking the risk of reaching out to try and become friends with someone of the opposite sex. The core of the issue is often a fear of rejection—thinking once you open up and are vulnerable to any person, they then have the power to either accept or reject you.

To overcome this fear, you need to start from a position of confidence. Not cockiness, but a feeling of confidence in who you are as a person. Many people try to start a relationship with someone because they think it will complete them—thinking the other person will fill in the emptiness inside their heart. To be confident, you have to believe you are truly loved by God, and at least one other person. Most people are more deeply loved than they ever realize.

A confident person, who stands up against the fear of rejection, who is willing to reach out to others, will always have plenty of friends of either sex.

Knowing you are deeply loved, you can be relaxed around people of the opposite sex, because you have nothing to lose. You are still loved, even if the person you want to get to know rejects you. After this, it’s simply a matter of taking an interest in things the other person is interested in, sharing pieces of your life with him/her, and most importantly, letting time develop the relationship naturally. A confident person, who stands up against the fear of rejection, who is willing to reach out to others, will always have plenty of friends of either sex.

QUESTION #14) Aaron asked: “How do I show a girl I care about her, without coming off like a complete creep?”

DAWSON: I’m assuming you’re referring to someone you’re not already in a relationship with. Hopefully, within the context of a relationship, you are free to show your girlfriend your feelings.

The less desperate you appear, willing to let a relationship happen naturally, the better your chances of having a relationship with any girl will be.

Most guys are driven by their attraction to a girl. When they are, it can be exciting, even exhilarating. But there’s always that fear deep in their mind they will end up making a fool out of themselves. They can be terrified by the awkward feeling they are tripping all over themselves, which will cause them to be rejected. This normal kind of awkwardness turns weird when the girl perceives the guy lingering a bit too long near her, spying on her, or when he can’t look her in the eye when he talks to her.

Girls are attracted to guys who act out of quiet confidence, rather than fear and desperation. When you act out of fear you come across awkward, and, as you say, possibly a bit creepy. When a girl thinks a guy is creepy it’s usually because he oversteps some personal boundaries, and doesn’t appear to respect her space. This can be either verbal or physical.

A good way to show a girl you are interested in her is by not trying to rush into anything, but find a point of interest you can connect with her on. Don’t give her presents or tell her you love her before you even know her. Many “creeps” seem desperate to be in a relationship. The less desperate you appear, willing to let a relationship happen naturally, the better your chances of having a relationship with any girl will be. Remember, not every girl is going to be attracted to you. But you don’t need every girl. You just need the one who will love you for who you are. Trust me, she’s out there.

Please keep sending me your questions. A couple suggestions: Check out my previous blogs to see if maybe I already answered your question. And try to word your question in a way that is easy to understand. I look forward to hearing from you!

Friday, Mar 13, 2009 - 1:05:34 AM
i like my half cousin and i dont know what to do
- kegan

Thursday, Mar 12, 2009 - 2:03:58 AM
Hey, i like this girl that is one of my friends. She doesn't know, but i don't act weird around her. I want to ask her out but i don't want it to be akward. And if she says no, will that ruin my relationship?
- Austin

Thursday, Mar 12, 2009 - 2:03:49 AM
Thanks again Charlie, I am definitely going to take it slow and let him be the one to start something, because otherwise I might scare him away. I'm just happy he calls me his best friend, and I call him mine. I like him enough to realize that now is not the time, and I will wait, because I know it will happen when the time is right for BOTH of us.
- Emily

Thursday, Mar 12, 2009 - 1:41:53 AM
Hey Dawson, thanks for posting these questions. They have helped me think about the stuff I'm going through and also helped me learn what not to do & who to be freinds with. What you cover isn't the only things I learn. I can read stuff you write & learn more from it & I thank you for helping out teens. The teen age group I think is the hardest part of life if you have a hard home or a hard time being in a relationship. So thanks :)
- Michelle

Thursday, Mar 12, 2009 - 12:09:51 AM
Heyy Dawson(: I listened to you on the radio the other day and i think that you might be able to help me. You seem like you give really good advice. Ok...well there is this guy that use to text me telling me that he thought i was hot like everyday and i know he likes me now. I like him a little bit, but i dont know. He was dating this girl and they broke up, so he started talking to me again. It kinda seems like im his second best thing because everytime he breaks up with someone he always come back to me. I use to like him last year, i mean i couldnt get over him because we started dating and he broke up with me, but he likes me now and i finally got over him. I still like him, but i really dont know if i should date him again. My friend is telling me not to because he cheated on his last girlfriend and she said that he will probably cheat on me. I dont think that he would because people can change and everything, but i really just dont know? Can you help?
- Haliegh

Wednesday, Mar 11, 2009 - 11:05:00 PM
hey, i been with a guy long distance for a long time and i was gonna move to be with him every shortly. he just told me he had a baby and going back to his babys mother. and now tells me he wants to be my friend. how can i just be his friend? thanks, erica
- Erica

Wednesday, Mar 11, 2009 - 2:03:40 AM
hey dawson.. i really want to talk about this.. i just broke up with my br of 8 months this thursday. i feel really bad, and guilty abou tit. like, i dont think i should have done it. i think i still love him, and i know he still loves me, but i want to know if it would be a good idea at all to get back together with him. but the problem is.. i think im falling in love with my best friend who is a guy. and another problem is, that alot of my exs friendds really like me, and are alwayss tryin gto get to me. its really confusing, and very depressing for me.i cry pretty much every night over this. even when one of them sleep at my house to like comfort me or something. i dont care, i still cry in from of them. i need help:/
- Hannah

Wednesday, Mar 11, 2009 - 1:14:20 AM
hey dawson, thanks for the help that you had given me. i am looking fporward with my life and not thinking much of my mental issues.
- danielle m.

Wednesday, Mar 11, 2009 - 12:28:01 AM
Emily thats your sign. HE likes you, and he is a nice guy bout it. I would know because im a nice guy too. Good luck. TAKE IT SLOW. He could get scared if you come on to him or something
- Charlie

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 11:52:27 PM
Dawson, Thank you so much for helping teenager we have alot to deal with in today's world. All of your shows have helped me see that I'm not the only one who struggles. Yes, I agree that we fear rejection. I've been rejected mamy times by opening up and trusting someone with my story. I mean, there are guys that don't understand what it's like to be abused, but there are alot of girls that understand me Thank you so much Jade
- Jade

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 11:00:04 PM
Why are boys so stupid?
- Caitlin

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 9:15:08 PM
hey dawson! so i've asked this question before and I'm still hoping that you'll answer it. It kind of goes along with what you were just talking about. One of my best friends is a guy and it is one of the best relationships i've ever had. And yes I will admit that i did fall for him in a major way, but for now i've gotten past that. But my question is how much can you tell the other person BECAUSE of the whole opposite sex issue? You may be best of friends, but aren't there still boundaries?
- Rebecca

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 1:38:20 PM
what does it mean if ur fighting u call her a ***** she calls u a ******** an u always fight
- devon

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 4:09:02 AM
Thanks Dawnson!! You help everyone so much that it's sometimes hard to express it in words. It is nice to have somewhere to go where you know people are actually listening to you and not judging you. As I'm sure you know being a teen comes with alot of obstacles and having your show and the Hopeline helps us over come alot of those. Its hard to talk to our friends and parents about stuff and having somewhere to go where you know that this person doesnt know your friends or the people at your school makes me and most of my friends feel safe and securetalking to someone about our problems. Thanks again Dawson. God Bless.
- Missy

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 3:38:59 AM
Thanks Charlie- You guys sure can be jerks. But not this guy. He is always stammering and gets nervous, and makes jokes all the time too. & He is constantly flirting with me. I think that's what he's doing, just trying to stay calm, but to me, it seems to be REALLY obvious that he has feelings for me, a lot of other people think so too. I'm not going to bother him about it, i'll let him figure it out on his own. Right now, I am happy being his best friend, but later on, I would like for something to happen.
- Emily

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 2:45:14 AM
i like this guy at my church,and school he knows that. he continues to touch me and stare at me. could that mean he likes me?
- lvy S.

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 2:24:15 AM
I think Im in love with someone who lives in New Jersey and at this time he is in jail for violation of probation so what do I do and I know long distance relationships dont usually work out but we have dated and he died in the hospital after a car crash but they revived him and he was in a comma but when he woke up he didnt remember me so apparantly we had to break up but when he got to get to know me all over again we started dating again but he broke up with me because he said i was to young but he said he still loves me and he will wait on me until i turn 17 should i wait on him or what?
- Brittney

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 1:58:08 AM
I'm 15 and a freshman in HS. I extremely like 2 girls...i see 1 everyday and the other once a week. I'm going out with the girl i see less often,even though i like the 1 i see evryday more...but she has a bf. Problem is that i think about her more than my gf...i dont wanna break up with my gf cause shes in a hard time and i dont want to ruin her life (its that bad for her). I've told the 1 i see evryday how i feel about her but haven't told my gf yet. They're both best friends... and i know them both well,but my non-gf has more in common with me. What should i do, i need help fast.
- Austin

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 1:39:55 AM
I want to thank you dawson. Because of you I've learned alot about faith and beliving in my self. I talked to you awhile back about my boyfriend of fou yrs who had cheated on me many times but not with girls ,,, since then its been hard fo me to trust a guy. I really dont know what to do about coming out of my shell an being able to trust a guy again. I am with this guy now have been for 5 months but i dont fully tust him. I know it not his fault but i cant help it. I will one day. Well thank you Dawson fo everything. If we had more people like ou, then this world would be a btter place XoXo KELLY-LYNN <3
- kelly-lynn

Tuesday, Mar 10, 2009 - 12:16:54 AM
Hey Dawson, why do girls look for the "badboy" so to speak instead of the more quite guy
- Brady

Monday, Mar 9, 2009 - 8:46:05 PM
I thought i knew this guy and we were friends. It turned out he had this major cursh on me and wasnt goin to tell me because my friend told him not to. he didn't even tell me I heard about it through a friend of a friend. And i thought guys were simple. Wow was i wrong
- sarah

Monday, Mar 9, 2009 - 3:57:41 AM
I know a guy I think I might have a connection with but I don't want to rush anything and come off sounding weird. It's hard for me to make friends or even talk to people but I joined this group of people a few months ago and I'm starting to come out my shell. But even though I want to be more than friends with this guy, I know I need to get to know him better first but the problem is I only see him about 2-3 times a month. It's really hard for me to even think about talking to him about this. I want to be friends first, but to do that I would have to see him more. How do I suggest we hang out more without sounding like I'm crazy?
- Kerry

Monday, Mar 9, 2009 - 1:49:02 AM
thank you so much you advise helps teens alot...thenks for all you do....
- cheyenne

Monday, Mar 9, 2009 - 1:31:31 AM
My old boy friend before he was my boy friend said that this one boy likes me and i like him, but he's my boy friends best friend. Me and my boy friend broke up but i want to know if this guy that i like actually likes me or if he was just saying this. what should i do?
- Kendra

Monday, Mar 9, 2009 - 12:01:49 AM
this is an excellent blog
- zack j.

Sunday, Mar 8, 2009 - 11:38:01 PM
i think your blog is very helpful. It gives people some really great advice. I thank you for that.
- Hunter c.

Sunday, Mar 8, 2009 - 11:23:44 PM
I cannot express in words how thankful I am for people like you, dawson. You do so much for people who can't fix it themselves. Thank you! As for this particular blog, all I can say is that guys aren't the only ones who are afraid they come off a bit stalker-ish. That crosses my mind a lot even if I don't like someone. I'm not usually one to care what people think, but I DON'T want people to avoid me because its just too awkward to be around me. And the best way I deal with this is by setting my own boundaries, and setting those as the basics for someone else. Its just like "do unto others", if you think about it. If I don't want someone crossing a certain line with me, I won't cross it with them. It makes it so much easier to be around people and not worry about what you're doing. The best thing a person can do is take a step back, cool off, and just be themselves, without pushing yourself on anyone.
- Courtney

Sunday, Mar 8, 2009 - 11:10:00 PM
Hey Dawson. Why do guys always want to rush things? Why cant they get to know a girl before things get physical?
- Nina

Sunday, Mar 8, 2009 - 10:46:21 PM
Thank you Dawson! for keeping our youth and teen's safe, that they have you to turn to if no other adult is avaolable. Sometimes I think people/teens do what they do becuase they want to find out more about it or just get it our of their systems,but oviously there aresome that need more help, so thank you for being here for all of us!
- Michaela

Sunday, Mar 8, 2009 - 10:16:05 PM
Dude, this is a great blog. Thanks for putting it up. But here's a question that you could maybe answer tonight, "how do you tell if your girlfriend has an eating disorder?
- Cole

Sunday, Mar 8, 2009 - 10:06:38 PM
Emily its simple. Guys can be real pigs and jerks. Trust me, I'm a guy, and seeing it disgusts me. Often guys that like a girl and are nice about it are real nervous. Stammering, and making jokes are common. Trust me there are few guys who really have deep feelings for a girl that can approach the situation totally calm
- charlie

Sunday, Mar 8, 2009 - 9:34:45 PM
Is there going to be a "Finding out how HE feels about you" blog?
- Hannah

Sunday, Mar 8, 2009 - 9:03:58 PM
Gentlemen, to get to know a girl is simple. Shut up and listen to her. Dont talk about how you hit the winning home run or something that might not interest them. You tell about your qualities, and what you are like to interact with, not what you did last night. She wants to know you, not your "accomplishments"
- charlie

Saturday, Mar 7, 2009 - 4:35:56 PM
I was wondering, will there be a "Finding out how HE feels about you" blog? I could really use that one, your advice helps us all so much!
- Emily

Saturday, Mar 7, 2009 - 3:15:55 PM
I am lucky enough to actually know someone of the opposite sex better than anyone else- we are best friends. Although, I am falling in love with him, he knows I like him, but not about falling in love. We decided not to be together because it would be too weird right now, but I really, really think he likes me, A LOT. I just wanted to know, how can I tell how he really feels about me?
- Emily

Saturday, Mar 7, 2009 - 1:16:43 PM
hey dawson, just wanted to thank you. these blogs help alot. but i also wanted to mention that even tho this is all true we need to remember that not everyone is alike. some guys don't actually get their first impressions thru the physical aspect of any girl soo don't jump to conclusions girls!! maybe he DOES like you. ok guys...as a girl myself i can give you 1 piece of advice that will almost always work- BE PATIENT!! i admit that we are complicated but if we weren't where would the fun come from? :)
- Marelena

Saturday, Mar 7, 2009 - 10:50:05 AM
hi how are where is your blog about boyfriends and i need to talk to you but i can not talk to you on the phone
- keshia t

Saturday, Mar 7, 2009 - 2:41:38 AM
Why are some girls in a hurry to get married at a young age? To me, 6 months to a year is way too fast.
- Aaron

Saturday, Mar 7, 2009 - 1:52:34 AM
How do I know if my best guy friend likes me more than just a friend and if he is falling in love me?
- Lucy

Friday, Mar 6, 2009 - 10:40:21 PM

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