A Condom For The Heart
I remember many years ago, reading an article about condoms. There was a big debate at the time as to whether condoms would slow down the sexual revolution and really make sex safer. There was a quote from a Catholic priest which I’ll never forget. He said, “I’ll believe in condoms when they come up with a condom for the heart.”
We live in time when condoms are thrown out into the crowd, telling you if you’re going to have sex you simply have to protect yourself. But I have yet to find a condom for the heart. When I say heart, I’m talking about you…your deepest emotions, the way you look at your self, and how you feel about the one you love.
I have talked to hundreds of people who cannot erase the regret and pain that has been brought on by having sex with their boyfriend, girlfriend or even a stranger. This is a pain that no condom can ever protect you from.
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“Ride a roller-coaster or go on a trip if you need thrill and excitement. [Lovers] come and go, but babies, STD's, and regret stay.” | Everybody is looking for someone who will love them unconditionally. Sex alone will not fill that void. In fact, casual sex will just leave you empty, but wanting more, making the ache deeper and deeper. Julianne says it really well: “Why have sex over a feeling that can come and then go. Sure sex is fun and a thrill, but the heartache and worries are NOT WORTH IT!! Ride a roller-coaster or go on a trip if you need thrill and excitement. [Lovers] come and go, but babies, STD's, and regret stay.”
Condoms can’t protect you from feeling like you can’t ever get enough of the other person’s love. I received a comment from Lucy, who talked about having sex for the first time at age 13, and the attachment she automatically felt for the guy: “When this happened, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I lost something I will never be able to get back. I was so madly in love with this guy, had such low-confidence, and was willing to do anything to keep this guy in my life. Having sex was what he wanted, and all he wanted. We did not use a condom, and surprisingly, it was not my biggest regret. I was used, and then dropped. I am still not able to get over this guy. We don't talk anymore—he hates me. Sadly, I'd still do anything to be close with him again. I wasn’t ready and now I'm so emotionally attached.”
 Tragically, Lucy still does not understand she is set up for more hurt if she goes back to this guy. Because, like all of us, she has not found a condom for her heart. She is playing with emotional unprotected sex.
Anthony admits that guys don’t have a condom for their heart either: “Me and my girlfriend were going out for about a year and a half when we had sex for the first time. Every time after that all she wanted was sex. I didn't want to but I thought I loved her so I gave in. When she thought she was pregnant, things went down hill. Good thing for us she wasn't. When we broke up she thought that I was using her for sex when I never really wanted to.”
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Condoms can’t protect you from feeling like you can’t ever get enough of the other person’s love. | Condoms don’t protect your reputation. When Tiffany was 16, she had already had sex with ten different guys. She painfully explains her situation: “After the third guy I was really wanting to kill myself because all the guys in my town were calling me the town ho, but I just wanted to get pregnant so someone would love me. Well, I did get pregnant. But after the guy found out he beat me up—and like he was trying to do—I had a miscarriage.”
Too bad Tiffany didn’t have a condom to protect her reputation, but there’s no such thing.
 Condoms also cannot prevent you from feeling cheap. Mandi shares how she carries a lot of the heaviness and shame that came from having sex: “I dated a guy who told me he loved me, and how wonderful things would be. He forced me to have sex and then broke up with me. I felt so ashamed for going out with him and didn’t understand how he could do that. I felt like it was all my fault. I lost a lot of my self-respect. I felt like no guy would ever really love me.”
All of these stories prove a point. Condoms only do what are they are designed to do and that is to help with birth control and protect from STDs. Sometimes they fail even doing that. But they are not designed to protect your heart from being broken with irresponsible and uncommitted sex. Until you find a partner who will stay committed to you for the rest of your life, you will always experience the pain and regret of a heart without a condom.
Next week’s topic is how to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Comment and tell me your stories of what happened when you broke up with them, or they broke up with you.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008 - 11:23:09 PM
When I had sex for the first time, I was only 14 and really wanted to wait until marrige... I just got caught up in the moment like everyone seems to do these days, and while I regretted it, I felt as if it was okay because I loved him. It only got worse when we broke up because even though we weren't together, all of those feelings were still there and I had lost something that I could never get back
- Carlie
Wednesday, May 7, 2008 - 10:54:37 PM
im only 12 years old i i have tried to have sex but it just didnt fell right i had a bad felling about this but i still wanted to do it.my boyfriend and i had been dating for at least 2 years and i thouht i was able but it was very scary so i rejected him and told him i couldnt do it so the next week later he told me he didnt want to date me any more. we are still friends but we dont talk much.dont think that condoms can always keep you safe thats why i told him NO dont do it till your marriend you dont want to ruein your goals for the future by having a baby in you teens!
- southern girl
Wednesday, May 7, 2008 - 9:54:48 PM
this blog is an important one and i love this what if there really was a "condom for your heart" the whole world will change.Dawson i love listening to you on sunday nights , some of the storys let me know that my mom and dad could be worse and im lucky to have them.im only 13 years old and i'm a christian and i hope to stay a virgin till im really older not in my teens.you have to be carfull if you get stuck with the wrong boy you might end up pregnant, im really scared to have sex at this age -erika
- erika
Wednesday, May 7, 2008 - 12:38:01 AM
I've had it & i totally do regret it.
He turned me over for his ex.At this point we dont talk.
But now i really do have feelings for this boy && i seriously think he is my first love.I had thought about my ex boyfriend sam but he's nothing compared to this boy.This boy iv'e cried over several of times.&& right now we are broken up but trying to workk everything out.Which hopefully we get back togethr soon.
- Amr.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 10:37:43 PM
ken and i started dating when i was 14, he asked me out on valentine's day, and by the time we had been dating for 1 year i though i was in love. i was not at all now that i look back. when i was 16 i got pregnant from having sex with him. about 3 months after we had sex, i started feeling morning sickness, and started CRAVING pickles. my mom finally asked me what was wrong, since i didn't know she took me to the doctors. turns out i was pregnant. i didn't use a condom, cause i though i'll never get pregnant. biggest mistake ever. just like tiffany's story, ken beat me up after i told him of my pregnancy. the baby did not die surprisingly. i thought about suicide :( i didn't know what to do, i didn't want a baby. not at all. i had plans, but sucked it up. i had the baby Janurary 5, 2007. then gave it up for adoption. that family that has Khloe Rachel M. (my daughter) still keeps contact with me. i visit now and then, and get e-mails and pictures of her all the time. i don't want her to be like me. i hope she won't be. but it the end it was alright.
- lauren
- lauren
Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 1:58:41 AM
Well I have many friends who have gotten pregnant and have a kid now and are pregnant about to have a kid and ones who have had miscarriages... sadly none of them knew the history of 'the condom'. i feel bad for them but all i know is to just be a friend. One of them has a kid and is only 15 now with a year old baby doing home-schooling. its crazy out there these days. now i find out that, that same girl is even on drugs and may be getting abused by her so called 'boyfriend'. its aweful. i don't know how to help her. !!! So i hope that maybe you'll or somebody will read this and understand that life isn't a box of chocolate especially if you don't use a condom.
- Christine J.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 1:54:59 AM
thanks for that. im thirteen years old, and i want to stay with my christian faith and be a virgin until im married. but im also scared guys wont want to date me if i DONT have sex. all in all, im a little scared. most people pass sex off like its nothing, and thats what it was starting to feel like. is nothing sacred anymore?
- Anna
Monday, May 5, 2008 - 7:33:04 PM
My first real boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago. He was reallly polite about it and seemed as though he didn't want to. I was heart broken and thought about asking him questions but could never bring myself to do it. His reasoning was that I didn't have time for him and could only see him in school. My mom didn't like him because he's white (I'm black)and has purple hair.To this day we're civil but avoid talking even though we hang out in the same circle. It's akward but only for us.
- Maya
Monday, May 5, 2008 - 7:32:47 PM
i sooooooooooooooooooooooo agree with this dawson it relates to my situation i was with this guy for almost a year( wouldve been a year on my 16th birthday) but a month b4 he cheated on me and that summer we lost our virgnity 2 one another. Since he was my first love when i found out he cheated on me sad 2 say i tried 2 ignore it and dint believe it when ppl told me he was, because i "loved" him. but eventually we did end up breaking up anyway. afterwards i cried for a month my self sonfidence was EXTREMELY low and just didnt even feel like leaving the house. this just proves we do need CONDOMS FOR OUR HEARTS !
- Kaileigh
Sunday, May 4, 2008 - 9:44:40 PM
this is VERY true.
they should put on the disclaimer box of the condoms "this will not protect from the emotional heart ache you will face after having sex."
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ ANGElA
Sunday, May 4, 2008 - 3:22:21 PM
Perhaps it is that I am just a sheltered child, but I am still suprised when I either hear or read about the stories.
- Sam G.
Sunday, May 4, 2008 - 3:22:06 PM
Hi Dawson. I'm an older listener/reader (I remember your conferences with Al Denson!) with a comment on the "Getting Over a Broken Heart" blog that I hope will help others who are reading. There was a girl I dated in college. We had been together for about a year, then we got engaged. Things were going well; we helped teach a sunday school class, her grandparents loved me. We were approaching our wedding date and had just begun pre-marriage counseling with our pastor. After the first session, we were sitting and talking and realized that we really didn't have as much in common as we thought. We were both Believers, but relationship-wise, we were more friends. I left, then a few days later she said that she'd been having second thougths and wanted to end the engagement. I was crushed. I sat and prayed, gave myself time to cry. As I was going over things in my mind, I thought about all the things that she and I had not had in common. Relising that there were a lot, I wrote them down. Looking at that list, I decided that I didn't want to put myself through that again, so I made out a list of requirements that I look for in a girlfriend. I broke the list down into two sections : things I WAS willing to negotiate on (taste in music, taste in movies, enjoying some of the same hobbies) and things I am NOT willing to negotiate on (being a strong Believer, wanting to have kids, liking the outdoors). That list has since saved me from a lot of heartache. Hopefully a similar list will help someone else.
- Jimmey
Friday, May 2, 2008 - 7:10:45 PM
dawson you are right. sex is not worth it. its only caused me pain and humiliation. there is no condum for the heart except abstanance. i wish i would have waited till i was married. just knowing that i dont love the person that i am having sex with and that what i was doing was only hurting myself, and at first ya i thought that he would love me more or want me around longer. but in the end the guys just got what they wanted and ditched me. i will never be the same and i will always be hurt i let myself down and i let my family and friends down. not to mention my future husband. its not that i am a bad person. im acctually super sweet and friends with everyone. but how could i say i am a good person when i never feel good enough anymore. i guess what im trying to let everyone know is that sex is not the answer. and in the end only pain will come with it. so everyone wait till your married!!
- Shandra
Friday, May 2, 2008 - 5:12:21 PM
i agree with that dawson. i have ha several chances and im glad i passed on all of them, i am waiting til i get married.
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ James
Friday, May 2, 2008 - 2:09:11 AM
Penny and I started dating over 2 years ago. I had never met anyone like her- we understood each other; we really seemed perfect for each other. That’s what everyone told us too- they never saw an end to our relationship. We talked about getting married when we were done with college…
So one day, she calls me and tells me we need to see other people… she claimed the distance was too much-we were at different colleges, even though she had been the one ok with the distance… The next day she told me that she had cheated on me… I was so devastated by the breakup, I could care less about her cheating- I just wanted her back. She told me that I had been a prefect boyfriend, but she wanted to see other people and moved on to this other guy- the one she cheated on me with. I had never felt so horrible in my life. I tried everything I could to get her back. And she kept telling me that she wanted to date other people and what not, but that we were still going to get married someday. That just drug me down further- holding on killed me.
I was so crushed after she broke up with me. I had nothing to do- I tried to work to get my mind off it, but nothing could make it go away. I was of course talking to my parents and friends about it, just trying to hold on. We all thought she would get over it and everything would go back to normal…. It never did. That first weekend I spend most of my time talking to my Mom and my friends about it, and crying… I can say that was the worst weekend of my life.
Its been 3 months since then.... I'm still having a hard time. I've called the hopeline plenty. I just got it into my head 3 weeks ago that she actually cheated on me... I was always there for her, I gave her my everything, we had premarital sex.... huge mistake... I couldn't get that thought out of my mind until I talked to a priest about it, and it still comes up. I treated her the best I possible could, and this is what I get in return? Why do bad things happen to good people? It just hurts so much- still. Pray for me Dawson
- Jason
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