How To Break Up

• Don’t have a friend break up for you.
• Don’t ignore your ex and expect that person to understand.
• Never text a good-bye.
• Don’t announce it on myspace.
• Don’t make your reasons complicated.
• Be direct, but kind.
• Don’t say something mean about the other person, especially if you want to remain friends.
• In time, if possible, make every attempt to be friends after you break up.
• Don’t say let’s just be friends (you may be friends again, but it takes time for the relationship to heal).
• Answer their questions as honestly and kindly as possible.
• Don’t say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
• Understand that the other person is going to be very hurt, confused and possibly angry.
• Don’t go blabbing to other people about the break-up. Save your experience for a few trusted friends.
• Don’t just disappear. Even if your relationship wasn’t completely defined as “going steady,” you’ll avoid many awkward situations if you are as upfront as possible.
• Don’t break up unless you know for sure it’s final. The breaking up and then getting back together again cycle breeds mistrust.
• Wait some time before you start dating someone else, especially if you see your former bf/gf often. Consider Brittini’s story: “After the last relationship when I broke up with my boyfriend, the week later he was asking my friend if she would go out with him! That made me so mad that the next time I saw him I just wanted to hurt him and her.”
• Don’t try to talk your bf/gf out of their decision. Blue Grace’s advice is valuable: “My beau of just over 4 yrs. broke up with me last Valentine's Day in what he later called "a defensive, reactive" moment - completely unexpected by either of us. I tried to talk him out of it for over an hour to no avail. Ladies, please DON'T do this. If he's gonna break up with you, let him. If he's wrong, truly loves you, and is a real man, he will come back for you. Do not chase him. It only leads to a more shattered heart.”

Wednesday, May 14, 2008 - 10:25:43 PM
i had a relationsship with a guy a few months ago, i was so happy with him, or so i thought. I wasnt myself because he would do many things to hurt my feelings and i would just let them go for fear of fighting with him and him breaking up with me. He ended up breaking up with me the day after Christmas, and i found out he cheated on me. He was in a new relationship within the next month, and is still with that girl. For many weeks i wondered why i wasnt good enough for him to stay in our relationship, but then i realized i was better off without him and that he wasnt good enough for me. But still I was deeply hurt and still kind of am today, but i learned so much about myself and how i want to be treated in the future. I havent been able to keep a relationship since him, but thats because he changed me in so many ways that i dont think anyone could fit me right now. thanks for all your help, your show and blogs do a lot for me. i make sure to send them to my friends when they have problems.
- kelley

Wednesday, May 14, 2008 - 10:24:21 PM
I have been broken up with through all of the examples that you have given. And none of them were exceptable. To have stayed in a relationship with someone, you must have respect for them at one time or another. So, even through a breakup, for whatever reason. You should do it in person, so that things dont get taken the wrong way, and so that the "victim" will still have self-esteem. And feel that they are good enough to love again. and no matter how hard it is to do it in person, it will turn out for the best.
- Danielle

Wednesday, May 14, 2008 - 7:53:15 PM
i really need help with this one i am 15 and i have been dating my b/f for about 1 year my parents fouond out that we have sex and now im not aloud to see him i live right beside him and it has been working out just fine but now i have run into a problem we are moveing not out of state but how will i see him i am starting high school next year and he is moving schools so i cant see him that way either i have thought about breaking up with him but i dont know if i should. i wont be able to see him again until i get my car i dont know what to do i really love him he was my first and i dont want to let go and nither does he i just dont know what to do please help me its driving me crazy!
- katie

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - 11:05:22 PM
im glad dat u commented on dis subject cause i needed help.thnx
- anthony

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - 11:05:17 PM
i was dating a guy for about 6 months, he told me he loved me and i always believed him cuz i truly loved him, i had suspicions that he had a thing for my best friend but he always swore that he didnt. Well sure enough the day came when i found out he had been cheatin on me with her. We decided to be friends cuz i just couldnt live without him then about 3 months later he came crawling back to me and sayin he'd do anything to prove he loved me, but it didnt last cuz half way thru the school year he went back to her and hates me now. he'll do anything to avoid me and talk bad about me so girls its true what they say "once a cheater always a cheater". No matter how much you love a guy if he's hurt you then dont go back cuz he'll do it again!! Dawson your awesome and you helped me get over this guy, although i will still always care about him, thanks so much!!
- Megan

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - 8:37:12 PM
Dawson: I am so glad that you blogged on this topic!! I really need this for my life!
- Brandon

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - 8:37:06 PM
this kid is really cool i dont wanna ask him out his name is Matt what should i do
- dazha

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - 8:36:40 PM
Ok I so get what you are sayin and all but. what if A nother person tells you that thay want you to do it for them? cuz they are beinb abused be there lover!!! I love what you are doing for us youth / teens / young / adults
- nikki

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - 1:15:58 AM
This is soo true. dang, i wish i would have found this a week ago, would have made my breakup a WHOLE lot easier.. keep it up the great work!
- Travis

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - 12:34:18 AM
Hello Dawson. I love your talk show. I listen to it every night from 10-12. I'm so happy you were put on this earth. =] You've helped millions of people. You are a hero. I'm really looking forword to next weeks discussion about ex bf/gfs that continue to harass you because i'm going through the exact same thing. Please continue with your talk show. Thanks, Jessica
- Jessica

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - 12:04:44 AM
my ex is ignoring me...whenever i try to talk to him, he pretends that i didn't say anything. every time i leave a message on youtube for him, he deletes it. whenever i email him, he doesn't reply. worst, he broke up with on valentines day. he is my first bf, and first ex. he won't tell me why he broke up with me...just made up an excuse that i know is a lie. i've known him forever, but it seems like he is a distant person. he even blocked my number, so i can't call. he blocked me on AIM, too. it's hard to stop thinking of him, because everytime that i think of relationships, i think of how a six month relationship was destroyed...and i don't even know why. i really want to be friends again, as he had said we would, but...i don't think that it's gonna happen. i never call into the show, because i have never heard anyone under 17 call in before, and i am 13. what do you do when your first relationship goes all wrong, and your first bf breaks up with you on Valentines day??? i have written so many songs and poems about him, just to make me forget...but it's hard. i really don't know how to approach him anymore...any suggestions???
-

Monday, May 12, 2008 - 11:35:10 PM
I've never dated anyone before but this is some great advice for if and when i ever have to break up with any future boyfriend. thanks!
- Karima

Monday, May 12, 2008 - 11:34:43 PM
About 3 months ago i ended a year and a half relationship. we were good friends in high school, he always was interested in me but i always had a boyfriend and would have never thought to give him a chance. he had an alcohol problem and he had a small but still bad reputation. in august 2006 of my senior year we decided to date, right after we slept together for the first time. he was my first, i felt comfortable with him and i trusted him and i honestly do not regret it for the world. we dated for 3 months and he left, came back in december 2006 and we stayed together for 7 months. in july 2007 he left again, came back three weeks later in august 2007. we broke up again in september 2007 for a week, got back together and for a fourth time he left again in november 2007. we got back together this past january when i learned he had had sex with my bestfriend at the time over christmas. bc i "loved" him. i let it go. until it got the best of me...and on February 18, 2008 I left. aits been 3 months almost and things are going better. the only bad thing is that he doesnt just leave me alone. its hard to be friends bc honestly i still care alot. feelings come back and i wont let myself go through it. he is great for about two weeks and then it goes back to him disrepecting me and not caring how i feel about anything. he drinks very very often and its hard for me to believe him sober or drunk. it seems it is mostly but not always when he is drunk that he calls and wants to work things out. i can not go back. in the last 3 months he has come around a number of times...missing me, wanting me back...the second i let my guard down and let him think that with time we can work it out, he "changes his mind" and i dont hear from him for days maybe even a week. but never longer. i ask him to promise me he will leave me alone bc it hurts and i think its best and he just says no. he is the only person i have ever slept with and i think that is why i was and am still so attached. i do care about him obviously...and maybe with time we can work things out to be friends, but for now i just want me. i got back a part of me i really missed when i left him. i dont want to lose that. when its time to let go do it. there can be no comparing or second guessing it just has to be done. especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. you should not have to babysit your lover. it should not be so hard to stay together. i understand that every relationship has problems and all need work. but it has to be worth it. you have to be happy and love yourself and God first above all else.
- kaylah

Monday, May 12, 2008 - 11:32:53 PM
hey Dawson im listening right now just wanted to let u know that ur awsome
- Robbie

Monday, May 12, 2008 - 9:11:56 PM
I think dat is very true!! it helps me a lil because im a relationship but not so much but now i know wut to do haha bu thanks !!!!!!! i listen to u every week!!! amazing!
- olivia

Monday, May 12, 2008 - 9:11:46 PM
i need some advice! well i m havin problems wit my gf. it jus seems like its not her anymore. we use to be real close an everything but now on she seems like she is bored of me and wants somebody else. also i was goin 2 go 2 her house dis weekened but she said she had to go somewhere. we have been together 4 almost a year now. i really love her but i dont know where dis is going.. i mean she has lied to me pleanty of times before. but about 2 months ago she promised me she wouldnt lie 2 me ever again. Also she is really jealous when i get around other girls she thinks dat i want dem more dan her. but i dont an i have tried 2 talk 2 her 4 a while now about our problems but i dont think she truly understands yet.. also wen we fuss she wonts 2 bring up da past an try 2 like use it on me or something. then da problem turn to a big one an we end up breakin up. i feel like if ther is another break up its final.but i not 4 sure i m really confused. so idk...
- Marshall

Monday, May 12, 2008 - 8:54:50 PM
hey dawson. um my bf is an alcohalic, drug abuser and other things. but the bad part is is tht im 14 and he's 16....but i don't know how to break up with him b.c everytime i try to he gets VERY suicidal. and i have to stay with him but i cant cuz it hurts me to much seeing him like this. an i asked him to stop drinking an he said he would. but he hasnt. and im afraid that if he keeps doing this its gonna get to ware he might hurt me....i need alot of HELP!!!!! please dawson?
- ty

Monday, May 12, 2008 - 12:43:54 AM
Hey y'all!!! i've been in two relationships n im n da second one now. Personally i think dat people shld nt broke up for no stupid reason bt it depends on the situation if u really lik the person its better to try and see if u can work things out then if u cant tak it no more then u reallly gotta move one bt if its da case wher u not feeling ur partner anymore just let them know the true feelings lik me i dont be lyin about my feelings n iwld advie all ya to do da same cz by hidin feelings u can hurt somebody bfore u know it...like i said if im nt feelin u no more i wld let u know bt if its another issue i wld try to talk about it n see wat can i do.. but i wld nt broke up wit my boyfriend for no stupid reasons.........
- Manoue

Monday, May 12, 2008 - 12:12:21 AM
i was with my x for a year and a half we broke up several times but always got back together our relationship was very complicated i love him with all of my heart but he cheated on me several times and im still not sure how many times, he lied constantly, he was my first love and also took my virginity and left me scared for life because he gave me 2 STD's that i cant get rid of. he was also very controlling. he got arrested like 5 months ago and we were together for 3 of those months because i just couldnt sit at my house all the time i need to go out and live life im only 17 so we broke up and i miss him and love him so much but he calls me from jail telling me he loves me all the time and that he misses me and wants me back but every time things get messed up and i think its best we dont get back together but he started writing this girl that he cheated on me with and i freaked out because i told her before he had a girl and to leave him alone and they are talking and i freaked out on him and told him to just leave me alone and i think he finally got the message that i dont want him back and that he needs to stop calling me but who knows its only been 2 days since that converstaion. I will always love him but i cant be with him it hurts too much!!
- Britanie

Sunday, May 11, 2008 - 11:19:26 PM
i have been going out with my current boyfriend for a little over a year now. i really believe that i am in love with him and he thinks hes in love with me. we have broken up and gotten back together so many times that i have lost count. he lives like 4 hours or more away from me and so i never get to see him. i really want to be with him cuz im in love with him, but my exs wont leave me alone and its starting to make my current boyfriend mad. my current boyfriend has broken up with me throught myspace and text and over the fone but never in person and i just dont know if i should stay with him or not...i need help!
- nicci

Sunday, May 11, 2008 - 10:33:54 PM
i was going out with this guy for almost a year and i really cared for him but we started to like other people so we broke up. after that all my other relationships haven't lasted so long. well, this other guy came along and i didn't know him very well but we started going out anyways. then i realized that i didn't like him. he's really attached and i dont know how to tell him that i just want to mingle with other people.
- samantha.

Sunday, May 11, 2008 - 9:30:50 PM
I left my boyfriend after 7 years together. I now have two kids and i'm trying to go to college but i have no money no sitter my family turned thier back on me and just when i was about to lose my mind my ex-boyfriend that i left said he would help me and he totally doesn't have too because i have no money to pay him but he came thru for me. And now my current boyfriend wants to get married when he couldn't help me out when i needed him. i'm frustrated.
- Eve

Sunday, May 11, 2008 - 9:24:51 PM
i just want guys to know that they need to be very careful when the break up with a girl. i have been dumped over texts, emails, phone calls. just, that is stupid, and messed up. if you are going to break up with your girlfriend, TELL THEM IN PERSON.
- lauren

Sunday, May 11, 2008 - 7:50:46 PM
It was horrible. i broke up with this guy because he wouldn't give me my space. He was constantly on me, and I tried to tell him he was getting in the way of my relationship with God. He refused to leave me alone! And the next time i saw him, he kissed me! it made me so mad. The whole guilt thing was huge too, like he was trying to make me feel like he was going to kill himself or like die if i didn't take him back. what was i suposed to do? then he said he was glad i broke up with him, but three days later, he was like...date me date me! it made me mad. if someone breaks up with you, don't ask them back out...they would ask you back out. wouldn't that just make sence? it's like, oh my gosh...leave me alone already!
- Kristen

Sunday, May 11, 2008 - 7:09:57 PM
my and my boyfriend of five months just broke up he was 16 going on 17 an i was 13 going on 14 i was heart broken i cryed for weeks .
- marissa

Sunday, May 11, 2008 - 12:21:18 AM
Well about 2 years ago.i was with this guy who would keep calling & calling my cell phone.& he called my mom a bad word. & he kept saying that he was going to turn me in for harassing him. but he was the one calling me.& he still calls & i am getting sick of it & i just dont know what to do. & i told my boyfriend about him calling all the time & my boyfriend is getting mad about it. i dont want to lose my boyfriend because of him :( so plz help me.
- Dorothy

Sunday, May 11, 2008 - 12:20:43 AM
Your tips for a break-up are good! I have been with my girlfriend for going on three years now and just graduated college! My girlfriend of six months before her broke up with me but still wanted to date. She used me for my money and car the entire time we were together, and she broke up with me two weeks before my birthday, so I told her okay and went out with her on my birthday, only to get gifts, since she had never given me anything even though I had given her a ton of things! Anyway I got my gifts and broke it off with her, so it was payback! She was a spoiled brat that didn't appreciate anything anyone did for her! She started spreading rumors that I was not a good boyfriend because I was not intimate enough! She was a ho! Anyone that knows me knows how close my girlfriend/ fiacee are and can tell there is a lot of love and that there just was not chemistry with my ex, I never cared for her, she was just a waste of time and lots of money! My girlfriend is not like that what-so-ever but I do like to spoil her every now and then!!!
- Brent

Saturday, May 10, 2008 - 3:13:28 PM
Dawson, I think your psychic. :] My boyfriend and I had recently been considering getting physical, but we've gotten into argument after argument and it turns out (via his accusations) that there's not much trust in our relationship. I was thinking about the breakup-or-makeup conflict right when the new blog went up. Hopefully it helps!
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ Chinky Cheese

Saturday, May 10, 2008 - 3:00:55 PM
hey i was wondering if you could write a blog on how to get over someone who broke up with you when you really did love them alot.
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ Arianna

Saturday, May 10, 2008 - 2:58:58 PM
Ya dawson i just had a bad break up ... I caught my fiance cheating on me and we were engaged and had been together for 5 years.... all he would tell me is that he wasn't happy... I think when he found that other woman he had feelings that he didn't feel with me... the worst part is it went on for 1 month ..... and he is a christian .... he always would tell me he would never do something like this too me !!! Well if you have any advice I could use it right now Thanks & God Bless Katrina
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ Katrina

Saturday, May 10, 2008 - 2:54:19 PM
thanks dawson! you know, i don't remember a relationship i've had that lasted longer than a month. i think it's because the thrills run out and i'm stuck with the person i didn't know too well. what do you suggest i do so that i can have a meaningful and healthy relationship that lasts longer or even a life time?
- Janelle

Friday, May 9, 2008 - 11:00:25 PM
Can you blog about what girls should do when they can't seem to get a relationship to last? Today my boyfriend broke up with me, and it hadn't even been a month. I was very hurt. All he said was "Thanks for last night you were really good...but I can't do this now. I'm sorry." He played me. He had just recently broken up with another girl [long story] and used me to have a makeout session and fool around with. I always keep going back into relationships I know are wrong but deep down I'm afraid I will never find the one and no guy would ever want to be married and I will be single for the rest of my life I will never love another guy again after this one. Every break-up and ending hurts and becoming friends with benefits still feels like your in a relationship. What should girls do when they keep going into wrong relationships because they're scared they'll never find the right guy and feels unwanted? It hurts.
- Emily K.

Friday, May 9, 2008 - 10:29:32 PM
I had a situation where this boy kept messaging me and texting me and never got the signs that I didn't like him at all. I told him flat out about 3 times and on the fourth try, he actually understood. He was angry and harrassed me in various ways. To this day, he still says horrible things but I don't care becuase im with my wonderfull boyrfriend of a year and a half. C:
- Kala

Friday, May 9, 2008 - 10:16:52 PM
i read your broken heart and your how to break up...i just had a break up, it was my first. i never really looked at guys like normal girls do, i always saw them as friends. i knew i had feelings for my best friend but i always pushed them to the back of my mind cause i was happy just being friends and i was clueless that he really liked me too. when he finaly asked me if id go out with him i said yes cause i really did love him even tho i had kept tellin myself that i didnt. i knew it would be hard since he lived three hours away and since he had his lisence but i still didnt but im bout to get mine and im gonna be going to vcu so id be mayb 20 mins from him, but a few weeks ago he broke it off, thru texting...it really hurt and it still does but these blogs i read really helped. so i just wanted to say thanks...it really helps
- Rosalee

Friday, May 9, 2008 - 6:18:40 PM
Can you by chance put up a part for an abusive relationship...how to break that off? There is a huge huge huge huge ect story to this that i perfer not to post here... but that would be really helpful incase i'm in that situation ever again.
- Rhi S.