Breaking up with your bf/gf is hard to do. But it’s even more difficult when your ex won’t leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won’t let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or just trying to get back at you.
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When they don’t get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. | When they don’t get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you’re frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.
It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you’re working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to the place where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing to you and how it makes you feel.
 You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for some hope you might want to get back together. This is the time to be firm, because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight, you are merely communicating your boundaries.
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You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. | You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Ty says: “My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can’t because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn’t, and I’m afraid that if he keeps doing this it’s going to get to where he might hurt me.”
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It is not her responsibility to keep him happy, secure, or even alive. | Kalya says it’s been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: “When it’s time to let go, do it—there can be no comparing or second guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.”
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By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you. | By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.
If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell an authority figure like a parent, principal or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Next week, we’re going to talk about the advantages of not dating. Comment to me about why you think you don’t have to be in a dating relationship to be happy.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008 - 7:21:12 PM
Hey I have an ex who has a girlfriend and he still calls me to tell me he misses me and to tell me how his girl makes him mad, and how he thinks him and his girl are not gonna work. I mean I love my ex so much and I still have feelings for him but he's always trying to cheat on his girl friend with me but I don't know what to do, should I tell his girl friend that he's cheated on her or should I just forget about my ex even though its gonna hurt alot
- jay
Wednesday, May 21, 2008 - 6:20:33 PM
I have this ex-boyfriend that i an't get over because i lost everthing to him and i really do love him. And at the same time i am going out with these 2 guys but one i out of state and one is in state but i'm still not over my ex.....i wont to go out with him again because he did everything togother but we only went out fir three months only....i miss him so much but i can't get over him and it's been like 2 or 3 months that we broke up....and he still calls me but for the last 2 days he have not been xalling me....i fell so sad and mad.....i wish i could have him
- Crystal
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - 7:29:08 PM
my ex was a VERY jealous perosn if i talked to a guy that was not him or he was not around he would flip out!!!
and then he got contoling and taking my phone away like i was 5 and not let me use it or anwser it unless it was imdeit family. i am i left him, he got very suicidal and that was scary but i sat him down and told him how i felt, about that issue he stoped, but once he got a new GF he tried to rub it in my face and turn it into a game. she left him yesterday and not her wants be back i swear he does not give up.
-Carrie
- Carrie
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - 12:30:37 AM
You seriously just have to ignore the person. I know it's hard to do, but go to any lengths after telling them how you feel to ignore them pestering you. I broke up with my boyfriend a year ago and I told him I wanted nothing to do with him(it was because the relationship was build on good grounds), and he didn't come see me but would email me. Now it wasn't constant, but still creepy. I even got an email January 1st, what a way to start the year. But as much as I wanted to email a hate letter or something telling him to get away, I just left it go, and he hasn't bothered me since.
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ Adrienne ♥ L
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - 12:20:11 AM
I am commenting about how you can still be happy without having to be in a relationship.Well for me dating is something that i have always tried to avoid.I tried to date and i didn't think that i was really ready to have anything more than just friends with a boy.But to me i think that i'm certainley happy without a boy in my life.I have great friends that are always there for me and always know how to make me happy,and i have a wonderful family that loves and cares for me as i do the same for them.Life isn't always about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend.I think that life is about living your life to the fullest without having a guy or girl.I know that for a fact i won't be dating for a very long time so that i can focus on more important things than boys.Not meaning that in the offinsive way either.Also,When i tried dating,it brought a whole lot a drama in my life that i have never experienced and it made my life alot harder than i think it needs to be,like the guy i was with always complained about everything and i hate when people complain!But It might have been the guy i was with that brought al the drama,but it seems to me like having a guy on your life makes everything else harder to accomplish.As of right now,I'm loving the single life and hanging with friends and not worrying about boys and drama!This is how i feel about being happy without a relationship.Thank you for allowing me to share and i really enjoyed the time i got to share my feelings with everyone.
- Delaney
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - 12:15:39 AM
It's funny that I read this on a day that it's actually going on. I have went out with this guy for a year with about a two month break in between. Then I decided one more chance. Well today I broke it off with him. I'm just tired of being treated badly. What do you know another ex of mine decides to totally try and come back into my life. What is up with this! So for a year I put up with complete bull from this guy. He loves me supposedly. Then about two minutes later he starts yelling at me because i tickled him. No way, lol I'm so done with this guy. Guess what though
? He'll keep coming back.
- jessie
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - 12:05:31 AM
dawson i think u dont have to be in a dating relationship to be happy because u are more free in ur choices u dont have to worry about whether ur gonna wear this or tht,etc.i dont have a but i leading a goodlife
- tara
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - 12:05:17 AM
thanks man,i am 14 and have an obsessive ex who can't seem to get it through her head that we're through. i listen to your show every sunday and think it's awesome how you give these kids help.
- avery
Monday, May 19, 2008 - 11:46:51 PM
me and my mom are not getting alone she wants me out of the house so what do i do
- britteny
Monday, May 19, 2008 - 12:18:28 AM
this is so true !!!
kayla is eight, she says it like it is but in a nice sorta way, its good...but what I don't get is they say thwy are you you to thwir friends, but they ttxt you I still love you plaease come ba0k they make you feel sorry and stipud for breaking up with them, then treat you like sh*t in public!!, but twse are very encouraging to read. =]
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Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 11:51:42 PM
Well, I was with my ex for a couple of months and then i just decided that i was threw with him.. I was bored there was no connection between us so honestly i felt it would be better to part our ways. Well, when i tried breaking up with him he would never let me.. He always cried and would insist that i would regret it. Needless to say i gave in every time. a few months later and i became pregnant. my parents told me that i would have to get married to this guy if i wanted to continue seeing him.. beings that i didn't want to see him i said no i didn't want to get married but since he wanted to they were forcing me to. Well, finally i started seeing the light in things and started falling for him when 2 days before our wedding date.. He walked out on me. I had the baby February 21 and he never has talked to me. I just wish i could tell every girl to get out of a hurtful relationship while they can. I kept my baby and i wouldn't trade her for the world but i know it's made things awfully hard for my family.
Get out girls, while you still have choice.
- Rachel
Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 10:01:09 PM
well my x boyfriend is the same way we went out for a year and 5 months and we were dating online and we evenutally meet up and we saw eachother it was crazyyy..
meeting on myspace i fell in love with him and now he wont leave me alone i have a new boyfriend and he treats me so bad and i cant get over him =[
- destinee
Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 9:32:30 PM
my ex follows me everywhere to the point of it being creepy. I've told about everyone and he still does it...
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ BES
Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 9:17:46 PM
hey dawson,
my "ex" wont leave me alone he keeps following me. its ridculous i hate him. and is wanting me back what do i do?
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ Kirsten-[pop rock
Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 1:43:26 PM
i really like this blog bc i have an ex who has a new gf who just wont let go he keeps callin and emailing me but i dont respond bc when its over its over.. i love him to death but i cant be with him bc im not happy.. so i like this bc now i know that there are other ppl out there that are going threw the same thing...
- Vickie
Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 9:30:35 PM
Hey Dawson,
Well i really like this blog and it comes in the right time for me because i have a ex who will not leave me alone. He calls me constantly. We dated off and on for about 8 months. We broke up about 8 times. I finally broke up with him for the first time about a month ago & he won't let me live it down. I just want it to end, but he won't let it. I want to be friends with him because he's a really cool guy and everything but i don't know if that should happen or not. This really helped me and i will try the tips.
Lovee your show. I listen every week.
- Kayla
Friday, May 16, 2008 - 11:17:07 PM
Hey Dawson - I love to listen to the show and read the blogs. You talk a lot about forgiveness, and I'd love for you to do a blog on forgiveness. My favorite quote on forgiveness is one I heard from you over a year ago...Forgiveness means giving up your right to get even. Can't wait to hear more...
- Kelly
Friday, May 16, 2008 - 10:09:14 PM
i believe u dont have to have somebody say i love you to be happy. because if u are happy with yourself then u will be conetent if u dont have somebody and u will still hold your head up and walk with confidence.. some advantages are u have a calm peaceful life. its a lot less worrysome, and then u would probably have a lot more time on your hands to do something that can benefit you and your life.
- riah
Friday, May 16, 2008 - 9:42:50 PM
Yea I have an ex-boyfriend and we dated last summer to mid November,we broke 2 times and got back together,but then we broke up because our age difference. I was 15 he was 18.
Now im 16 and he's 19.He wont leave me alone about sex and chilling with him or anything and I now go with his friend. Me and all his friends are close.He will text me on any number I call him from asking me can he come pick me up and its just sad to know,he wont leave me alone.
- Cynnamon
Friday, May 16, 2008 - 9:42:07 PM
this was really helpful because i had an ex who is like....stalking me and its reallllly scary.
so now i can deal with it
- Alejandra h.
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