It seems that everywhere you look, from television and movies to advertising, the message is constantly being sent that you need a boyfriend or girlfriend to be complete. This message is a lie. Just ten minutes listening to popular music and it’s obvious we are a society obsessed with romantic relationships.
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“Don’t worry, if you don’t have a bf/gf, you won’t die.” | The “I’ve got to be in love” syndrome is the most popular topic people call my radio show about. Very few calls or comments I receive from teenagers and young adults ever speak to the benefits of not dating. I often have to tell people, “Don’t worry, if you don’t have a bf/gf right now, you won’t die.” While there are definitely some benefits of being in a relationship, there are certainly just as many, if not more, to not dating.
Delaney commented to me about being happy without a guy in her life:  “I have great friends that are always there for me and always know how to make me happy, and I have a wonderful family that loves and cares for me as I do for them. Life isn't always about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I think life is about living your life to the fullest without having a guy or girl. When I tried dating, it brought a whole lot of drama in my life that I have never experienced and it made my life a lot harder than I think it needed to be. It seems to me like having a guy in your life makes everything else harder to accomplish. As of right now, I'm loving the single life and hanging with friends and not worrying about boys and drama!”
I have been thinking a lot lately about the benefits of not dating and the unnecessary drama and heartache a mixed-up dating relationship can cause. In comparison, singleness is a far better way to go. Here are just a couple of the many benefits a person can enjoy while being single.
A dating relationship is extremely time consuming. Right?
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When you’re single you have more time to get to know yourself and God. | While this may sound well and good, it does take away from the time you may need to really get to know yourself, God and those around you. What do you like? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What do you enjoy spending your time doing when no one is around? Being single gives you time to develop yourself. It will increase your confidence, which is considerably more attractive than always needing to have a bf/gf at your side. I think if more people would spend their time developing into the right person, instead of always looking to find the right person, they’d be much happier.
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“If you are happy with yourself then you will be content if you don't have somebody…” | Riah commented to me just this week how she doesn’t have to have somebody say “I love you” for her to be happy: “If you are happy with yourself then you will be content if you don't have somebody and you will still hold your head up and walk with confidence. Some advantages are that you have a calm, peaceful life. It's a lot less worrysome, and you will probably have a lot more time on your hands to do something that can benefit you and your life.”
She’s right. When you are not dating, you have much more time on your hands to do the things you really want to do. If you want to do nothing, or read a book or watch a movie, or hang out with friends, you can do it. Take advantage of your singleness to get to know a lot of different kinds of people. Find ways to be the best friend you can to those you care about the most.
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I think if more people would spend their time developing into the right person, instead of always looking to find the right person, they’d be much happier. | Have a lot of different kinds of experiences. This will help you in the long run know better what to look for in a career, or even a mate. But most importantly, when you’re single you have more time to get to know yourself and develop a meaningful relationship with God.
With all this being said, if you don’t feel like you’re very free or fulfilled in your dating relationship, get out. The sky will not fall. The sun will still rise in the morning. Relationships aren’t supposed to feel like you’re in prison.
Being single is something to cherish, not to be afraid of. Being in a relationship is something to value, as well. But don’t feel like you have to be in a relationship in order to be happy. Get to know yourself and God, and you can be happy, whether in a relationship with a bf/gf or not.
For next week, send me your comments and ideas about what to do if you fall in love with your best friend.
Thursday, May 29, 2008 - 7:59:13 PM
gee, this is a very touchy topic.. i did indeed fall in love with my best guy friend ( actually i called the show about it and never got thru but it's ok) he was sooo sweet, and we dated and did stuff couples do, but sadly enough my supposed best girl friend decided to tell him lies,and he believed them. but like it's ok just talk about everything so you know to have that trust with eachother. and besure to tell eachother everything. so they can come back and ask you and not just believe others. it actually kinda ruined my life in a way, because i thought that this guy was everything because he was my best friend before we started dating, so i thought forsure it would last and we could trust eachother and after 17 years of saving my virginity, i gave it to him. like i said i thought he was everything cause i never had a best friend who treated me like royality like he did. i hate words now. so in this i kinda got off topic, but it all kinda goes together. thanks for everything you do Dawson, your truely a life savor, i listen to the show every week, and just by listening i have turned my life around. THANKS:)
- Ashleigh
Thursday, May 29, 2008 - 5:50:03 PM
I think mainly you shouldn't look for someone to supply your happiness. If you want to be happy then choose to be happy, be the person you want to be. But on the other hand being single can be hard when you want to be in a relationship. For anyone that follows their heart remaining single is DIFFICULT. Unfortunately not everyone is looking for love and respect, and so when you are your heart gets broken. I know I've cheated myself out of the respect of an "official" relationship, and I've had flings with guys and kind of got swept away. turns out most aren't thinking of the future..and it ends quickly..and its another failure. But it was better than not taking a chance and regretting and wondering. Just never sacrifice your values to please someone else. as far as the best friend thing goes if it's meant to be it will happen. seriously. if two people like eachother and know eachother well it should be easy and obvious.
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Wednesday, May 28, 2008 - 11:37:24 PM
sometimes its ok!!!
- from our DMLive myspace friend ~ garett
Wednesday, May 28, 2008 - 12:32:32 AM
hey
dawson well i agree but i have a bf and have had one for a little more than a year and im 15 and before him i had not been with anyone else because i thought it would be better to stay single but then i found him but if you guys think you need or have to have a bf/gf to feel loved or to fit in then you dont need one at all cause that is not what they are there to help you do so ya good luck to you
love christina
- christina
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - 11:40:40 PM
I am 18, and I have been single my entire life. I have watched all the other girls go through trouble and pain in their lives that I have never had to deal with just because I have resolved to stay single at this stage in my life. It's in my opinion that relationships at the teenage age most of the time do not result in anything substantial except for pain. I believe there is no reason to get involved with such things at this age because although the girls may really be looking for love, the truth is that most guys are not serious. I personally am waiting until an age where are the guys have grown up enough to realize what commitment is.
- Annabell
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - 10:44:40 PM
That is such a great message for people who are single, Dawson. I am single and i love that because i can do what i want and not have to make sure that i get permission from a guy. It's about freedom.. Which is great.
- Ashley
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - 10:21:03 PM
i agree with you i dont think that you need a gf/bfyou just need the felling of being loved say i love you to your mom or dad
- marcus
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - 9:36:24 PM
Hey, i agree with your blog, but sometimes, i feel like i need that curtain guy. When im not dating though, i feel like im alive, free, can do whatever i want, but there's also that part of me that wants someone to be there for me just more then a friend. Also, i love your show on Sundays, i listen to it every Sunday.
- Ashlee
Monday, May 26, 2008 - 9:21:16 PM
I agree with you but the only thing is sometimes people become so lonely after a while of being alone. I am lonely. I'm not the kind of person who needs love but I want to feel loved every once in a while. A guy told me he loved me, took my virginaty, and left. I miss him but I haven't clung to that but now I'm starting to feel lonely. Thanks for your show it helps.
- Rachel
Monday, May 26, 2008 - 9:20:54 PM
i think that just tell them how you are feeling if it really gets to the point wheere you are going insane change your number
- Chelsea
Monday, May 26, 2008 - 3:42:36 PM
Hi Kaila. The Dawson blog that you are looking for is found on the blog's main page. It can be reached by the button at the top left column of this page or by going to: http://dmlive.com/dawsonsblog.html
- ~ from the DMLive crew
Monday, May 26, 2008 - 3:40:12 PM
hey Dawson. I listen to your show on the radio every Sunday night. It's so great with great advice. yeasterday on your show you said you have something on your site about an ex that wont stop bothering you and what too do. I'm looking for that right now because my ex just wont stop. Thank you for your show, the advice you give and I think your one of the greatest guys. Your there to listen and me being a teen myself it helps and means so much. Once a gain thankyou
- Kaila
Monday, May 26, 2008 - 2:46:15 PM
i agree with everyhting said dawson but there is a down side. after a while of being single, u get that urge and that need to love someone and for someone to love u back. thats the boat i'm in. i'm lonely. i've been single fro A WHILE. i have the tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve and fall in love very easily. so it's really hard for me to have a girl cause i don't take it slow. staying single is perfectly fine, but just know that there is going to come a time when u r going to want someone. with me, i find it hard to talk to girls because i have a fear of rejection, but that's a whole nother topic. thanks dawson
- Benton C.
Monday, May 26, 2008 - 12:17:58 AM
I would advise being very careful about falling in love with your best friend. I've loved my best guy friend for several years, secretly. It's been really hard because sometimes it seems like he likes me and sometimes it seems very obvious that we're "just friends". It's torn my heart up on several occasions, and I'm currently trying to get over him, because it's just too hard to love him from a distance. I don't want to lose our friendship as we've been through a lot together in the years we've known each other, and I'd rather save my heart for someone who I know is going to give me his heart fully in return.
- Laura
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 11:04:05 PM
I know it's okay to be single but I would much rather not be. All of my friends are getting a new boyfriend every week about while I just stay single. This makes me feel ugly and so this leads into another problem,me wanting to cut. Everytime my friends get a new boyfriend or I get rejected I tell myself that no guy is worth me cutting again, but I think this won't work much longer and I am on the edge of doing it.
- Caroline
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 10:47:33 PM
I think that being single is one of the greatest things going for me in my life. The one thing a person should do is put themself first before they could even think about being with someone else. The media definately has a way of making us feel that if you are single there is something wrong with you. The media has some way of controlling our lives in one aspect or another.
- Rachel
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 10:16:30 PM
i found it not a good idea to fall for a friend...wether its a single friend or married one... i fell in love with a a married friend... her husband knew and aproved.. found out the hard way... it ended up ruining our friendship... we now no longer speak to each other... fell for a friend and heart broken at the end... i loved her so much but i had to let her go... anyhow if u do find urself falling for a friend ... be prepared for if the dateing dont work to be outa a friend... cause once u start dateing the friendship is never the same... Sincerly Flutter
- Flutter
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 10:12:58 PM
Dawson I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me out! I am going to go to my church and see if they can help me out!
Samuel!
- Samuel S.
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 9:46:33 PM
Hey i am melodyiouse and being single is ok my friend Amanda has just been through a bad break up and said that she has wanted a break from love for a long time but couldn't because she just couldn't think of herself being with nobody. So she didn't stop dating. Then i told her it might be a good thing to let go for a while then maybe try again but don't go into the roller coaster love park so fast. Because you might get sick on the ride. So be single for a while then maybe go on the ride when your feeling better.
-meodyiouse
- melodyiouse
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 9:41:31 PM
hey my name is melodysiouse and i am fine with me being single and i love it!!! i have more time for everything.
my friends think i am crazy that i don't want a guy but i just tell them it's easier and not so dramatic. And some of my friends have been through a bounch of relationships and they are now sick of the drama too. So in conclusion don't worry if you are single that isen't always a bad thing. Don't worry when you feel like going back into the big roller coaster love park then go ahead but for now just be you and don't forget that it's ok to be single.
- melodysiouse
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 9:40:44 PM
uhmmmm....to me the only thing that is true is that your able to put yourself out there and do more things because other than that being single is soooo hard.....like i broke up with my ex in december and he started dating some other girl..i went through alot with this boy and got in trouble 4 and over him.. so like i got really jealous n decided i wanted him back and when i finally had him i screwed up and dumped him[ever heard that saying "you dont know how much you love something until its gone"]......like thats the 1st boy i fell in love with and im always screwing up with him because i couldnt get past his looks and i guess im just terrified of falling inlove.... liike now i sometime think about him and cry because i miss him soo much.... getting with someone else is the only way i could figure out to forget about him and move on but its not working.. neither is being single... being single is SOOOO depressing!.... i have barely no friends to hang with except two of my bestfriends.... but other than that theres nothing i need out of being single n i want to be in a relationship but its extra hard..... i miss that boy to much. like i tried dating other people but my 6th grade sweetheart end of being that boy and i wound up making out with him n all he did was cheat on with sum other girl...Again!... Grrrrrrrrr boys suck and so does life
[ btw im not a suscidual person thats going to kill myself over this but i help advice ASAP! ]
- - Blankkk
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 9:37:28 PM
Im now single since october 14th 2007 sometimes being single gets lonely at times but right now im trying to love the single life . This year of 2008 will be a year for me of being single and i guess its okay being single but there are times when i miss spending time with a boyfriend but right now im okay of not having a boyfriend at the moment right now i've been spending time with my family i dont have much friends cuz most of my friends we hardly stay in touch so thats my single life..
- Heather
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 9:25:54 PM
you dont need a guy or girl to make you happy, plain and simple.
- melina
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 9:06:57 PM
Dawson many of these things are true but not all of them....How does being single help you be more confident? I've been single my entire life and every time I end up liking a girl I have no clue what to do. I have a meaningful realationship with God bt every time a girl turns me down I hurt more and more.I dont even want to be a respectful guy anymore because it seems like those are the guys girls dont want
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Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 8:47:24 PM
well theres this guy dustin that i dated at the beginning of the year and then broke up with him well we have been close friends since then and jacob didnt like that so he said he couldnt take it anymore and now hes datin another girl megan and im datin dustin now but i miss him but o well
- from our DMLive myspace friend ~ Emo princess
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 8:45:47 PM
so ya i get what youre saying here but you know when i do get a chance to date i ussually dont know how to make a right move like a kiss on the cheek or just a kiss.
so plz make a blog telling us about how to do that
- from our DMLive myspace friend ~ Josh
Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 8:22:54 PM
This helped me alot.
I am one of those people who think they always need a guy in their life to hold you when your upset and to hld your hnd and say i love you. But it is true when i am in a relationship i dnt get to do what i want and i feel tied down which i do not like being tied down. My friend has been with her first boy friend for 8 or 9 months andwe used to do everything together and if we werent together tht meant something must be wrong and now i never see her because she is allways with her boyfriend i think she jst wnts nothing bad to happen btw them bc he just graduated and we are about to be juniors and i am happy for her but i miss her so much!
<3 Danielle
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Saturday, May 24, 2008 - 11:06:30 PM
i think that you are so right and i agree with everything that you said. i love you and you have helped me through a lot. thank you for all that you do
- janeta
Saturday, May 24, 2008 - 8:33:55 PM
I think being single is a good thing, because no matter what relationship you've been in since breaking up with your gf or bf, it still is a good thing.
- Pierre K.
Saturday, May 24, 2008 - 10:12:40 AM
Me and this girl have known each other for nearly seven years and we have been close friends for about three. Eventually, we did start liking each other and we went out for a month and a few weeks. Not a long time but I guess it counts. Anyways, after that relationship ended (she ended up going out with this other kid) I didn't feel very hurt or sad. It was odd. I found mtyself being freer and I got to thinking: Don't rush into relationships with your best friend. I think many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of you friends.
- Javier
Saturday, May 24, 2008 - 12:32:16 AM
Hey Dawson! I just wanted to let you know this blog gave me a whole new prespective on my life. I had really been struggling after me and my ex broke up. I felt like I needed someone to fill the empty space. I hadn't even noticed how many great friends I've made since being single. I've actually been able to keep up with school too. Now I realize that it really is nice to be able to be your own person and do what you want! I'm done going out and trying to find a boyfriend. I'm just gonna have fun living my life until the right one comes around.
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ angela
Saturday, May 24, 2008 - 12:29:40 AM
Dawson i totally agree with this blog!! before January, i had always believed that i absolutely HAD to have a guy...so i would date anyone for as long as i had wanted. But then in January i got out of this semi-long relationship, and at first i was depressed and thought i need a new boy friend. But after about a month i realized that it is so much easier being single, mainly because now i am able to focus on my studies and sports more! but mainly it's the fact that i don't have to worry about wether or not my boyfriend is looking at other girls in the wrong way or is cheating on me. Seriously it eliminated so much of my stress!
- from a DMLive myspace friend ~ Monika♥
Saturday, May 24, 2008 - 12:23:02 AM
Falling in love with you best friend is a hard thing. I should know because it happend to me. I love him with everything I have, it hurts to see him with other girls. I even used to cry when I found out he got a new girlfriend. But it felt good to know that he would always come to me for comfort. I was also glad to be the one he knew was always there after "the love of his life" abandon him. I never got the courage to tell him. I'm kinda glad I didn't though because if God plans on us being together things will just fall into place. If not, then I'm glad I didnt end up messing up our friendship.
- Angela
Friday, May 23, 2008 - 11:17:43 PM
I once did fall in love with my best friend, and he did the same with me.. However, he his circle consists of mainly females where as mine consists of males. When our friends began meeting each other it became very clear how they felt about our relationship.
His friends, the girls would get jealous of the fact he was with me, and my friends, the guys would become very jealous of me.
Fights started happening between friends and what I called "the break up army", (when 'friends' of both sides started to play childish games) eventually came up with enough lies about the two of us cheating on each other and with them and every thing else, it ruined the friendship we had, and the relationship.
I no longer have my best friend, who was my childhood playmate and I def. have only been alone with him once since our horrible and heartbreaking breakup. And that one time we both concluded that we'd never be the same because others just can't leave life alone.
- Ashleymegan
Friday, May 23, 2008 - 8:55:56 PM
if you fall in love with your best freind things get very compilicated.
i do think that the best relationships come from great freindships.. just make sure you know your freind like you think you do.
i "fell in love" with my best freind about 4months ago, i thought it was 'love' because i had known her for almost 5yrs and my feelings hadnt changed toward her.. well she felt the same way about me.. only thing is i had been her bestfreind for 4 yrs and she had somehow keept so many things from me and she had become somone that i didnt like, and the more i was around her i realized she had changed, and not for the better. the past 2months for me was kind of a prison to me because i knew she wasnt a godly girlfreind that i should have{Dawson's blog# 10 describes her exactly} but i didnt know how to break it off with her and still stay freinds. because i didnt want to lose my girlfreind and best freind at one time i had made her promise me we could still be freinds before we dated but i wasnt exactly trusting that she would keep her word. here i am 3 weeks after we broke up still rockin and reeling from it but its getting better. i dont want to give up on her because she is just going to continue on a downward spiral unless someone stops her, so i keep praying for her but things are really awkward now. i really should have left it the way it was
I love reading your blogs and listening to your show Dawson, keep up the good work
God bless-
- Travis
Friday, May 23, 2008 - 6:35:06 PM
If you fall in love with your best friend... sit down and analyze your situation before doing something more. I think it's not always going to have that sweet "It was mutual" outcome but sometimes the more-than-friends scenario can get a little sticky. A person shouldn't rush to make a decision if they're falling for his/her best friend-if it's even love at all. Sometimes we adore those so close to us so much, we can get it confused with love and it's pretty easy to do. It isn't the easiest thing in the world, but if everything doesn't work out the way it's supposed to, I don't think it was the end of the world, even after it happened to me. I mean, life goes on.
- Cassie
Friday, May 23, 2008 - 6:14:44 PM
It's very natural that you could fall in love with your best friend, because if they really are a good friend they have all the good qualities that every girl looks for in a boy, the most important one being that he cares for you and sticks up for you. Your falling in love with him may not be a bad thing, especially if you have been friends for a while, but I would advise to try to keep it under cover to avoid instilling any awkwardness that might result. The only time I would reccomend someone to reveal their feelings is if they are SURE it is mutual, and a really honest friendship will often develop into love without any concious effort. I think love that arises truly from each friend is really great. And if he doesn't "love" you, isn't having a REAL, HONEST, CARING guy friend better than a boyfriend that might leave you at any moment? Friends are people who you don't have to constantly worry about leaving you for no reason. And if he cares for you and stands up for you, he already loves you in a way already.
- Jane
Friday, May 23, 2008 - 5:44:31 PM
I feel that no matter what if u have a best friend of the oposite sex then society expects u to fall in love with them and live happily ever after. It just doesnt work like that. If you have been friends forever you probablly dont want to jeopardize that by trying to take it to the next level.
- august
Friday, May 23, 2008 - 1:28:37 AM
My best guy friend told me he liked me last summer- right his girlfriend broke up with him. The funny thing was that at first I was a little bit jealous that he was dating her. But I got over it because I saw they were happy. I saw him date other girls (one of which being my other best friend), so really I usually didn't mind. He told me he wanted to date me because "he thought it would work". I couldn't go for it. I was satisfied with us being friends. And I didn't want to get into a relationship just because it would "work". Also, I know it seems mean to be so judging but his timing was way off. He could have asked me out before he went out with his ex, but he didn't and i moved on. Unfortunately, it has taken a strain on our friendship. I wanted things to stay cool, but I can tell he feels some resentment against me.
- Lee
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