• Don’t let the lies and deceit of your bf/gf drag you down into the gutter with them.

  The first thing you need to do is wait. Don’t do anything. Let your feelings calm down. Regardless of what you have discovered, there’s no need to go around trashing the person who’s cheated on you, or even the one he/she did it with. Stay above the betrayal. Don’t let the lies and deceit of your bf/gf drag you down into the gutter with them. Keep your deep sense of personal dignity and healthy self-worth. You only make matters worse by acting out of anger and confusion. The whole world doesn’t need to know you have been violated.
  
  
• Surround yourself with good friends and wise counselors who can help you sort through your emotions and discover what has actually taken place. Get your friends and others you trust to quietly uncover what has been happening behind your back. Usually your friends are the first to know. These people are priceless to you because you can talk through your emotions with them. Left to yourself you will only get caught in a circle of confusion, hurt, and resentment.
  
  
• Confront your bf/gf in private. Confrontation is never easy, but you will never get to the bottom of what has happened or begin healing until you have talked with your cheating bf/gf. It’s very important to have this confrontation face-to-face if possible. Body language (facial expressions, etc.) will tell you a lot. Make sure you have the facts before the confrontation. If you try to confront without evidence, you will most likely be lied to or stir up deep resentment in the person you are accusing.
  
  Sometimes the person being confronted will try to blame you for the very thing he/she has done. This is the kind of experience Kristy had: “I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years. It was a break-up/make-up relationship. He would do something wrong, like cheat, and somehow blame it on me; make me feel like it was my fault that he cheated, that somehow I drove him to it. Then he'd break up with me, and a few days later, we'd get back together.”
  
  

  Sometimes you feel like causing a big scene to bring shame to the other person, and you end up just looking like a fool.

  While confronting, deal with the source of the problem, your bf/gf, and don’t focus on the person they’ve cheated with. Sometimes you feel like bringing shame to the other person, and you end up just looking like a fool. Try to discover if your cheating bf/gf is truly repentant for what he/she has done. Some people are just sorry because they got caught. It will take time for you to know whether or not your bf/gf is truly sorry for their betrayal of you. Some people when confronted become defensive, belligerent, and angry. That is a good sign they have no intention of ever getting back with you again. See their reaction for what it is. Sometimes it’s just better to walk away and stay away.
  
  

• Deciding whether or not you are going to try and salvage the relationship could be one of the most important decisions you will ever make.

  Consider a time-out from your relationship. Deciding whether or not you are going to try and salvage the relationship could be one of the most important decisions you will ever make. A time-out will give you a chance to get wise counsel from other people and decide whether or not the relationship is worth saving. Don’t make the mistake of KT: “My ex boyfriend was a jerk and treated me so badly. He'd call me names and he'd cheat on me and give me the guilt trip saying I will never find anyone like him or even as good as him cause he is that unique. All my friends told me to leave him—that my friends are all that I need to be happy, and a good guy will come along when he comes along. But I didn't listen to my friends, even though they have given me very good advice for two years now. I just didn't listen cause my ex boyfriend sort of brain washed me in a way. Now that I understand and accept it, I am doing so much better.”
  
  

  It will take time for the relationship to heal, if ever. Trust has been shattered and recovering trust takes a long time.

  If you decide the relationship is salvageable, your cheating bf/gf will have to understand it will take time for the relationship to heal, if ever. Trust has been shattered and recovering trust takes a long time. In the end, if you decide the relationship cannot be healed or mended, take some off from dating to find yourself and allow yourself to become stronger. Some relationships cannot be saved no matter what you do. So don’t bring unnecessary drama and needless hurt into your life by not letting go.
  
  

  CLICK HERE to see the  Comments of the Week!

  Steven said something incredible when commented: “Everybody has free will and [my girlfriend] had the will to cheat as she pleases and I can't change that. But I also have free will. The free will to not give her power over me and to move on to lead a productive life. The people who loved me and the ones I loved were counting on me. I dropped my pride and cried out for help.”
  
  

Wednesday, Jun 25, 2008 - 11:25:07 PM
This advice kinda helped me.. well my friends were telling me to break up with him becuase he was cheating on me with two girls.. i didn't know what to do.. i wanted to believe my friends but also him.. it was a hard decision and was soo confused about it.. and i broke up with him..but a part of me didnt believe any of it.. and still i don't believe some of it..i just don't know what to do now.. cause we both like eachother a lot still..
- katie

Wednesday, Jun 25, 2008 - 1:12:08 AM
Hey dawson, me and my little sis listen to you as we're going to sleep, but sometimes the stuff that's discussed just keeps us up and MAKES us pay attention. My boyfriend of a year and a month recently cheated on me (Kissed another chicka). I wish I'd read this because I would've handled it better.(I told all my friends and posted it all over the internet) Yeah, that was a BAD choice. But, we're pretty much ok now. We've talked it out and everything. I don't trust him really and I don't know if he'll hurt me again, but he's trying REALLY HARD to make it up to me {Long distance relationship} It's a long story. But I realized that if we BOTH work it out, we'll be ok. =) So THANK YOU because you've REALLY been helping me out. Peace and luv, ~BabyRaja~
- Raja(Ray-ya)

Wednesday, Jun 25, 2008 - 12:48:53 AM
I think that if you are dating someone who has always tried to be honest with you and they made a mistake and cheated on you once, but they really are sorry for doing that, then you should try to see if your relationship can be healed. But if you're dealing with someone who just keeps cheating on you over and over, then you shouldn't
- Ty

Wednesday, Jun 25, 2008 - 12:36:51 AM
I can think of two big things that can really lay waste to anything you've got going in a relationship. Mainly for guys, I've noticed, it's when they get lazy once the relationship reaches the point where it's not as "new" or "fresh." I've seen it with my father and his girlfriends, my friends and their girlfriends, and my sisters and their boyfriends. It pretty much disgusts me. It's like some guys, once they get settled in a relationship, feel they can slack off. They've proven there love, what else is there to do? I think it's a sign of immaturity and false kindness that withered over time. I've seen my friend hopping at the first chance he got to do something nice for his girlfriend, only to a few months later completely blow her off when she asks a simple favor of him. So that's number 1. Don't get lazy just because you're comfortable. Treasure the person you love from beginning to end with as statically high intensity you can possibly maintain! Number 2 is for both guys and girls. (Sure, girls can get lazy, but I just felt, in my experiences, it's more of a male issue.) Number 2: You stop taking care of your body as well as you did when you were single. I've seen this happen many times. I can't really explain it, somehow it just seems to lack completely in respect for the person you love. Once you get a little settled (Married or the like) and you start making poor decisions regarding eating habits and exercise. I want to remain fit and healthy until I'm toothless and playing with my great grand children's toys. I do it for me, and partially for the one I’m with. I want them to think I'm d*** sexy for as long as possible and I want them to feel the same way. Walking out on the streets in America these days, almost every third person will be obese. Chances are likely that the companion of that obese person is also overweight. 63 percent of Americans are overweight, I read somewhere. Why? Why not go for walks with each other, or some other kind of physical activity you can do with each other? Why not find things to eat together that are healthy and good for you? Why not respect the person your with enough to respect yourself and your body? If my girlfriend or wife gained a substantial amount of weight in a short period of time I would be very concerned. From there I would take steps to help encourage her to do what was necessary to be where she wants to be again. I would go through all of it with her. If you think you look good, chances are likely you’re going to have an easier time feeling good. If my girlfriend or wife turned down my help, I would seek professional help elsewhere for her. If she turned that down, I’m sure things would get very bumpy between us very fast. I’m not a shallow guy, I can see past 34-24-34, silky blond hair and long sexy legs, but if the person who I love doesn’t care enough about me to care for her, pushing away any assistance, it’s probably the end. Those are two that are high up on my list. Sadly I can think of hundreds more…. Life is tough, especially finding the person who is right for you. Pretty much everything has to fit like a zipper or the rest will be unaligned.
- Alex C.

Wednesday, Jun 25, 2008 - 12:20:15 AM
dawson ur amazing and ur advice.i just wanted 2 let u no that.
- alena m.

Tuesday, Jun 24, 2008 - 8:30:08 PM
my husband was cheating on me for many years we have kids so i tried to keep us together for our kids i learned that doing so i was only hurting myself and them.i made the hardest choice ive ever had to make i packed my things and my kids stuff and got out.i think that people should do soul searching before they react dont pick what to do out of anger stop and think
- dana

Tuesday, Jun 24, 2008 - 2:03:05 AM
i think that friends can wreak relationships if they get jelious
- tiffani p.

Tuesday, Jun 24, 2008 - 2:02:21 AM
In all honesty, i think that a great relationship is wrecked, when you and a friend are just friends, then you think you like eachother, and you date, but then you break up, that is the worst feeling ever. Because most of the time yo lose one your relationship, then your friendship will probably never be the same, and that just hurts more than words could ever express.
- Ashleighq

Tuesday, Jun 24, 2008 - 1:54:54 AM
I'm in a relationship right now with a wonderful guy named DJ who is willing to do anything to better himself or the relationship. We are extremely happy together, but my best friend of three years is not too happy about it. He says that he loves me and thinks I deserve better. He tells me that he can give me the money I need for college and the house I have always wanted if only I would leave DJ and be with him. Its hard for me to hurt him because he has been there for me through soooo much, but I don't love him the way he says he loves me. I tell DJ about my struggle with this because I don't keep anything from him and he gets mad at him, but that ends up upsetting me. It seems like a big circle that could end up putting a wall between me and both of them. It hasn't wrecked my relationship with DJ yet, but it has definitely devastated my friendship with my best friend. I'm afraid it could eventually wreck both my relationship and friendship.
- April

Tuesday, Jun 24, 2008 - 1:54:12 AM
well my boyfriend that i've gone out with for 1 year, 9 months has cheated on me. I just found out and witnessed it. Now we aren't dating but he saids-"Well can we be friends? I promise it won't happen again" But thats what he said last time! So I just left him and forgot him which is the best thing to do. Leave him then forget them.
- Maddi

Monday, Jun 23, 2008 - 8:11:25 PM
i really liked this blog it really help me i'v been cheated on and lied to form every b/f iv ever had..and i'm not ready to trust any one but i want to its just i cant.. what shuld i do about that??
- kayla

Monday, Jun 23, 2008 - 7:52:52 PM
i know my bf was chaeting on me cuz he told me. and i havnt broke up wit him bc im really scared. . . .
- emma

Monday, Jun 23, 2008 - 2:28:05 AM
I believe that what wrecks relationships is not sharing your feelings. I have that problem. I often get mad for things my b/f does but i don't tell him right away. I always wait until he notices how i feel and that is because i start treating him bad. He tells me that if i tell him how i feel right away, we can prevent the fights. I know he is right but i just can't do it. help please. If there is anyway you can respond via e-mal i would appreciate it very much. -selene.
- selene

Monday, Jun 23, 2008 - 2:26:31 AM
The blog abot cheating......now what was good but i believe i need more help specially how to heal. I'm still with my boyfriend...so everything should be ok but i can't let it go. What happened was that a girl was texting him and telling him that when he came back from college maybe he could give her an oportunity. (We have been together for over 5 yrs)she knows that and yet she still hit on him. i think his worst mistake was that he didn't put a limit to her comments, anyway it is kind of a long and complicated story and i still think you should ad more to the blog.
- selene

Monday, Jun 23, 2008 - 1:54:33 AM
i love this blog. ive always wanted to know how to deal with a cheating bf because everytime i try to deal with it we end up hating eachother.
- bailee

Monday, Jun 23, 2008 - 1:39:30 AM
my ex girlfriend of almost 5 years left me 4 times for other people she didnt call speending time with other people cheating but turned out she had 2 miscarages that i never knew about she said it was my fault that she left me for those people cuz i was always on her case asking if she was cheating and thats what made her do it. then i find out she was only with me because i had money and after she spent it all she didnt want me any more. i dont think i could ever trust again.
- malia

Monday, Jun 23, 2008 - 1:20:43 AM
I have never cheated on anyone before, but I have been cheated on. And it hurts. It hurts a LOT. Especially when you feel as though you're in love with the person who cheats on you. Also, I have had a best friend of mine who I've liked ever since I met them cheat on their girlfriend with me. And it made their girlfriend hate me, which I never wanted. I didn't mean for it to happen the way it did. Just when they kissed me, I just went with it. But it hurts to be cheated on. And I know it does. So you have to forgive and TRY to forget, and if it dont work, you gotta move on.
- Sammie

Monday, Jun 23, 2008 - 12:45:26 AM
um...my bf of 11 months or was. i found out he was cheatin on me with an older woman with three kids and he broke up with me. he was the love of my life wel bout 6 months ago i cheated on him with my ex, he says thats why..he told my sis earlier that he wanted to take me out after my sis weddin sat and so we could talk and maybe get back together.. but i scared because i ruined our relationship with lying and i cheated, but he also did to. he says he loves me but he's still with her i really dont know what to do i need help anyne who will please give me advise...email me...i also have a myspace...please someone...-allison h.
- ALLISON H.

Sunday, Jun 22, 2008 - 11:54:33 PM
..i have seen a few things that wreck relationship and have ruined quite a few..first is controlling others.You have to trust them.I am not saying trust the unworthy but dont make someone pay for another's choice.then obsessing and saying i love you to every guy just because they are you boyfriend. i have heard and understand that some people wont be there in the end.make the relationship an overall friendship.cheating.We all know this one.it is a dead give a way that a relationship is wrecking or wrecked.neglectin them..i have to say if u dont spend a decent amount of time with them.if you dont give them the attention they want, they will get it from somewhere else. that is usally a sign to break up one of you are going to get hurt. My biggest issues are trusting, opening up, and letting go. All of these have caused me pain in the past. I was so scared that i would feel broken again so i locked everyone out by the time I was ready to open up. My boyfriend(now..current) got over it..didnt forget but moved on.He remained my friend. I didnt trust him and thats the one thing he asked for. I couldn't give that.Also, i didnt want to let go of the hopes and feelings I had for other. I kept hoping they would come back. I went through a relationship where my ex left and came back several times. I always took him back. i was use to it. The friendship and relationship that I have now is new to me. but he is understanding. i know he will always be there even if its only as a friend. that more than i feel i sould ask of him. I know we may not last forever but ill always have a best friend. Just to let every girl out there like me know its okaay to trust sometimes and you have to break that habit or you will miss out on a lot or end up hurt. .HE is OUT THERE..
- lyndsey

Sunday, Jun 22, 2008 - 11:44:34 PM
i think things that wreck a relationship are obviously, cheating. another is DISHONESTY! one way dishonesty wrecks a relationship is if the person is not honest about where they are, what they are doing, or who they are with. another way dishonesty wreck relationships is if one of the people is starting not to like the other person. if you are starting to get mixed feelings, tell the person!!! yea it will hurt at first but not telling them and having them find out some other way not only kills the bf/gf relationship for sure, it most likely kills any chance of a friendship outside of dating
- Matt

Sunday, Jun 22, 2008 - 11:32:25 PM
From experience, a major thing that can wreck a reltionship is not telling eachother how you feel. You will be hiding things from eachother, in fear they might not accept you for who you are. This can also lead to not being very trustworhy, and without trust, you don't have a good relationship. You should be able to talk to eachother about anything. By keeping feelings inside, it could cause for a very hurtful relationship!
- Robbin

Sunday, Jun 22, 2008 - 11:14:11 PM
Thank you so much. It's just the little things that can help a lot and skimming what you say in this blog and the prior one is a lot to take in. I feel "safer" and like I actualy have some control over my fears and idiocy. It was a lot of help. My girlfriend recently admitted to me that she had "cheated" on me but I guess it really isn't as bad as what can happen to other people. It was more that she was cheating on some one else with me. But thank you for posting a blog like this, it really is amazing. I might be sounding cheesey because it's late at night but I think you really do something good here.
- Jesse

Sunday, Jun 22, 2008 - 11:01:21 PM
okay, so last...tuesday I was talking to my boyfriend, and I'd been thinking that he wwas cheating on me... So I told him "i thought you might be cheating on me" and he got soooo mad at me. He didnt talk to me for almost two days. finally, I told him that he either answer his phone or message me back or I'd take it as he wanted to break up. well, finally on thursday he told me that if I called him then he'd answer and talk to me. and I did, and we made up and what not then I talked to him friday and he said he'd call me back, he never did...i stayed up until past 2 in the morning waiting for him to call. teh nsaturday night, i called and no one answered, then i called later on and they told me he wasnt there. So i got on ymspace "] and told him that he should call me when he got that message bc i realllly wanted to tlak to him, and i got one back a lil while later that said "aight babe"..and he NEVER called.I called tonight, about 30 minutes ago and his older sister [who's like 22 ] told me that he wasnt there, so i got on myspace to check my mail and he was ONLINE!! idk what his deal is, but i guess that means that telling your boyfriend how you feel can ruin a relationship if your bf is stuborn enough. a
- Ashley

Sunday, Jun 22, 2008 - 10:31:17 PM
Hmm. Well, I don't have any actual experience to go off of here, but I'd say that the big relationship killer is a lack of trust. Two people can love each other to death, but without trust, the relationship will crash and burn.
- Chelsea

Sunday, Jun 22, 2008 - 10:05:08 PM
There's many things that can ruin a relationship, and doing drugs is one of them. You do meth, pr any other drug, yet your bf/gf doesn't. That means that they won't want to be with you cause you actually do that. Smoking also affects the relationships too. Your gf/bf definitely doesn't want to smell or breath in any smoke. Drugs can seperate you and them, and also any friends that don't smoke either. But saying 'I love you' too early can scare them away. It might make them feel scared or happy. But it's hard to tell sometimes. I hope everyone can have a successful relationship sooner or later.
- Jacqueline

Sunday, Jun 22, 2008 - 1:59:10 AM
ok this week was really bad for me.i just had my grandma's death.and i found out the girl i really like does not like me back.and all i really want is some advice that u could give me.
- devin

Friday, Jun 20, 2008 - 11:06:47 PM
dawson you saved my life
- megan m.

Friday, Jun 20, 2008 - 5:36:11 PM
i think a guy or girl being insecure will have a toll on a relationship because the one with the insecurities will overreact and accuse the other of things not necessarily true. lack of trust with also affect someones relationship, which goes along with being insecure. having a relationship based on lies will totally wreck a relationship. if one person gives 50% effort and the other gives 150% effort into the relationship, it won't work out because it should be equal. both people should be giving and receiving the same amount from the relationship. all of these will lead to break up.
- Jessiy