CLICK HERE To Listen To Dawson's BlogCast!

Part 5 - How To Deal With Father Hunger Part 2

1. If you are suffering from Father Hunger, then it’s important, if at all possible, you talk to your father about it.
   
   That may be impossible for you because you may not even know who or where your birth father is. But if you can contact him and it’s safe, it’s real important you communicate with him. I received a comment from Sandra this week which made a lot of sense.

   “Someone who is suffering from father hunger should have a talk with their father about their feelings. However…some fathers don’t even want to take the time to listen to [their] child who is [dying] inside of pain…I can’t guarantee that it will work, but most of the time it does, and he will probably take the time to think about all this and will want to retry the father daughter or son relationship.”

   I agree with Sandra. Trying to talk to your father may not work, but it’s worth a try. Maybe he won’t respond to you the way you hoped he would, but at least you will have a clear conscience knowing you have done everything in your power to make peace with him.
   
   When you communicate with your father, you need to first build him up and thank him for whatever he has done for you, even if it’s something very small or insignificant. I am a father, and I know from experience every father craves to be respected by their children, even if they have done horrible things. I mean, think of it. Your father has a lot of hurts too. He, no doubt, didn’t have the best relationship with his father either. That is not to excuse what he has done or failed to do. It just means he needs your compassion and love too.
   
   You may want to write out how you feel about your hurt and your relationship with him. Sometimes it’s easier for fathers to read about how you feel rather than hear it directly face to face. You may want to ask your mother, or another relative, what they think is the best way to confront your father. Confronting you father will not be easy, but it could do wonders for your relationship, and help you grow as a person.
   
   
2. If you suffer from Father Hunger, begin to look for a stand-in father.
   
   You may think a stand-in father won’t work for you, but I have talked to many students over the years where a substitute father or mentor has made all the difference in the world. Just knowing someone really cares for you can make a huge difference. Laura’s comment says it all:

   “I have gotten the chance to get closer to my band director at school. He has helped me so much this year. He is like a dad to me”

   But how does one go about finding a father figure? Morgan sent me some great advice:

   “I think they should take a good, long look at their Father Hunger and ask themselves, "is this solvable?" If it's possible to talk to their fathers about their Father Hunger, do so!! If not, I think they should go to a grandpa, uncle, or even an older brother they know loves them, and just spend time with them. Chat with them. Go to lunch with them. Everything that those suffering from Father Hunger would want to do with their dad (like go out to lunch, play sports, play a board game, etc)…..It certainly wouldn't replace their dad, but it would bring some love from a male father figure into their life and fill some of that void.”

   Another idea in finding a stand-in father is to go to your church or place of worship. Find an older woman who you trust and ask her to help you find a father figure. She will more likely know who would be the best stand-in father figure at your church you can trust.

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 3:02:40 PM
The reason girls go for abusive guys, is they get ABUSIVE confused with BAD BOY. And so as you have probably already heard, the girls try to change the bad boys into good boys. But like I said earlier, we get the types confused. So we keep going for `em. I know this because I was one of those girls. Until I listened to your radio show! Well here's my story and how I was, and how I changed. As a kid I would fall for the bad boys. But as I got older and changed, so did they. Some bad boys evolve, if I may use that word, into the abusive guys. So I got the types confused, and I started going for what I thought were the bad boys. But they ended up be abusive. :( But then i listened to Dawson's show! And I changed! But another thing is, the abusive guys, are abusive in their sex. Whenever I had sex with them, which I only had sex because I was addicted; anyway when i had sex, they would touch you in abusive ways, but i liked, and i hd sex once with this one good boy, and it wasn't as much fun. So another reason girls give into guys, is they give you GOOD SEX!!!
- Courtney

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 3:01:35 PM
Why am I even here, because I was listening to the radio and was wondering what radio station my sweetheart might be listening to at the same time. After a quick reflection over her music take I switched the dial from 98.5 KTIS over to 101.3 KDWB and I found dmlive Sunday evenings. I couldn't shut it off. Now I am here typing along with the rest of you.
- brent

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 3:00:44 PM
Sarah - Please see my posts that might give you insight to your post I have copied and pasted for your reading. You posted-------------
"Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 1:31:57 AM I think the first time a girl goes for a bad guy, she is just wanting anyone that shows interest... and that guy just happens to be one of the ones that shows interest. Then, girls go back to the same guy or same type of guy because they have than accepted the treatment they received from them as the norm. They don't know any better. All in all, I think these are great questions, BUT when I first heard them on your show, I thought "Why aren't we asking why guys become abusive in the first place???" ---That we may never know. Well, Thank you so much for your insiration Dawson! - Sarah"-----------------
- brent

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 2:59:23 PM
most girls go 2 abusive guys because they dont think eneyone else cares and if they lose them they will be alone in life so they just deal with the abusive
- sarah

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 2:27:58 PM
She hit it dead on. I like this line from Ally "They do what they can to get what they want.Believe me when I say it but girls can do the same things to guys. Your never to young or to old to figure out your life." I am 30 and feel like 18 but the years keep going. To put it into perspective as to the credibility of my words allow me to comment on my past. Met my sweetheart during 8th grade around 1992. Dated only her through high school and college and married her in 1998. Had my first kiss with around 10 grade, it was wet and sloppy and I was embarresed but it was dark so I was ok. Never needed another woman kiss hers was awesome. June 2006 she packed up with our 4 children and left me.

I now have a restraining order against me as my sweetheart filed for one through the court system. big sigh....

ok so now what... what does that do for the credibility of my words?

Here is what I can tell you. "The result of sin is death, a spiritual death, a emotional death and maybe even a physical death" The result figuring out who you are in christ is a renewed life is a new spiritual connection, emotional stability and new physical abilities and reforming who you are even in the physical sense. I believe there are two pulls good and evil. Evil destroys you good brings you life.

There are all kinds of things that destroy us, work, overcommittments, jealousy, financial strains, boyfriends, girlfriends, anger, control, contempment, lust, negative thoughts, always a inner battle of good verse evil. "She did that? She said this, she said that? He did this, he did that." But it’s all worthless chatter. I believe the only person that you can control is yourself, the only person you can change the thought patterns is of yourself. Reach out to others, especially through a trusted church group that can give you good godly advice and support. I wish I could take back the last years before the breakdown with my sweetheart. But I can't, but what I can do is share with you, so that you know there is hope, there is a chance for you and your sweetheart. Don't give up, look inside yourself and figure out your own adventure. It’s fun, exciting and inspiring to learn about god about your life and how you can help others and ultimately what true love is.
- brent

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 2:23:08 PM
I ask myself all the time where are all the nice guys. I haven't had an experience with a mean or abusive guy but i see girls go after them all them time. I just think in my head what makes them want guys like that? I'm sure that there are a ton of nice guys out there that are looking for nice girls and we all are probably just looking in circles for one another. I'm a good people reader and I can tell when a guy is just putting up a front so you think he is a nice guy. Most of the time it seems to be guys with big ego's. where have all the nice guys gone?
- Amanda

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 1:37:56 AM
because they dont think they can get anything better. They think they are usless and have no positive influences in their life who will show them that they are better.
- sam

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 1:36:48 AM
hey!i think most girls that go for the abusive guys, dont really know. they usually ask girls that are new or dont have other girls around to tell them about that type of guy and which ones there are that type. and as for goin back to them, guys usually put on act to make the girls thinks they care and love them and respect them so much, that the girl has to take them back! its sad, but true
- Jessica

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 1:34:49 AM
the gurl alwayz goes back 2 the same kind of guy becuz they get 2 love that 1 guy then she dont no how 2 react when they get hurt they dont want 2 let go of him that they find someone lyk him
- melanie

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 1:31:57 AM
I think the first time a girl goes for a bad guy, she is just wanting anyone that shows interest... and that guy just happens to be one of the ones that shows interest. Then, girls go back to the same guy or same type of guy because they have than accepted the treatment they received from them as the norm. They don't know any better. All in all, I think these are great questions, BUT when I first heard them on your show, I thought "Why aren't we asking why guys become abusive in the first place???" ---That we may never know. Well, Thank you so much for your insiration Dawson!
- Sarah

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 1:28:30 AM
I THINK THAT IF U HAVE PROBLEMS WITH YOUR DAd then u sshould talk to him
- NICOLE

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 1:28:05 AM
hello again! I really love your blogs. And I know I have posted on here before, but I really like reading the other blogs on this website. Brent really goes out with what he thinks, and I am more than happy that he finished out my thoughts. That is what I believe a blog should be. I am all for wanting to help people out. And hearing what othrs have to offer. I am going to take off where I think brent left my statements. That book sounds like a good one to read. Brent sounds like the type of guy that would only treat a girl with respect and dignity. Girls that go through this should look at how he takes in every thought and tries to help as best as possible. Girls take it from me that is someone ( the type) you want around in your life. So you might be thinking well I want a guy who looks good and is also good inside. Believe me they are out there! So don't settle for a guy because he says " he loves you." Guys say many many things and only mean a few. They do what they can to get what they want.Believe me when I say it but girls can do the same things to guys. Your never to young or to old to figure out your life. The only way a relationship will work out is if you believe in yourself, know what you want,and achieve the unexpected. Girls go for your life first. Don't rush love it will come! Believe in yourself before trying to focus on love. Going to fast only gets you guys that will hurt you! Trust me! Thanks Dawson for all that you do.. I'll talk to you later! God Bless!
- Ally

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 1:02:52 AM
you'r talk show help so many people that it keeps people from regreating to what they were going to do before they had talked to you
- francesca ruiz

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 1:02:34 AM
I think because it gives them a sense of self-worth and they dont get out of the relationship because they dont think they can do better. Also some abusive guys have good qualities and so the girl just keeps telling herself those qualites and ignores all the other stuff.
- lydia

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 12:14:49 AM
I think that girls go out withabusive and uncaring guys is, because at times they might treat them right. When they do they probably treat them very loveingly. Which they probably only show them love when no one is watching, but yea. And the reason why they go back to a guy just like there x is probably because he is attrachive, and most of the attrachive ones are butt holes. So thats what I think, but yea what should I know I am only in my teens.
- Katlin

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 12:03:07 AM
these guys are so annoying because they have this stupid charm about them that makes them seem like great guys who are fun to be around. they could care less about your life, but as long as you are pleasing them everything is okay. most likely the girl will say yes to most things the guy asks, even when the guy turns the girl down for the things she asks. but the one time the girl says no then its like shes terrible and now the guy is mad at her. usually these type of boys are useless. they have no car, no money, no job, no cares, they are the type of boys who believe fun is getting messed up every weekend and doing stupid things. when that is not fun at all it is just stupid. they talk girls into things that they want and after they get it then they dont care about the girl. but they keep the girl around just in case they need something else in the future. they make the girl like them and hurt her but then they dont even care and act like it was no big deal. i dont even think guys have feelings anymore.
- misha

Wednesday, Jun 27, 2007 - 12:27:22 AM
I don't think a girl would get into a relationship where the guy is abusive and they know about it.Guys always come off sweet nice gentle and everything a girl is looking for. I know this because i been in this type of relationship I met him through a friend and he was the best at first sweet always taking me out and buying all types of things. I fell in love with him pretty quickly. But that’s what they want for the girl to fall in love with them and then they do what they want. I stayed with him for over one year. He got abusive like five months into the relationship. He would start off joking. It got to the point that I’ve called the cops on him many times. I would have to wear long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer cuz of bruises I had. It wasn’t so much just abusive physically it was that and also verbally. I guess it makes them feel better. I stayed with him becaue I thought it was love and he’d say sorry right after. Everyone told me to cut the relationship . I tried many times but when I did he would cry and get on his knees stand outside my house and wait till I accepted him again. And I felt bad all the time and I did thinking he’d probably change. But he didn’t. I kept accepting him over and over. Not all cases are like this. Girls can start the abuse by thinking they can hit the guy and the guy wont hit back. A girl wont necessarily know if the guy is abusive or not, only time will actually tell. But if the girl decides to stay with the guy, that’s a different story.
- Jackie

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 11:52:28 PM
i know ive posted before, but I have something to add. I want to thank you for what you do. without your show, i would have never fully realized how many people go through the same stuff I go through. And i also know that there IS hope for everyone. The love of God is very much so in you, and I want to thank you for all you have done. Ive also called in and spoke at the hopeline and they really helped me out. You have inspired me to want to reach out to others. God bless you!
- sara

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 11:13:41 PM
I think girls give in to abusive guys b/c they want someone to love them and they want to change them and be the hero. there's my 2 cents :)
- Paula

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 11:13:19 PM
i need your help now please !!!! And thanks for everything you do you were gifted with a talent of helping young teens and hope you keep doing your job! >3 Andrea
- Andrea

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 11:06:11 PM
i think girls give into guys because they want to feel loved. they want to be love so much that they will settle for whatever they can get. it may seem like a good way tp get easy love...but when you are lost or have a low self esteem your view of love is distorted. if a girl has been previously violated, she may feel as if this guy and/or the abusive relationship is all that she deserves because she isnt good enough. girls have fears of being alone, (i know i do)but its the self worth that comes into play in the end.
- tiffany

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 11:01:36 PM
i think its because the guys dont act abusive while theyre trying to pick up the girl and when they get them they become abusive then the girl leaves and they go for another guy like that thanks
- levihimself!!!

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 11:00:57 PM
I think that girls go after abusive guys because their dads were abusive. Or maybe it's becuase they were brought up with uncaring people in their lives. I personally have never been in a situation where people were abused and I have neve been physically abused myself. Girls may think they can change guys, but like you said- guys act the way they truely are in a crisis- and I think that's true. I think if a guys is going to abuse girls, he REALLY doesn't respect other people or himself.
- Shaye

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 10:32:04 PM
I think some of them just don't know how to get out of it, they get used to being in an abusive relationship and don't know how to get out. If that's how they were brought up at home they don't know any other way of how a guy is suppose to treat a girl. It's like, if a child throw's a fit all the time and the parent gives into it and gives them what they want to stop, that's all the child knows what to do to get what he wants. So if a woman is in an abusive relationship and that's what it was like growing up that's all she knows, she doesn't know any differantly of how a guy SHOULD treat her.
- Jenn

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 10:31:10 PM
Maybe girls go back to the same guy bc it is a way to get attention from someone who is ignoring them. They probably want the person to notice them.
- Diana

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 1:13:01 PM
Some may be attracted to the abusive type as to try to help repair whoever they are with emotionally, or perhaps girls see something they like inside these abusive individuals and merely can relate to someone else who is hurting or that they may have things in common with. Also, in some instances these hurtful individuals may be popular and it might make the girl feel popular if she is with a popular individual. However, each relationship is unique and each has its own set of situations and circumstances. The reasons for these relationships to form and stay together are as varied as the individuals involved in them.
- Adam

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 1:12:12 PM
I agree to a point with Ally. Let me pick up where her story left off. So as she was stating "guys want what they want and as long as they get it they are fine". Now here is the next part that Ally may or may not know about men. So the woman leaves and looks for the next guy, hoping he will be the one, thinking that next time it will be ok. Grass is greener so to speak. However what is found out is that you end up with the same problems, in a different fashion or way. And we all understand that we try to prevent this, we all understand that we say it will be different, but you see the problems do not lie in how we control our next relationship, how we manage our consequences or how we do everything different with the next guy because of our mistakes with the previous relationship. I believe the problem lies within us. I believe you must release control and let me tell you and to you ladies this is the most difficult thing and maybe a impossibility since it is a inherited trait from birth. If you have a chance to read "wild at heart" you can understand more about your need for control. As a male I feel for your need of control and I have had my own struggles with it, but have come to realizations with it and have dramatically increase the value of my life because of the understanding. So how does this have to do with what Ally was saying. Well if you read "wild at heart" you will also understand the stages a male goes through in his life. As a female you can greatly impact your man by understanding yourself and fighting for the god given abilities and needs that you have. By fighting for yourself you are actually fighting for him. When you understand who you are and understand why you feel the way you do, when you stand up for yourself, when you set good healthy boundaries you are increasing the value of your relationship. Then what happens is you by the nature of life force your man to increase his life or fall. Now no woman wants her man to fall, but what kind of a man is he if he does. And wouldn't you be there for him if he did fall? Wouldn't you be there to pick him up to try again? And to keep trying? But you can't do it when you believe the lies of our society and the lies all around us in this world. You must figure out the truth in your life to save yourself. I believe once you do that, with gods help, you will dive into a much deeper, much greater relationship than you have ever imagined. The mystery of men and women will go to much greater depth and your understanding will bewilder yourself. I believe, but you must continue on. Don't give up on yourself or your love.
- brent

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 11:48:42 AM
I think girls go after uncareing and abuseive guys because 1.they want attantion and 2.they think they can change them. I think they go back to the same person cause the still think they can change them. and another reason could be is thier partnets cause some girl have it in for thier parent and just want to bug them or they want mroe attion some they go after abuseive guys.
- ashleydekorte

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 11:48:27 AM
Umm because they are scared of them and they aren't sure of theirself. Thats like all i think.
- aly L

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 11:47:53 AM
dear dawson the reason why girls go for bad guys is manily bc of father hunger as u where talking about last weeek its probally bc they dont have a father or they do but they watch their fathers be in an abusive to their moms so most girls have feelings that if they do that in a relationship then mabey the boy would make her do things she dose want to do when she is older but the reason why girls go back is because they think that if there dads do it then they should do it to but its not right oh and dawson can u answer this question on the radio when your show is on ok it was on saturady i think i was talking to my boyfriend online meaning on messenger then i checked my msn messenger for messages i left it on then i get a message from someone who has no friends well i was stupid to sau yes so i closed it down the messenger then a message comes onto my screen its from taht person again it ask if i had a cam or pics i said no i closed it again then another one popped up it asked taht that person invited me to see his cam i said no go away then he sent me a message saying that he was going to but rape me and plus i cant call you my mom would find out i dont know if i should tell her oh and my name is bethan im 15 years old please answer my question love ya dawson
- bethan

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 8:11:17 AM
My last relationship was abusive. I gave in because it was what I grew up with. My mother's boyfriend beat her while I was growing up, they were constantly arguing. Then she started hitting me and calling me names. I grew up thinking that was what a relationship was. Now I am in a decent relationship. We used to argue, mainly becuase I provoked it. We lost our three month old son to Sids on March 3rd and together we dealt with it and now we are engaged, expecting another child, my third one, and pretty much argument free. Alot of what you grow up with effects it .
- Jessica

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:32:40 AM
i think girls fall for the men that dont treat them right for the same reson i do because when they call me names and stuff it makes me feel alive and for that one second even if its a bad second u think to your self maybe this is the only love ill ever know..Honestly I can't pinpoint one exact reason why girls go for abusive guys. There are so many reasons and various situations of why a girl may became involved with this guy in the first place.
- ashley

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:29:13 AM
because these girls are lonley and they don't believe in theirself. They think they are cool because they hang out with those kind of guys. some girls like those kind of guys.that is what i think. You are doing a great job with talking with young teens and adults. Their should be more people like you. You are really great at your job. Other people and i really appreciate it thanks a lot.
- the truth

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:27:07 AM
dawson i just wanna let you know i dont suffer from father hunger!i do however feel real sorry for the kids that do. It must be bad to have a dad who isnt there! On the other hand u have a awesome show i love all the advice you give!!! Keep up the good work! love ya!
- lora

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:26:14 AM
I personally know about this issue. I do this very often. Its because its what I know so it doesnt scare me. If something is different I get scared and run the other way. It's not something I would do If I could find a way out.
- Lyndsey

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:25:17 AM
Dawson i think you are doing a great job helping young teens and young adults. I think that some girls do that because they are not sure of their self so they go with that guy that isn't treating them right. They should just leave them
- stargirl

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:25:04 AM
some girls give into guys because they are looking for a male figure in their life. if their fathers arent there for them, the more likley they'll give into guys
- Sam

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:24:23 AM
dawson i absolutely ADORE your show...even though i have nothing that dramatic in my life...the only dramatic thing is not getting a reply to going out with a guy i've been crushing on forver...so far...but i totally think it's gonna help me in the long run! i have been thinking about calling you for forever now but i'm just to shy to talk on the radio...i have been shunned before by some not nice people...your show totally rocks and i love when you tell about how people are doing and when you can actually tell when they are really listening to you and are very sure they want to change their ways or get help. you're so amazing...and i can't fall asleep on sunday until i've heard your show!!! and all your advice rocks!! i have been able to help my friends with it!!! thanks again!!!
- laura s.

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:23:45 AM
Well I think that girls fall for guys that don't treat them right basically becuase they have no idea HOW they are SUPPOSED to be treated. I myself was never treated with respect by any male, let alone any person in my life. So therefor when I started seeing guys i let them take complete control over me. Nobody in my life has ever said that they loved me. So when guys show the littlest affection towards me i completely fall for them. I let guys use me and give me zero respect. But i guess if i cant learn to respect myself then other people wont respect me. So i dont think that getting a 'father figure' in a girls life will help any; you need to learn how to love yurself.
- Beckah

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:03:57 AM
Dawson, Hi, For the first time last night in Minnesota I heard your show and one of the questions you asked was "Why do women keep going back to abusive men." My first thought was "is they know no different, they choose to live that way because of the way they grew up watching their moms get abused by either their dads or moms boyfriends so they grow up to only know that. I had a girlfriend once that was with an abusive and I told her that if she wanted her and her two girls could move in with me and my daughter, but the first time that I saw him or he was in the house she was to leave with him. Well as it always goes he showed up one night while my daughter and I were out and when we got home he was there I went in very up set and I told her to get out and to come and get her stuff when he was not with her. I was in a mentally abusive relationship and I got away from that and ended up with a military man that was great so I thought for ten years and now we are going through a divorce because he says “the military” drove him away from me and our two girls and our home in Minnesota, now he wants to take the girls from me when I was there sole care giver for six years while he was in the military. In June of 2000 I found out I had brain cancer and on July 1st I had brain surgery and on the 6th I went home to start recovery so I could begin chemo, my tumor was the size of a small cantaloupe the surgeon took what he could, but once he started getting to much gray matter is what it was call he stopped leaving a large kiwi, I did 3 months of chemo and then 96 days (Monday thro Friday) of radiation, but after my 14th day my radiation Dr.’s nurse told him that she over heard me talking with another patient about having more kids, he pulled me into his office and looked me straight in the eyes and said “Why would you want to burden your husband with another child when statically you will be dead in three years.” Well that was the end of him I took a week off to be with my mother while her father was ding in Sue Falls SD. and when I got home I had several calls from my chemo Dr. wondering what happened and why I was not doing my radiation, I told him what was said and he told me that I should have called him and he would have set me up with another Dr. So he did and now almost 7 years later I am still here four years longer then the first Dr. thought. Your friend, Susan
- Susan

Tuesday, Jun 26, 2007 - 12:00:09 AM
i think it's very true that girls give into guys easier when they have bad relationships with their fathers because my dad left before i was born so i don't even know him and it does kind of seem like i give in easier that others girls anyways i love your show all my friends and i always listen and i think its great keep up the good work
- Juliette

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:59:37 PM
On the subject of “Why Girls Give In To Guys” i think its because they feel like they need someone to love them and like that person will always be there 4 them but when it changes they go out to find someone to heal them and that guy just so happens to be the same type of guy that had just hurt her..
- Jordan Ryker

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:57:54 PM
Honestly I can't pinpoint one exact reason why girls go for abusive guys. There are so many reasons and various situations of why a girl may became involved with this guy in the first place. For one the girl may have been unaware in the beginning that her man may have been the abusive type. She may have overlooked the warning signs such as controlling, obsessing (always wondering where you are, wanting you to be with you at all times. Girls may take the first signs of obsessing otherwise known as infatuation as a sign that he really loves her and cares, but in reality its an unhealthy contributor to the relationship. If the girl does not speak up about this or has not noticed this the boy will think it is okay to take his obsession to the next level, which could lead to a variety of things, for example physical force (hitting, slapping, punching kicking) they force the girls to do things or act a certain way. The girl is usually taken aback by this but usually the boy will come back and say he is sorry and that he will change, and the girl is so blinded by what she thinks is love that she sill stay with him and wait for it to work out but usually it doesnt and it takes something really serious to happen for her vision to be cleared, and for her to see the truth.So basically what I'm saying is girls dont usually just go out looking for an abusive guy, or fall in love with someone who is abusive. Most of the time the guy will be a sweetheart in the beginning but as time goes on he changes. Because lets be serious do you really think a guy thinks he is going to get a girl by being abusive in the beginning? No, he starts out as a good guy and he starts to change. And girls think that he is going to change back to the guy he started out being. ~15 years old, 9th grade, Pa
- Jessika

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:56:17 PM
Girls go after abusive and uncaring guys because they don't think that they deserve any better and/or that they could get any better. Any kind of attention is better than no attention. That's what I thought anyways. A slap across the face from time to time was better than drowning in a room all alone. A few harsh words from a guy who sometimes did love me could be brushed off...when compared to the mouthful of obsentities that would flow from the mouth of my Father.
- Sarah

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:54:43 PM
I would first like to state that this question has boggled my mind for some time now. I like to consider myself what most would call a "nice guy". I have been in several situations with women in which I have been over-looked for another guy that I would call abusive. There is no straight up answer to this question. I think that the women who fall for these guys have self-esteem issues and low, if any, confidence in themselves. The abusive guys they fall have plenty of confidence. Even though these guys truly have very low self-esteem and this is where the abuse stems from, they think that they are Gods gift to the world. They trick themselves into believing a false sense of confidence. No one likes to be abused and it is not the abuse itself that keeps women around. It's the false sense of confidence they see in these guys and they feel they can use it to help themselves. The reason I'm so sure about these guys and about their confidence is because someone who feels like they have the right to abuse another person must think the world of themselves. So it is not the abuse they stay with but their confidence. This is something that you will find with most guys that are abusive and this is why they continue to fall into abusive relationships. This is just one mans opinion and like I said before there is not just one good answer. But I do know this, no one deserves to be abused, and sometimes this is all some women know and they don't know how to respond to kindness. So ladies, next time a "nice guy" walks into your life, don't run away from it, maybe try something new, take a chance! One thing that everyone does deserve, is to be happy.
- Paul

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:48:27 PM
Why do girls/women keep going back or keep finding abusive guys? This isn't an easy question to answer bec this issue has many layers/levels to it. No one can say it is just one thing that causes a girl to continue picking abusive men, and once she figures out what that one thing is then her choices of men will change. It took these girls many years to get there, and it will take many years to completely change all of her enviromental induced thinking process to out of there. In most cases these girls were mistreated, demeaned, and abused while they were growing up. Or they watched their mother's be abused. Children mock their parents. Girls mock their mothers and boys mock their fathers, and both sexes play the roles they saw their parents play as both parent and spouse. Abused girls were taught and learned these abusive things, and they accept them in most cases. Accepting doesn't mean they like it. The abusive man and his behaviors is what they have come to know as their normal. Therefore when a normal and nice guy comes along bells and warning signs go off inside them. Something is not right with this guy. They can become untrusting, because they do not know what his motives may be. Many times the abusive father says directly or undirectly that nice caring men are whimps. What girl cpould feel safe with a whimp. Yes safe. Abuse girls feel safe with these abusers, believe it or not. The reverse would hold true for a girl who was bought up in a healthy home. Bells and radar would go off in her head and soul if she went out with an abusive guy, and she would be very distrusting of him for starters. Once a woman fully understands all of the areas that were affected and she makes good changes in these areas, her job is still not done. Her second job is to reteach and heal her children who also watched and witness this., If they did not wittness this, they were observing their mothers behaviors/reactions of low self esteem, inassertivness, etc.
- deb

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:41:30 PM
Because they began to like the pain and start to beleive that thats the way its supposed to be. when im dating a guy like that, i feel safe but then i feel, like if he hurts me he will feel better.
- amanda

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:36:31 PM
i think some girls go for guys is because maybe that's what their father did to them abuse them! and also maybe they have no selfconfadence!! well thats all i can think of now so if i have more i'll tell u later
- abby

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:34:21 PM
peaple that go back to the same abusive is cause the eather hate them selfs or they are stupid
- Heather

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:32:00 PM
Hey dawson i love your show i lilsten to it all the time.I love how you help people i once heared a show that had problems like i was dealing with and i took some of your advice and it helped me out. LOVE AUDREY -Audrey
- Audrey

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:26:37 PM
I think its because they have a very low selfestem. Or maybe its because they don't have Christ in there life and there trying to fill that missing part of them with a guy, and thats not working so they keep going for the same kind of men
- Tosha

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:25:36 PM
Hello, I listen to your show as often as possible. If I miss a show I log onto the computer to listen to it. Your show is very amazing. I believe it helps teens and young adults with any sort of problem they are having. I have recommended your show to a lot of my friends who are suffering from issues that they are facing in their life. As I was listening last night I decided to get on and have a one- on -one talk with one of your helpers. She was very helpful and we have decided to try to talk once a week. When we were done talking last night we closed in prayer. That really touched my heart, because I feel turning to God in any type of issue is when you get the most help. I was reading your blog and I decided to give you my thoughts. I think girls go after guys like that because they want to feel loved and important. Many parents are in the picture. But many teens and young adults do not feel comfortable turning to their parents on hard issue that they have made. They are scared of what the parents might do. So they keep the relationship a secret. In many "secret" relationships I believe that is when the guy hurts the girl. They will do what is necessary to keep you thinking you are in a good relationship( if you listen and do what he wants you to do.)Many guys say many things, but only mean what will give them what they want. Girls tend to go back to the same type of guy because they believe the next one will be different. They need to be loved but once again they don't feel comfortable turning to their parents. So they just believe that it will be better the next time and the next time. These are my thoughts on your blog. Thank you for all of your help. You and your "helpers" online have really helped me go the right direction that I feel God wants me to go. Thank you and please remember you are a life saving person! Thank you Dawson and God Bless!
- Ally

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:15:43 PM
i think girls attract to guys for what they are raised around..our there parents are in that type of realinship so they dont know anyother type or realinship. In other cases sum girls dont know what a realinship with out abuse is like cuzz they loved a guy befor who was abuseive and they try to love the next boy/man the same way the did the abuseive one... OR the love case is that they fell for the man befor they new wht he was like, they dont get rid of him cuzz he appolized and said he loved her sum girls have never been loved and they love it when their lover tells them that he loves her... there more.. and sum the comments below make sence
- katarina

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:15:16 PM
girls that go for that are stupid and have low-selfesteem,
- AIRRON

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:57:04 PM
because thier in love with them and deep inside the man his loves her back
- shelby

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:56:40 PM
Well, to me I see 3 possibilities: 1. if she's drawn to that type of guy, she feels like she needs to be punished for some reason. 2. it's a phychological thing: she was treated like that by a family member so that's what she's used to. 3. she's desperate for attention and will want it no matter what.
- Emily

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:55:26 PM
i love your show it is really great and helps me alot but i am afraid to call you because i am afraid my mom will say something about it but i have alot of things that I would like to talk to you about because a counselor was not able to help me but i have hope in your show what should i do
- Brandon

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:45:38 PM
because they are scared of that guy that is in their life.
- stargirl

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:44:07 PM
my mom told me that sence my dad isent home all the time. and that because he yells at us alot (me and my sisters) that we go tords guys like that. my sister picks crappy guys. my mom says my dad might be the reason why my older sister goes tords the dork wad guys.
- katie

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:43:24 PM
I had just gotten out of a very abusive relationship. When me and him first got together it was great he was the nicest person I had ever met. But a few weeks later he was completely different he got very controlling, I couldn't go any were without him every time I managed to I was goin to see someone else. The thing was that hurt the most was that he wasn't always like that and he would always say he was sorry for it and he would be extra nice, and I loved him. I was with him for 2 years before I couldn't take it anymore and I told him to leave, I left the house cause I was afriad of what he might do, well he left but that was after he destroyed all my stuff. He still calls me and tells me he's sorry and that he loves me, but he is also with another girl. This happened about 3weeks ago or less. That's most of what has happened to me.
- Randi

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:38:38 PM
Fist of all Dawson I need to say its incredible what you are doing for todays youth. Most teens dont really have enyone to talk to and you are always there to lend a helping hand and I think that is one of the most amazing things a person can do for soneone else so thanks from all of us!!!! Also I think your blog is awsome it contains info that most teens arnt aware of and for those who dont know somthing they can surely learn from your blog. So again thanks for being there when your needed the most!!!1 Love and peace always Cindy
- Cindy

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:52 PM
The reason I feel girls go after abusive guys are because they grew up in a abusive home where they saw there parent or other relative being physically, mentaly, sexually, or emotionally abused. They begin to believe that way of life is normal. After awhile she starts to believe that is all she is worth and here self-esteem is so low she continues to be attracted to the abisive types and she wants to be loved and accepted and becomes very naive and gullible to any man that gives her the sweet talk. The hardest thing to do is to get out becuase of all the fear you have. But if one does not stand up and take action things can and will esculate into serious injure or even death. I know all about this way of live because I have lived half my life in these kinds of relationships. But I am also proof that there is hope of having a happy, healthy life in the end.
- Sarah

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:33:52 PM
Dawson- The reality of this subject is very serious. But most girls go after these type of guys because thats how they are raised. Or the are scared without him, in fear that no guy could ever love her. Sometimes the look at him as a strong masculain man and say i want. Somtimes the uncaring guys give the girls somthing to strive for. The care. Once a girl is in a realtionship with an abusive guy its hard to look the other way. Because they are so used to hearing your not good enough and you arnt worth it. So they tend to go where the easy affection is. Because they care till the girls give in. then all the sudden they stop. :[ Thats where the rubber meets the rode. I was once in an abusive relation ship. And i got out of it, this young man is currently in Juvinial Jail. yes im only 15. Its amazing how young this all starts out at. But my comment is for you to see that not all girls go back. Im in a current relationship where i am carred for. And i want to tell the girls who dont feel they have the strengh to walk away that yoru good enough. Your strong enough. your worth it. You deserve better. Put your hand down and stand up for what is fair and your own right. :] Here is a qoute that i live my life off of. "Judge me, and ill prove you wrong. Tell me what to do, and ill tell you off, Tell me im not good enough, And watch were i end up." I live off this qoute girls. And so should you. your so worth more. Our lives are worth so much. So lets work together and starting withh all of you, stand up for what is right and fair. With everyone that takes the first step and walks away that makes one less in the world that needs to hear they are worth it. You decide. Your worth it, and you know it. Walk away now. While you still can. Because girls one day i could get so bad that you have no chance to walk away. Because you may end up dead. We love you all. Your all in my thoughts. :] God Bless
- Danielle

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 6:38:59 PM
I agree with you.Girls are like that.and thats why u r here.
- amanda

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 6:37:44 PM
i think i know the problem it is like gals are apples. the good apples are at the top of the tree but the guys are to scared too climb so high and get them for the fear of falling. so the gals think there is something wrong with them! so the guys go for the gals at the bottom of the tree. then they get raped or beaten ect... so the good gals fall so they will be loved and that happens to them. the rest of them stay at the top of the tree untill a good guy is brave enough to come get her.
- rachel

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:57:30 PM
Some girls go for the abusive kind, in my opinion, because they have low self-esteem. They probably think that they aren't worth anything and no one loves them or should love them. The two questions are so closely related. The answer to the second question is almost the same. Some girls think that once they have been abused then that is all they are good things. They can also believe the thing the previous man (or men) told her. It is a vicious cycle that MUST be broken!!!! Girls need to understand that they are God's treasured possessions (it says that in the Bible). They are worth more than gold to God. They don't need to take that crap from anyone.
- Kerry

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:51:29 AM
I've been in a abusive relationship and it doesnt start out abusive. The guy always starts out sweet, paying for you everywhere you go, opening car doors, and getting you flowers for no reason. Then things change. In my case, he started to push sex on me and when i'd say no he'd get violent with me. i never gave into him and ended up with many brusies and cuts and he even pulled a knife on me one time. I stayed with him because he threaten me about leaving him and said he would kill me and go after my friends. Trust me, girls dont fall for abusive guys. They fall for sweet guys that change.
- Kelsey

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:51:28 AM
I agree with Mae! These girls want a guy to fill in the place of their fathers, and as you even said, they're trying to "date their fathers". (Haha, you can really tell that I listen to you). If their father was abusive, then they're basically being like the girl in question's father. (Father Hunger!) A father is supposed to love you, right? Well, I guess, that, even though this sounds crazy, they supposedly think that the guy loves them--because he's being abusive and doing what the father did. They may like that and dislike that at the same time. So they keep coming back-the dislike taking them away from their abusive, possibly older boyfriend-and the liking for it bringing them back. I have no personal experience with this, so it's just a theory...but then again, maybe the girl thinks (or maybe, somehow does) love him, and keep coming back to the same guy?
- Jessica

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 11:51:26 AM
I feel that girls give in to guys and don't step out of abusive realationships, and/or get involved in another one because they are not aware that the person that they are with is harmful and abusive. The girl might also be able to brush off the hostility of the guy by thinking "Everyone comes with a few flaws, and this could be one my boyfriend's imperfections." Another reason could be that girls are also not aware that there are great men and guys out there that are not like that. And if the girl does aknowledge that fact, she probably figures her current boyfriend would harm her for dumping him, or it would be too much of an effort to find a guy that would actually care for her and love her the way that it was meant to be.
- Olivia

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:47 AM
i think it is because there dad was probably abusive to them when they were younger. i know from experience that if my dad does something it will affect. sometimes i put that down (if id a is a good thing) as something i look for in a man.
- Mae

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:44 AM
girls go after abusive guys because maybe they want to look good with their friends because they wouldn't do it in public. the girls might also be pressured into it.
- Jacki

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:41 AM
In my opinion no relationship starts off abusive. A girl does not fall for the abusive behavior that reveals itself later in the relationship. A woman never enters into the relationship because of how abusive he is. So how does she return, to be hurt again? In my opinion because she loves him. What does that mean? To me it means that she lives for hope, for dreams, for beauty. She lives for the possibility that he will change that he will do anything and everything to help her.

I believe she goes back because she wants it. Something within her heart is driven back to him, something she can't understand but that she knows she feels. I am witness to a tough situation where the husband is doing drugs. She left him, but yet she still wants to go back. Everyone is saying "no" but she wants back, I can tell. I pray that the husband mans up to his responsibilities because I believe there is hope for everyone. If you are in a abusive situation and still love him my advice would be to seek licensed counsel that can provide you with guidance with what to do. You must use your own intuition and heart to determine what is right and what is wrong. Trust yourself, believe what you feel and seek sound guidance. How to know if you are getting good guidance?

Test your counselor, don't be afraid to put them to the test. See how they respond, challenge them, quiz them and see how deep they are. See how much your counselor really can help you. You control your own destiny. Don't be a puppet, but on the same hand don't deny the help when it is there. It is a very tricky situation and one that I do not envy you having to go through, but keep trusting what you feel the deepest in your heart. Friends and family are hidden treasures seek them out and enjoy their riches. So to wrap this up, when I think about abusive men in our everyday lives I think about a man with issues and a woman who loves him dearly and has hope, love and faith that he will change. I believe that sometimes the only way to win your love is to let him go
- Brent

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:38 AM
I heard about this subject on 106.1 last night. I have a girl just like this at my church she has a fatherly subject at home but he buys he her off and she needs some fatherly offection. So I truley belive that she goes for guys like this is because she needs this offection so she goes to the 1st pig she can find.
- Abbie

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:35 AM
DEar Dawson, I love your show! It helps me get through what i am going through in my life. I dont know if i am too young to call you, i am 13 years old. My life is getting turned up side down. BUt listening to your show, an d hearing calls like mine help me. I might call soon! i am not sure yet though! Love, Danielle
- Danielle

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:32 AM
Some girls, whether they know or not, like to be abused. A man who controls them gives them a place in life and an identity. When with a non-abusive man they have to make choices and decicisions that they are afraid might be wrong but when with a man who abuses he makes those choices for her. She would love him for the idenity that he has given her, because without him she would be nothing useful.
- Lola

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:29 AM
Well, I don't have much/any experience in this field (Which is good, in multiple ways), but here's what I've thought about it. Its probably going to be a self esteem issue, they don't feel they have ANYBODY who cares about them, and all of a sudden this [pst.. Abusive] guy comes along, and [supposedly] cares about her. After that, its all she expects, and she thinks that this is all she is worth, and will go back. (It has to do with the father hunger thing too) Here's an interesting question (although not extremely topical to whats going on in this discussion), but why would a guy put all that junk a girl (even non abusive ones)? I know for us guys, its a lot more of a physical desire to be with a girl, but its obvious that it only messes up lives, but despite that fact, it still happens... So there should be ways to keep a relationship from going that way, but what exactly? (sorry for getting off topic, but thats just something I thought I'd throw out there)
- Michael

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:26 AM
I would also like to respond regarding "why I think men become abusive in the first place". Consider this... a man that will eventually become abusive has issues. Issues of all kinds but self esteem, jealosy, committment are a few. So the man instead of reaching out to others for help with these problems stuffs them inside and that of which we stuff inside will in turn hurt us. So along comes Ms. America looking for Mr. Right and she finds this man who appears to be cool, calm and collected. They don't talk about his problems because as far as she can see there are none. He doesn't bring them up because he doesn't know he has them. All he knows is that when other men look at her, and when she talks to other guys inside he is getting upset. He doesn't know what it is, but he can't stand it. For that very feeling inside of him is telling him of his own problem. For Ms America is not concerned, she's got her man. She is not wavering in her love to him, but Mr. Right is burning inside. So how does he handle it, yep you got it. And over time as the relationship erodes and each of his problem points are taken hits, time after time, he becomes more and more eroded until Mr. Right has become Mr. Wrong. I know this doesn't answer your question for why they keep returning to abusive men, but maybe this helps understand how they become abusive men. And if you understand how they become abusive men than maybe you can lead, help or care enough to direct your Mr. Right in the Right direction. Oh, Mr. Right will have to want to change. You can never force someone, but if there is love there is hope. Also I believe that life is not about solving people problems. To me life is an adventure and a adventure worth living. If I could offer some encouragement don't look at every situation as what problems there are and how to fix or change, but rather look at it as a adventure. Dive into your relationship without worrying about his problems, is he ok, does he have issues, but rather think of at as a adventure of fun, of life of working together to help each other. The problems will be revealed and then through love fix them, work together. For love is not really love if you have an escape route. And love is not really love if you don't even give love a chance. Another quote I recently read was, "love until it hurts and then there is no more hurt, just more love"!
- Brent

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:22 AM
hey Dawson this is the second comment so far and i want to tell I'm scared to call you but want to to get help otherwise i love your show and how you help young teens i think its awesome! Since i listen to your show a lot i feel my problems are solved, thanks you much Dawson, your my hero!!! anyways i hope you keep doing your job because your helping and saving people out there who really need it. God bless you. if you ever see this comment do you think you could try to email me because there are just a few things on my mind i really want to get out
- Andrea

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:18 AM
Its because these girls have been conditioned to believe that they're stupid,useless and selfish. One of theh most vital benefits of a loving relationship, they're taught, is having someone whom cares enough about these " ugly", "stupid" and otherwise defective females to try and change them....to fix them. Hence, this sets the stage for the teltail compulsive domineering controlling, demand bullying behavioral norm which is indicitive of the struggle and challeges that constantly arise and must be conquored and smashed in the course of the female's overhaul.The male assumes the role of marter and of a selfless and devoted loyal companion as he reminds the defective female of all the ways she disappoints and aggrevates her loving man. Perhaps the ultimate or pinnicle sign that the female has been brainwashed by this conditioning is when the female will deliberately do something wrong or stupid in order to incite the male's passion (violenrt rage) and thus reaffirn that he still loves her. Its when the male stops the hostile and violent abuse that she 'll become worried that he no longer carers or has found someone else to love. HERE"S SOME TYPICAL QUOTES OF THE ABUSIVE MALE(Words from the heart that he might say on Valentines Day or anniversery!) "Honey,its because I love you SO much and I know what's right for you, that sometimes I just want to slam you to the floor when you mess up. Punishment and force are what it takes to teach small children right from wrong and its the same with you! Its not fun but its necessary to make you learn and to make you see how stupid you are! I feel like I'm doing the work that your parents failed at because you are one very stupid bitch! But I love ya anyway-- no one else would put up with someone as stupid as you are--don't you ever forget that! You should be grateful that I'm abled to deal with someone whom disappoints me as much as you do.You cause me much aggrevation BUT its because I am devoted to making this relationship work,that I find the strength to do whatever it takes to make you behave and do me right. Deep down in your heart, you know that while I lose my temper and hurt you sometimes, my intentions are always good." I've dated and/or have been aquianted with these girls.One I adored but the drama that followed her from the abuser she'd just broken up with was more than anyone could bare. I learned a lot about this problem and actually helped a couple girls regain their senses and stop dating these losers but that's rare.. very rare. Because the abuse they'd experienced from their prior BF's differed greatly in both intensity and in tactics/methods and because the girls' histories and upbringing bared almost no similarities, the only truely effective answer IMO to this question would be presented in matrix form. You can distinguish one group of females whom are attracted to abusers but to understand why requires looking at the different paths they took which led them to this common destination.
- scott douglas

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:37:09 AM
Well..I think that, going into the relationship, the girl does not know that the guy is abusive. Usually, at first they seem sweet and charming. Then, when they get away, they usually go after abusive guys. I've come up with two different reasons for this. The first reason is that their father may have abused them. It is a proven fact that girls are usually attracted to guys that are like their dads. So, that is what they are used to, and they go for that type of guy. The second reason that I have come up with is that they probably don't feel like they deserve a good guy. When they were abused, the men made them feel so bad about themselves to where they thought those things were really true. They think they don't deserve a good man that will treat them right.
- Cheyenne

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 10:36:59 AM
First of all,I wanna say thanks for what you're doing. And second of all and most important (this is just my opinion)I think girls who get into abusive and uncaring relationships because they dont know any better. Some guys (not all) today are just plain jerks. They need to grow up and girls dont see that. Thats all they are around. Thats the only thing they know is abuse. They feel like they cant do any better. And that not always the case some girls try to get out of those relationships but everytime they try to the boyfriend starts crying and the whole "i love you baby dont leave me" routine comes into play. Other girls cant leave because of the fear of what the boyfriend will do to them. Others feel like they are too old to get into another relationship. Others just feel like they really dont want to start over. Honestly Dawson, Girls just need to know that there is hope and there are great guys in this world that will love you for who you are and that would never lay a hand on you. Some girls just dont try hard enough to find it. Well thats just my opinion and I'm only 15. I really have a strong opinion about how women should be treated and i'm not like every other teenager. I think about things my parents didnt think about until they were married and had me. Dawson I cant thank you enough for what you're doing. i really appreciate the hopeline...They have helped me alot. Thanks again and have a great day :)
- Amber

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 3:30:11 AM
When a girl iz abused by a guy sometimes she gets use to it or they think that is all they can find is a guy that abuses her.
- Misty

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 1:19:41 AM
Honestly, I think deep down almost all people are afraid of being alone. I think this effects women more that guys because there is much more pressure on girls to 'settle' down then there is on guys. Since most people also suffer from some sort of low self-image, they probably settle for what they think they can get. When they do get someone (even if he's a complete jerk), they hold on to it for as long as they can because they think it's better than being alone. This seems to also work for guys too, because it's easy to find alot of guys with girlfriends that treat them poorly.
- Jessica

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 1:12:49 AM
Hey Dawson I want to put in my 2 cents worth on your two questions about why girls go into abbusive relationships. I think for some girls when they go into a relationship they dont know that a guy is abbusive until later on down the relationship. i think when a guy has a girl's heart, they will start to take advantage of it and take it for granted. And what i mean by that is that they will start to abbuse her. The girl will relize that and she will feel like she is stuck because she loves him alot and doesnt want to leave him. and maybe if she is thinking about leaving she would probably get scared because she would think that her b/f will harm her or kill her. I use to be an abbuser back then and i relized i had a problem so I got help. Now I am in a relationship where there is no abbuse and we have a beautiful girl together. And what i think about girls looking for abbusive guys. Well i think it is a low self essteem issue. she thinks she cant get anyone better or something in the family where was abbuse of some sort so why should she get a desent guy. she's been abbused by her family so why not be abbused by her b/f. That what she thinks. That is what she really knows. Thanks Dawson you are awsome and i hope i helped you out. Travis Age:23 Minneapolis, Minnesota 6/24/07
- Travis

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 1:09:43 AM
Dawson, continuing the father issus from the last two weeks blogs, I believe that the reason alott of young women turn to abusive, distant guys is a combination in parts of low self esteem, poor relationships with their fathers, abusive relationships with their parents, siblings, and friends. Even a strong woman still needs her daddy even he wasn't a positive influance in her life, and she is trying to find that missing part of her life in the choices that she makes in choosing parthers. Additionly It seems that most of these women that i have talked to in the past are attracted to "bad boys" because they believe these guys will be better equiped to provide for them in the future. ps. A great site for suicide prevention www.thetrevorproject.org 866-4-u-trevor Thank you for all you do for the young people who need help. Brandon Logan, UT.
- Brandon

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 1:03:13 AM
maybe because girls give into abusive guys is maybe the guys give a false apperence like the care for them for awile, then when the girl is better she "falls in love" with them and then the guy abuses her, sayin like they owe him. Then another guy just like the last comes and it happens all over agian.
- Seth "Rudy" R

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 1:00:24 AM
I think that the reason some girls go back to abusive boyfriends is they believe they did something wrong that made the boyfriend beat them or be verbal abusive. Or another reason could be that after she gets abused whether its physically or varbally...he calls her and tell her "he cant live without her" or "i miss you so much i might kill myself". I used to be one of those boyfriends,i said used to be im not anymore, but it ruined most of my relationships and i got therapy. Now i dont get angry anymore im starting to see humor in everything and im now dating the most amazing girl ever...i havent told her about my past but im going to tell her and explain that ive gotten help.
- Jaymes

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:59:03 AM
I think it boils down to challenge. A while back I lost a relationship with a young lady whom I was "too nice" to as she stated before our final and hurtful goodbye. She is one of these young ladies who seem to prefer a guy who isn't appreciative of her and doesn't treat her right. She told me at the end of our relationship that I was "too nice and not enough of a challenge" for her. She is now with a boy (even though he is 24 yrs old he is not grown up enough or responsible enough to call a man) who doesn't respect her and she is sticking with him. She came to me a few weeks ago for advice on how to make him change because she supposedly respects my opinion and still considers me a good friend. She complains about how he isn't receptive to her and talks down to her when they argue. I gave her the best advice I could. I said to her "but isn't that the challenge you were looking for, isn't that what you wanted". I told her that she wasn't going to change him because that is how he is. When he grows into a man and realizes what love is about he will change. You too need to grow up into a woman and realize what love really is. So I conclude that girls (not women)are looking for a challenge that cannot be met. That is why the go back to bad relationships. This example also applies to boys who wont get away from these kind of relationships. Love yourself for who you are. Find someone who you can love for who they are. Find someone who loves you for who you are.
- David

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:58:07 AM
I was reading your blog about father hunger and sex and it really hit home for me.... I wanted to keep my virginity for marriage or a serious relationship....basically I would be the judge of when was the right time for me. This was something I felt strongly about. My dad passed away when I was 19 ....11 months later I lost my virginity to someone that did not care for me and I havent spoken to him since the night. I was always puzzeled as to why I let myself make the decision. I truly beleive the lack of a father in my life was what lead me to bed that night.....
-

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:56:54 AM
I've been in an abusive relationship and I did that. I left that guy and then went for another scumbag. I didn't see it at the time but i wanted a familiar type of guy. My first boyfriend was mean to me alot. and the second third fourth and fifth, but now, im realizing theres not a single point in being abused for love.
- Mae

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:53:41 AM
I am this girl. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years who was exactly like that. It was a break-up/make-up relationship. He would do something wrong, like cheat, and somehow blame it on me; make me feel like it was my fault that he cheated... I drove him to it. Then he'd break up with me, and a few days later, we'd get back together. The longest we'd been broken up was when he told me he wanted to date other girls and see if he'd miss me(!); it was for a month and a half. I always got back together with him because I knew he'd been hurt and left before and I didn't want to be the same as the "other girls" in the past. I think these bad guys have been hurt by a girl before and take it out on their next girlfriends. I think girls are attracted to guys like this because of three things. One, they want to be that "good" girl and save the boyfriend from his past scarred relationships. Two, low self-asteem. And three, because of the relationship with their fathers, or lack thereof. I am lured to these guys because I have almost no relationship with my father, and I want to replace that missing love with a boyfriend. Having the poor relationship with my father makes me feel like I did something wrong or need to prove I'm worthy of love from a man. Therefore, I'm attracted to a jerk that will test my limits and make me endure mentally and emotionaly scarring situations to prove I am worthy. I deal with it and give him what he wants to try and get closer to that missing part of my life. When we break up, it feels empty inside again, and so I move on to the next man that treats me this way. You know what's worse? I dated a complete sweetheart that had everything in his life together, and I broke up with him. I got bored. He was my high school sweetheart, and we're friends to this day because he is like family to me... but I was bored in the relationship. I moved on to my first abusive relationship after him. Sickening, huh? Thanks for reading. Love the show.
- Kristy

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:49:55 AM
"We accept the love we think we deserve." Its my understanding that females who go after abusive and uncaring guys because they choose to settle for them. They choose to settle for less because they think that that’s what they deserve. Perhaps its just me but I've yet to hear a woman stay in an abusive relationship if she felt that she deserved more and honestly loved and respected herself. If a female is defending a male who hurts her, claiming that she loves him and he loves her, I think that she needs to love herself first enough to know that she doesn't need to be abused. Most of the time after a female leaves an abusive male she may still revert to being involved with other males who abuse her because she may still think that those are the type of guys she deserves. If someone is so desperate to be loved then that someone will seek anyone who will say the words "I love you" to him/her even if the person saying it doesn't meant it. These females want to feel loved and have a male influence in their lives. Sometimes they are lonely and feel the need to be in a relationship because maybe to them having an abusive boyfriend is better than no boyfriend and being alone. I’m not entirely sure but I don’t think that these females who are in abusive relationships are really happy with their relationships. I refuse to believe that deep down inside anyone would want to be unhappy and if only females would take notice of how destructive these type of relationships can be they would see that they are worthy of the world.
- Winnie

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:45:13 AM
Ok. I know that you had some questions about girls and not wanting to let go. Maybe some of these girls, don't have a father or mother figure around and need to feel security. I personally have this issue but I don't use guys I use friends. Anther reason why they might not want to leave is because maybe something happened between that guy example:sex,getting high,pregnacy,rape,stories,and secrets. By the way I love listening to your show from:10:00pm12:00am on 101.3 in Saint Paul. Thanks.
- Sasha

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:43:28 AM
Every girl longs for someone to love them. Especially if they do not have a good father figure. Girls long for attention and to some girls, it doesn't matter what type of guy it is that gives them attention. I think girls get so used to the bad guys out there, they begin to convince themselves that all guys are like that. TO GIRLS WHO HAVE/HAD a BAD GUY: Not all guys are jerks. There are guys out there who will respect you and not pressure you into anything. But most of all, there is one guy who would do anything for you and he loves you for who you are. He won't try to change you, he won't hurt you, he will never leave you. His name is Jesus. I have a boyfriend who respects me, and yes, I have dated some jerks before too. I think that you should wait for a guy who will treat you right because you are worth it.
- Olivia

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:41:30 AM
I have been told in the past that a girl will always love someone or fall in love with someone that they can't have completely. It's the "x"-factor that keeps them there. To keep thinking that he will come back and he will change for you, when you know it won't happen...you just pretend that he will and continue to be naive. I know this because I am currently in that position. Still loving my ex-boyfriend when I know deep down inside that he would never change for me. It's hard to let go, but when you finally see it with open eyes, then you begin to let go.
- Jessica

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:40:15 AM
Girls give into abusive geys because thats all they, know. maby thy had an abusive parent or relative and they were abused time and time again. So thats they can relate too is that abusive behavior.because I have a friend that dose that very thing. her step-father is abusive when hes drunk and so all of her boyfriends are exactly like that. So I tell her that theres somthing else out there and that she dosnt have to deal with that anymore. Stephanie Howe p.s. your show gives us all hope!!!
- Stephanie Howe

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:27:23 AM
I have had this relationship and I have seen it... My mother and my bio-logical father when they were together he was abusive to her, he was her husband and I was on my way...when my mom was 7 months he punched her in her stomache and my Uncle John had to rush my mom 103 mph down a resedential street to the Loma Linda hospital ... and after that because of the fact she wanted me to grow up with a father in my life he went back to him...he was on many different drugs... and in the end she left him and went to another since then she found her way and met my step-dad ((he is not like her previous men)) and then my story is about this guy and I knew he had a bad reputation on cheating and not caring for his girls...Unfortunatly , I thought it would be different with me and I cold change him ((1st mistake is thinking you can change a guy)) and then to find out that right after he texts me "Hey hunny" he texts my friend Sarah saying "hey baby" and when she replies "Aren't you going out with Alyssa?'" he relpied "I don't go out with that hoe, you know I love you" and my 2nd mistae after breaking up with him is thinking we can be friends 3rd is going out somewhere together 4th is thinking that is could be differnt since then he text me all the time that he loves me and hes sorry and he wants me back
- Alyssa

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:24:15 AM
Dear Dawson I have been listening for the last couple weeks and I heard tonight that women have been getting physically abused but they went back to the man maybe the man have been tracking them down and telling them that they needed to come back to them or else (meaning that they will kill or something very bad )..... I do not know what would be a good soultion but that happened to my mom she would have size 14 foot prints in her back she left him and took me with her and found the right one for her wink wink not really !!!well maybe that'll help =]
- Trish

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:23:14 AM
They go for them because some have low self-esteem.Then their are others who think that if they stay with that they will be safe.Also their are the ones that grow up in an abusive household so they dont know how they should be treated,and they think that behavior is normal.Some just end up giving up and think that is all that they are worth and they just dont care and they want to stay with them.Others think that they are in love and that they dont want to leave that guy.
- brianna

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:17:55 AM
Well i went out with a guy that got wat ever he wanted from me...(( nothing bad..im only in 8th grade..))and he bought me stuff..and i went out with him..cus he was like that baddest guy is school..and i like to have someone who i know can protect me and he did...and then one day this girl told him to say he was going to shoot me but he was playing around but i did not kare...i knew he was but mi friends..told a teacher..so i had to move schools..and now when i see him i wanna talk to him..but i cant..and i miss him..but i dont know why either...everyone says i should be glad i got away from him..but im notits just so confusing...and one of his friends..liek me and they are almost the same but since me and him broke up i wont go out with anyone cuz i cant find one i like and when i do they are all the same just look different..
- Jordan

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:16:05 AM
Well, i know that i have personally been in love with this guy for 4 years and we have had some pretty good fights, and yet i can't stop loving him....but it also helps that the sex is good. They are very aggressive in bed and it's a good time. Thats an honest opinion dawson, and just remember.....when he hits the fan, he then bounces off and hits the wall....best advice i have ever heard....moron
- Holly

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:14:42 AM
these girls who fall in love and the guys who do the abuse ..sometimes have seen it happen in their own lives probably by seeing their mom and dad act this way and they grow up thinking that its the proper way to love someone and because they cant tell the difference.the girls come back out of fear alot of the time because they dont wanna be alone and its even hard if its their first love.they already have low self esteem and are desperate for human contact no matter what kind.And sometimes the women realize theres a problem and end up on a talk show saying "i want him to change" and they always cant.You might love this guy but you gotta leave but there are real horror stories of women getting killed when the mans rage gets out of control.if he treats you like crap its time to get gone before its too late!its not worth the hurt ...nothing is worth hurting over..love isnt supposed to hurt.
- Emily

Monday, Jun 25, 2007 - 12:03:57 AM
Girls sometimes feel that they are alone, and they want someone to be there with them. I believe that they then go and search for a guy, and the type of guys that accept girls the easiest are usually abusive. I also believe that after they figure out that they are being abused they try to stay in the relationship thinking that they can change the guy, which is sometimes impossible.
- Greg

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:58:34 PM
The answer to this question is actually quite simple. Girls go for abusive/uncaring guys because of low self-esteem. If a huge chunk of their life is missing, such as a father figure; they feel they aren't worth much. They tend to feel uncaring is all they CAN get, because they weren't good enough for their father. And for the second part of the question, I would say that again, they feel they can't get any better. They feel that has to be their standard because of their past family life or close relative with problems.
- Sally

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:57:40 PM
It may be because of a couple of different things. Low-self esteem is one. Some girls think that they cant do better, once they get involved with a guy like that he trains her to feel that way, so thats the way she thinks it SHOULD be. The second is for the attention. The good guys dont give the drama which equals attention. Some girls like the attention. The third is some girls go for the jerks or bad guys because they want to try to change them or help them. P. S. This is the firdst time listening to your show and I love it. Thank you.
- Kim

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:56:05 PM
I'm the same way! I fall for the wrong type of boys. And i know this. I think its because i think they are in love with me. I feel like no one loves me and to know that this guys does, i would do anything to be with him!! Then sometimes i think, I made myself like this i attract boys like that! Its my fault, so i feel if thats what boys see im worth. Then those are the only guys that want me! Im so confused, but those are my reasons. They might be for other girls, or boys. Alicia
- Alicia

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:48:16 PM
i was with an emotionally and mentally abusive guy for about a year. i stayed with him because he was a smooth talker and very manipulative. i didn't see it then until the very end. now i see everything clearly. i know some of my frinds who are with the same type of guys. and a lot of them didn't have fathers growing up. i think it has a lot to do with it because they are looking for a strong person to take care of them and love them in place of the father figure they have been missing all of their lives. it's very sad. the boys appear to be strong and loving, but they're controlling crazy people who enjoy making women cry but making women cry when they leave them too and beg for them to come back because they're hooked on being controlled and manipulated. i hope for every girl out there who is experiencing this that she realizes who she is dealing with and she listens to the people around her who have loved her longer than she has known the boy she is with. i now know what a good man is and i am with one and have never been happier (and i hardly ever cry :) that's good!)
- Bekka

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:47:00 PM
I think the main reason why girls keeping giving in to bad guys is because to some girls they think if they stay with them they feel secure. they feel that they cant do any better and stay so they can feel better they stay with them.and if for some reason they break up with that person they will find the exact same kind of guy to feel the same feeling they felt before.
- Melissa

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:46:01 PM
Most girls go for that kind of guy because that is all she may be used to. she may not truly know what its like to be treated with respect or with love. Another may be simply because she doesnt have enough confidence and respect for herself to know that she deserves better than that.
- Kyana

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:45:36 PM
Hi Dawson! My husband and I love your show. We have been together for eight years. Our entire social life has revolved around heavy drinking until recently. Together we quit drinking early this month after the realization that drinking has affected all aspects of our lives negatively. We are happier, healthier and have a lot more money! We got into it together, and we got out of it together. Not everybody is lucky enough to be able to say that, but it is possible! It hasn't quite been a month yet, but we are both deeply committed to our new lifestyle. Thought you might like some good news.
- mary

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:45:02 PM
I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years...I kept going back and going back. I think that he was more habit for me than anything, but I did have an abusive father growing up as a child. So maybe it stemmed from that. My x husband, the abuser, he was quite the charmer though. Saying I love you and that he has changed...BLAH BLAH! Yeah Right he changed for a few weeks then bak to the same old person....the mental and physical abuse along with the cheating. To this day he is still the same and hasnt changed. I think alot of women think they can change a man for the better but the man has to be willing to change for themselves. Thank God, I finally woke up and realized that I deserved better. I had to break the cycle and decided to go out with someone totally opposite than what I was used to. It worked too! We are Happily married for almost 2 years and been together for 10. And I didnt have to change a thing about him.
- Christy

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:37:00 PM
I wish i had an answer for that, Dawson. I have a friend that's with a guy right now that treats her like dirt, and she is not strong enought to leave because she "loves" him. I honestly think it's just straight up incredibly low self-esteem. They don't think they deserve better, so they settle for whatever guy is willing to take them. My friend is a sweet and absolutely beautiful girl. She DOES deserve better that this, and so does every other girl out there whose boyfriend of husband treats her like she's lower than the dirt on the bottom of his shoes. As I've mentioned, I think it all comes from low self-esteem, and no matter how many times you tell them that they're better than this, they don't listen. I'm not sure what anyone can do to fix this. I think it's just one of those situations where they have to hit rock bottom before they realize they need to get out of that relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes once that rock bottom comes around, it's too late to get out. I hope you will have a chance to help someone out of this kind of situation. You do an amazing job, thank you for being honest, and God bless you.
- Carmen

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:36:13 PM
hey dawson, i'm not sure about all girls but my best friend seems to always end up with a bad guy. Her first bad relationship started in high school and she ended up marrying him....they split up for a little over a year and over that time period she dated 3 different guys. Then she tried to patch things up with her husband, and ended up leaving him after he beat her up pretty bad. She always ends up with guys that use her. She'll work and work to try and make a living and end up with someone that lets her work and then spend her paycheck on friday. I think she is just so ready to be in love and find that one person she is suppose to be with that she falls in love with the guy before she really gets to know him. And when i try to tell her that she isnt with a good guy, she makes excuses for them. "Well, he's trying to get a job." "He's got to much going on right now to get a job." I dont know how to talk her into slowing down before she jumps into being serious with someone she barely knows. So, i think that some girls just jump into thinking that they are in love to quickly before they know the person that they are falling for. Any advice for me in helping my friend would be great...thanks
- Ashley

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:32:24 PM
Courtney: Some girls go to abusive guys because at first they are really sweet.... Then when the guy hurts her, and the guy thinks he has control over the girl.... And take advantage because she thinks that the guy is the one for her so she keeps giving him a second chance.... Then it gets worse and she doesn't know what to do.
- Courtney

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:32:02 PM
I think that girls go after abusive and uncaring guys either because a-they like to put themselves in a dramatic situation, or b-they may have deeper roots of possibly being abused as a child, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, or verbally. I think that the reason why girls keep going back to the same type of guy is possibly because they found someone that they could be around, and they think this is the only way they can get a guy - to be with the abusive guy. The girl feels like she is wanted/liked, and she looks past all the abuse.
- Elizabeth

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:24:15 PM
girls somtimes they dont care if there boy friend is caring somtimes they just want somone to pretend love them becuzz u feel like you have know one to care for you at some points like family ishus with ur parent n ur like well if my parents dont care n my boyfriend dont care they just dont know wha ttodo n they dont really know what a good guy is in there mind
- Nickey

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:23:37 PM
my mother just a few years ago was in an abusive relationship. She was actually in a couple of them. The thing is with abusive relationships is that especially when it is a women being abused her self esteem is as low as it can get, the guy makes sure she knows that she cannot get anyone better than him. and finally, if ever when she gets away she still has that mindset that she is not worth anything. She keeps that mindset until she finds help from someone or finally relizes that she is better than that. Women can be very fragile women when it comes to our self-esteem or at least every women that i know is or at one time was. my mom is now much stronger and in a great relationship. it just might take some time for a women to see what she is really worth.
- Amanda

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:21:34 PM
Some girls get into an abusive relationship because that's the way it is with her father and it's all they ever known and they think that thats the way everyone is.Mostly they go back to them because they think they will never get or diseve better.Love your show bye
- K.J.

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:21:11 PM
Girls go after guys because their family is not there for them and they hanged out with the worng people!!!! and got the wrong GUYS!!!!
- Xue

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:20:53 PM
well i know someone that is like that... the reason is that some people just want to be loved. no matter what you say or try to explain it doesnt matter to them. she thinks that it is kind of exciting to idont know have a bad guy? i dont know. but they think that if they abuse them that that was just one time and it wont happen again. and then it just builds on top of that. and then they go to the next guy and they think the same thing and it just goes on and on.
- joanna

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:20:19 PM
Well, even though I don't think I would go back to a guy like that. I believe that the reason that girls go back to guys that abuse them is because of The fact that they have a lot of testosterone and they are assertive basically the Alfa-male if that even makes any since. And we are afraid sometimes to run and get out of the situation because of the fact that we don't want him to hurt us worse.
- rose

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:15:34 PM
I know most girls go after and/or back to abusive guys because that's all that they know and they think that he's like an autority figure and they think that its cool and people think that's cool. They also feel trapped and feel expected to date and go back to those kind of guys, many people esp. adults, don't realize the affects of peer pressure. But in a teen's life that is the major thing. You can hear "Don't worry about what people think about you" But you know what?! It dose matter what people think of you. Esp. later in life when you get a job, what dose your boss think of you? That is IMPORTANT!!!!!!!! no matter what peopple say. So when your expected to do something by a group of peopple you really think you have to do it no matter what. Sadly I know this because I have friends who have had these problems, they didn't have them physically but mentaly, which could be much more damaging. I have done my best and have helped my friends through those times and are so far past them that I can say that there is no chance of that happening ever again, good for them. :) (sry 4 my sp but i can sp 4 my life lol)
- agrl w/ advise

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:14:20 PM
The only way that I can describe why a lady would go back to a relationship or even get involved in one in the first place is what I call the beaten dog syndrome. It's as if you were to take a puppy and the same master beats it as it grows up. Finally someone nice tries to rescue the animal but instead it returns to its owner, not because it enjoys the beatings but that is all it knows and it feels more comfortable and acceptable to the animal. Now mind you in NO WAY do I condone abuse of animals or people, this is simply a symbolic comparison. By the way I work late nights and enjoy listening to you help the youth so that they may assist not only their life, but others in similar situations.
- John

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:08:36 PM
Girls that date uncaring guyz just wanna be loved because they maynot get it at home.When they hurt them and tell them that im the only one that will love you the girl thinks that know one else would love them but they need to get out. Tell someone write it and get help because if not then they might get hurt even worse and maybe evan be killed bye that person
- Brandi

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:05:46 PM
Most girls have a desire to help others. We go for the abusive guys because we think that somehow we can change them and make them better. When they hurt us, we feel bad for not helping them enough and take them back. I think we just don't give ourselves enough credit and believe that we do deserve someone who is going to love and respect us..not degrade and abuse us.
- Danielle

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:05:16 PM
The reason why girls go for the bad guys who treat them badly, is because the girl thinks she is in love with him,but in love with what. How he treats her badly. I think its one of those things where you really can't answer a question like this unless you have been there and done that.
- Becky

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:03:47 PM
I feel that girls that choose the bad guys are victims of past abuse. They are usually victimized long-term and often find themselves back in the same relationships that they have experienced. I would not doubt it if these girls had abusive family lives as well. They just can't find a way out of this cycle of violence.
- Patty

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:03:19 PM
Hey I listen to your show once a week. But i am scared to call in, is there anything else i could do?
- Joe

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 11:03:05 PM
Why do some girls go after abusive and uncaring guys? One reason for that is they might have had an abusive father or an uncaring father and that is what they have grown up with all their life. They look for those who are like their father. After a guy hurts her, why does the girl go back to the same type of guy? They go back because that is where they feel like they are required to be. It takes alot to break paths like that. I love working with teens that have problems like this. It is an awesome gift god has given and I will use it to the best of my ability.
- Joshua

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:51:04 PM
In response to your question as to why girls go for the bad guys who treat them badly, honestly there is no real good answer to this. I do this, and infact I'm doing this right now. There's a perfect guy who treats me wonderfully and then there's a guy who can't even message me on myspace or even make time to hang out with me. But for some reason I just can't go with the good guy, I have to be with the bad one. I dont know if it's because of me being afraid of commitment and that I know the relationship is going to be bad so I don't have to worry about gettin too involved with him or if I'm just so into being "cool" that I want the image of me dating the bad guy. I don't know what to do. No matter what I just can't get the bad guy out of my head, no matter how I try. So yeah. I don't know if you read all of these but some advice would be really helpful. Thanx
- Rachel

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:49:19 PM
Father Hunger. Sounds like a good idea. I will try it but I will discuss it with my mom and get her opinion. Thank you for the idea, have a great week. Your friend, Brock
- Brock Brock

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:44:45 PM
Hey Dawson whats up, I think one of the biggest reasons for girls going after abusive guys is because they dont feel that they deserve anything better. When it comes down to it, its all they they know and some how become comfortable with it. i dont get it either but that is one of the theories that I have come up with. I love the show, keep up the amazing work. God bless. Jon
- Jon

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:43:23 PM
we think that girls do that b/c every girl wants someone. its a fact. no one wants to be alone. girls couldent care less we ubsess over guys all of us do. and some are so ubsesive that they dont care who he is or what he dose. and others just have no standerds and are all over girls and just whoever they can get lovee tiffany and kala :)
- tiffany&kala

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:43:01 PM
Ok. so i think they go after guys like this cause they want someone they think can protect them. It makes them feel safe. but they realize there not loved. but anyways. I need some help. there's this guy ((of course)) anyways i've been talking to him for about a month. and about two weeks ago he made the first move. We started out kissing. and then after that we hung out again and we madeout for like 3-4 hours. it was great. the next night i find out he has a girlfriend. And his girlfriend calls me talking trash. I just really need to know what to do. like do i need to talk to him. Should i call him? this is really driving me crazy. help me!
- brittinee

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:35:39 PM
Hey Dawson, first off - I love the show! Okay, so I think that many girls turn to abusive boyfriends because, sadly, the feel they have no where else to go. Many girls feel really insecure, so even if the guy pushes her around, he is still a guy paying attention to her. This is just a theory, but I have a feeling some girls may just feel this way.
- Liz

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:35:19 PM
Why do some girls go after abusive and uncaring guys?-- Because she doesn't think she deseveres better. Maybe she "loves" him so much that she doesn't care about the abuse. After a guy hurts her, why does the girl go back to the same type of guy?-- She enjoys the attention she had gotten with the other abusive guy. I love your show!:) <3 -Grace<3
- Grace

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:34:13 PM
I think that some girls go after abusive and uncaring guys because their father is abusive and uncaring. I've heard that girls go for guys that are similar to their fathers and that might be the reason why.
- Bonnie

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:32:32 PM
I think they go to those relationships because at first the guys act like they care in the beginning and then when the girl falls for him then he hurts her and starts abuseing her and she thinks she can change him and stuff like that
- Heaven

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:32:17 PM
my best friend is the total opposite, and i'm really confused. her dad left her and her mom when she was in 3rd grade, and her mom had been through so many guys until she met her present husband. my friend absolutley despises her stepfather because he has terrible communication skills. his father died when he was young, and he never had an affectionate family life, and it's hard for him and her to see eye to eye. her father had just recently (months ago) started to get interested in being her dad again, not just the payer of child support, and she doesn't know how to take it. he buys her things all the time, probably because he feels guilty not being there for her a long time ago. this is where is gets complicated: she likes a guy, and they don't know it, and as soon as they start to like her she forgets all about them right away. she is never truthfully nice to any guy, always makes sarcastic comments to them. i don't get it! she shuns boys when they like her. i'm the kind of person that likes to be with just one guy, and i fall pretty hard. my friend on the other hand, it's opposite. she's only ever had one real boyfriend and now they don't talk anymore, she lost her best guyfriend because of it. maybe that's why.. i'm not real sure. i hope someone out there can relate to this, and might have to answers for me to try and help her. also, dawson, i would like to tell you that i'm listening to you right now as we speak, and i think you are an amazing person. i heard you announce a comment over the air, and i decided to leave you one. sometime in this near future i'm going to call the hopeline, i've got a handful of problems myself! when i get into sticky situations, i sometimes ask myself, "what would dawson say to me, if....". you've helped so many people, and i enjoy listening to the show. i'm a faithful listener, and i want you to know that. keep up the good work, and god bless. -Katie Anna
- Katie Anna

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:25:07 PM
Hi Dawson, i think girls go after abusive guys because they're desperate for attention and even if its an abusive relationship. Its like a thing girls have they love to say they have a boyfriend and they love them, whenever im in a relationship i tell myself how much i love them and how lucky i am. In the end i relize they treated me horrible, i think girls tell themselves its ok when its really not. We love to be loved, and somtimes it hard to find, so if thats the closest thing, somtimes we just fall into the trap. Thanks, I love your show. -Kylee
- Kylee

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:21:54 PM
Hello Dawson, im trying to call in to speak of a situation i am in, it may not be a major as some but i need help. please help?! :[
- Tommy B

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:21:42 PM
the thing is.. i have a very loving father.. but i still go for bad boys. i love how they make me feel... but in the end i get hurt every time. i dont think i have a low self esteem because i know i can do better. i think it is simply because i go for the guys i find physically attractive..is this maybe just a phase? i hope..
- amanda

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:13:21 PM
i left my guy last year for the same reason but when he called a few days ago i was so excited to be with him and i figured he maybe changed. and i feel so stupid.. but i really liked him. his family is so wonderful and they love me too. but i feel like every time we are together he is always pushing me to have sex. he says he knows i want to.. and it is so hard. because i like him a lot and i do.. but i do not want to make a mistake. i get the feeling he just doesnt care about me at all. he avoided the entire idea of me being his girlfriend and when i said i just wanted to go out and wait like a few months but he said thats too long... honestly there is no way i can explain this. i dont know whyyyy i like him when he obviously does not care about me AT ALL, i just do. and i really really wish i didnt.. because it just hurts sooo bad to be used.
- amanda

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:09:11 PM
most gurls who go back to abusive and uncaring guyz..know not to go back to them but do anyways.its bc they don't wait long enough to find a nice guy who will show affection for her or that nice guy won't find her.it can get really lonely if you don't have a guy in your life whether it be a boyfriend,friend,or even a dad. and it's like you can feel this hole in your heart..its just there and it hurts cuz you can feel the emptyness of it even if itz small and then you trick yourself into going back to that guy who was hard and awful to you to try to fill that hole and the lonliness in your life.
- kaitlyn

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:08:50 PM
Hi...I am not commenting as far as this blog goes-but I really need to talk to you-I am 15 and live in South Carolina. Do you think it is possible to talk with you off of the air? Thanks Rachael
- Rachael

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:04:51 PM
I think it's because of the fact that they actually have someone and they think that they love them but they don't because all they want is a man in their life. They think that they can help them but they might not be able to. They don't know the dagers they put themselves into.
- Chelsea Payne

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:04:16 PM
"Why do some girls go after abusive and uncaring guys? After a guy hurts her, why does the girl go back to the same type of guy?" --- Because he makes her feel how she ought to be felt. Instead of putting her on a pedestal, he treats her as a person. And if she has a low self-esteem, she feels the person that she should be treated as is worthless and deserving of abuse. And because he validates her low self-esteem, she feels as if she belongs to him. And she just wants to belong. But what do I know? *shrugs*
- LadyErlynne

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 10:03:46 PM
Well I would like to start off by saying listening to you really helps knowing that there are others in my situatuion also. I have been with a guyy for about a year now. I met him thru a friend and in the beginning he wanted a girlfriend and I kinda thought maybe I shouldnt even attempt this because the last girl he was with was pregnant at the time. Then I said I shouldnt judge him based on that. So i gave it a shot. Well now he is saying i need to be his friend before I become his girlfriend because now he doesnt want a girlfriend. I also think that he is talking to other females because one day I had a feeling and I looked thru his phone while he was in the shower and there were text messages and phone calls to may other females. So i really dont know what to do because I do love him and I dont want to loose him but I dont really know what to do. If there is anyway possible to talk to him about it to where he doesnt get mad because everytime when I asked him about it he asked me why i am accusing him of things like that.I mean he bought a new box of protection and I count them and there were to missing that i didnt use with him. So i really dont know.Its like one month we get along great and the next its like we are at each others throats. So if you could give me some advise i would really be thankful of that. I would really like to speak with you also. Thanks Britt
- Brittney

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 9:26:28 PM
I think they go back bcuz they fall in love with them...and when they hurt them sumtimez they take it as a joke so they go back...but when they know they are not joking they still feel a connection so they go back
- Cynnamon

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 8:43:10 PM
i think if they dont hve a man it their life(like a father)they feel emptey inside and guys with sex make them feel full again.
- baley

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 8:42:59 PM
I have a view on next week's blog. My boyfriend sometimes can get a little abusive. One minute hes all smiles and then the next hes punching me to the ground. But he always swears its the last time. I should get away from him, but i love him too much and i think i can help him.
- Starr

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 4:15:17 PM
I have a comment about next weeks blog... i think whygirls go after abusive and uncaring guys, is because, they have a low self esteem, and they think that they deserve the abuse the guy gives them, because they dont think that they deserve better, or that the guy is too good to be true, and will never get someone better, and thats hes a gift from GOD... wich is so not true, and people deserve so much better...
- Brittney

Sunday, Jun 24, 2007 - 4:14:58 PM
She looks for comfort that she's probaly never got from her farther, or never will.
- Delayva

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 6:01:32 PM
One night I was flipping through the radio channels and your show was on and you were talking about all this father hunger stuff, and you really got me listening because I've been going through a lot lately. It's kind of hard for me...I'm adopted, I was when I was about 11;I'm now 17. My birth dad, whom I recently got in contact with after 7 years, and it was sooooo weird. He was extremely abusive verbally and physically. He is an alcoholic and drug user, and really never planned to have me in the first place. Up until last year I said I'd never contact him, but then I received the news my birth mother died and all my future plans after I was 18 were centered around seeing her. But now I'm trying to work on forgiving this father that I hate so deeply and so loathingly that it makes me cringe to even mention him. But I so badly want to repair that relationship but I really don't know how to do it. What I'd really like is an apology...but he's not ready for that...and I just really don't know what to do.
- Jenny

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 1:54:18 PM
I think the whole reason girls give into guys that are un caring and only out to hurt them is because they dont really notice it and they are just blinded .. and like me i thought i fell in love with a guy after dating for only a month and things after month 10 just got really bad. he emotinaly abused me and tried to buy love.. i geuss the reason i gave in was because he seemed like some0ne i coulld talk to when all he did was lie about stupid stuff.
- LEXIS

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 1:54:02 PM
So if you know that you are with someone whom is your father made over, if you've had a family with him, have had a long life with him.. How does one get past the father thing and move on? Where and how does one begin?
- Trisha

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 1:53:43 PM
I think that girl's are to giving sometimes but im a girl and i dont want a boyfriend right now yes sometimes I wish that i do but not really. Now its the guys they want to have sex and when a girl isnt ready that means no.
- Heather

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 1:53:32 PM
I look at all adult males as my father most of the time!! And i get close to them all and love them all as in if they were my dad!!
- Allyson

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 1:53:15 PM
i think the reason why girls give into guys is because they think that the boy would love them because they dont have anyone that loves them meaning their dads so they think that if they meet a buy no matter what age they are they think that that guy is going to love them for them but guys only want girl mostly for sex sorry guys if you read this its the truth and also this i comeing from a girl who has a bf on the web that i dont iven know he sounds nice but he might not be real like the age he sais oh and dawson i cant call you so it would be nice if u email me at the email adress that i sent this post with thanks and also i love your show o and girl who have father problems and that need boys because of it listern to me get hep go to someone u can trust then you will fnd out what you should do with a father figure problem love you all bye
- bethan

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 1:52:51 PM
There are alot of girls at this time and day who have lowered self esteem due to past relationships, family issues, and backgrounds where mental, physical and sexual abuse can be found. Girls with these problems will fall for anyone whether they realize it or not. If a girl is father hungry she most likely thinks, "If my real dad cant even love me, than how could some one that didnt help create me do it?" She will jump at any chance for love because she feels it will be last chance she gets to have someone who will really care about her. It doesnt matter if he beats her, cheats on her or rapes her. If he says he loves her she wont let go of him. Im not saying this because its the way I feel so dont be offended. Im saying it because i, myself have went tthrough it and I know many people with the same problem. Its a phycological thing.
- Nikk

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 1:52:01 PM
hey dawson. i read the blog about father hunger and i have been tryin for the past few years to figure out a way to talk to him about how i feel and the pain i feel knowing he doesnt spend as much time as he should with me. i mean i go and visit him and all but when im there me and him barely talk the whole weekend im there. and what he doesnt know is that its killing me inside and i dont know how to talk to him about it and to help him explain. people say maybe he is like that because im a girl but i dont understand how that can be when other fathers have good relationships with their daughters. i just need some help im almost 18 and i want to be able to talk to my dad tell him how i feel so i can forgive him and we can move on and hopefully have a better daughter/father relationship.... so please if you can help me!! i need a father or a father figure in my life!!
- sara

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 1:51:37 PM
Girls go after the wrong type of guys b/c they dont have standerds they just want someone to call their boyfriend and be able to do stuff with they realy dont care about what he dose [cheat, beat her, etc.] they just want someone their.
- Kala

Saturday, Jun 23, 2007 - 1:51:22 PM
What happens if you have father hunger and he has past away? Because my dad past away 4 years ago. And i was so close to him. But now i have no one.
- Crystal Peepo

Friday, Jun 22, 2007 - 1:40:26 PM
I think some girls go after uncaring guys because they go after someone that is like their father. If their father has abused them and done other things to them in the past, they may make an effort to heal their boyfirend because they can't do so to their dad. Even after more abuse by their boyfriend, they still seek someone to heal and make them feel like maybe their father wanted them in the beginning. By the way, the Red Sox just swept the Braves! All is good in the Red Sox nation! Thanks again!!!
- _*Katie*_

Friday, Jun 22, 2007 - 10:17:01 AM
Being someone who does this; You just don't realize it. If a guy screws you over, it's upsetting and it hurts, but you are so attatched. Girls always need to know why it is they're not being cared about-If her boyfriend hurts her, treats her badly, and breaks things off, it leaves a girl to wonder why she isn't good enough. Guys don't understand how fragile a girl's heart it, and how easily we get attatched.
- Sandy

Friday, Jun 22, 2007 - 12:06:51 AM
sometimes girls feel so hurt and neglected they cant even see the bad right in front of them. they are longing for someone and if there is that guy there, they will settle for less than they deserve. and sometimes i find that some girls dont want a loving closeness, for many different reasons, but still need to feel loved.
- sara

Friday, Jun 22, 2007 - 12:06:40 AM
I think girls go after abusive and uncaring guys because they believe that that's the only guy that's out there for them. Maybe the girl's father was abusive, and they haven't been around guys who treat girls better. I think after a girl gets hurt by