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Part 6 - Abusive Dating Relationships

I have often thought about the many girls who allow themselves to be abused in dating relationships. By abuse, I mean anything in a relationship that one or both partners purposefully hurts or damages the other. This abuse could be physical, emotional, and even sexual. It includes such things as vicious put-downs, pressured sex, slapping, pushing, punching, kicking, controlling, domineering, etc.

In fact, 1 in 3 teenagers know a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. That adds up to over 2 million women 25 and younger who are being abused by their boyfriends. One female abused by her boyfriend is too many. Two million is a tragedy.

CLICK HERE to find out if you’re in an abusive relationship.

But why? Why does this happen? Why are there so many young women who allow themselves to be abused? I asked you to help me by sending in your comments. What you had to say helped me understand so much better why this tragedy happens. So let’s get on with it.

1. Many abused girls stay in an abusive relationship because their abuser is often charming, persuasive, and manipulative.
   
   It’s not like an abusive guy walks around with a big “A” tattooed on his forehead saying, “Hey everybody. Look at me. I’m an abuser.” No. He looks just like anybody else, and often has a very charming way about him. That is why so many people cannot believe he’s abusive. At the beginning of the relationship, everything seems so wonderful. The romance goes into a whirlwind, full of excitement and attention and gifts at unexpected times. Mr. Charming talks much about love and quickly tells his new girlfriend she is the one for him and he is truly in love with her. Usually, the girl has never met someone so amazing. But what she does not understand is right beneath the veneer of charm and charisma is an angry, controlling, cruel, troubled young man who is about to put her through hell. Sooner or later, his true colors show through. Little by little he turns on her. First in little ways: The put-downs, the jealousy, the controlling of her every move. While this relationship may still be exciting to her, it soon escalates into something ugly, degrading, and heartbreaking. Nobody deserves to be treated like this, not even from Mr. Charming. It took Bekka quite a while to figure all this out:

   “I was with an emotionally and mentally abusive guy for about a year. I stayed with him because he was a smooth talker and very manipulative. I didn't see it then until the very end. Now I see everything clearly.”

2. Behind every abused teenage girl is the debilitating condition of low self-esteem.
   
   Almost every girl who is being abused is basically set up psychologically for it to happen. She often feels so low and unwanted that as long as some guy says he loves her, she will put up with almost anything. She is convinced she does not deserve and will never get a guy any better than the one who is treating her so poorly. Sarah has been there…

   “Girls go after abusive and uncaring guys because they don't think that they deserve any better and/or that they could get any better. Any kind of attention is better than no attention. That's what I thought anyway. A slap across the face from time to time was better than drowning in a room all alone. A few harsh words from a guy who sometimes did love me could be brushed off...when compared to the mouthful of obscenities that would flow from the mouth of my Father.”
   
   

   CLICK HERE to find out about the profile of a young abuser.

   
   
   If you are being abused by your boyfriend, you are suffering from low self-esteem. Your troubled boyfriend wants you to stay that way. But do you really want to stay stuck in that cruel, emotional mud? If not, ask yourself, “What must I do to respect myself enough to get away from him?”
   
   
3. Most teenage girls who are abused by their boyfriend think it’s normal, all just part of their lives.
   
   No one deserves to be put down, shoved, hit, controlled, or pressured to have sex. Everyone deserves love and respect as God’s children. The only problem is most girls who allow their boyfriends to abuse them don’t know that. Because of their dysfunctional family, what is abnormal to everyone else is perfectly normal to them. Jessica nailed it when she wrote,

   “My last relationship was abusive. I gave in because it was what I grew up with. My mother's boyfriend beat her while I was growing up, they were constantly arguing. Then she started hitting me and calling me names. I grew up thinking that was what a relationship was.”

   Is it any wonder why so many abused girls get caught up in sabotaging healthy dating relationships. Let’s suppose for a moment a girl who is being hurt by her cruel boyfriend breaks up with him. She then starts dating someone who is kind, loving, and stable. Often, it doesn’t take long for her to break off the relationship. Why? A stable relationship is just so foreign to her. There’s not enough drama or an adrenaline rush with her new boyfriend. So often she will go back to another hurtful guy. Deb explains this powerful trap so well:

   “The abusive man and his behaviors is what they have come to know as normal. Therefore when a normal and nice guy comes along, bells and warning signs go off inside them. Something is not right with this guy. They can become untrusting, because they do not know what his motives may be. Many times the abusive father says directly or indirectly that nice caring men are wimps. What girl could feel safe with a wimp? Yes safe. Abused girls feel safe with these abusers, believe it or not. The reverse would hold true for a girl who was bought up in a healthy home. Bells and [warning signs] would go off in her head and soul if she went out with an abusive guy, and she would be very distrusting of him…”

4. It is easy for the abused girl to think she is in love with her abuser, when in fact she’s not.
   
   What is so loving about being slapped, shoved, cursed, raped, and humiliated? That’s not love. No matter what her feelings say, she is not in love, she just feels she is. When you are lost or have a low self esteem, your view of love is distorted. (Tiffany) Why would she feel like she’s in love, even when she’s being abused? Well, in her heart, at least she’s not alone. She has a guy and he pays her attention, even as cruel as he may be. She is trying very hard in this ugly dating drama to help him and rescue him and that makes her feel better about herself. She doesn’t know what he’s going to do next, so she’s always on edge, obsessing over what he might do. She thinks it’s exciting he is suffocatingly jealous of her. She simply does not understand in her warped way of feeling that what she is experiencing is not love. True love shows kindness, respect, understanding, and wants to protect the partner from as much hurt as possible. Sadly, many abused girls don’t get it. They truly feel they are in love. How sad.

Conclusion

CLICK HERE to find out how to get out of an abusive relationship.

There are many other reasons why girls are abused by their boyfriends. But hopefully this blog will help you get started in understanding why. If you are in an abusive relationship, I beg you to get out of it now. Take some time away from guys. Get to know yourself. Spend time with God. Heal up. And vow never to date an abusive guy again. You’re so much better than that.

Your friend,
Dawson McAllister


NEXT WEEK'S BLOG - Who Should I Date?

CLICK HERE to see   Dawson's pick for  Comment of the Week!

Your comments are priceless to me.  You and I are writing the blogs together.  You have awesome things to say.  In some cases, your comments even make it in to my blog.  So please keep them coming . 

Here are the questions for you to comment on:

If you have a great relationship with your boyfriend, what characteristics does he have that make you respect him?

If your sister or friend was starting to date, what good qualities would you tell her to look for in a boyfriend?

Thursday, Jul 5, 2007 - 11:57:00 AM
i date darryl and he is the best bf eva.we have a very trusting relationship,and we can talk 2 eachotha about anything!
- beverly

Thursday, Jul 5, 2007 - 11:56:45 AM
Your show is awsome. I listen to it all the time. I realize I'm not a teenager anymore, but this topic hit home for me. I was in an abusive relationship once. It landed me in the hospital. My now ex-boyfriend beat me so bad that I could barely walk. While I was in the hospital a nurse gave me the encouragement I needed to break up with the guy. Now I can say I'm happily married and have two wonderful children, and I'm only 24 years old. My husband does know about the past, and he was the product of an abusive father. He has broken the cycle which is very hard. But anyway, I was 13 when I was in the abusive relationship. It colored my image of men for a long time. The best thing I can say is that not all men are that crual. Stay frim in your faith, God will provide you with not only a way out of a bad relationship but in time He will also provide you with the partner you need.
- Christina

Wednesday, Jul 4, 2007 - 7:36:24 PM
i think that your the best for helping young people with there problems!sometimes you cant always go to tour parents because you think that they will be ashamed or your to embarassed!i listen to your show everyday until it ends!the way you help is great!but anyway, i think i like my boyfreind because he is always there for me!if i have a problem he will cancel his plans to be there for me!he also doesnt pressure me to do anything i dont want to do, and, my favorite, he has the best sense of humor!he can cheer me up and make a joke about anything, and another important thing , he is really cute.he is the perfect guy!and weve been together for 3 years!
- brooklyn

Wednesday, Jul 4, 2007 - 12:32:15 PM
First off, I just want to tell you that I adore you and what you do for all the people who call in to you or write in to you. Second, if I am in a good relationship with a guy, the qualities that would make me respect him would be: sincerity and honesty and him having respect for me. He would also have to have a great personality. Also, I would tell her that she should make sure that he is kind-hearted, sincere, and honest. Also, she should know that he should have a good personality, be very caring to her, and have respect for any boundaries she may set. That is what I think of dating.
- Nikki

Wednesday, Jul 4, 2007 - 12:37:02 AM
i would tell any girl to look for a guy who will open the door for you and not act like all the other wanna-be thugs that are out in todays society. i found my man david at a water park and he turned out to be really nice to me. he never says anything that will make me feel horrible. if you can find a guy who will treat you like a princess or somebody special and they do NOT do anything to hurt you then you have found the right person. if they cant give you anything but their unconditional love then you will be happy and last a long time. my boyfriend David is the best and i love him and i know he loves me too.
- krista reffett

Wednesday, Jul 4, 2007 - 12:29:35 AM
most people who are in abusive relationships go back into one because the person that they are with will seem like the sweetest guy/girl you will ever meet, and then they start by saying things to put your your self-esteem lowand when you do get out of that relationship you find someone else who is the same and all the comments that they say dont effect you as much because you are so use to them. i know this from experience and i am glad that the guy i am with now is sweet and has never out me down in any way possible
- krista Reffett

Wednesday, Jul 4, 2007 - 12:27:01 AM
Wow, Dawson, where to begin? When I read your "signs to abusive relationships" i was astonished at first and then i broke down into tears. It seems like my friends are right about my boyfriend.....if he can he will kill me one day. I mean, he has already killed my self-esteem to the point where i cant even look at myself in the mirror.....i love your blog, it's awesome! I just wish he could love me for who i am and not what i have to offer. I am really lost and scared to death and knowing that, i am still going to stay with him because im scared of what might happen if i choose to do so much as dissagree with him. "I am his property." as he likes to claim.
- Julie

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 9:52:48 PM
I don't really know how to start a relationship because i either act out like i am really hyper and thats one way the boys reject me by my crazyness and i need help
- Erica

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 8:50:23 PM
I think that women put up with abuse because they are fooled into thinking the situation will get better if they just let it run its course, however that is not the case. It usually gets worse. They also think that the man is just upset, or try and make excuses for him. In reality, it is the man's fault for not taking ownership of his actions. Women need to realize that they have the power to protect themselves from abusive dating, and doing so will make them better people. Easier said than done, I know right? But if you keep letting it happen, the man will begin to think it is acceptable to you, which in turn creates more violence. However, if you leave immediately and tell someone about it, the situation becomes much easier to get out of. So ladies, stand up for yourselves and remember that you deserve the best and definitely report it. You don't need to feel hurt any longer, don't put up with it. Sincerely, Brooke
- Brookelin Jones

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 8:49:46 PM
If my friend started to date, the qualaties I would recomend in a boyfriend are things you can see right away. Does he have pets? If he does, and they are treated well, that is a sign that he is probably kind and loving. Meet his whole family. Watch how he treats his parents (especially his mom) and siblings (especially younger ones or sisters). Also watch how his parents (especially father) treats him. I you learn that either one, or both of his parents are abusive, or one walked out, watch out. It might make him think that is the only kind of relationships
- Katy

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 8:45:54 PM
i think that some girls give into guys because they feel that they dont deserve better, possibly because they have very low self esteem or maybe they grew up in a home that had no normal relationships.Maybe they saw their mother have abusive relationship after abusive relationship, and since they've been watching that all their life, they might think that's how it's supposed to be. but luckily for me,i have found the guy who i think could be my soul mate. he is everything i ever wnated. i never thought i could love somebody so much. he's the whole package. he respects me, he's always there for me,even if it's inconvenient for him. what i like best about him is that he can always make me smile, even if i'm in a sad/bad mood. i thank god each day for bringing him into my life. not only is he my boyfriend, but he is my best friend, and i don't know what i would do without him. the advice that i would give my sister or a friend is to look for a guy who brings out the best in you. somebody who always puts you up. A guy who you truly connect with. somebody who is different(in a good way) then all the other guys you have liked or have gone out with. and my dad has told me to look at how the guy treats their mother and sister. p.s. dawson i love your show, i listen to it every sunday, and i love how you work in kids' lives. keep up the great work!
- kylie

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 8:28:58 PM
Well, if my friend were starting to date, I would definitely want her to picky about who she got involved with. In a boyfriend, you need a man who is respectful to you (well actually, all people), no matter the circumstances, and no matter who you are around. (For instance, if he starts acting different around the boys, there's a problem there.)He has to be of course kind, trustworthy, loving, humble, caring, loyal, and a gentleman. Also, a man who puts his trust in God and seeks support is good. I am a strong Christian, so I respect boys who don't think of themselves as Mr. Macho-I-don't-need-anybody-I-run-everything. I respect a family-oriented man who admits mistakes, asks for help, and knows that he DOESN't know everything.
- Iris

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 8:19:38 PM
Hello! Good Site! Thanks you! ehafxrbofykf
- nrpwetwrkf

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 8:17:45 PM
First off, I love listening to your show. I've called in once and was greatly helped. My boyfriend, while he has his faults (doesn't everyone?), is absolutely amazing; he is also my best friend! We met at a retreat for a college scholarship program we both belong to. We've been dating for approximately 6 months, but it feels like time has flown by yet stood still at the same time. He is a caring, understanding man who knows his boundaries/limitations. He always has a kind word for anyone and everyone. When we go out he opens doors (not just for me either), pulls out chairs, and most of the time won't let me pay for myself. He cares about how my days go and listens intently when I need to talk about something. When I'm sad he lets me cry if need be, and makes me smile when I'm done crying. He always knows how to make me laugh and does so on a regular basis as well as out of the blue. Not only is he a gentleman, he is accepted by my friends and family as a part of the family. Many times I have dated guys that those around me aren't particularly found of, but not one of these people dislike him. His family and friends feel the same about me, as far as I know. He got me back into church and has helped me grow much closer to God. I feel like I belong somewhere (church-wise) again. We go fishing, biking, dancing, and sometimes even shopping together. We support each other's ideas and beliefs and have agreed to disagree. And while we try to spend as much time as possible together, we don't alienate ourselves from our other friends or family. We spend as much time, if not more, with them than we do together. I believe this is really a match made in heaven by God Himself. As for what I want a friend or sister to look for in men, I believe the first thing is common values. Humor is always a good quality in a man, as long as it's appropriate. Personal beliefs are extremely important. If a man doesn't believe in anything, how can he believe/have faith in love and relationships? Of course there are the standard things: understanding, caring, listener, etc. If you can't get along with them or they make you uncomfortable, you will not have a good relationship. I think my best advice, however, would be to pray and ask God to show you the right man for you; ask for wisdom in discerning him from the others, the courage to go through with the relationship, and the faith to stick with it through the hard times.
- Allie

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 8:03:02 PM
Girls who go back for the same guys are stupid. Because if the guys love them they should treat them with respect and kindness. If a guy hurt me I would NOT go back for the same guy that hurt me. I know if god was here on earth he would not want me hanging around someone who is not saved and hurts me and does not care for me. I mabe would not trust that person again. I am NOT scared if they come back cause in the word of god it says be strong and ceradgase do not be terifide do not be discurige for the lord god is with you where ever you go.
- Breanna

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 7:50:34 PM
I have respect for myself. I am very motivated, disciplined, hardworking woman. I am in college and an active member in a sorority. However, my boyfriend abuses me by checking up on me constantly, possessive of me, tells me what clothes I can't wear, and most of all accuses me of cheating on him becausae I have guy friends. I did not realize this was happening until recently about 2 months ago. Now, I did break it off. when that happened, he stalked me three times in one day. He showed up at my work even though I didn't tell him where I worked. I had to call the cops. Once that happened, we discussed this issues. I know in my heart that he is the wrong guy for me. I know i deserve better (a whole lot better)! But, two things concern me which are I don't think I can have a decent guy and second I don't know how to get out of it. So, as of now, I just pray to God to hear my prayers and help me in this difficult situation I have been in for to long. If anyone has any comments, suggestions, feel free to help me out!
-

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 6:51:42 PM
I am in a abusive relationship (I was unaware of) and I have been in it for four years. However, I look for guys like my father! I look for characteristics such as respect, honesty, moral values, religion, success, personality, and overall a guy that knows how to treat a woman. My father has to approve of him before I date him. What is so strange is that the guy I'm in a 4 year relationship with he did not approve of. I have parents who are married and do not abuse one another. How did I pick this guy? I have no idea! But I am very interested in this week's topic!
- Lauren

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 10:25:42 AM
I think some girls give into guys because their either afraid they are gonna be alone for the rest of their lives, they don't feel loved whether its by family,friends,boyfriend,or anyone, they are extremely depressed, they don't think before they act, they don't think of the physical and emotional consequences,they don't feel they have anyone to trust, they have no self-respect,they probably don't know what self-respect is, and some girls just are not mature enough,or mature at all. some ppl just need to learn about god and give into god not guys.I TURN TO GOD FOR EVERYTHING... EVEN IF I DOUBT HIM FOR ONE SECOND I SNAP BACK TO REALITY..I HOPE YOU WILL SAY THIS ON NEXT SUNDAYS SHOW, PLZ?..LOVE ALWAYS KATIE,16,FROM WATONGA,OKLAHOMA
- katie

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 10:25:25 AM
hey dawson i heard your show for the first time the other night and it got me wondering aobut my past relationships. like me and this girl have dated on and off for 5 years and we're good friends and she has a b/f thats she's gnna move in with. but see she's gettin mad at me cause i'm talkin to her friends and idk what to think about that she denies that she still cares but i think she still does but idk how to show her that i still have feelings for her but i just don't wear them on my shoulder help me out man later!!
- beau

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 10:25:11 AM
A year ago now I was in what I thought was a good relationship with this guy. It went great for the first few months then the next couple he had me turned against everyone I love and that loves me. He had me doing all sorts of drugs, drinking, and things I wouldn't normaly do. We would end up fighting when we would drink or didn't have the money to do the drugs/drink. He had gave me 2 black eyes, broke nose, and a concussion. And also from some past things that we had done due to drugs, it all ended in a terrifying 20hrs or so trip to jail. Until my mom who I thought would just let me stay there bailed me out. Never again will I put up with a guy that does drugs/drinks or even thinks that hiting a woman is right. I have also been drug free myself almost a yr. now. But of course leave it to me to get with another druggie and that time I got pregnant. I have 3 weeks left till I have her. The father is in jail and he doesn't care whether she is his or not. It was one of those things I thought he cared about me but of course he didn't. Since I have been pregnant it has changed the way I look at guys now. I am actually thinking about me and my little girl. Before I really had low self esteem and didn't care about myself. Now it seems I care because I have someone that I know will love and need me for as long as I live. I seem to not really NEED a guy any more. I just really don't think I will ever find anyone worth getting to know. It seems like every guy that I have met is either an alcoholic or on drugs. Not to mention don't want to work! I am a nice person and hate to hurt anyones feelings at all and so I have also supported financially when I was financially UNABLE so I do not want any more people around me that don't have jobs LOL. I like your show keep up the good work. Jess
- Jessica C.

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 10:25:03 AM
Well, for me personally... I look for more than just personality or good looks or popularity. I actually have a list of "standards" I guess you could call them of characteristics that I long to have in my future husband! here are just a few of my many...honest, trustworthy, good sense of humor, enjoys being around his family and mine, encourager, dependable, won't try to change me, likes me for who i am, will enrich my life, will not hinder my relationship with Jesus, respects me and other females, caring, understanding, open, not rude, not self-seeking (does not look to himself for things, but to God!) hope this helps!!
- Kerrie

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 10:24:59 AM
I believe I have a great relationship with my boyfriend Woody. I have known him for about seven years, and we have been together six of those years consistently. The characteristics that Woody haves that makes me respect him are: his respect for himself, his respect for me (which is my morals, and beliefs.),he's with me because of who I am ,not for what I have, he treats his mother with all the respect in the world, he treats me parents with the same respect. He's not controlling, he is always understanding and forgiving. In fact, when we weren't together at one time I actually was being selfish and i decided that I needed a break and I chose to date other guys.Through out my so called "ACTING OUT" Woody was there through it all. He still called me but at the same time he respected that I was in another relationship. I hurt him so much and wish I could turn back the hands of time and do everything all over again.He never left my side and I appericate so much.He's telling how me how I'm so pretty and beautiful,and how he commends me being a virgin. He has never been abusive in any way.Well any way, the advice and the characteristics that I think that boys should have are one respect for themselves, independence,self actualization, self-esteem, respect for you: his parents and your parents.
- Kourtnie

Tuesday, Jul 3, 2007 - 10:24:51 AM
I like it when a guy doesn't complain about going places with you and your friends are there. To me it shows that he's interested in all of your life... and not just something else.
- Clara

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 11:07:39 PM
I have a great relationship with my boyfriend. In fact, we are engaged, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I understand to a certain extent why these girls stay in the abusive relationships-but then again I really don't. I mean I have never personally been in one but I wouldn't like to either. The characteristics that Jerrid has that make me respect him are first and for most, he respects himself-which is very important to me, he respects me, has a good since of humor, very self-less, always is putting me in front of all of the "friends" that he has. And if my niece(because I don't have a younger sister) started to date-I would just tell her to make sure she were careful and watch what guy she chooses-like if he acts all nice and then kind of off at other times. I would say that isn't a good sign. Rachael
- Rachael

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 11:07:13 PM
I have a great realtionship with my boyfirend Mark who I have been with over a year and a half. We have that kind of realtionship because we listen to each other, we have been honest about everything with each other, even when it was stuff we didn't want to know or talk about. Honesty and being able to talk to each without reservation ha smade our relationship great. We have also both come from bad past realtionship, with emotional and physical abuse. This has helped us bond, and we ar eboth constantly check with each making sure the other is happy and secure. Thanks for letting me share.
- Melissa

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 11:06:59 PM
Dawson, I would like to comment on my great guy whom I have now been with a year. I could go on and on about him with all kinds of wonderful things but that would take pages, so instead to conserve space I would like to just list one quaility that by far is THE QUAILITY any woman should look for in a man and is the main quaility that should attract her to him. I believe Tina Turner named this quaility in one of her popular 1970's songs; it would be RESPECT! I cannot stress it enough if he does not respect you, you will have issues. In order for any woman to know if he is a respectful guy she should pay attention to a number of things, from how he treats his family to his friends, to his pets, himself and you. Any of these can give you red flags or good signs. For example: you should notice the way he respects his family, parents, siblings, and other relatives. Does he belittle them, does he talk down to them, does he treat them badly or does he care and offer help and support to his family? You should ask yourself how he treats his friends. If his friend called to say he was stranded on the side of the road in some mud and needed help would your guy tell him to tough it out or would he offer to help? That is a good sign to show you that he respects the friendship he has with his friend. Does he have pets, how does he treat them, does he neglect them, ignore their pleas for attention, does he take them to the vet? If he can take care of a pet, and respects his pet, he will probably respect you as well. Also does he respect himself? Does he take care of his health, his needs, does he groom and bath regularly, does he go to the doctor when ill, does he have clean clothes and other necessary items? All of this can tell you if he respects himself, and if he does respect himself that could mean that he can respect you as well. Now here is the big one, does he respect YOU? does he call you names, belittle you, does he curse at you and tell you that you must do things his way? Does he allow you to express yourself or does he stifle your imagination? Let me make that a little more clear with an example. I told my boyfriend I wanted to go back to college but that it would take a lot of my time and I already worked full time. We also live an hour apart so it would be harder for us to see each other if I was in school. I told him I did not want to hurt our relationship but wanted to do this for myself. He said to me that it was important to me and he wanted me to be happy. He also said that we would make the most of what little time we did have together. In other words he respected my decision even though it would affect him and he respected me and our relationship enough that he saw that it was most important to work hard at staying together even during a rough time. That is RESPECT, and you can't find it everywhere. All women should be eager to find a man who respects her, because in that she can find love and know that she is be treated right.
- Megan

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 10:23:10 PM
i've been involved with my boyfriend for 7 months now. he is amazing. he always tells me i'm beautiful...not hot or sexy, he's a real gentleman and sometimes even kisses my hand. best of all he listens to what i have to say. he respects me and the people that i care about. he is also patient with me because sometimes i can be really difficult. i love him so much! we need more men in the world like him!
- becca

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 8:23:27 PM
My name is Pamela and i have a promblem with my friend's mom,because my boyfriend used to have an abusive life but i am helping him with that but my friend's mom got involved in his life and i harley get to see him cause he is always at her house.She says she hates me and other people that are his friend,and she doesn't let him talk to any of us.It bugs me to much.What should i do?
- Pamela

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 7:59:08 PM
So far i LUV ur radio show. this would be my second tyme listening and i think it is great. But to answer ur question, if my sister or best frend was starting to date i would tell her that she needs to find a guy that respects her and is able to trust her and vise-versa. Also there needs communication,Trust, and Honesty. And he needs to look good. But to find a guy with all those qualitites to me is very hard to find these days. Again i luv ur radio show and will continue to listen.
- Mariah

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 7:54:40 PM
What characteristics does a boyfriend have to have to make you respect him? Just follow the golden rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. I think if a partner treats you with the same amount of respect and care as they themselves would like to be treated with they cannot go wrong. Sure we are all human and make mistakes, but it is how we recover and fix those mistakes that shows how strong and have far we are willing to go in a relationship.
- Nadia

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 7:54:17 PM
I'm in an AMAZING relationship right now!!! We have been going out for almost two months and he is extremely nice. At random times he will just look at me and say something like, "Mercedes, you are the most bbeautiful girl", and it just takes me by complete surprise. One time we were talking on the fone and all-of-a-sudden, he said, "Do you have a flower shop where you live?" I said, "Yes, why?" Then he replied, "Good, now I'm goig to send you flowers on EVERY holiday, oh, and any random holiday I decide to make up." It was soooooo sweet. He respects my dad and my brother. He is always playing with my little sister. One time i went to eat pizza with him, his dad, his brother and his brother's girlfriend, and his little broter, and his dad was quizzing us. He asked my boyfriend what he thought of me on a scale of 1-10, and he said, "11". Then his dad looked at me and said, "Mercedes, the first time Austin told me about you, he said, 'Dad, I just met the nicest, most amazing girl,' and i thought, 'Well, I'm going to have to meet this one.'" It was so sweet. He always pulls out the chair for me, and holds my hand whenever we're around other girls, just so i can show him off. Those are some of the sweetest qualities about him...
- Mercedes

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 7:52:54 PM
HEY WELL MA NAME IS ANA N IM FROM DALLAS TX I WAS GOING OUT WITH THZ BOY LIKE 5 MONTHS AGO N I REALY FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM I MEAN I KNW IM JUST A 16 YEAR OLD GOING THROUGH A WHOLE BUNCH OF THNGS RIGHT NOW BUT I DID SOMETHNG WRONG THT MADE TH RELATIONSHIP END NOW 5 MONTHS LATER I FIND OUT THT TH BOY I LOVED N STILL LOVE JUST WHNT OUT WITH ME JUST 2 4GET ABOUT THZ GURL NOW IDK WHT 2 DO I MEAN NOW IM IN A RELATIONSHIP OF 1 MONTH N ALL N I CANT B THNKNG OF MA X WHILE GOING OUT WITH MA NEW BF I MEAN I REALY DO LOVE MA X N I CANT GET HIM OF MA HEAD THZ SOMETHNG THT ALLWAYZ MAKES ME REMEMBER HIM NO MATTER WHT N NOW THT IM WITH MA NEW BF THNGS BN HAPPENING I MEAN IDK WHTZ GOING ON I REALY DO FEEL SOMETHNG FOR MA NEW BF N ALL BUT I ALLSO DONT WHNT 2 GET 2 MUCH IM LOVE I MEAN IDK WHT 2 DO N THN STILL AT TH BEGINING OF TH RELATIONSHIP MY BF'S X-GURLFRIEND WAS CONTACTING ME ON MY MYSPACE TELLING ME SO MANY STUFF OF WHT HAD HAPPEN BETWEEN BOTH OF THM N ALL N TH THNG IS THT HEZ X-GURLFRIEND IS 1 OF MA OLD FRIENDS N ALL SO CHEA IF U CAN PLEASE HELP ME OUT IDK WHT 2 DO NO MO N ALL I NEED HELP 4RM SOME1 N ALL IF U CAN PLEASE HELP ME OUT I WILL APRISHIATE IT
- ANA

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 7:48:57 PM
My fiance and I have been dating for over three years, and I think he is absolutely wonderful. These are some of my favorite qualities about him. 1.) He's respectful. He respects me and he respects himself. He doesn't pressure me sexually, and he doesn't try and push me around. 2.) He has morals. We are both Christians, so having good morals is an important quality for me. He hates pornography, he doesn't go out and get drunk, and he doesn't find it attractive when young ladies act as if they have no morals. 3.) He is strong. I don't mean physical strength. He has the strength to control himself. About 8 months into out relationship, we became sexually active. We stayed that way until January of 2006. As I said before, we are both Christians, but even Christians make mistakes. But when neither of us could handle the mental and spiritual stress that pre-marital sex brings, we decided to stop. Asking a boy to stop having sex when he's gotten into the habit of experiencing it seems crazy to some people. But Nathan is strong enough that we have made it over a year. He doesn't pressure me. He hasn't even asked me for it. We have about eleven months to go until our wedding, but I know he has enough self control to wait until then. These are not the only good qualities I see in him, but they are some of the ones that I have found most admirable. He is also very honest, sincere, and kind-spirited. Girls should never date a boy because of looks or popularity. All the looks and popularity in the world can't make up for the damage that can be done when a boy treats you badly.
- Emily

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 3:18:59 PM
i think u and you blogs are awsome. i listen 2 your show every night and im in aw. when i gradurat im planning on getting a 4 year degree so that i can be a counsalor. i really didnt have the best life growing up, well really i got delt a bad hand as u like to say. My mother was abused by my step father my hole life untill i was 10 we left wile he was at work.im 15 now and my moms been with alot of guys even sence then but every guy is a scum bag. i keep telling her if she waits then God will bring her the write guy, she never listens, so now she live in SC with this guy who hits,kicks,calls her names and thretens to kill her. i want 2 help so bad but im only 15 and i live in ocala florida. if u can i know your busy but will u give me advis on what 2 do. thank u so much ur listener brittany burns
- brittany

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 3:18:42 PM
trust. if i can trust him and he can prove to me he can be trusted. i would feel very safe and thats what i always look for in a guy who i might think would be good to me.
- Little Hallow.

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:02:44 PM
WE admire you dr. because you help teens and young adults thankyou for being there for us p.s we love you
- joel age ten

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:02:12 PM
a.)He's really sweet and instead of telling his problems to his relationship problems to his friends he comes to me and we work it out he's never lied to me and we both love each other b.)I would tell her to look for someone who knows how to treat a lady but isn't to sensitive someone respectful, smart ,loyal and would never purposley break her heart and if he ever did he's sweet enough to try and fix it and if she can get all that and he's cute then I say more power to you girl
- Taylor Price

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:02:02 PM
I married my boyfriend of 5 years..despite some road bumps he really is nice and loving and caring..he always takes my feelings into consideration.he loves to cuddle with me and talk to me.If i had a sister or friend I would tell her to start slow and not be quick to move in together (ive seen what happens to couples who do) when it happens it happens and you'll know it because you will never love anyone as much as you love that person. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
- Emily

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:01:54 PM
If I were to tell my little sister of nice in my case what to look for in a boyfriend I would tell her to forget everyting most of her frineds would tell her to look for. things like charm and good looks, perfect hair great body. outer beauty fades but inner beauty last forever and thats what you want to look for. some one with goals. ambitions. someone with strong moral beliefs and giudelines. if you want a goodman, study him. watch how he teats other women around him like his mother or his sisters of even your own friends. If i had a man like that outer looks wouldn't care at all. becasue he would be making me happy and loveing me enstaed of caring about wether or not he mad it to the next level of his video game or if his cowlike if laying down right.
- Davina

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:01:48 PM
Dear Dawson, I have a boyfriend whom i've been dating for 9 months and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love everything about him. He's hard working, self-motivated, fun, caring, always makes me smile and laugh, sensitive at times and very intelligent. He is very intent when listening to what I have to say, when he knows its important. I say he is the number one guy because he has brains and looks and sometimes that just hard to come across. We met online, so you'd think it'd be harder to trust someone. But we became good friends, started to understand each other, then respect each other and then became partners. I don't know what i'd do without him. He's great!
- Brianna

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:01:41 PM
Some of the best qualities to look for are: 1. Look at how he treats inferiors. 2. Watch how he treats other women. 3. How well he deals with hard situations.
- Mary-Kayte

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:01:35 PM
thank you. so much. for everything. youve helped alot. mary
- mary

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 11:57:27 AM
yes i have been in a relationship for a long time 5 years and i miss him a lot we lift. I want to Arzian to the Grand Canyon so i didn't see him angin and i single looking for a boyfriend how live bismarck North Dakota
- Tanesia

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 11:08:22 AM
My boyfriend is nice and he always knows what to tell me when I am mad.He doesn't care what his family thinks of me as long as I an happy he is. That is what I like about my boyfriend. If my friends were to start dating then I would tell them that they shouldn't go by looks cuz the ones that look better are mostly the ones that are the guys want to stay away from. Unless you know that he will be nice then yea.... always find someone you can get along with.
- Erin

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 11:08:18 AM
Dear Dawson, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment but I do have guy friends who are the best guys in the world. I respect all of them and they each carry one trait that I love about all of them: kindness. They all care about others and will talk to me if I'm down, and they really care. Another thing that I love about my guy friends is that they always put themselves last. They are selfless. I hope that all the people, male and female, who read this message will watch how their partner treats their friends, male and female, and family. Once you decide that this person is is really a kind,selfless,respectful,and a all around good guy, or girl, then go to the next level. A wise man once said WATCH WHAT S/HE DOES, NOT WHAT S/HE SAYS!- dawson
- Olivia

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 9:55:23 AM
I respect my boyfriend. I think so highly of him because he's hard working, self motivated, responsible, generous, close with my family, careing, fun, keeps me laughing, he's drug free, very handsome& so smart- It's very important to me that he fulfills me intelectually to. We have great discussions. He has many of the incredible qualities that I see in my father. In my eyes, he's the total package. And the top 3 reasons I respect him so much is because #1. He respects me. #2. He is 100% trustworthy- I literally trust him with my life. And #3. I feel like I'm a better person because of him and vice versa. I know I'm never alone in this world- we're a team. And we've been a team for over 5 years now. We're 22 years old, and had first got together when we were 17. I think it's incredibly romantic that I plan to marry my high school sweetheart. I feel so blessed to have him in my life- He's my best friend and I love him with all of my heart.
- Amanda

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 9:55:17 AM
He respects his mom,if a man doesnt respect his mom,even if its just because she brought him into this world, then dont be with him.
- katie

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 9:55:11 AM
Hi Dawson, I love your show. The right guy has to be loyal, respectful, honest, trustworthy, kind, a good listener, considerate, caring, loving, someone that will stand by you 110%, helpful, and he has to be there for you no matter what happens. Thanks Dawson and I look forward to reading your future blogs!
- Alex

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 9:55:02 AM
A couple weeks ago my sister was deciding to date again after she ended a two year relationship a month before. This guy of her's wasn't, well he was abusive but not in a physical way. It was more mental but she got out when it started to get bed. I've been in a good relationship for five years and she asked me what to look for in a guy so she could find one like mine. I told her it's hard. But the key is becoming his friend, meeting his friends, and just kinda knowing him at another level before taking it to another level. Before i stated dating i made a list. I know it sounds corney but i made a list of the things that a guy would have to do or be to date me. The list had stuff like: 1.He has to call me beautiful not sexii or hot. 2.He has to like my friends. 3.He has to respect me, my body, and my limits as far as how fast i want to move in a relationship. and 4. He dosen't want me to change. This is just four of the common things girls need in a relationship and you can't find them out on a first meet but you kinda have to look deeper than just "Ohh that boy is Fine!! I like him!" Cause thats just going to end up in heartach.
- Keriann

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 9:54:51 AM
I like a man that is full of Jesus. If he was a man of God, and on fore for Christ that would make respect him a lot more Secondly so many men these days are like extremely physical. I hate men that are physical. I wouldn't have intercorse till I was married and if some guy came around looking for that instead of relationship that shows no respect. I would ask her is he a Christian, does he have a relationship with Jesus. Is he living a moral life. If she can't answer those questions first then she has no business dating someone. Those are the questions I ask myself before I date just any one. If I can't answer these questions about the guy before I start dating, then I don't think it's the right tipe of person to date, and it shows I need more time to just get to know him; because in dating you give a lot of your heart to that guy.
- Christina

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 9:54:32 AM
I just wanted to comment on what makes my relationship great and what qualities my boyfriend has that makes me respect him. First of all, the things that make us work is, we care about each other. We are friends and have been friends before anything else. We knew each other and confided in each other before we were in a romantic relationship. We have a very open relationship which means we can talk to each other and communicate. I honestly believe that is the basis of any relatioship. Anything I have to say, he is there to listen. And that works both ways. I also respect him. I repsect him because he is who is. And he is not afraid to be himself. How could you not have respect for someone who loves who they are? Nine times out of ten, they will love you for who you are too. I am not afraid to be me around him. Even if it is not the best me I can be. We have known each other for a long time and have been together for a year and a half. A week after we began to officially "be together" I told him he was the only person that i have ever met who gave me those butterflies everyone is talking about. I knew about them but never felt it. And then I was just joking around, and said "we should get matching tattoos!! Of butterflies!!" And you will never believe it, but we did. A week after being together, and we have matching tattoos. And we are still very much in love. And it grows everyday. There are many things that help make a relationship work. Trust, communication, respect, and love. The perfect receipe.
- Tara M.

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 9:54:23 AM
Tonigt when you were talking about this blog you said look at how guys treat there mom and sister. Thats has nothing to do with how I treat my girlfriend.Im nice to my girlfriend and I treat here right ,but i dont treat my family very well because thay never treat me with much respect. My father is addictied to gameing.Sometime when hes not working he seems like that all he cares about so we argue alot.
- chad

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:21:49 AM
Hey ,Dawson how are you? what i can say about this, is most of the girls those days are mostly judjing guys by their looks,how they dress,their smells, those things are importnant but to get a good man or a good girl you have to pass throught the worst. the most characteristics that hard to find thos days are being TRUSTWORTHY,FIDEL,FAITHFUL,LISTNER, REPECTFUL,BEING THERE FOR OTHERS,BEING LESS MATERIALISTIC, {{{MONEY CANT BUY YOU EVRYTHING}}}. it s really hard and rare to find peopel with those things in our time, it may be available on one of our known people but we are blind to see it or recognize it until it may be gone. life always bring to us mostly unexpected surprises,so to find our best soul mate,we must pass through and know all kind of peopel, always be sure to: NEVER JUDGE THE BOOK BY IT S COVER OR ITS TITLE.
- GEORGE

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:20:02 AM
i would tell them not 2 just go 4 the cute guys. qualities well nice, sweet not selfcenterd. guys like that r just so... i don't know. plz no guys that talk u in 2 doing anything u do not like(bad, bad guy.
- stacey

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:19:02 AM
well..........dawson i have a problem with me friend she thinks that im always jealous of her because she gets a guy like every month and all this time she has been cheating on one guy that she said she truely loved and dawson i dont know how to deal with it
- n/a

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:16:28 AM
I would want my sister to find someone honest and to have integrity to do the right thing. Someone who will be there for her when she needs it but also someone who will let her be herself and not controlling and jealous.
- Paul Shea

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:15:31 AM
I have been in a relationship with Taylor a little over two years. The main thing that attracted me to him was his will. The fact that even after all the horrible turns life had given him he was still standing. He is living on his own and I am still in school and his determination with my guide have getting him to go back to school next summer. So then he can have a real carreer and he can be more stable. He is working now and the fact that he has been strong and still is, is why I love him the most. My sister is 5 years older than me and turning 20. We both silence to eachother and the last boyfriend she had was a sweetheart. They broke up because he is going to medical school in orange county and he had to leave. We have talked about men (in general). But the qualities we both find most important is that they are responsible and not only for themselves but for their actions and along with that they must be willing to listen to their flaws and in some way be willing to make a change as well as allowing them to give us constructive freedback. Along with the basics of listening, trusting, caring, charismatic, well mannered and educated.
- Carolina

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:03:01 AM
I am 17, I heard you on 9.33 tonight and I swear god had me turn on the radio so that I could hear the stories and go to your site. I just got out of a year and a half relationship, that according to your blog was emotionally abusive and I continued going back to him but your site has gotten me so much farther into letting him go then I ever have been. Thankyou! :D
- Nicole

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:01:59 AM
I just wanted to comment on what characteristics I respect in my boyfriend, and i have many. I just wanted to start off saying that I got really lucky in the fact that I got the perfect boyfriend the first time. He extremely caring and he loves kids. Basically, he had every characteristic that I love and adore in my daddy. But the biggest thing that I love and respect in my boyfriend is the fact that he is willing to do anything to keep me happy, even if it means giving up his own happiness. And even though that isn't probably the best thing he could do for himself, but he loves me so much so that he puts me before himself in his priorities, which inspires me to become a better person and be less self-absorbed.
- marika scott

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 2:01:13 AM
I HAVE A GOOD RELATION SHIP WITH MY B/F.AND THE CHARACTERISTICS THAT I LIKE ABOUT HIM IS THAT HE RESPECTS ME FOR WHO I AM , AN ALSO RESPECTS MY FAMILY..HIS PERSONALITY, HE HAS A GOOD HEART,GREAT TO GET ALONG WITH ..AN JUST PLAIN OUT FUN TO BE AROUND. THANXS KARI. P.S. UR SHOW IS MY GUIDENCE TO LIFE
- KARI

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:52:28 AM
well i think girls should look for honesty and smartness and if they anythink in common with a guy well they should fell okay to talk bout their problems with each other and well ur parents should not care if they are like 4 years apart and well it is happing to me right now my boyfriend is 4 years older than me and we have everything in commom same music same bands same sports everything
- alison

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:34:20 AM
well actually i look for like if he is funny cute smart not a jock but not a geek either and my friend kinda just got me to date
- alison

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:33:58 AM
Hi Dawson, I am in a great relationship of almost 10 months now [great for a high school relationship, anyways]. And I believe that the most important characteristic to look for in a boy is to know that you can trust him and that he is first your friend. Someone who is caring, respectful, a good listener, trustworthy, and careful is going to be the best boyfriend. I sure know, because when I get a little cranky, my boyfriend stays with me and is patient. Sincerely, Lesli
- Lesli

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:33:04 AM
I'm sorry to hear that all you ladies have been abused. I'm going to pray for you tonight.
- Gray

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:31:57 AM
Hey Dawson. You asked what characteristics makes a woman respect her man. I can honestly say that I think that God has sent me the most amazing man in the world. He and I have been together for a year and a half. We are engaged to be married and we have a 3 month old son together. He is so wonderful in so many ways. First off, I believe that in order to get respect you have to give it. He has so many characteristics that make me respect him. He is kind, loving, trustworthy, romantic, patient and generous. I am 28 years old so I have dating a few men in my life and all of those men combined could not come close to measure up to the man my fiance` is. The most important thing in a relationship is trust. I have never had trust in any relationship before now. He trusts me completely and I trust him. I trust him with my life.I have never had to worry about him cheating.I know for a fact that he would never disrespect me. He loves me so much and I am not used to being loved so much. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve such a great guy. He treats me like a princess. He would do anything for me and I would do the same. He is not only my lover, he is my best friend. He makes me feel safe and secure. He makes all my worries go away with just the touch of his hand. He is also a TERRIFIC dad. He always puts me first. I could not ask for more. I could keep writing for days telling you the reasons why I respect him, but I think I have told you enough. I just hope all other girls that are reading this can identify with me and can say the same about their guys. If not.........then you need to know that you too can have a wonderful, great relationship and I encourage you to settle for no less that what you deserve. Thanks for listening :) Tara
- Tara

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:29:07 AM
For the girls. I would tell them to look for a guy that they feel the butterflys with! That when they look into his eyes, they feel like no one else in the world matters. And of course befor they take it to a higher level; they should make sure he has respect for them, he's trustworthy, and isn't just interested in sex. But that's common sence. Most girls are told everyday to look for thoes qualities I just listed. Bottom line, if he makes them feel like they are important and they feel happy when they're with him, go for it!
- Tara

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:28:30 AM
My boyfriend is great. He's 18 and I'm 16. He treats me like a girl should be treated. Thanks Dawson for all of the advice!
- Hunter

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:28:15 AM
Why do guys that are very old try getting with us young girls like us 16yr olds?please answer me back
- katelynn

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:25:19 AM
I have a friend that gives into guys. It mostly is her father. She will do whatever the guy wants her to do, because she couldn't do anything her father wanted to do. The earlier the father leaves, or starts abuse... the more the girl gives into guys.
- GabviAnne

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:23:59 AM
Well for the who should I date blog... i think that a person should first find out if they are a beleiver in God. Then the relationship can be based on God not the looks or outlook appirance. Then if that person is sentive and not afraid to show their feelings.That way things dont stay bottled up inside. And then if that person likes your outward appirrance they call you beautiful rather than saying "Your Hot!" thats so sloppy sounding and so innapropriate. But i think they should think you are beautiful in a way that they love both inside and outsied of you. But what did God first think about while he was putting your body together was he thinking "Wait i dont need that because then that will make her outisde look bad!" or something like that he thought about the inside first and thats what counts.
- Maddie who's 13

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:12:38 AM
If one of my sisters starting dating or my friends I would ask them if he's cute. No....just kidding. Dating a person because of their appearance are the one who are looking for drama in the relationship because they would rather see their exterior, then what they really are inside. I would ask them: How's their personalities, sense of humor, their relationship with other people and how much does my sister or friend trust that person. And what is it that made you apealing about him/her.
- Jackie

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 1:09:06 AM
This blog is biased. It is not just men who hit women. Women hit men, too!!! Go to any nightclub any night of the week and you are bound to see a woman slap a man or chew him out in public, yet nobody doing anything about it. The assumption is he deserved it. Get real. Once a woman emotionally and physically abuses her man, the man will eventually strike back, and then he'll get in trouble. Don't believe me. Here's proof. In 2003, according to research done at the University of Pennsylvania School of Social Work, the lifetime risk of a woman being struck by a male intimate partner is about 28%. And "depending upon who is doing the survey and how you measure it, you could get numbers of up to 50%." We all know this. But, read the study further. They also found a MAN'S lifetime risk of being STRUCK BY A WOMAN is ALSO ABOUT 28%. Still don't believe me. Here's more proof. In a similar study, the University of Iowa interviewed 172 newlywed couples recruited from marriage license records. They checked each couple every six months for four years and found that one-third of couples used physical aggression, including pushing, slapping, shoving and hitting with an object. These studies found that ONE-HALF of engaged or married women were physically aggressive towards their men, but only ONE-THIRD of men were physically aggressive towards their women. By ignoring the role women play towards men in domestic violence, we do both women and men a disservice. Ladies, take responsibility for the men you choose to date. If you get hit, leave. You are the one to blame for your own mistakes if you stay in that situation. Same goes for men. If a woman verbally abuses you or smacks you, leave. If you think it is somehow cute or you think you deserved it, you need therapy immediately. Source: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2003-06-22-abuse-usat_x.htm
- Justin

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:57:43 AM
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. He has been with me through a very hard time in my life. My father was dignosed with cancer in September, he died in April 2007. My boyfriend was there to talk with me and to just listen to me and was there for me to cry on. He is also very respectful to me, he cares for me, he shows me how he care by surpising me with flowers. He is very honest with me. He answers any question I ask him about his past. I can talk to him about anything. I'm so glad I meet him. He has kept me safe and talking through the rough year I have had.
- Sandra

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:56:05 AM
well i dont think you can tell ur friend who to date you have to accomidate to what they like. but if my homegurl was looking for a boi i want to get her someone hu is out going is a good person but one thing you shoudnt do is go into thier back ground because their background isnt who they are now i mean within the last couple of yrs ppl change. and u kno u hv changed so yea
- Karis

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:55:16 AM
I think it basically comes down to a few things. Someone who is honest, someone who is respectful to everybody, someone who you can trust. Someone who, most importantly, you can be yourself around. If you can't be yourself around someone- then your whole life will become a lie. And, your family must approve. If someone tries to turn you away from your family- that is a huge red flag and is a sign of abuse. That way, they get you away from your family and can get more control of you. They should also make you feel happy and good about yourself- and all those things, are qualities you should have in yourself as well.
- Stacy Jo

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:53:33 AM
I told my sister to look for, love, slow to anger, kindness.
- John

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:53:13 AM
well for me i would tell my lil sis to look for someone who can hold a conversaion because too many relactionships are just about having sex and thats not all a relactionship is about. also i would have her see if the guy would go out of his way just to make her happy, and would be willing to talk to her any hour of the night just to make her feel better abd tell her everthing is ok so she couldfall back asleep. an also to be careful not to get too involved to fast because ppl change every day for better or for worse and you never know what the new day will bring. ~Erik
-

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:40:29 AM
Tonight was the first time I have ever listend to your program. I have never even heard of it until tonight on 933 FLZ. I was amazed to hear about the topics that you were helping young adults with. It's nice to know that there are people out there to help this age group instead of putting us down. It would have been nice to have a program like that when I was in school! Anyways about your blog, I just turned 25 on June 30 and I have been with my husband since I was 16. We have been married for about 3 1/2 years now, and we have a beautiful lil girl, Juliana is 2. We have a wonderful relationship. My advice to young girls looking for love is to follow their hearts, but not to be blinded by them!! My husband won me over because he made me feel great about myself, not that I had a low self esteem, he just made me feel beautiful. He could always make me laugh! We didn't have to try to make our relationship work it just did!! If you fight when your 16 and have no major worries, except what to wear to prom , than what is their to fight about? If you have to fix a relationship at that age than what are you going to do when money gets tight, and one of you loses their job, or something else major happens?? If you can't be happy with eachother when life is easy than what makes you think that you can make it when it's hard?? So I guess my advice is if it's too hard than get out!! Life only gets hard when you get responsibility!! I hope that everyone will find true love like I did!! Thanks for your program!!
- Anna

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:32:21 AM
Honestly, I think that the most important thing for a girl to look for in a guy is honesty. Without honesty, every single other quality can't help the relationship, because there is no trust.
- Chad

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:31:57 AM
My name is Debra i am 25 years old and i have a fiance named James who is 41 years old. We have been together for over for years and are fixing to get married next week. The characteristics that he has that i like and i respect are all his quirks and his flaws. Just about everything about him right down to his smile, his charm and even his eyes. He is a very strong willed and strong minded individual,not to mention pretty smart and self sufficent. I like the fact that he is very responsable and it doesn't hurt to say that i love the fact that he really does love and care about me as much as i do him. To this day i am still as much in love with him as i was on the day i met him.
- Debra Meyer

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:30:46 AM
Alright all of you people out there looking into getting into a relationship with a guy. Don't jump in too quick, get to know the guy first. Talk to people who know him and that will help you see the real him. Make sure he has a good relationship with his family. That can tell a lot about a guy, especially the way he treats his mother. I was in this relationship with a guy who told me he wasn't a virgin and then he switched and said he didn't go all the way. His couisn told me that he was lying and that he really wasn't a virgin and that he just wanted to get with me. Well I found out that he was a big jerk. Things, at first, were fine. Dates to the movies, dinners, and spending time with his aunt who he lived with. Then he started to treat her bad, saying that she mad him do too many choires. Of course teenagers will rebel some, but he became a jerk toward her. I tried to break up with him and he threatened to commit suicide. Now I know some of you may think, oh well you should have left anyway he just wanted attention. But I couldn't. See my mom committed suicide when I was eleven and I have blamed myself some for not being able to stop her. So this really hit me hard, and I didn't want to feel responsible for someone else. So I stayed in the realationship, BIG MISTAKE! My family hated him, well hate is a strong word, they really disliked him. Then he kept calling me and seeing where I was all the time. Then one day I tried to leave during an arguement, and the guy I thought was perfect turned ugly. He threw me on the bed and got on top of me and wouldn't get up. He didn't hit me, but he was keeping me against my will. His aunt's boyfriend finally saw what was going on and made him get off. Then the jerk stood infront of the door and wouldn't let me pass. Finally I got out of that relationship for good. That was a long story but the point I am tring to make is don't jump into a relationship with someone you don't know well enough. Also a good quality is making sure your parents like the guy, that can make things a lot easier. The guy I am dating now, Travis, is wonderful. He likes to go to church. He makes me laugh when I am down, he takes care of me if I ever need anything, he is a family oriented man, and my parents love him. He is a genuially nice guy. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. I defiantely know that he is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
- Jessica

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:27:02 AM
One of the first good qualities i look for is how he treats his mother. And the respect that he shows for her. The way that he talks about her, even when she isn't around. The way that a man treats his mother is an almost garaunteed to tell you how he will treat you.
- Elizabeth

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:26:50 AM
My boyfriend has been raised right from the start. He's a country boy and has great manners. He amazes me day after day. It doesn't matter if he's in a "bad mood", he never takes it out on anyone. We are both Christians and love the Lord. He comes first.I find that if you have the same goals in life...you work! Have an understanding in the relationship. I trust him with my life and LOVE that feeling. Trust, definetly is i big role but you have to learn to trust back...
- Katie

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:23:44 AM
my sister started to date a week ago and i told her basicly how he handles his pets and if he gets mad and hits it abusively and swears at it alot and if he is always mean to it then he is going to hit you to
- david

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:20:35 AM
I respect my man because he simply respects me. When my ex left me for another girl, My Fincee right now was simply there for me. We were good high school friends and we were so much a like and always had fun together. He RESPECTS me more than anything. He is there to LISTEN to me, to listen to me talk about my good/bad days. He doesn't walk away or tells me to shut-up. He LOVES to take care of me, for example, he likes to cook for me. I respect him because he DOESN'T ABUSE me. He is HONEST with me. We TRUST each other. We UNDERSTAND each other. Its funny but If we are ever upset at one another we just try our best to avoid any arguments. because we both had bad relationship and ended in arguments, we both feel that ARGUING about our problems does not solve anything. When we are upset we simply don't say anything and talk about it a little later. b/c then we really get to the point and the anger is not as strong. He means the world to me. He is proud of me and I am very proud of him. I'm proud of his personality, I'm proud of how he sees the world. his POSITIVE attitude just puts him right on top. I consider myself, very lucky to have him in my life.
- Shahrzad

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:18:34 AM
I haven't been in an abusive relationship, so far, and i hope i never will, but a lot of my friends have and most of them have gotten out of them.
- Hanna H

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:18:21 AM
Well i have to say that you are some what right alot of times a women will stay with her abuser because she feels like she cant do any better, and because she fears for her life as well
- Cara

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:05:15 AM
i tell them they shold look for someone who is respectful i would advise to get to know them first be for they get too invloved because if you just dive in to the relactionship you might not be able to come out the same... and then as they got farther along in there relactionship i would ask weather they can talk to each other about there issues with one another and also weather she stil trusts him. but the first thing i would look for or tell her to look for someone who will be respectful - Erik
- Erik

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:01:44 AM
I have a boyfriend that i have been dating for about 8 months now and he has been one of the best boyfriends i've had so far. One quality he has that alot of girls should look for in a guy is that if they are very religious and deep into god. I think it makes him a great person because he would never lie to me. He loves me very much because i am a religious person myself. You just need to find a guy who truly loves god- because mine means everything to me and has given me my own hope.
- Alison

Monday, Jul 2, 2007 - 12:00:56 AM
The characteristics I love about my boyfriend are that he tells me "You're beautiful" or "You're perfect," the little things he says makes me feel loved in every way possible.He treats me with respect and doesn't go past any boundaries that he knows I have.He is a loving guy who I hope to spend my life with.I am in highschool though,but be that as it may,I honestly and truly want to marry him.I've never felt this way about anyone before,he has taught me to laugh,cry,and trust again.I thank him with all of my heart and soul for that.
- Rhiannon

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:59:24 PM
I wanted to comment on the girl, Angel, who called tonight about the abusive relationship she was in denial of. Her situation was such a flashback for me. She's 15 and her boyfriend 21, who by the sound of it clearly was emotional abusive. When I was 16 I was involved with a 22-year-old and I went through the same thing. He took complete advantage of my naive age, ignorance of the world, and pushover personality. I put him above myself and swore that the "love" I had for him made me stand by him no matter how badly he treated me. Because of his age I also couldn't tell my parents, nor my friends. I dealt with this emotional pain all alone. I lived in a small town and could tell no one. I'm 21 today and that man negatively impacted my life for next couple of years. Angel, if you read this just know that you're not alone. Hearing you talk tonight was like being outside myself for 5 minutes. I pray that you get out of it as soon as possible, Dawson was right, you can't move on because you don't think you can do any better. But you can!
- Renee

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:52:09 PM
I was listening to your show tonight and heard you say read your blog so i came home and did so...I was in a 4 year abusive relationship and you have to get out and get help. I have now moved on and now engaged to great guy that loves me and respect me like a woman should be treated.
- Laura

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:51:27 PM
My boyfriend is great. He is 18, and I am 16. He always listens to me when I talk and he respects me and gives me my space. He waited until he was positive I was ready for him to tell me he loved me, which was 5 months after we started going out. He just likes being with me, and doesn't care where we are, same here. We are extremely close and he can always make me smile, no matter what. I have known him for 10 years, and I am best friends with his sister. His name is Bryan.
- Bridgette

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:50:24 PM
My last boyfriend was like no other. Whenever we got into an argument, he never left until the argument was solved. He never once raised his voice at me, and never once used any sort of profanity towards me. It tought me a whole lot about handling situations.
- Erica

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:46:27 PM
a guy who is honest, that respects you, your friends, family, and even pets. i've dated some real "winners" and those qualities just weren't there.
- katie

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:46:00 PM
I have the most upright respect for my boyfriend because we have been together for 2 years and we have been through hell and back. My boyfriend was in a home where his foster parents were sexually abusing him since he was 13. And i did not find out until our 7 month of dating.When i found out i told my mom and she wanted him out of that house a.s.a.p and in a heartbeat he was out. we called the cops and told them what was going on but they said that they could not do anything about it because he was not having intercourse until he was 16 and with parent consent it was legal. I felt like i didnt know what to do. My boyfriend was going through so much i didnt know how 2 help him. But now that they are out of his lifes everything has been more then perfect. when we were in school he went to straight to e's and d's to a's and b's. He even made better grades then me. I love him with all of my heart he's my world....and he treats me like im a princess. So baby if your reading this I LOVE YOU SWEETHEART!!!! love ur 1 and only - Mandi
- mandi

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:42:55 PM
i think that you should talk to the guy and get to know him before you get into a relationship that way you wont have to worry about getting abused or something like that..because it hurts either way you think of abusive relationships...verbal, or physical or what ever
- -katie

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:42:11 PM
If my friend was starting to date, the good qualities that I want them to look for is for the inter-action with others around them. See if they have a positive behavior to EVERY person, knows how to defend theirselve along with their friends, without violence. Also must use their head over their strength, and courage.
-

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:40:02 PM
I know what its like to be in an abusive relationship, because its happened to me before, and it is a product of low self esteem. I got out of it, because I became friends with this guy, who didnt treat me like dirt everyday. It made me realize I deserved so much better. Now that guy is my bf and has been for 15 months, I dont have the low self esteem I did before, and even now, when I see the stats on abuse it makes me cringe thinking girls are still out there, letting guys do that.Finally if I am ever reminded of the abuse my ex put me through I go to my boyfriend, hes my protector throughout it all. It just makes me grateful everyday that I got out of it when I did.
- beth

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:30:09 PM
I'm the youngest of the three girls my mother and father had. I wasnt given dating tips, or things to look out for. I was raised to know right and wrong and even at a young age, i was made see all the hate in the world. I heard of rape stories, murders, and kiddnappings. I stayed aware. If I would pass on qualities to look for they would be;; 1. Honesty- He'll be able to tell you about his life, his past, and his future. All his mistakes, and things he wants. And 2. Past Relationships- If they ended on bad terms most likely the one you're getting into will as well. I've been listening in all night. I write songs... I dont sing them but I write them. And all the stories of these girls and boys have been inspiring me more and more to write. I just want to say to all of you to be strong. It will really pay off in the end. When you feel things, just find someone to tell about it all, Or something to do to make it seem easier.
- Jackie

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:29:24 PM
I am completely totally with you on the one woman being beat is to much i mean my mom got beat my mom step dad...and i never liked it so...when i got old enough i showd that **** what was up....my mom was happy when it happened but she wasnt happy becuase my family has a history of fighting but she liked it that i backed her up...but i know for a fact if there was a woman being abused in public i would be the guy that would go up and stop it...i hate it and i wanna stop that and child abuse thats just as bad!!!
- Tommy

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:28:23 PM
Hey Dawson! I listen to you every sunday [: You inspire me so much to do greater things and to help my peers ! I wanted to answer your question, My boyfriend Chris of 6 months has all the qualitlies I looked for going into a realtionship; Morals,manners,and respect. I love my boyfriend and I think every girl andboy deserve loyal & respectful partners[: thanks Dawspn for everything !
- Molly

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:27:49 PM
All girls say they want boys who are caring and nice, and when you first start dating, most guys usually are. But any relationship can get really ugly, really soon. I had a best friend for 2 years, he was the sweetest guy I had ever met, but after we started dating he would call me all sorts of names and treat me horribly. It was my first relationship, I thought it was just a guy thing. But it didn't get better, it only got worse. I ended it when I went out for a girls night with my best friend and caught him with another girl, in the same row as we were in. 3 years later, I'm almost 17 and still have never been in a relationship that made it through more than a few weeks. But now I found a guy who is the most decent person I know. We've been together for 4 months and not once have gotten into a fight. He's honest, compassionate, and no matter what has happened to me in the past, he dosen't let it affect him or how he feels about me. The best guy is one who will love you no matter what, not just say it, but he needs to prove it too.
- Lizz

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:25:51 PM
i guess if a friend was startin to date...i would tell them to watch how they act around you...see if they are nervous...because if they are...there not really being those selfs.....they are acting like you want them to act...or how they think u want them to act....i think if my friend or sister...started dating i would tell them to find the guy that was acctually themselves and was respectful...and nice!!
- Tommy

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:25:37 PM
i think that a good relationship has to have chemistry and the guy need to really care about you my boyfreind is AWESOME! the other day i fell and he did so much to take care of me and just make sure that i was ok and it wasnt even that big of a deal. so i have to brag on him!
- laurie

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:22:21 PM
i respect my boyfriend so much because he treats his mom his sisters his ex girl friends and his friends with respect. in any argument he is the leave head. he never makes fun of me (even if i trip over grass! lol) his personality is sweet kind but strong. i love him to death and i know that if we break up he will still treat me with respect.
- Kay

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:21:04 PM
Well my sister is starting to date..this is interesting. They never last more then a week, and I really think my sister deserves a good guy to date he should really be trustworthy, caring, he should be filled with compasssion for her and what he can to in thier relationship
-

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:20:47 PM
too many young people get into too many relationships, one of my friends hasn't been single more than maybe 3 months total since she was in 5th grade(and it's our 2nd year of college!), whenever she gets broken up with she just crumples, she's gone through SO much, because really never had her own identity
-

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:16:30 PM
i'm listening to your show right now. and you asked what good quality to look for in a guy. i would say to look for someone who is interested in you. not what you look like. someone interested in what you like and puts you before his friends. someone who would give you the world. someone who would fill you with compliments and not let downs. someone who can be trusted someone that can be faithful. and someone who doesn't ditch you and give you nothing but excuses. i would want someone to love me for me. not for what i have or what i look like. looks aren't everything. they are the only thing that catches our eye. but a person's personality catches our hearts.
- Jessiy

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:16:03 PM
real men love jesus and put god first
- Rachel

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:15:54 PM
how he talks to you !!!
- cindy

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:04:05 PM
I pretty much have the best boyfriend in the world. We've been together for over a year and every day of it has been the better than the last. You wanted to know why I respect him so here it goes...first of all he is a Godly man. Any time I have a problem he helps me out by telling me how much God loves me and everything. Another thing I respect about him is how relaxed he is about our relationship. I don't have to be worried about hanging out with guys because I know he won't dump me for it. We can trust each other. I also respect that he respects me. One of the first things I told him was that I needed to take things slow after my past relationships and he has respected that every step of the way. I could go on and on about everything I respect about him, but there's probably not enough room in this box. To sum everything up, though, he is the sweetest, most caring, respectable guy I have ever met and I have never been happier. Thanks for the chance to brag! =)
- Katie

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:01:14 PM
i think this blog is so truthful i mean i was in a realationship where i couldnt do anything but just listenin 2 your show helped me a lot im out of it now but coming from a girl i stayed because i thought i loved him until i stared seeing how he treated me around my friendz campared 2 when we were alone seeing how people treated me and everything and i hated how i stop telling my mom stuff i use 2 tell her everything but he wouldnt let me so your sign of abuse get out A.S.A.P!!!
- ktangel94

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:00:09 PM
Hey Dawson So I just happened to catch your sho for the first time tonight (7-1-07) and i wish that i heard it like two weeks ago..But I Wanted to say that i think what your doing is something i'd like to get in to when im older (only 18) but i enjoy helping and EVERYONE has said that im good at but i wanted to ask if maybe you could tell me how you become what you are now? im very interested in helping people and being able to listen to someone and know what to say....also i have had soo many problem in my life and i want to help others like me. if you get a chnace please email me and tell me how to get started.... Thanks Amanda
- Amanda

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 10:59:48 PM
well i think an important thing to look for in a person is honesty and respect...also how they treat other people that they are friends with, and other girls/women. look at how he has been in past relationships, like has this person cheated? Personally I look so see if this person is a christain. I want the person that I am with to be in love with God first, before me...and I want to be in love with God first and put him first as well.
- Kiah

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 10:56:02 PM
i dated a guy for 7 months. and i didn't realize that he was abusing me. not only was he a wonderful liar, but he cheated on me and had drug problems. he cheated on me about 6 times that i know of. i loved him but i loved a person that i thought he was. it took me even longer than 7 months to realize that he never loved me and that he will never be the person i fell in love with. i really lost sight of who i was and lost all respect for myself because of the mistake i made by being with him. my friends lost all respect for me by staying with him. he knew how to push my buttons. he was the first person i have ever been with sexually and still remains the only person. i'm afraid to make the same mistake twice and i'm afraid to be with other guys. anytime i have interest i end up running the guys away and running from them myself. i've realized that right now i need to stand on my own to make sure that i can, and find who i was to begin with. and your blog has really helped me stay strong and not cave into his lies again. thankyou.
- Jessiy

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 10:55:32 PM
i'm 19 and have never had a bf, i don't choose to not have a bf, i'm just not "pretty/hot", so i'm just a friend(and don't take me for not having confidence or an outgoing personality, because i definately do) when someone brings up the idea of bf's, i need someone optimistic who will laugh when he falls instead of cursing the stick that tripped him, someone who will give me the affection the small, reassuring hug. i am definately excited for when i meet him, but you can't let the wanting overwhelm you and have your life completely involved in just waiting for the person to complete your life
- Torri

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 10:42:12 PM
the good qualties are respectful person,nice/some one you would want your daughter to date
- Jordan

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 10:41:21 PM
The aspects that make me respect my boyfriend is the fact he is caring and loving. He also has a great personality and has a steady head. My boyfriend is also in the armed services. I have the up most respect for him for what he does. He has not only taken on me as a person but onto my life and to the fact that I have a 20 month old daughter. He is also not like some of the guys I have been with and he wants to take it slow and at our speed. As of right now we are making steps over a few big hurdles. He will be flying down to GA from OH for Infantry School and then he will be going onto active duty for a couple weeks. Next year I have already been informed he will be going overseas. So as a new relationship we have a lot of hurdles to pass but we are putting more than enough effort to keep this relationship going. We have not said “I love you” to each other. I have said “I love your smile, personality, and aurora.” I know that he has respect for me and what I have been through, which makes me respect him even more. He doesn’t have to date me but he wants to. This is also a long distance relationship. I live by Dayton, OH and he lives up by Kent, OH. That is 200 miles and 3 hrs long for him to come down to see me and my daughter. He is my world right now and we are afraid of losing each other because everything is going great! We are both 20 years old and acting more of an adult than most of the 20 year olds that we know. He is in the Army and I am going to college to become a Medical Assistant. He has also gone to college but had to take some time off. These are all the reasons and more as to why I respect him. I could not dream of a better boyfriend right now.
- Beth

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 10:40:36 PM
I would tell my friend to look for: respect because without respect what's the point of dating, decent looking i mean you don't want that person to show up all messed up like they just woke up or something, someone who can understand you especially if your going through something, and the most important quality is someone who will love you as you are
- Rosie

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 10:32:21 PM
I respect my man because he honest with me no matter what and he's patient .He knows I just got out of a bad relationship but he's calm and takes the time out to be there for me.Thankyou baby and I just want to let you know that even though I try to get mad I cant ever be mad at you.I love you and I will always have your back!
-

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 10:25:25 PM
the good qualities would be is he a respectful person,nice, someone you would want your daughter to date
-

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 10:01:59 PM
i hate girls who are in a abusive relationship cause ive been in one like once not phsyically but like verbally he cheated on me...cursed me out almost hit then i stoop up for my self and said hold up you aint the boss of me so why in the h*** im listening to you my momma always told me to pick a man that was respectful not abuzive and i dont want you no more good bye and just left him alone...
- kandi

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 9:40:21 PM
The characteristic(s) to look for is foremost: respect. in words, actions both. there are no amount of flowers, gifts or anything that can make up for a lack of respect. beyond that, self-sufficient. someone who takes care of his own business and isn't still looking for a mommy to take care of him.
- tina

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 9:24:16 PM
Dawson Thank you For helping out these people wioth their crucial relationships i think its not right for people to abuse these Harmed People and your confidence has walked them through their problems so once again thank you and i love your show i want you to make it an all day plan much love -Amanda
- Amanda

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 4:54:04 PM
hey i am amanda n i have been listenin to ur show n i think u r very good at it i love it i listen to it every sunday nite!!! n foe the gurlz that r abused by there boyfriends need to go n get some help by family or they need to talk to u cause u ALWAYS make everything better in peoples life u r sooooo good at it welp juss try n listen to wat i say
- amanda

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 11:58:20 AM
I feel I and many other girls go for abusive guys because we at least no what to expect instead of having a "nice" guy and he all the sudden rampages
- Karry

Sunday, Jul 1, 2007 - 12:24:21 AM
dawson you have helped me out once before and i thank you for that i am commenting on this blog because it is so true all of it i
- ashley

Saturday, Jun 30, 2007 - 10:50:37 PM
she's scared. that's all there is too it. what if he's in like a gang or something and she's scared that they'll come and find her if she ends the relationship??? like you said there are tons of reasons...but you also you do one on guys getting abused by their girlfriends (if you haven't already) while it is less common it still happens and i bet the guys who go on here and have that problem feel left out! but it's really good!! keep it up! =]
- laura

Saturday, Jun 30, 2007 - 9:24:39 PM
I would want my sister or friend to observe him and see if he has respect for the people that he loves and her. If he doesn't then it probally wont be a good relationship. look for
- Brook

Saturday, Jun 30, 2007 - 9:23:27 PM
I started listening to the show a month ago. I'm glad someone is FINALLY getting real about domestic violence. I was in a domestic violence situation with my baby's daddy. He is a paranoid schizophrenic. When he drinks hard liquor he blacks out and doesn't remember anything. I also know someone who is in an abusive relationship. This person was married to this abusive guy, got a divorce, then moved on to another loser. She thinks her man's behavior is normal. He's charming in front of other people, but when no one is watching; he will treat her like crap!!! I feel sorry for her, but she is still wearing rose-colored glasses when it comes to her relationship with her current man. Its time that people knew the truth about domestic violence. Thank you Dawson for telling it like it is!!!
- nicole

Saturday, Jun 30, 2007 - 7:50:37 PM
I agree shandra, I knew this one boy who treated his mom & sisters like cr**. He swore at them told them they were fat, (his sisters are 10 & 11). That really affects ppl. that's exactly how they're gonna treat there girlfriend or wife if they ever get married! And besides that do you really want a guy who treats family like that? Anyway, I would tell my sister (if I had one) that she needs to find a guy that knows what he wants in life, good christian like qualities ex: going to church or church functions, haning out with friends who don't party & do drugs, respects her as a person, and who respects there famly too, who doesn't mind listening to her when she needs advice! -Jenn-
- Jenn

Saturday, Jun 30, 2007 - 4:47:02 PM
If my sister was starting to date I would tell her to see how he treats his sister and/or mother. I heard that the way a guy treats his sisters and mother is how he'll treat you once you're married!
- Shandra

Saturday, Jun 30, 2007 - 4:46:31 PM
Please, please, please Dawson make domestic violence topics more gender neutral. The issue should be that more men than ever before are being abused by women. Very little in known about the actual number of men who are in a domestic relationship in which they are abused or treated violently by women. In 100 domestic violence situations approximately 40 cases involve violence by women against men. An estimated 400,000 women per year are abused or treated violently in the United States by their spouse or intimate partner. This means that roughly 300,000 to 400,000 men are treated violently by their wife or girl friend. It is a widely held assumption that women are always the victims and men are always the perpetrators. Between 50 and 60% of all domestic abuse and violence is against women. There are many reasons why people assume men are never victims and why women often ignore the possibility. For one thing, domestic abuse and violence has been minimized, justified and ignored for a very long time. Women are now more organized, supportive and outspoken about the epidemic of domestic abuse and violence against women. Very little attention has been paid to the issue of domestic abuse and violence against men - especially because violence against women has been so obvious and was ignored for so long.
- Michael

Saturday, Jun 30, 2007 - 1:03:00 AM
girls out there that are getting abused it is not easy to leave the relationship i was there and the people that say you can just leave it is not true you cant just leave . i think the girls have fear and are scared the guy will come after her or her friends i was scared when i was in the relationship it is normal respond so if anyone is in a abusive relationship take the steps to get out .
- annie

Saturday, Jun 30, 2007 - 1:02:10 AM
My best friend on the entire planet is in an abusive relationship. She sneaks out almost every night to meet her repulsive boyfriend. I have expressed to her repeatedly my great concern for her mental and physical well-being. This boy hits her, forces her to grab his tushy, and makes snyde remarks like, "you're a slut". This cannot go on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Jennifer

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 11:14:19 PM
I think many girls stay in abusive relationships because of fear. They are afraid that if they leave their boyfriend he may come and hurt her or her family/friends. My friend was with an abusive guy for years because he kept telling her that if she left him he would kill her or her family. But she got the cops involved and worked it out (but it took a long time).
- Ellie

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 10:57:13 PM
i was in an abusive relationship for 2 years...i wanted to get out so bad, but when i tried to leave he would tell me how he loved me so much and that he wanted to be with me forever...so stupidly i stayed, even though i knew what would eventually what would be coming to me...I'm glad i am no longer part of that, but i still need help. im scared, and have no friends because of him, please pray for me and please let me know that there are things in life to be happy about. i don't want to cry or hurt any more...just listening to one show has really opened my eyes and gave me that extra push to tell him, NO MORE! so now I'm not with him and haven't talked to him, but I'm alone...please re-assure me that I'm not! much love-Karen
- Karen

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 10:10:39 PM
I am not in a great relationship at the moment. If I were, here are the characterisitics that would cause me to respect him: truthful, self-controlled, gentle, slow to anger, patient, kind, generous, and loyal. I would tell my sister or friend to look for all of these characteristics, as well as someone who is a good communicator. Obviously the guy isn't going to be perfect...but he can be someone who is willing to grow in these areas. "Baggage" would be something else I would tell them to watch out for. Some people are still carrying loads of guilt, shame, fear, ect. from their past that they haven't let go of. Until a guy deals with his own personal "baggage", I don't think that he is ready to enter into a relationship with someone else. The same thing goes for the girl.
- Sarah

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 10:02:05 PM
..well i think the reason y girls go for abusive guys is because of their fathers usually ive noticed that girls go after the same figure of there dad..i have been lucky enough to have a dad and a mom who suport me 24/7 but i know ppl who dont. most of the grls i know who have been involvd in an abusive relationship usually dont have ther fathers or there fathers left them at a young age and probably abused the family...or it could just because the fear of rejection...so whoever looked interested they clung to because they think thats the only one who would love them..well i guess thats about it i hope i made sense...thx =)
- Victoria

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 7:52:45 PM
I just got out of a abousive relationship, but things have just gotten worse between me and my ex. I really do need to talk to you, Dawson.
- Alex

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 3:04:43 PM
i was in an abusive relationship and did not want to face the truth, after some counsiling i now see clearly and dont look at the guy the same way anymore. thanks for helping me dawson
- Kate

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 3:04:26 PM
the reason girls give into to boys like that is because they dont act like that in the begining they are sweet and caring. until you get farther in the relationship that is when they change and start doing all the crazy stuff.
- jennifer

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 1:13:18 PM
Hey Dawson!...i just wanted to say that everything in your blog is right on the money! i too was in a very abusive relationship because my views of a "relationship" were VERY distorted...my dad wasnt around very often when i was younger and when he was he just came around to slap us around a little...then he just left because he didnt want to deal with us so i havent ever had a good relationship with any guy...and when i found "the right guy" he was exactly like my father...but i didnt care because i wanted someone to "love" me and "care" about me and i thought that was what i got with my boyfriend...i also had low self esteem because i was never taught how to love myself so i never knew what love was...my bf was also very manipulative...he would siprise me with flowers or gifts but it was always in exchange for sex or something and if i didnt want to he would hit me til i gave in or he would just leave for a few days so i would realize how much i "needed" him... thankfully i had an awesome friend to make me realize that he didnt ever love me and that i deserved better than that and i finally got out of all the mess and now im very lucky that i found an awesome guy that actually does LOVE me and he would never mistreat me or betray our love and im very happy to say that we are now engaged and i couldnt be happier!!! I LOVE YOU JIM!!!
- Ali

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 1:05:07 PM
I'd have to agree with your blog about abusive boyfriends. I thought that a guy was sapouse to do that to a girl because my dad did it to my mom, even though i was told it wasnt normally i still thought it was. Im glad i got out of that relationship 2 yrs ago now but it still bugs me
- Bobbie JO

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 1:04:51 PM
well i have no personal experiance with the issue but heres what i think: girls who STAY in abusive relationship actually do love their partner. but they love who the partner is outside the abuse. We see young ladies with these kind of men and we tthink oh my god how can they be with someone like that not knowing how the relationship got that way. while the person being abused remember the nice love caring person thier parnter used to be. And they still see that side of them. And They might think if i stay with him they might change and turn back into the person that they loved originally. And the guy knows he can continue his abuse because of the fact she loves him so much. and he knows she will not leave him. She gives into him because he says i love you and if you do what i tell you i would'nt have to act this way, so they give in and let them do what ever. these are just my opinions and thoughts. could be true for some and false for others i just wanted to share my opinion
- Karis

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 12:56:54 PM
i think they dont have a dad or somethink like that???
- baley

Friday, Jun 29, 2007 - 12:05:40 AM
Here's the kicker. When it came to me and my abusive realationships..its because I always wanted to help someone. I always felt like i could change them...kinda for the good you know? I think alot of people get stuck into that mentality.
- Amanda

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 10:46:58 PM
Dawson, I love listening to your show at night. I want to call you to talk but I chicken out. Anyways I love how you help the people who need help.
- Alisha

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 9:21:12 PM
I think girls give into guys when they are desprate and aparently they dont know what they are doing i love your show but im to scared to call you? -lexi-
- Lexi

Thursday, Jun 28, 2007 - 9:21:10 PM
well i think because they are scared of that boy. One thing is that some girls like boys that are mean. Another is they won't break up with that boy because they think they are cool because they are with him. If you are one of the girls that has this problem and is reading this then leave him no matter if you are scared there is always someone to help you in any problem that you have. Dawson you are dong a great job. Read this please
- stars worker