Meeting someone who suddenly makes you feel alive and loved is very exciting. You may think no one has ever made you feel like this and you can't help but be amazed at the chemistry, or electricity between you and this new love. Many people in relationships start this way. But sadly they don’t take the time to get to know each other before jumping into something serious. Often these kinds of relationships built on infatuation can die as quickly as they sprung up. Wikipedia defines infatuation as: the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another.

The truth is, this feeling of urgency and intensity or strong attraction toward another person is not necessarily a reliable indicator of whether you are in love or should immediately dive into a serious dating relationship. The wisest man in the bible, King Solomon said, “Guard your affections, for out of them come the issues of life.” I see far too many people jumping into relationships and not guarding their affections, only to become confused, disillusioned, and devastated. We need to keep telling ourselves the basic truths of a healthy and truly loving relationship.

The best dating relationships develop out of great friendships.

The first truth is that the best dating relationships develop out of great friendships. While you spend time getting to know someone as a friend, you are able to see more clearly whether they are right for you and you for them. This takes time. There is no more valuable friend to a dating relationship than time. But sadly, many people want to feel that rush of emotion that makes them feel like they are in love. So they push hard and quickly to feel that overwhelming emotion that says, “I am in love.” Rushing into a relationship is always a mistake. Be patient with the process. Impatience is a sure sign of relational immaturity that will lead to hurt unimaginable.

Riah describes how rushing into a relationship has a lot of disadvantages: "First, if you go too far you could get hurt mentally because of a bad break-up, and physically you could get an STD or something. Just because a guy says they like something about you doesn't mean you need to get in a relationship. Some guys can talk but it doesn't mean you need to fall head over heels for them. Because then you gave your heart away way too fast and you're open to be hurt very easily. To me that is like settling for anything and you shouldn't settle for less than the best. Don't rush into something that you didn’t even have time to think about."

When you rush into a romantic relationship you:
  • Say things you don’t mean.
  • Make promises you can’t keep.
  • Dig a hole that’s hard to get out of.
  • Arouse expectations you can’t fulfill.
  • Trust your feelings rather than the truth.
  • Find it easy to make wrong choices.
  • Don’t give the relationship time to grow in a healthy way.
  • Keep looking for more emotional thrills and invite the curse of boredom into the relationship, where everything normal starts to feel boring.
  • End up spending too much time with the one you’re dating, and excluding your friends.
  • Believe in the myth of love at first sight. There’s no such thing. There’s good chemistry at first sight, but not love at first sight. People don’t fall in love, they fall in ditches.

Don't let your love hunger to be in a relationship throw you into a situation that is going to distract and hurt you.

The picture of relationships we see on television or in the movies doesn't allow us to see the time and commitment it takes to build a solid foundation. So we are left thinking the most romantic relationships happen very quickly, are extremely intense and will last forever. The fact is that strong relationships develop slowly over time with much hard work and commitment.

Most students I talk to on my show, Dawson McAllister Live, are so anxious to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, sometimes just to feel loved. While it is a great thrill to meet someone you connect with, or feel attracted to, don't let your love hunger to be in a relationship throw you into a situation that is going to distract and hurt you.

Amber is honest when she admits her need to always be in a relationship: "I'm quick to open my heart too early because I lack that ‘something.’ I'm always told that I act immature in relationships and I tend to push them over the edge. I do not trust men and I feel the need to test them to see if they will hurt me. When a girl is hurt by a male or she lives life with an absent father figure, there is a void in her soul and she searches high and low to fill it. If it even RESEMBLES a small taste of what has been missing, she grabs it, not being logical in her actions but so emotionally consumed that filling that void is all she sees."

I have talked to thousands of teenagers and young adults who keep making the same mistake over and over again. I tell myself if I can just get some of these tragic souls to slow down and get a hold of themselves, I can save them hours of unnecessary drama and needless suffering.

CLICK HERE
to see the 
Comments
of the Week!



Just remember what Jessica has to say: "Don't jump in too quick, get to know the guy first. Talk to people who know him and that will help you see the real him. Make sure he has a good relationship with his family. That can tell a lot about a guy, especially the way he treats his mother."

Next week we’re going to talk about how to know if your boyfriend or girlfriend loves you. If you are dating someone you are convinced loves you, explain to me how you know it is true.

Tuesday, Jul 8, 2008 - 11:17:20 PM
Dawson, I feel silly talking to you about this, but I listen to your show all the time and really get some good answers to somethings. My boyfriend and I have had sex... and we know it was a mistake... and now we're trying to fix it. We've been spending a lot less time together, because we both want one another to get back to our individual relationships with God before we continue ours. We pray together and encourage each other to be strong. We really love each other, but we're making sure our first love is God... Anyways, I need to know if we're taking the right steps to fixing this and making our relationship healthy. Thanks! -Jordan <3
- Jordan

Tuesday, Jul 8, 2008 - 10:08:26 PM
Hey dawson. At the age of two my step father came into my life and stayed in my life until he left my mom when i was thirteen. I am currently age seventeen. My biological father pops in and out rarely in my life. Most of the time with my effort only. My point is i have relationship trouble. I push my good relationships to the limit. I always get caught in emotionally abusive relationships and I wish i knew how to solve my problem. I will tell you everything if you could help me dawson. Thankyou
- Maddie

Monday, Jul 7, 2008 - 11:59:13 PM
I'm soo glad that i read this. I cam on here hoping to read something that would help. I have really been thinking about if i really like my boyfriend right now. Or if i ever even have. I enjoy what he thinks about me. I have been stressed about this for quite some time now. I have even made the mistake to go out with him a 2nd time.... He isn't to great to me either. He tries to get me to do things that i don't want to do. I know to not agree to anything, but he wont stop. I have been thinking about breaking up with him for a while... i think i might now after this
- Madison

Monday, Jul 7, 2008 - 10:30:44 PM
This is exactly what happend to me. I ended up meeting my ex-boyfriend at the movies one day with a friend. Automatically i thought he was the cutest guy i had ever seen. I later came to find out that my friend's boyfriend was friends with the guy. The next time i went to the theatre my friend gave him my number and he we started talking. Sooner than i thought he started telling me that i was the girl for him and that he wanted to go on a date, and that he wanted to meet my parents. I thought he was the guy of my dreams! He met my parents and they loved him. He became my boyfriend 2 days later. After only a week of knowing him. It started out great. But then his true colors started to show. I am the kinda girl who has many guyfriends, which people sometimes mistake for other things. Well one day my boyfriend decides to pick me up from school and he saw me hanging out with a good guy friend of mine. Well we get in the car and he starts yelling at me. Actually yelling. I couldnt beleive it! Then when i went to get out of the car he grabbed my arm and slammed me down onto the car seat. Thank god my neighboor was outside because i didnt know what would've happed if i she wasnt. That day i ended it. I dont know what i was thinking rushing into a relationship so fast.... But my advice to all you other girls........not everything that shines is gold. Meaning just because a guy may seem like your dream guy doesnt mean he is. Dont be naive and stay true to yourself. thanks dawson! -Zoe
- Zoe

Monday, Jul 7, 2008 - 8:58:27 PM
I went to church camp in 2007 and i met this amazing guy. There was like an instant attraction. We constantly were around each other. Camp lasted 5 days. He called me the day after camp and asked me out. We have been going out for over a year and a month now and its the best relationship ive ever had even though we only knew each other for 6 days. Before we met I was a little wild and unruly, instead of him. He is the reason i've calmed down and matured more. I say that even though we jumped into our relationship rather quickly its wonderful and loving.
- Katie

Monday, Jul 7, 2008 - 7:56:22 PM
im glad that i listened to ur show last night and read this because i almost did this until i realized that he acted like he like me but he really liked someone else
- Lisa

Monday, Jul 7, 2008 - 7:17:11 PM
I'm not one to jump into relationships, in fact, I'm 32 and just got married six weeks ago for the first time (as a virgin). However, I would just like to comment that my husband and I met through an online dating service. We IM'd for a week and he wanted to meet in person (to see the real 'me' since it's so easy to fake stuff online). I felt it was a little soon, but felt safe enough meeting in public. The first time I met him I wasn't really enchanted with him at all, in fact, I wasn't 100% sure about going on a second date when he asked me (I was also sort of interested in another guy friend at the time). I'm really glad I did though, I think by the 3rd date we both knew something special was happening. We were really careful from the start about objectively analyzing our relationship for faith, personality, compatibility, values, interests, etc in a marriage minded way, although we never seriously discussed it ourselves until several months down the line. We were engaged after seven months, and married just under a year before we met. This is THE intimate relationship I've been waiting for all these years, and I'm so grateful to God for sending me someone I can relate to at such a deep level, it's been an amazing experience so far and it is only getting better! :)
- ESB

Monday, Jul 7, 2008 - 1:42:37 AM
i just met this guy who's amazing. he's a good christian boy who keeps me in line. well i've seen he a couple times but never actually met him. we've been talking for a couple months now and i'm really starting to fall for him, but he's never seen me, except for myspace. i'm scared that he won't like me because i'm a bit overweight. but i don't want to mess it up, cause he's a very sweet boy. and well these things don't usually happen to a girl like me. it's like everything's perfect, but everytime he asks to go to a movie, i constantly make excuses (i'm grounded, i don't feel good, i have plans, etc.) so i can totally relate to this blog.
- ~ from a DMLive MySpace friend: Your Guardian Ange

Monday, Jul 7, 2008 - 12:52:05 AM
wow this is all so yrue but you also have to figure the "rebound man" i mena its not just about you've been cheated on by a mna and don't trust them anymroe or you never really had a great relationship with dad but also when your last relationship ended badly or hwere in the end it seems as though it just fell apart and you don'r know why so then this guy comes along an makes you feel happy an loved unlike the last, those are the ones to watch out for as well b/c, at least for me, it went to fast, to far to everything really an now im left here sittin waiting for him to come back all so i can break up with him,.....realyl sad actually but b/c i wanted that lovin feelin i rushed into it an he fell for me an now i got back up an relized whut truly was......hmm i worte alot sry
- nikki

Sunday, Jul 6, 2008 - 11:49:35 PM
this is very true, i just recently got engaged and it took a very lobg time for me to except that i love my fiance, and that i want to be with him, it took almost two years for us to engage in a physical relationship, and i'm happy now, i think if we would have jumped right into a physical relationship we wouldnt be as strong as we are today.
- Lizzy

Sunday, Jul 6, 2008 - 11:40:52 PM
I would say that if you are going to date someone try a double date or go out with a group of friends. I believe courting is a better option. My sister courted, and has a wonderful relationship with her husband. They have three little boys, and are quite happy with their life. I believe that in some cases that when you feel it's love at first site think again, because it could be lust at first site. You have to think about the consequences during dating. I don't date, because it's really annoying having to break up. One of the boundaries I say to any guy I won't date you if your intention the first time you date me is to have sex or to kiss. I won't kiss during the first date, because that's a very entament thing. I don't think that when you say I love you on the first date is appropriate either. It is an emotional boundary. I agree with you Dawson to just completely become friends with the guys you date, and I believe courting is the best things for teens and adults.
- Christina

Sunday, Jul 6, 2008 - 9:09:13 PM
i so agree!!! i just wish i knew that like 5-6 months ago,all well i am about to be in an amazing relationship and im going to make sure that i dont make the same mistakes. thank you.
- Esme

Sunday, Jul 6, 2008 - 12:20:15 PM
relationships, relationships, relationships... life is full of ones besides romantic ones.. and you yourself say that it is okay to be single.. how about taking a break from the usual boyfriend/girlfriend drama and write about friendships, or something... you might have already done that.. i am unsure at the moment, but if it is okay not to have a romantic relationship, it is okay to blog about other things too.. just add one in once in awhile. that wasnt meant to take on a snotty tone. sorry if it seemed like that. I am just throwing a suggestion out there..
- jamie

Sunday, Jul 6, 2008 - 12:39:04 AM
I think this idea of corting and going on a date just for the purpose of finding someone to marry to me is a very frightening idea. For someone who never has gone on a date, that is frightening (like Hurricane Katrina frightening). Don't rush or you will scare someone off easily.
- aaron

Saturday, Jul 5, 2008 - 11:29:56 PM
Most of my peers see LUST when they think they see love. Just like on highways & interstates we as teenagers should see trafic signs to warn what' s up ahead to avoid danger & accidents. Becuz no one wants to suffer or get hurt. So let's just slow down, becuz REAL LOVE LAST FOREVER, NOT JUST FOR A MOMENT!
- Deacon-B

Saturday, Jul 5, 2008 - 3:20:47 PM
Thank you so much for spreading the word Dawson! This has been a personal belief of mine for a long time. My boyfriend of 7 month and I built a strong friendship and went on fun casual dates for about a year before comitting to a serious relationship with each other. Waiting to date him has only made our connection with eachother stronger. Too many teenagers today fall into "love" too fast, and often end up hurt and confused and angry. Thank you so much for your wonderful blog this week :D
- Michelle