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Part 7 - Finding The Right Guy

“Before I started dating I made a list. I know it sounds corny but I made a list of the things that a guy would have to do or be to date me.”

1. If you are going to date this guy, do you know enough about him?
   “Talk to people who know him and that will help you see the real him.” (Jessica) Everybody has a reputation, including the person who has just asked you out. There’s an old saying that goes, “The street seldom lies.” Usually a person’s reputation at his school or where he lives is pretty close to accurate. You may even want to talk to his previous girlfriends. While they may exaggerate some, you will still learn a lot. It’s been said, “There’s a little truth in every lie you tell me.” “Look at how he has been in past relationships, like has this person cheated?” (Kiah) Unless he has had a radical change in his life, if he has cheated on other people, he is likely to cheat on you. Talk to your most trusted friends about him. They can also help you. They can ask his friends about who this guy really is. Your friends will almost always tell you the honest truth, even if it hurts. Remember, when you’re not willing to listen to good advice, you’re almost always walking into trouble.
   
   
2. If you are going to date this guy, are you on the same page spiritually?
   There are no deeper thoughts or values than those that come from our spiritual being. What we believe spiritually will tell us a lot about our values and how we look at our world. Without agreeing on spiritual beliefs, most relationships will crumble. “He is a Godly man. Any time I have a problem he helps me out by telling me how much God loves me and everything.” (Katie) Our spiritual beliefs also are a guide to what we are morally. What we are morally will affect every area of our life. That is why you should find out what his moral beliefs are. “Is he living a moral life?” (Christina) What he believes is right and wrong.
   
   
3. If you are going to date this guy, does he treat you with tremendous respect?
   By respect, I mean the willingness to show consideration or appreciation. All of us want to be appreciated and be shown consideration. Lack of respect will destroy a relationship faster than just about anything else. Without real respect, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship. “There are no amount of flowers, gifts or anything that can make up for a lack of respect.” (Tina) “He has to respect me, my body, and my limits as far as how fast I want to move in a relationship.” (Keriann) One of the ways you can find out whether or not he will show you respect is how he already treats others. For example, “[Does he] respect his mom? If a man doesn’t respect his mom, even if it’s just because she brought him into this world, then don’t be with him.” (Katie) “[Plus] the way that he talks about her, even when she isn't around. The way that a man treats his mother is an almost guaranteed to tell you how he will treat you.” (Elizabeth) You could ask other questions about your potential date. How does he treat his sister? Teachers? Friends? But also, “look at how he treats inferiors.” (Mary-Kayte) Only date a guy who treats you with respect. You will show yourself, and the world, you respect yourself.
   
   
4. If you are going to date this guy, can you trust him?
   No relationship can last without trust because trust is the foundation of all relationships. Trust is something that is earned. When somebody has the reputation of being trustworthy, he/she have earned something priceless because others can put their faith in him/her. You have no doubt heard the saying, “You’re only as good as your word.” Therefore, you need to ask some very tough questions about the guy you’re thinking about dating. Can you trust him to treat you with respect? Protect your safety? Not take advantage of you? Speak well of you? Tell you the truth? Be faithful to you? To be with your family? To be at a party with? To confide in? These and other questions are extremely important. “I think that the most important thing for a girl to look for in a guy is honesty. Without honesty, every single other quality can't help the relationship, because there is no trust.” (Chad)

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG – "Women To Avoid"

CLICK HERE to see   Dawson's pick for  Comment of the Week!

Your comments mean so much to me. I read every one and get ideas from what you have to say. You amaze me at your wisdom and thoughts. Here’s a tough question for you to answer:

If your brother was starting to date, what type of woman would you beg him not to date?

Thursday, Jul 12, 2007 - 4:42:24 PM
If my brother was about to start dateing I would tell him to stay away from girls that are on drus or that drink. I would tell hhim to try and find a girl that loves God with all her heart.
- Haley

Thursday, Jul 12, 2007 - 4:42:05 PM
mybe a girl who shows alot i mean like a lot
- kidest

Thursday, Jul 12, 2007 - 4:41:38 PM
I think one reason why girls give into bad guys is that they need to feel loved and cared for, and a guy, no matter what his motives, might make her feel like that. My friend called me in tears the other day saying that she had been intimate with her boyfriend to "keep him happy" and make sure he would always be with her. In my mind, if you have to sacrifice yourself or your morals for a guy, he is NOT worth it and he isn't the one for you. When you find that one, you won't have to sacrifice anything for him. Everything will just kind of fit together. I talked to my friend for over 3 hrs that night, and we came to an agreement--she would never sacrifice herself for another guy ever again.
- Allyson

Thursday, Jul 12, 2007 - 7:37:21 AM
Hey Dawson, I know this isn't on the subject for this week, and I haven't been listening for very long, but, how many of us (teens/young adults) grew up without a father in our lives, whatever the case may be, and more importantly what affect does this have on the emotional and behavioral "checks and balances" that we have in ourselves? You've come across this before. I grew up without a father, or a real father figure, and it was tough. I will honestly tell those that have kids and are together (Either married, or not) to stay in their children's lives. Simply because, it's called "Mother" and "Father" for a reason, and that reason is, they are needed! Is this a more common thing than I think it is? (All my friends have parents (Mother and Father) active in their lives)
- A.G.

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 11:33:13 PM
Well, I don't have a brother but I know that when my nephew starts to date I'll definately beg him not to date the first girl that showed him any affection. Some girls are just in it to win it, after they get what they want out of you they do away with you and you're left with a broken heart. I'd tell him to get to know any girl before diving head-first into a relationship. If anyone cares enough about you, they'd have patience with you in the get-to-know you time. Oh, and I love your show. My Mom gets mad at me for staying up till morning every Sunday listening to your show. Keep it up!
- Josh

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 11:32:51 PM
i would not want me brother to date the type of girl that is experienced and stuff like that. and i wouldnt want him to date some girl that he has just met :] oh and i love listening to your showw.
- haylie

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 11:32:39 PM
Hey Dawson. i love hearing u on the radio. the advise you give others really help me a lot. And i would beg my brother not to date a girl who lies and just uses him. no man deserves that.
- Katrina

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 11:32:30 PM
Heyy Dawson, this isn't really a reponse to your blog but i wanted to thank you. i started listening to your show about a month ago and it's such a relief for me to hear. i've been through so much it's hard for me to handle from medical, physical, and emotion damage. i've also gone through a lot of drama which makes things even worse. a lot of people come to me for advice. i dont know a lot of them very well and they all have gone through so much. it's hard for me to hear all this from ppl i know. i still help them becuase i know they need advice and they understand that i know what i'm doing. except i dont know everything and your show is helping me learn. thanks so much for everything. your a great insipration helping people you dont even know personally and that you want them to get better. most teens dont know what to do or who to turn to. i think that's great. take care. -shawna.
- Shawna

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 11:00:43 PM
Hey i listen to your show every sunday and thought i would respond to your question. I would tell him not to date someone he doesnt already know well,because it can only lead to heartbreak for family members, and i would ask him to stay away from women who dont like his family, and who dont respect him or themselves. i love your show it really has helped me a lot to know that i'm not alone in the whole having issues with life thing. Seriously your show has helped me so much.
- Lindsaylew

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 11:00:28 PM
i know a lot of guys who will promis a girl any thing just to be a beable to go with her so girls dont go out with just any guy get to know him be for you start to date him
- zacharybowen

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 11:00:06 PM
I'd tell my brother to stay away from a girl who critisizes our family. If the girl can't respect your family then she can't respect you. Disrespectful, frivalous, and childish girls would also be a keep away. I'd tell him to date a smart girl who has goals and plans for her life. My brother needs an intellectual girl to keep him on the right track and who would do anything in her power to make sure he dosen't slip.
- Alex

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 10:59:49 PM
i would tell my bro to stay away form sluts drugies and acholics adn any type of girl that he doesnt like and i tell him before he dates a girl he needs my approveal so thats pretty much what i have to say so thanks
- joe

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 1:18:13 AM
Dawson, I dont have a particular problem I need help with. But from a man to another man, from someone else who tries to do the same for his loved friends. Thank you. Thank you for doing something that so many need. Its truly a gift you have, not to give advice here and there, but you listen, and show people what they already have in front of them, and thats a real future. I really do admire what you do. And honestly would love to know how I could do the same for others. I've always had a gift for helping people with just words. Yet I have no idea how to pursue that on a broader spectrum. Many people just need someone to reaffirm what they know, so that they can move towards something more meaningful. If it is at all possible, I would love some information on how to do what you do. No words can truly say thank you from all the people you help and you know that. But nevertheless, thank you. -Julian
- J. G.

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 1:05:42 AM
I would tell my brother to stay away from a girl who was too needy and someone who had no respect for herself and others. dawson you are awesome. i love sunday nights because i realize that im not the only person having hard times. and sometimes i dont have it as bad as other people, and i start to appreciate what good things i do have. i love the show so so so much
- Julz

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 1:05:18 AM
I would tell my brother not to date a girl with a bad reputation , for whatever the reason , wheather its drugs , acohol , or just happens to break up with a lot of guys . Beauase its usually going to hapen again & again & you don't want any more poblems than you already have . I may not be a brother but I have seen & heard this before.
- Ariel

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 1:01:13 AM
Dawson love the show i listen to it every Sunday night night.I would beg not to date a striper or a hooker or close to one. Or someone who he knows that will break his heart. And that he don't need to go out on someone if they been in prison or as been on drugs and that won't come out of it. i would tell him date someone that is kind, sweet, who's not self center, who loves you for you and not for someone else. i would also beg him to not date a girl who just using him or playing him. And don't date a girl who will take all of your money.
- Alex Bunker

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 1:00:58 AM
dawson where can i find you on radio i was lisen to on WDBA duboise pa but you are notthere any more.thanks jim
- jim

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 1:00:34 AM
Hey Dawson! I listen to your show sometimes and even though some are short and i can tell you don't have a lot of time so here it is. If my brother was starting to date, i would beg him to not date a girl like me. i know that probably sounds cliche but it's true. i'll call and hopefully get through or you can email and then ask me w/e questions you want.
- Brittany!!!

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 12:59:54 AM
Dear Dwason, i listen to your show every sunday and it helps me through so much your always right... my boyfriend whho i am so thankful for respects me and loves me .. im 16 but i know hes the one bc i dont give into him bc when i say no he respects that and respects my wishes i really o love him and hes a keeper! thanks for listening to me yor amazing....
- Becky

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 12:52:55 AM
hi, dawson i think that he should not pick a girl that wants to kiss the first date thats really stupid
- shayla

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 12:52:47 AM
insecure girls, girls shouldnt be on relationships unless they are happy with themselvs first. Because then they dont quite want the guy for him but to see if he can make them feel better... unfortunatly something that takes a while for girls to realise is that the only person who can build there selfsteam is themselves...and for that they have to learn to be single for a while...my mom told me this once " before getting to know someone...know youre self, before trusting someone... trust yourself, before loving someone... Love your self." (btw i just heard of you on saturyda..and already uve said something that changed me :D thanx you)
- Alejandra

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 12:20:31 AM
Hey Dawson, if i could tell my brother to date a girl i would tell him that he should date a girl who loves him for him and who is sweet kind and a gental soul. a girl who has no past of cheating and hopefully no furture of cheating. this girl would not be selfish and ignorant and would never be all about her self and not care what he is feeling or thinking. and this should be for all guy's to.
- Leighannan

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 12:19:24 AM
i am only 14 and i love to listen to your show. i havent had the best life in the past but just listening to what others have to go through it just makes me sad :[ your show really helps me a lot it helps me figure out so much. thankss
- h.nicole

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 12:19:11 AM
Oh gosh, my little brother is only 11 months old so i hope i dont have to worry about this any time soon but, I would have to warn him to stay away from the girl players. I cant stand my brother getting hurt. And to stay away from the girls who have NO personality but are completly gorgious. I just hope i can teach him to respect women. And i know he outa get some good tipes from me...at least i hope so.
- Casey

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 12:16:33 AM
i would beg my brother not to date any girls who have a bad rep,do drugs,or who are to controlling or jealous!i wouldn't want him to be in a nightmare if he dates one of those kind of girls!!
- lindsey

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 12:16:10 AM
I would beg mt brother not to date a woman who takes,takes,takes and doesn't give in return. I mean my brother is only 10, im 13.
- Destiny

Wednesday, Jul 11, 2007 - 12:15:56 AM
i would beg him not to date the kind that are slutish and whine about everything....(1) because they won't be able to treat him the way he deserves- being with HIM and JUST HIM and not dragging his heart all around town- and i would also ask him to find someone his own age- in my town and school, it's the new thing for seniors to date 8th graders and for 17 year olds to date 13 year olds....it just makes me think that they are all way to desperate and that the girls just need to understand that it isn't right. i think 2 years is a big enough difference between ages- not 4 or more....it just makes me sick and if my brother started to date a girl that much younger then him, i would probably lose some respect for him...anyways so yeah that's about it Abby PeAcE
- Abby

Tuesday, Jul 10, 2007 - 10:24:02 AM
man i love your show i loved what you said there is so much rhere needs to b e told to these girls .
- pamela

Tuesday, Jul 10, 2007 - 10:23:59 AM
Dont date a girl that will try 2 walk all over you,but at the same time you dont want her to let you walk all over her& dont let her take advantage of you...If your dating a girl & she starts to take advantage of youor walk all over you then you need to end it no mater how much u THINK you love her.Its not love its lust..Huge difference even if you cant see it.
- Sabrina

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:42:45 PM
Hey dawson. well i pretty much agree with everbody here about the kind of girls they would prefer or wouldnt want him dating. i'm the younger sister to my older brother. i have nothing to worry about when it comes to my brother and girls. he has a good head on his sholders. he doesnt tell me anything thing about his realationships but he's told other people while i was around. and he broke up with his recent girlfriend becouse she started getting into drugs and he's not into that. so i'm proud of my brother. plus he lived in a house with all girls for most of his life so i know he knows how to treat a girl back.
- kimberly

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:42:12 PM
i wouldn't want him to date a woman who would use him or walk all over him. i wouldn't want him to have a girl who would be reluctant for both of them to make decisions together as a couple.
- Janice

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:40:13 PM
i would want my brother to stay away from the woman who have bad grades because grades r important and the girls who give into pure presure realy easy because that just leads to bad things. thanks for reading, maddie
- maddie

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:39:03 PM
okay i have two little brothers and i dont that they will be dating for a while! but i do kno what kind of girl i dont want them to date! i dont want them to date a control freak becuz they mite end up doin stuff tht they dont wanna do. they dont need to date a girl who is mean to his friends like if she tells him he can never see them again becuz friends always come before boy/girlfriends. a girl who is mean to his family [us] and if my brother is having a serious relationship with her then he should rethink that becuz if he ends up marrying her than she will most likely tear him away from us. they also shouldn't date a girl that has ever cheated on anyone that mean that she is probably not afraid to cheat on him again and i dont want either of my brothers to get hurt just becuz of a girl. even if she says that she has changed she cheated so that makes her a liar so dont trust a girl like that EvEr ! thx dawson fopr everything u do!!! u r AMAZING!! u are a very good role model for alot of teens and young adults !! i hope u keep up your awesome work!! i will hear u sunday! ~Emma, 15
- Emma

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:37:19 PM
Don't date a girl who is controlling. I know when a lot of people think of "controlling" relationships, they think of the guy running everything. Girls can be just the same. And even if they're not controlling to the point where they get physically abusive, (which some girl do, by the way), it could still get you into a lot of mess. Controlling girls either have it their way, or the turn on you. For example, you're a young guy who's still inexperienced and a virgin. You get this girl who just HAS to have it her way, or she threatens to leave, (which you don't want because you THINK you're in love). This girl's been allll around, so sex isn't a big deal to her---she just wants it. You're at her house or at party or whatever and she decides she wants it. You say no because you're not ready. The next day, you go to school and ther're rumors swirling around that you RAPED this chick. (By the way, I've heard this scenario on your show before. :D) That's an example of what controlling girls do. They get they're way...or get you in trouble. So stay away from them.
- Iris

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:36:17 PM
remember ur blog about why guys use girls or something i hav a saying that i learned about its "guys use love for sex and girls use sex for love" think about it. i think that its weird but true how those things work. guys love sex and girls love love so the use there partners weakness to get what they want. love your show!! lookin forward to hearing u again on sunday nite!! <3~Emma
- Emma

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:07:20 PM
i would just like to say i heard all your advice last night to people.. you are so kind and giving and you just want to help people out. you were sayin about how awesome people are and stuff but you didnt stop to think how awesome YOU are.. you truly are.!!
- kk

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:07:03 PM
dude i dont like girls who try to suduce guys my old gf did that to me 4 times and it only worked 1 oh and dont date flirght girls thier truble dude
- Brett

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:06:50 PM
Watch out for girls who say "I have alot of guy friends, not really any girl friends".
- Ericka

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:06:25 PM
I would beg him not to date i woman who is abusive, that does drugs, and smokes, and drinks alot. and a woman who is very controling and wears alot of make up.
- Stacey

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 2:53:38 PM
i talked to jeremy last night about some boyfriend issues. but in the end i edned up getting saved. i wanna thatnk you dawson for helping me and you to jeremy for helping me and saving me. (agian)
- kayla

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 2:53:35 PM
the girl i would not want my brother to date is a girl that has EVER cheated. [once a cheater always a cheater] i girl who sleeps around. a girl who disrespects me or my family in any way. a girl with too much drama in her life. a girl who duz drugs or smokes or drinks or believes in abortion or talks about sex or is nasty or hurts him or uses him or is preppy and cant talk like normal ppl or is not a christian....maybe i should just tell you what i want him to date. a sweet christian girl who likes him as much as he likes her and has to get along with our family. this goes for my god brother and my little brother. i would rather them have no girlfriend then to be hurt by girls. my god brother is dating a girl who i can not stand and its all bc of the way she treats us and him and how she is FAKE! i can not stand a faker.
- bayley

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 1:31:38 PM
when i look for girls i have in mind some character traits that i'm looking for in them, like if their nice, respect other people, didn't cheat on previous boyfriends. also most of the time the popular girls are the ones i usually stay away from cause they're the ones that tend to "get in trouble" more than others. if my brother was dating girls i would tell him to first make some friends that are girls and find out how they are & then choose U know which one he'd like to start dating. dating is a process that should be dealt with carefully.
- romero, 14

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 1:31:35 PM
My little brother is 16, and I just want him to date a decent girl that treats him right. A girl that won't talk bad about him or use him to get whatever she wants. One that will respect him and that he loves. My brother is a little naive when it comes to girls, so I hope he won't be taken advantage of.
- Claudia

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:05:40 PM
My brother is 15, and I know he is interested. My main concern is the girls who are 'fake.' Girls like that try to change who a person is to fit their standards of a boyfriend. I don't want him dating girls that have a bad rep and are easy, as some would put it. I would also tell him to stay away from girls who get into alcohol trouble and narcotics trouble. I know so many great and pretty girls his age, so at this point I just pray that he makes the right choices.
- Shaina

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 11:12:14 AM
My brother is 13, so his dating might actually start soon. I would tell him to stay away from girls that do drugs and drink alcohol on an almost daily baises. That would be a hard pit for all of our family and friends to watch him fall through, expecually if he got addicted. I really would not want to lose my brother over a girl that he dated for a short ammount of time.
- Lee.

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:20:00 AM
i think that if my brother started to date.. i would i would beg him not to date the ones that have that bad reputation.. like that there easy or something like that. or the ones that would get him started in drugs or alcohol..
- Kayla

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:19:56 AM
I would tell any boy to totally stay away from preps (generally have the shortest relationships and are shallow...at least where I live), s (likely to cheat and probably will not go over well with your friends), and just s that are going to totally fall apart all the time on you (just not worth the drama and stress) Independent s who have got themselves together are such a better alternative to those who don't. And if you feel that a you are dating is not the right one, just let her go. It is more likely that she will take it worse later in the relationship as she becomes more attached to you.
- shelby

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:19:50 AM
Ok, well thanks Dawson i have been listening to your show and like heres my story: well me and my boyfriend started going out at the end of the year in 6th grade. The i found out he was moving to grand junction ( Colorado) and i was devastated. we agreed we were going to stay together! Then on the last few weeks we were all planing to make out with who ever we were going out with. Just to let you know i am not a prude kind of girl! so, when we all started making out all i could think about was how our relationship was going to last? So i was just wondering do you think it will last? I myself live in Colorado. And i am so totally in love with him but all i can think about is it gonna last?? thanks Dawson you rock! Arianna
- Arianna

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:19:46 AM
Dawson, I think it is veryy cool what you're doing here. I was in a mentally abusive relationship for about four months. The guy I was with would talk about me and try to get with my friends. He would also yell at me, and, (when he got mad at me) say vicious things that he never remembered. I tolerated it because he was the first guy I had ever "loved". After listening to your show and getting support from my friends, I dropped him like a hot skillet :) . Thank you so very much for helping me, Dawson. May God bless you :). your friend, Bekki
- Bekki

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:19:40 AM
i would tell my brother to look out for the girls that think the have to do something or be something special to be noticed... and that he needs to look for the girls that KNOW they are beautiful with or without make-up.. atleast to someone
- Dallas

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:19:36 AM
My brother once liked this girl who was a total b*tch to him. She only stuck with him for attention. Girls like that aren't worth your time.
- Angela

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:19:16 AM
Don't date the guy who let's say had a lot of girlfriends in grade school. He's the guy that is 100% going to find a 'better' date the second he's done asking you out.
- Paige

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:19:12 AM
When i am looking for a guy, i think of all of the above things, but then i think, does he really want me, or just another GIRLFRIEND, and does he want me or just someone to hold and kiss... and that helps me out.
- Hanna Trap

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:19:08 AM
My brother is older than me but I dont usually agree with the types of girls he has dated. In my opinion there is 2 main qualities a girl should have! The first being extra important, the girl must get along with his friends and family. Not like be best friends but be comfortable and like spending time with his family/friends. The second being respect. In my family we pretty much base everything on respect, so if she cant respect him and everyone around then she automatically rules out the first quality.
- Sammi

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 10:19:02 AM
I would advise him against dating girls who don't have respect for themselves, lack class, talk down to people, and acts like she should be the center of attention at all times. She should make him feel good about himself and make him want to become a better person because of her.
- Melissa

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 2:30:56 AM
I have this friend who every time we talk, she has a new boy toy, and she is usually only calling me to complain about this new boy. She is the type of girl who needs attention from guys to make her feel wanted and complete. And these relationships, or "dating trips," never work out, never. If I had a brother, I would suggest staying away from those girls who are only dating him to get the attention. He should date a girl who is completely content being single. I strongly feel that once you are happy being single, and not needing a guy to make you happy, you have hit the ultimate. A girl who doesnt need a guy in her life is one who is most appealing.
- Leigh-Ann

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 2:30:35 AM
Sluts, crack atticts and LESBIANS!!!!! They are nothing but drama!
- Valerie

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 2:30:20 AM
I just wanted to say "thank you" to all the girls who respect themselves and don't flaunt their bodies. Not every guy wants that, so "thank you".
- Nate (again)

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 2:30:00 AM
Hey I just wanted to mention that i was really encouraged by some of the blogs i just read. I've found that too many people "just go for it" in relationships. Many of my close friends have had messy relationships that have turned into even messier break-ups. I love the idea of making a checklist of sorts. I have always kinda kept one in my head but I never really solidified it. My bro is turning 15 and this question really got me to thinking. A couple of thoughts were really quite clear to me. 1 The girl who makes a guy feel like less than he really is, if she's putting down others then she probably won't be lifting him up. A guy needs respect like a girl needs love, if he doesn't have it at the beggining of the relationship he probably won't have it later on. 2 A girl who's values change more often than the weather. she needs to have her values straight before she goes into the relationship. She shouldn't just copy the guys values. 3 a girl who shows too much skin .(not the first one to say this) When a guy sees skin it just invites his mind to wander, especially when your trying to have a serious convo with him and he wont stop looking down your shirt. Those were my top three I'm sure I didn't cover all the bases but this is a blog and not a book so I'm just trying to give some input.
- Nate

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 2:28:59 AM
well i just wanted to say that i just think girls fall for the wrong guy because of there charm! im only saying that because it happened to me! now the nickname for a dude like this, would be called, "The *******." he turned on his charm sky high and won my heart! little did i know he was a player. we barley knew each other for like two days and that one kiss made fall deeply for him! thats all he wanted from me! i regret kissing that *******. he knew all the right words to say!
- nina

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 1:58:20 AM
I would tell him to not date the type of girl who has a reputation of "getting around" or one that is one of his friends "x's" one that is mine and his friends, one who seems to be a gold digger, and one that talks ALOT because I dont think i could deal with that at family occassions. -Breanna
- Breanna

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 1:58:09 AM
you know I had lost hope for so long that I would never find the right man. after failed relationship, after failed relationship, then I finally found the one. I ended up marrying him and having children with him. However we have lost two children in the last year. Our daughter passed last year from something they call sids, I call it they dont know what it is. Then this year we lost one when he was born 17 weeks early, and wasnt strong enough to hold on. but you know for everyone out there, just keep your head up and know god is on your side and he knows what is best for you and will only give you options for you to choose, and then he will forgive the mistakes you make
- Monica

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 1:57:58 AM
Well if it was really up to me to choose for my single brothers. I don't want them to date women with lots of kids if they don't have any themselves. Dealing with the babys daddy will be pain in the rear. Also women that are why older than them.
- Vicky

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 1:46:39 AM
I would tell him to stay away from those girls who brag that they had sex with their past boyfriend and that they are planning to do it again, those girls who are either on drugs or drink, and also to beware of the girls whose morals are different than the ones that God wants for him. The last thing is to look at her friends, because the type of friends she has will tell him what kind of girl she is.
- Adam

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:57:13 AM
Hey Dawson~ There are a few things that I tell my brother NOT to look for in a woman. I tell him to look for an independant woman, not someone who is always broke and needing him to pay for EVERYTHING. Those are the kind of girls who turn out to be gold-diggers. He needs a woman who can take care of herself and doesn't need a man to take care of her. Also, I tell him that if a waoman sleeps with him on the first date then she has probably done that with every guy she has been with. And never be stupid enough to believe the very common line given by alot of women..."I don't usually do this on the first date, but I really like you." That has slut written all over it!! Look for a woman who treats you with respect and who seems genuinely honest. Never date a woman who has like 3 kids all by different daddy's. That means that she doesn't even respect herself. My brother has had a run of bad luck with women. Actually, he has never dated a WOMAN or LADY, just little girls. The last one he dated had 2 kids by 2 different guys and he got her pregnant. She tried trapping him. Turned out that the baby wasn't even his! Looking back now, he is thankful because she was a slut and she mentally abused him. She had no respect for him at all. So to all you sister's out there- look out for your brother and dont let him be with some scandalous girl!!
- Tara

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:55:52 AM
Well when my brother starts dating, who is 15, I would tell him to stay away from the girls who think that they have to show their skin and cake make-up on just to get attention from guys.
- Andree

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:37:55 AM
I would tell him to stay away from the stuck up girl. Or the preppy girls. Because they will break his heart. Also to avoid a girl who is easy. Because, then, It is possible that she will cheat on him.
- Katelyn G.

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:36:59 AM
Teenagers and others as well have been taught through experiences and the public that love and relationships are the "socially" acceptable way to fit in. I have tried since my brother was able to have a conversation with me how to treat a girl and what to look for in them. The girl to avoid are the ones who need constant attention that maybe they aren't getting at home. They might resort later to lying or starting fights just to be paid attention too. The needy girls are the worst. Never go out with a girl who has major insecurities about herself because it will just lead to control and you might think you can fix her problems. The truth is you can't. Drugs, violence, family issues, alcohol e.t.c. are personal problems. Iv'e known some guys to go out with girls or become friends with girls to "help" them and get them through this. But throwing yourself into a relationship wiht that person and relying on yourself to fix everything is not healthy and will end up making you emotionally and physically exhausted. Any girl that can make you feel guilty about yourself or that can manipulate your thoughts of who you are is not worth it. Permiscuous girls are not worth it at all as well as the insecure. Girls that constantly on the look out for a new boy to hook up with or when first broughtinto a relationship are ready to give themselves away are not the type I would want my brother to date. The girl has to be confident in her ideals morally and spiritually, and be able to stand on her own two feet without needing that kind of attention from random guys. I would want my borther to date the girl who doesnt always have to impress anyone, who is comfortable being herself and not so insecure to fall into the trap of peer pressure and example.
- Kristen

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:32:23 AM
I'm only 13,but I do know what's right and whats wrong to do, so I thought I'd share. I don't have a younger sister ,but I do have an older sister. She,s good at judging men , but as she gets older I'm probably going to start worrying about her, not that I don't trust her or anything, but pubirty does do a lot to people. Anyways, I made a short list. 1. Never date a guy that has bad records of any sort, such as drugs, bear, jail, and any other such as that. 2. Make sure you can trust him. 3. If he has close that show to much skin he probably just wants sex from you because he's trying to look attractive or lure you into a trap. 4. If all he wants is sex or anything close to that, then just walk away and don't talk to him. 5. Don't date people who curse all the time it messes up your mind, if you have never really used those fowl words it could pressure you into using them. 6. Don't date a guy if he,s peer pressuring you, it could get you hooked into drinking or drugs and you could end up in jail or even dieing. 7. If he does dangerous stuff like street racing or drunk driving stay away from him because he could get you killed. That's all I have to share! P.S.( If you seeing people doing the following in numbers 1,6,and 7 you should probably call the cops)
- Forrest Evans

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:30:00 AM
Teenagers and others as well have been taught through experiences and the public that love and relationships are the "socially" acceptable way to fit in. I have tried since my brother was able to have a conversation with me how to treat a girl and what to look for in them. The girl to avoid are the ones who need constant attention that maybe they aren't getting at home. They might resort later to lying or starting fights just to be paid attention too. The needy girls are the worst. Never go out with a girl who has major insecurities about herself because it will just lead to control and you might think you can fix her problems. The truth is you can't. Drugs, violence, family issues, alcohol e.t.c. are personal problems. Iv'e known some guys to go out with girls or become friends with girls to "help" them and get them through this. But throwing yourself into a relationship wiht that person and relying on yourself to fix everything is not healthy and will end up making you emotionally and physically exhausted. Any girl that can make you feel guilty about yourself or that can manipulate your thoughts of who you are is not worth it. Permiscuous girls are not worth it at all as well as the insecure. Girls that constantly on the look out for a new boy to hook up with or when first broughtinto a relationship are ready to give themselves away are not the type I would want my brother to date. The girl has to be confident in her ideals morally and spiritually, and be able to stand on her own two feet without needing that kind of attention from random guys. I would want my borther to date the girl who doesnt always have to impress anyone, who is comfortable being herself and not so insecure to fall into the trap of peer pressure and example.
- Kristen

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:27:55 AM
I was reading a post about Dating preparing you for marrige. To point yes but the fellings are still fresh and mushey or what not. But i think dating let you know the person deeper. I think it lets you know if thats a good person or not. And make sure its what you're looking for in a girl
- Derik

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:27:36 AM
Dear Dawson, I have a problem but it happened like 4-5 years ago but it just bugs me still because I didn't do anything about it. It's about this guy. I went out with him in 9th grade, year 2000 and we broke up 3 months later. Well, in 11th grade he transfered into my pre-ap history class after the first week it started and at the end of class like the first day he transferred when everyone was leaving well he was talking about me in front of everyone in my class and acting like everyone was on one side and everyone was against me and I was all alone. It was the worst feeling ever for a girl because I was just sitting there putting my books in my bag all alone while the class was leaving. Well, I don't mind being last but here's the wierd part. When everyone left I was left and two other guys that were asking the teacher a question and after my ex-boyfriend put me down in front of the class and the class leaves he walks back in and acts like he wants to help me or go back out or something. He was showing off and acting like Mr.Big Stuff. This frustrates me because I think he got jealous of the two guys that were looking at me and he sorta just completely blocked them from going out with me or anything. Well, since I got the clue that he still liked me I asked him out a couple of months later after I had transfered out of that class he transfered into and he said, no he doesn't want to go back out. Well that hurt me and confused me because he keeps giving off mixed signals. Then at graduation before my class was getting ready to walk out in front of everyone he comes thumping in really loud where everyone could hear him and was showing off and to me it sounded like he was looking for someone (and I thought he was looking for me). That frustrated me also because he blocks anyone from liking me and makes it seem like I'm taken but I was single at the time. What also frustrates me is that he completely ignored me during high school, left me out of his group, and kept pushing me away for no apparent reason. He wouldn't talk to me or anything which hurt my feelings too. Well, I called my friend which was his friend too and my friend put my ex-boyfriend on the line and he asked,"who are you?", and I said, "Natasha." Then he goes,"Natasha?Eww gross, gross." and hung up on me. Well, I called him a couple of months later and he just hung up on me. It still frustrates me even though it was a couple of years ago but how do you think I could resolve this for myself and feel better about the whole thing? What is one of your sayings about guys? I don't like him and despise him but I feel like he just dumped all his emotions and problems onto me and walked away and it makes me feel bad. Please e-mail me back, thanks. Natasha
- Natasha

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:21:46 AM
i wouldnt want my brother to date the kind of girl who just lives off of him and doesnt do anything.its a classic kind of situation where they dont see the bad in the situation.they will do anything she says.
- august

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:21:24 AM
i would definitely want my brother to date a christian girl.no girls that dress bad. they have to have self respect.i know my brother probably wouldnt date a girl like that. but if he did i would sit down and talk to him about it
- august

Monday, Jul 9, 2007 - 12:21:00 AM
Whats up Dawson, First off I'd like to tell you how much I enjoy and appreciate the services you provide people who just really need a non-biased opinion. I'm a 21 year old Clinical/Counseling Psych major at my school near Philadelphia, so I try to listen when I can and pick up on how to connect with people as you do. I'm pretty good at it so far. I guess you could call me the "Dawson McAllister" of my group friends. Haha. Anyway, to answer your question. Of course it depends on what type of women my brother is attracted to. As I'm sure you know there are "different strokes for different folks" so the women who I might advise him NOT to date MAY be the women he prefers to date. But, thank God my brother is already married to a woman who I don't mind all that much. But, if I didn't take any of what I just said into consideration I would warn my brother about women who give "it" up on the first date. You know, he may be out to a bar one night, meet a nice young lady, and then 20 beers later shes trying to drive home while shes vomiting all over herself meanwhile trying to get my brother in bed. Everyone knows this as a one night stand. Now, I'm not saying any women or men who take part in one night stands are "immoral" or "unworthy of dating anyone" but if your looking for someone to date on a serious level then you want to avoid getting involved with people who do one night stands, especially on a regular basis. Generally this is because you want to be 1.) Sober and 2.) You have to be genuinely interested in this person and want to get to know them a bit more. I'm sure following that would make someone feel better about their date choice rather then ending up with the person you just wanted to "wrestle" around with. But also, a huge, huge, huge characteristic for me is trust. Now, it may take a while for anyone to tell if they can fully trust or not but, if you can trust the person your dating, things will go as smooth as you could possibly imagine. Of course every relationship with have bumps and major mountains to overcome but with trust, you can achieve almost anything together. So, overall, I would advise my brother to stay away from the women who seem alittle too easy or seem to only have physical interest. I'd make sure he knew that trust is the cornerstone to all successful relationships. So any girl who falls into your area of interest and is trustworthy is a winner in my book any day. Thanks Dawson. Have a great one.
- Mark

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:58:02 PM
I would say: -check her morals find out where shes coming from and what she believes. -Dont date a girl that just wants you for herself whatever reason she may have. -She needs to have self respect and dignity for herself and him. -She should only be with him and not flirting with other boys while shes with him. -She should be kind and not treat him like her slave she shouldnt be controling. This would be for both of them it should be a mutual not a one sided relationship.
- Eric

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:50:37 PM
im 11 years old but i still listen to your show and it is really good u give great advice!!! i try to listen to ur show all the time but i dont have the chance u are a great person and are very helpful people are very lucky to get advice from u! i dont have a boyfriend but when i do get one this will help me cause ive already learned some things and what kind of guys to date! thx 4 helping other people and me!:)~Bridget~:D
- Bridget

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:35:13 PM
Im 14 and the oldest of three children. I have one brother that is almost ten in aug and i care about him so much & i hope that he finds the right girl when he eventually starts dating. I wouldnt want him to date a girl that is sluty, or is rude and only thinks about herlself. I think its important to have the same beliefs and for her to be trustworthy and friendly with everyone.
- Lauren

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:34:08 PM
I would tell my brother not to date long distance girls!!!!!........he has been going crazy over is girl about 2 years and it drive me crazy!!!!
- Xue

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:32:13 PM
There are many types of girls out there. Definetely stay away from the easy, slutty girls. They want guys for the attention and ultimately the sex. they tend to cheat, do drugs or some illegal substance, and they could give him STDs, AIDs for example. Make sure the girl is honest. Look at the her friends for a taste. Girls hang out with people that are somewhat like her. If are "blinded by her love" but see that her friends are mean or have some quality that you dislike, then be careful around her.
- Evelyn

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:26:42 PM
The reason why a lot of girls are attracted to the wrong guys is because of the way their family situation was when they where growing up. I am almost 23years old, just got a divorce after 4 1/2 years becauase I realized that my husband was just like my dad. I had always told myself I would NEVER marry anyone like my dad. What happens is these guys also have an unhealthy family live. The 2 unhealthy people are attracted to eachother because it is "comfortable". Meaning they do not know how to live any other way except to be miserable (most of the time). It is a lot harder to step out of the comfort zone and find a good guy than to put up with what is comfortable or normal to you. If any women feel that they are having this struggle I strongly suggest the book "Women Who Love Too Much." This book has helped me a lot in learning why I am attracted to the people I am attrated too and what I can do to so that I don't make the mistake again!
- Janie

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:23:00 PM
Dear Dawson, I just called your hope-line. I am not sure which coach that i spoke to but she was AWESOME. I just accepted Jesus into my life. When she did a prayer of salvation, a feeling of belonging just rushed over me. Like somebody finally cared about what happened to me. I hope that everyone out there that has issues and difficulties in there life will call the hopeline. It helped me after all the problems that i had. It can certainly help you. Thank you so much Dawsom McAllister and the Hopeline. You guys have helped me find the answer that i have been looking for for 10 years. Thanks again.
- Ashton

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:22:15 PM
I have one brother, the problem is where i live, its full of a bunch of drama queens and attention wh****, or a combo i like to call drama wh****. The type of girls whose life is "so terrible" and "noone likes them"; or the girl that wants to be in the middle of everything and have every guy talk to her and want to date her. All it seems to do in the end is lead to distress. personal distress, and distress in the family.
- Daniel

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:18:50 PM
Hey Dawson. I was listening to your show tonight on my way home and I was just wondering if you could give me your input on my situation. I've been dating this guy for about 8 months, but for the 3 or 4 i've been hiding it from my parents. Because I was dating him for about 4 months then we broke up because of some dumb fight, then less than a week later we got back together but my mom told me i couldn't see him and i told her i would see him anyway. Well, then it started causing problems with me and my family but i still saw him. I feel like my parents are being really selfish and not respecting my feelings at all in this situation. I'm turning 18 in august and that's when i'm going to tell my parents that i'm still seeing my boyfriend and i'm not going to stop seeing him. what do you think i should do or say in this situation so that my parents will just accept my decision to be with him?
- Michelle

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:13:30 PM
someone who wouldn't make them uncomfortable when they first start dating. Probibly someone who pushes you into somethings you dont want to do, would be someone i wouldnt want my brother dating.
- Marisa

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:13:16 PM
A woman who plays games with guys' heads, lies and cheats, gets jealous easily.
- Monica

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:01:44 PM
hi, i think that your blog is so good and your advice is really helpful. But the thing is that i still need boyfriend advice and no one has the corect answer im looking for. Even know i havnt talk to you your show and blog is really good im glad that i listen to you.
- april

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 11:00:54 PM
i have two brothers 20 and 16 and i wouldn't want them to date someone up tight(someone who thinks about her self) i also wouldn't want them to date someone who parties alot. only because they r down to earth and they don't party and i wouldn't want them to start partying. But its not my call who they date and no matter i bad i ate the girl they date i keep my mouth shut cause i figure they will figure it out!!!
- whit

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 10:56:50 PM
if i had a friend who started dating soon i would tell him to avoid the abusive kind
- chris

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 10:55:16 PM
well my brother's 16 so hopefully if he were to start dating he would find someone that wouldn't be "mothery" but would show him all the positive characteristics he has in him sine he struggles to see those things...he needs someone sweet, sensitive, clean, and a blast to be around...of course being 16 is hard enough so maybe he should just stick with being a teenager right now!!
- Robin

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 10:52:36 PM
Well, i have a little brother who will start dating soon and now that i look at it i would want him to date basically a perfect type of girl. I would want her to be smart, funny outgoing, loving to her family, and be a good person. I dont want him to date a girl who is fake (like to much make-up and dumb) and i would not want him to date a girl who is mean and cruel to others and always gets her ways, or a girl who is a stuck up brat and spoiled. I want the best for my brother and i do not want him to get hurt.
- meagan

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 10:49:28 PM
I wouldn't want him to date one of my friends, because that would make things akward. I would keep him away from the girls who will keep him from becoming a pedatriction that he wants to be.
- Alita

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 10:35:33 PM
i wouldnt want my brother dating a woman who is too wild or crazy.my brother is only 68 and a half months right now,and has a heart condition.he doesnt need a controling woman,and he doesnt need a woman who likes to party every day.
- Karleen

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 10:30:33 PM
i just hurd the girl chealse on the radio and he will abouse you wanst you move in i was their. he treated his mom like crap and me even worse then that.and i furged it all out once i moved in and i have a 2 yr old son by him that i take care of myself...and its all becasue i didnt want to listen and if you think he is diffent he isnt at all it will happen to you. you caint change a guy at all he want change for you or anyone else! brittany!
- brittany

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 10:27:12 PM
this has helped me a lot. i just discovered your show today and i have already learned so much from you.
- brittani

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 10:10:03 PM
thanks 4 the advice its gonna help me
- Killian

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 10:09:09 PM
I have a twin brother, we're both 21 and he just recently started dating this new girl after being head over heals in love with his former girlfriend who turned out to be a big wh***. When he starts dating someone he usually falls for them hard and fast. But anyway this new girl he is talking to or whatever she is a big stoner and so is my brother and he doesnt need to be. He is already heading down the wrong path and I really dont think he needs to be dragged down by anyone else even more. So dont date a stoner! Especially when she says i like blacking out its fun! That doesnt really tell too many good things about that particular person.
- Abby

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 9:57:28 PM
My little brother is eight right now and the type of girl I would beg him to avoid is: a high maintance girl. High maintance girls are never statisfied with anything anyone does for them. They have high expectations with step price tags. I just absolutly hope he learns to seed out those girls who can't fall in love with simple things like a walk in the park or a day at the beach.
- Cassie

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 9:45:01 PM
my brother is ten and if he ever started 2 date someone i would hope it be a nice girl who wouldn't use him
- Melissa

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 9:37:28 PM
my brother is only ten but is already "dating" the type of girl that i wouldn't want him to end up with is a girl that had no respect for herself ,dishonest, no self control , and emotionaly unstable.
- Ally

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 9:30:33 PM
A woman that would just use him for his money, and just to drive her and her friend around. Also, steal his heart and run off to another man and leave him heartbroken.
- Ashley

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 9:27:53 PM
I am a young mother of 3 and on the way, I'm 21 and have been in my relationship 5 yrs with the same man and father to all 4 kids...He & I share a 21 yr difference...Many ppl question us, but I think it just depends on who u are...My parents had nothing to do with my decision...Sometimes I think it just depends on who we are:)
- Brittany

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 9:11:37 PM
My younger brother just turned 14 back in May. I would tell him to not date girls who have no goals in life, and who has no morals.
- Erica

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 8:47:17 PM
Well. Let's see. Iam very picky. The girl could not be a non-social person. I would make sure she wasn't too pretty I don't wanna steal her. Haha. I would make sure that she wasn't anorexic or Belhimic. Those people need help. Help that is beyond me. I would make sure it was some one he was happy with. I would beg him to be happy more than anything.
- Ryan

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 8:45:20 PM
i would beg him not to date the needy girls or the girls who just want to have a boyfriend b/c it makes them feel good because those type of relationships are built on false attractions that wont last
- owen

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 8:20:43 PM
Hi Dawson, I love your show, but I was just wondering why you have it on late at night on Sunday nights. What if we have to get up for school at 6:30 the next morning? I can't stay up until 3 AM EDT listening to it. I need my sleep!
- Brian

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 5:03:29 PM
the reason why girls give in to guys is that some guys r so sallow and wont date girls wit over weight or r really ugly and some feel better cuz they have boyfriends and they fell good bout them self.
- jasmine

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 3:56:05 PM
if it wouldnt have been for you and ur show i dont know how i would have done some of the things that i have done to change my life for the better. so i just want to say thanks
- destiny

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 12:39:41 PM
Thanks Dawson, for writing that last blog entry. Seeing those guidelines written out actually helped me. I've never really had guidelines like that and I've always wondered why I've always picked the same type of guy. I've been in abusive relationships time after time and I got sick of it. Finally I prayed and spent alot of time with God and he has healed my heart from all those things, I've also been able to forgive. That is a great relief, because for a long time I've gone around with a wall up and alot of anger and insecurity behind it. I spent alot of time with God and my guidelines changed, well not really changed but formed. I never really had any. Recently I've found myself in a relationship with a very nice guy. He is sweet and caring and I've never dated anybody like him before. We have been friends for a very long time, so whenever we spend time together, we are always pal-ing around like the best friends ever. I see the difference of forming your guidelines and standing behind them, and just going for the first guy that shows you attention. This blog has really touched me because I know the pain behind the abusive relationship and how it really affects your life after. My 15 yr old sister has already been in a physically abusive relationship. I mean shoving, pushing, and kicking her when she was on the ground. He was older than her by alot though. He was 23. Which I think is inappropriate because they had been dating since she was 9. I cannot count the times she came to me bawling and wanting to die because she felt like she was dirt. She is much better by the grace of God though! She is no longer in that relationship. I am definitley going to show her this blog though. It thrilled me to finally be able to learn the way God intended for us to get to know one another!
- Kendra

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 2:08:01 AM
I have never gave that much thought. My brother is a lot older than me, but if he was younger I would just tell him to date whoever he feels comfortable dating. I wouldn't want my brother dating someone who is a druggy or drinks. I also wouldn't want him dating someone who would push for sex like crazy. Number one thing whoever he dates needs to have a relationship with Jesus.
- Christina

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 1:13:39 AM
I would beg my brother not to date someone with low moral standards. Don't think you can change your girlfriend with just you example. Don't risk letting her bring you down to her level.
- Katie

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 1:07:20 AM
i think girls give into guys because girls dont have alot of people to talk to or they feel lonely,or there parents are never around so they go and get a guy.
- Elizabeth

Sunday, Jul 8, 2007 - 1:06:52 AM
Hi Dawson, I dont think what Keriann did was corny at all. It shows that she knows what she wants and she not going to settle. And honestly settling is a bad thing to do. I know. I've done my fair share of it. But now I'm in a wonderful relationship with an amazing guy. I trust him with my life. The best part is though, he waited until I was comfortable with being in a relationship and he gave me my space and told me when I was ready to give him my answer. He is a great guy and why he chose me?? The world may never know.He truely is my knight in shiny armour!! And every girl deserves a relationship as great as this one. But to be in one it takes a lot of thinking and You have to know what you want and what your ready for.
- Amber

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 11:04:18 PM
If my brother was starting to date I would tell him to stay away from girls who show too much skin. If they don't respect themselves then how will they respect you? I would also tell him to stay away from dating any girl that lies to him. Once someone has lied to you once it somehow always happens again. He should continue to be friends with her if he wants but just dating this type of girl would cause a great deal of unnessecary drama.
- Ally

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 11:02:05 PM
I love my brothers very much, and I would never want to see them get hurt by a girl. I would tell them to find a girl that really makes them happy. I would want them to stay away from girls that have a bad reputation. I know that they'll make mistakes every once in a while with girls, but maybe they'll learn from them and not go back to that type of girl.
- Cheyenne

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 10:21:32 PM
Mr. McAllister, I would like first and foremost to thank you for your work concerning how girls get into a situation where they give in to less than wonderful guys. The state of affairs is truly shocking, as in my own experience I have had girls in similar situations come on to me because I was just a nice, responsible guy and I paid attention to them. It seems to me that many of these broken-hearted girls are seeking a rock in the storm and are grabbing on to anything that may be solid. The questions you provide for these young ladies are an excellent start on the issue. Frankly, if one of my friends had evaluated these as pertains to this one guy, she wouldn't have experienced what she did during the last few weeks of the school year. I must begin to think however, that it cannot be so effective so as to only work on one end of the problem. Perchance you would be so kind so as to work on how to redefine popular meanings of masculinity in our culture so that there are not so many guys who act in such a discordant fashion. I cannot stand to automatically be affixed a stereotype as lacking respect towards the fairer sex and being untrustworthy. Surely, with more decent guys, the odds will not be so stacked against these unwary young ladies. Concerning your next blog, I would like to share the standards that my younger brother and I have developed for dating. We do not associate with serial cheaters, the promiscuous, the sexually deviant, shallow young ladies, the dishonest, and the sort of woman that is narcissistic, self-centered and bossy.
- T.J.

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 10:19:47 PM
If my brother was starting to date,the type of woman I would beg him not to date would be someone who has too much baggage(maybe unfinsihed relationships),that are to clingy,not determined and to emotional.I think all these things can be harmful to a relationship.
- Jenny

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 8:08:51 PM
i need help. I am so confused. I had this boyfriend and he was so great. My dad didn't like him though. I argued with my dad about it and we faught. It's what my family is known for. I was put in foster care and that's when greg and I broke up. My father got a court order. He told the judge I had run away for Greg, when really I hate my father. I have not talked to Greg in 8 months and now I am back home with my father. We keep fighting like crazy yet he doesn't want counceling. Then again he doesn't want me to leave. I miss Greg more than anything and I used to think he hated me. I have seen Greg once, but I was driving home. I have not seen him after that. I don't know what's going on. I am going insane thinking about everything.
- sarah

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 5:15:40 PM
alot of girls think that they are in love because they are in love with the idea of being in love and they go back and give into these mentally and physically abusive guys because they have been told and now think that no one will love them because of how they were treated before, they think of themselves as "damaged goods" for example, my friend "katie" (i changed the name) was in a very abusive relationship and her mom told her that she wasnt allowed to go out with anyone else, then she started dating a clingy guy whos parents dumped her and then at a party, the nicest guy askes her out and i over heard her mom telling her that she wasnt good enough for this guy because of what her abusive boyfriend put her through. She is dating him now, but because she wants to and because i said something to her about her being an awesome person
- megan

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 5:15:18 PM
wen u r looking 4 the right guy trust in my oppinion is most important!In my case in addition 2 my bf darryl i have 3 other guy friends & he has some girl friends,but we're both fine w/ it.Also we get along great W/ each otha & our fam. His kid sis/my bffgot us 2getha so our fams have nown eachota since i waz 4 now im 14 & he's 16. we're great 4 eachotha & can talk bout anything.
- beverly

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 11:45:57 AM
I just feel that it up to person him self he should date who he wants to. If he want to date a idiot then let him do that I will not stand in his way.
- Ingrid

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 11:45:47 AM
hi dawson. i need advice. (and who doesnt these days)my 19 yr old sisterwas just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.even though she was just diagnosed,shes bee in a lot of trouble in the past years. she started pot when she was my age,(12, dont worry, im not into any of that stuff) when she started high school, she got really depressed and started cutting.it got to the point where my parents kicked her out, because she would yell and cuss at them in the middle of the night for no reason, and the neighbors started to complain. so she got an apartment and a few weeks later, one of her friends found her trying to bleed herself dry in her kitchen. my sister spent her first christmas away from home in the psych ward. now shes living with us again because my parents r afraid f what she'll do if shes on her own.she still goes a-wall and runs away like every other week, and my parents dont know what to do, none of us do. we dont want her on her own, but shes always trying to get me to do stuff for her. cover for her, lend her money for ciggerettes, that sort of thing. i dont know how long this can go on. she goes to AA and NA meetings, and as far as we know, she hasnt used this month. but im scared, because i know that shell go a-wall again soon. (itss sort of a pattern now) my mom acts like shes gonna go crazy, and my dad has a bad heart and i dont know hat all this stress will do to him.i have and 8 year old sister and shes taking this really hard.i dont know how to handle all this baggage.i dont why she does this. she had a very good life before all of this, but she keeps saying it sucks. how can i help her see that shes gotta stop this rampage. waht can i do to let her know she has a good life, and that all the bad things in life are the result of her bad choices. tell me how i can help. i dont know how much more we can take. help.
- Andrea

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 11:43:58 AM
i was listening to the show where that young girl called in about her 21 year old boyfriend, who called her names because she rode in a car with her male friend to a party. it broke my heart. i'm only a few years older than her but i remember when i was her age. i too dated older guys and found myself in an unhealthy relationship that i thought i couldn't get out of "because i loved the guy". you were so right when you told her that the real reason why is because we think we can't do any better. its a shame that we allow somone else to make us think so poorly of ourselves. the saddest thing is that by the time we find mr. right it'll be too late. we'll be so torn up and battered that we won't be capable of having a healthy relationship and we'll continue to choose the wrong guy simply because that is what we're used to. my story is a little different: i have found a man who loves me with all of his heart and treats me like a queen. but the unfortunate events in my past cause me to second guess his sincerity sometimes or makes me wonder if i'm going to lose him. almost as if he must be too good to be true. its sad isn't it?!?!?! if its not one thing its another ... and it can all be traced back to one of two things ... either the relationship we as females have with our fathers or the example that our fathers set for us in our household. just a viscious cycle that our society just seems to have gotten used to
- Reina

Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 - 10:23:57 AM
i think if u r in arelationship its preparing u and testing u for the real thing MARRAGE AND THATS A real big step thats what i think
- heather

Friday, Jul 6, 2007 - 10:20:08 PM
I would tell my brother to date a girl who covers herself up. Too many girls think that "skin" is the latest in fashion trends. I think a girl who covers up shows that she repects herself. You can see intregrity, honor, and purity in her.
- Sarah

Friday, Jul 6, 2007 - 8:43:27 PM
Hi Dawson, I have one coment to make. You are so AWSOME!! What you do for teens and yong adults who have BAD problems. They go to you and you fix their problem. Ok I would tell my brother not to date girls who do any kind of drug. Cause I don't want my brother going to jail. My brother is like my BEST FRIEND!! I don't want him dieing cause of some kind of canser. I want my brother to live a christion life not someone who will get him into trouble. Every day I am glad he is up with me. He always helps me with my home work and takes GOOD care of me like my parents. My BRO Is tHE COOLEST and I want to keep him safe.
- Breanna

Friday, Jul 6, 2007 - 6:07:36 PM
Its hard to say why but my word is it has to do with not knowing their dad and or not having a relationship with them
- Shay

Friday, Jul 6, 2007 - 3:28:50 PM
Hi Dawson, thank you for what you do. I think that it is great that there is someone in the world that kids can talk with. In answer to your question: The "easy" girls--the ones who have no self respect. Girls who aren't trustworthy because they don't trust themselves. Girls who cannot or will not say "no", and who accept what happens to them, thinking that it is what they deserve. The ones who have a new boyfriend every month, or week, or day.
- Ann

Friday, Jul 6, 2007 - 11:46:02 AM
Hey! Before I commented, I wanted to say that what you do for people is just amazing, and that's all I have to say about that. But anyway. If this queston was in my point of view, then I would just say all women--because even though me and my brother are twins, he's allowed to date, and I litterally can't until I'm planning on getting married. I'm not going to let my brother be able to do something I'll never do! I know that sounded really self-centered, but I just can't stand it.
- Jessica

Friday, Jul 6, 2007 - 11:45:57 AM
Hi Hi Dawson. Well I am that kind of girl. i always date the wrong guys!!!! I mean i never reject guys when they ask me out because i never kno if he is the potentisal Mr. Right. and i have a very open personallity so i like i cant make a list because its restricting you know. And about the whole checking the background thing. i personally would never do that because a persons past isnt neccisarily how they r now. and like if u look at how some one is now and ask their friend they might have a different personality when they are with you because there are times hen you have to do things. and personally about the cheating thing if they cheated there are no second chances. no matter what a cheater is a cheater i mean we all will be attracted to people that is not our partner but those who give in to temptation will more than likey always give in and cheat. its called self control CONTROLLING YOUR SELF!! BUT IT IS DIFFerent when the person isnt you. because i would want my friendz to have standards n vise versa so like .... idk... just evry1 doesnt think alike u kno. things are different. 1 anaylisis doesnt describe evry1 in that situation
- Kariz

Thursday, Jul 5, 2007 - 9:24:18 PM
hey dawson i listen to youre show every sunday night and ur blog is everything that is going on between me and the person i love and now this help me to better understand if we r meant to b together.. ive made a list also and he meets everything on it and i sure hope that im the one he wants but if im not what do i do... do i wait or do i go for someone else???
- Kelsey Jo

Thursday, Jul 5, 2007 - 7:18:46 PM
Hey Dawson! My brother has dated in the past, but no one really knows who he's dating these days or if he is dating anyone at all. He's 27 and works in Houston, but he never calls or emails us or anything like that. But he does have a couple of friends that are girls, and they are sorta...to put it nicely, they're not the best people to hang with. I mean one of them has a baby on the way, doesn't know where the father is, is on drugs, and has all these other mental issues. My brother keeps trying to rescue her and keeps holding onto her for some unknown reason, and tries to help her with all of these problems that she has. I'm not sure if he's dating her or not, but she's trouble. Last time we heard from him, she was yelling in his house about how he's always in her life, and she left his house with the intention of never coming back. Well, usually when something bad happens we hear from him so I guess he broke up with her. Maybe he finally learned that going after girls and trying to make their problems your's isn't the best way to date. Oh yeah, Happy late 4th of July! Thanks again.
- _*Katie*_