Dawson McAllister

Dawson's Blog

Outside of the four qualities I’ve listed on my blog, there are many others as well. It amazes me all the good qualities and hard work we must put into relationship so it will be healthy and worthwhile. Here are some more qualities to look for in a guy you are going to date:

1. Is he addicted to drugs and alcohol?
If you date a guy who’s addicted to drugs and alcohol, you are on a one way street to disaster. Just remember, there will always be three of you in the relationship, and you’ll come in third every time. There’s the guy, the drugs, and you. While it is hard to admit, if someone you’re dating is addicted to drugs, he loves his drugs far more than he loves you. He may like you, or want to use you, but his first love is his drugs. That’s why we call it an addiction. Also remember, as they say on the street, “Every junkie’s a liar.” He’ll lie to you in a heartbeat. If he’s addicted to drugs and alcohol, don’t date him period. You’ll be happy you didn’t.

2. Is he emotionally healthy?
While we should be kind to everyone, it doesn’t necessarily mean we have to date whoever is out there. Some guys may be cute and even nice, but they have deep emotional issues which will haunt your relationship. Some people call it “baggage”. We all have baggage (issues in our lives), but too many issues can make a dating relationship destructive. “‘Baggage’ would be something else…to watch out for. Some people are still carrying loads of guilt, shame, fear, etc. from their past that they haven't let go of. Until a guy deals with his own personal "baggage", I don't think that he is ready to enter into a relationship with someone else. The same thing goes for the girl.” (Sarah)

3. Is he potentially a good friend?
A lot of times when we’re thinking about dating, we get caught up in the romance and intense feelings of it all. The fact of the matter is no one can live on those intense “I’m so in love with you I can’t sleep” nights very long. We would all go crazy. In the end, if relationships are to last, they have to develop into friendships as well. That is why if you’re good friends with someone first, and then start dating that person, the relationship has a lot better chance to survive. Just remember, a heavily emotional and physical relationship almost always blows up. The relationship cannot take that kind of pressure very long. “He just likes being with me, and doesn't care where we are, same here. We are extremely close and he can always make me smile, no matter what. I have known him for 10 years, and I am best friends with his sister.” (Bridgette)

4. Is he a good communicator?
Not everyone is outgoing and has a dynamic personality. Some people are shy and it takes them a longer time to open up. That being said, a healthy dating relationship needs open, honest, respectful communication. One of the reasons so many married people break up is because they never learned how to communicate in the first place. Communicating in a healthy way is an art that takes time to learn. If the guy who wants to take you out can’t or won’t communicate with you, you probably have the wrong guy.

5. Is he a caring person?
It’s not enough to date some flashy, good looking, fast talking guy. Because sooner or later there will be a crisis in your life. Maybe you’ll get really sick, or someone close to you will die. Perhaps you will have a bout with depression. Maybe your parents will go through a divorce. There could be all kinds of crises that could occur in your life, things you have no control over. So what will your boyfriend do when the crisis comes (and it will come)? Will he be faithful and caring and stick with you through thick and thin? I’ve seen guys who find out their “girlfriends” are in a crisis, and they cut and run. On my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, I have heard hundreds of stories of guys who get their girlfriends pregnant and all of a sudden they are nowhere to be found. I call it “sex and run”. There’s nothing quite like a faithful and caring boyfriend. Don’t settle for one who isn’t.

There are many other qualities to look for in a guy you date. For example:

Is he a person who is self-controlled?
Is he hard working?
Is he responsible?
Is he spontaneous with a sense of adventure?
Is he humble?
Is he a leader?
Is he able to admit when he is wrong?
Is he an encourager?
Is he willing to stay away from flirting with other girls?
Is he a good listener?
Is he forgiving?

In the end, finding the right guy is not easy. No guy is perfect. But if he is working on these qualities, you have found yourself a person worth dating. Remember, don’t settle for second best. Far better not to date at all than to date the wrong guy and have your heart broken.

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