1. Giving up your rights to get even.
2. Choosing to stop feeding the anger and resentment toward the person who hurt you, but letting out your hurt in a positive way.
3. Letting all judgments toward the person who has hurt you be handled by God.
4. Actually getting to the place where you can say to the person who harmed you, “I wish for you a blessing on your life.”

1. Forgiving is a choice you make, not a feeling you have to muster up.

   To forgive is to forget. You have no doubt heard people say you need to forgive and forget. It’s as though when you forgive someone, some kind of magical amnesia comes over you and you forget the horrible hurt that was brought on you. This is not true. Forgiving others does not eliminate the memory of their violating you. It is because we remember, that the need for forgiveness is real. Tiffany admits she struggles with forgiveness. Even though she doesn’t know it, she has a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is: "I hate it!! It's so hard to forgive when you can't forget." When you forgive someone you're not saying that you weren't hurt or that you will forget that hurt. It did happen, but you can forgive, even if you still remember. But with forgiveness and time, that hurt will fade.

2. When you forgive someone you're not saying that you weren't hurt or that it didn’t happen.

   To forgive is to excuse or ignore the offender's actions. If you could excuse the behavior of the person who hurt you, forgiveness is not necessary. In fact, what the person who hurt you did is inexcusable. We don’t excuse them for what they did, we forgive them. Usually a person who excuses, ignores, or quickly professes forgiveness to another is in denial.
3. Forgiveness will fix the relationship between you and the person who hurt you. You need to make a decision about whether to continue a relationship with the person you are forgiving, or if it would be better to maintain your distance. Just because you forgive someone, doesn’t mean you have to trust that person again. Forgiveness is a gift we give to others. Trust is something that is earned. For example, if you were sexually abused, that doesn’t mean you should continue to live in the same house or even have a close relationship with that person. To do so would be unwise, even dangerous.

Thursday, Jul 31, 2008 - 9:22:38 PM
Dawson, I heard your show for the first time last week, and I heard you mention this blog, so I thought I would take a look. Up until the beginning of this year there was a guy in my life. Me and Jon were really close. We were always together, and when apart we'd be emailing/texting constantly. I fell for him, and he meant so much to me, he said that he felt the same even though we weren't officially together. On new years eve, he told me he wanted to be with me officially and treat me right, and that he had strong feelings for me. But it turned out it had all been lies as i found out he slept with someone else shortly afterwards. The night I found out I confronted him but he denied it, he just said that he never wanted to be with me. I told him to f**k off and walked away from him. As soon as I returned to my friends I just collapsed and burst into tears, and I couldn't breath. I went through a stage of crying a lot, which I hid from the people around me. I no longer feel angry towards him, but the pain of what he did is still there, and I dont know how to move on and get passed the pain. I want to forgive him but I just dont know how.
- Sarah

Thursday, Jul 31, 2008 - 8:06:54 PM
What i mean is, you need to forgive them, even though sometimes you end up losing the person because of what they did to you. If they've hurt you, and you ended up losing them as a friend/bf/w/e, that doesn't mean you should remember them for what they did to you. For example, resently, i was stabbed in the back by my friend who i'd known all my life. We arent friends anymore. I forgive her for what she did, But i dont wanna remember her as the person who really hurt me by changing herself all together; I wanna remember her as my best friend at one time, even as a sister,for who she used to be. Something also is if you forget about everything, you might end up re-doing exactly what happened to you. But that's only my opinion on things.
- Sierra

Thursday, Jul 31, 2008 - 12:13:13 AM
To forgive; is; NOT to "forget" but to let go ?
- Erstwhile

Wednesday, Jul 30, 2008 - 10:09:52 PM
April- I'm sorry that happened to you. i'm still really young, but i understand you're in pain. if i may suggest something,i'll try my best to help. Don't let yourself sit there and ask what would've happened if you and Edward were still together. that might be something on your mind. Everything happens for a reason. I think it's hard on you right now because you were close to him at one time, and told him everything, which is a kind of person you need. You feel betrayed by him, which could possibly where you get your pain from. My suggestion is you need to find someone who you can talk to now, but be careful to not get too attached. That's happened to me a lot. If you don't find someone you can talk to, it will build up in you, and you'll get to where you might not talk about it at all; kind of like a seperate life style. You need to try and forgive him, even if you dont want to, but you don't have to forget, but that's just my opinion. Dawson- I've only been listening for 2 weeks, and i can tell you now i plan to listen from here on out. Yes, i'm only 12, but i understand what these people are going through, even if i've never had those experinces personally. I'm going through a sort of rough time right now, and listening to other people who have problems help me because i try and think of ways i could possibly help them. Great Job, you're doing Awesome =).
- Sierra

Wednesday, Jul 30, 2008 - 2:37:53 AM
I want to thank you for this blog Dawson. I've been struggling for the last year to forgive someone who hurt me badly. I've been struggling with it. I don't feel anger or hatred as I did in the beginning but I am struggling to be able to wish him happy. I would like to get to that point though eventually because he no longer holds any part of me but I'm the one who can't seem to let it all go.
- Elayna

Wednesday, Jul 30, 2008 - 2:36:50 AM
hi dawson. I often listen to your show at night when I need to fix a problem. you see, I often moved because my mother and grandmother often couldn't pay rent and we had to move.Then my father was awarded sole custody of me, my sister stayed with my mother. That year I was going in the 8th grade. I was 2 weeks late into starting the school year. I was nervous, because I thought everyone would ask me why I was late. They did ask, so I just sucked it up and told them. I made really good friends. Including one guy friend named Edward. We were best friends, except my other best friend kathy. We would always talk, joke around. he was my best friend, he knew somethings kathy didn't. My father didn't aprove of me talking to guys and go to theirs houses or for him to come to mine. So I secretly called and went to the park with my cousin to met up with him.Then one day me and my stepmother got into an argument, so I grabbed my cell phone and said I was going to the park. He lived only two blocks away, so I stood on the edge of his block and called him. He agreed to meet with me and go to the park. so I waited for him thinking about the fight I had with my stepmom and slowly the tears started running. When he saw me, he ran up to me and gave me a tight hug, telling me everything would be ok. we walked to the park, he was still holding me tight around the waist, to help me walk. he put me on one of the swings and sat down on the one next to me. I told him everything, like I always did. He was thinking when I said promise me. He looked up suprised but confused, Huh he said. I took a deep breath to calm my self and said promise me that when we go to high school that we will stay friends and not fight, like right now. that we will stay the same, no matter what. I promise he said.It was getting late and we had to go home. he had kept his promise in the begining of high school. we walked home together, talking about our classes be cause we had none together. Then he started acting weird. he started ignoring me, acting like a jerk. Then one day I was walking to my biolgy class which I shared with on of my best friend, when he came around the corner with one of his friends. I wave at hi saying hi Edward. He just said hi april. His friend turned to him saying April? Like the month? She's named after a month? no I said looking at edward for him for help. He looked away.Then his friend started teasing me.I flushed red with anger,sadness, and anyonce. I said to them both, listen I'm going to be late for biolgy, so I can't stay here and chat with two idiots! I glared at the both of them, but especially Edward as I turned to go to class fight ing tears the whole way there.It happened again and I did let one tear slip out, but they didn't see. Then I decided to confront him. I did, when I was getting off school grounds I saw him not to far away from me so then I steped closer to him and said I need to tell you something. He said what? I screamed at him your acting like a f**king jerk and you broke your promise! He looked at me and said what? Then I took a deep breath and I looked up at him, glaring and said do you want me to repeat it? He shook his head. Then I said still glaring at him 'then don't ask. And I walked away. Natrully I asked my friends for advice and they siad to ignore him. I did but he kept calling my cell when he kew no one was home. I finally answered saying what do you want Edward! He started aplogizing saying I was right about everything, that he understood if I didn't acept his apology.then I said i'm not going to listen to this and was about to hang up when he said please I love you! I froze. so did he. all my anger melted away because I had liked him since we started being friends. And with that we started dating. for a week. Our first day together was my cousins b-day. Natrully I told her and we were jumping up and down with excitment. then a week later he broke up with me, tearing my heart out of my chest. My best friends had known we were together. they supported me giving him glares whenever they could. then I fell for a friend of mine who knew everything but wasn't involved. I got over my ex but the hurt was still there. I slowly started talking to him again, we're not really friends but he helps me when I need it. But I still can't get over it. I can't fully forgive him and that stops me from sharing everything with him like I used to. Please give me some advice!
- april

Wednesday, Jul 30, 2008 - 2:29:20 AM
My x cheated on me
- A girl

Wednesday, Jul 30, 2008 - 2:25:35 AM
I am 13 years old and earlier this year my parents were going to get a divorce. I, later, found out that the reason was my dad cheating on my mom with one of his employees. That is a really hard thing for a kid my age to go through. My moms whole life is centered around my dad. She was in such terrible condition, I always felt like I was going down with her. Somehow-later in the year-my mom found the strength to forgive my father, and he also stopped his cheating. However, when my mother came back up, I stayed down and, as I thought then, was permanently damaged by all this chaos. I never forgave my dad though he tried hard to earn back my trust. But as I started to listen to your show and read your blogs, I know it takes too much energy to stay p***ed off at someone that way and I know my dad will always feel guilty about his past. I know that my dad really is a good guy-he would do anything for me. You have helped me make the choice to forgive him and let him back into my life of trust. Thank you so much.
- Stormie

Tuesday, Jul 29, 2008 - 2:34:55 AM
Hey Dawson I heard your show last night and felt that i needed to visit your site. A few months ago my girlfriend and I decided to take a break to figure out our own lives and hopfully become better people. Shortly after we decided this I figured out that my girlfriend had been going out with several different guys and going back to her old habits of smoking and drinking. When we started dating I was 17 and she 15. Now I am 19 and she is 17. We were together for a little over two years. Things have been getting better and we are talking again, but it seems that everytime we are together we fight. It isnt a long fight but almost everytime there is a short fight. I think that this is because I feel hurt by her. I gave my entire life to her and I still feel extremely betrayed by her actions. I was just wondering if I should feel this way considering we were taking a break at the time. I just feel that love it an amazing thing and that she messed everything up. Any advice would be great thanks.
- Mike

Tuesday, Jul 29, 2008 - 2:01:10 AM
Dawson, I would like to say that I am greatful for your blogs and insight on many problems in the world today. For me forgiveness is one of the hardest things in life. I try everyday to overcome a lot of boundaries i have set up. It just seems when i let someone in, they end up hurting me. Its hard to forgive, but i am working really hard to forgive people who have hurt me. Thanks for always being here.
- Taryn B.

Tuesday, Jul 29, 2008 - 1:17:42 AM
I try so hard to forgive the people who hurt me sometimes it seems more work than it's worth, but I realize that just as my Heavenly Father forgives me for my sins I also need to forgive others and let God handle the justice. But I've also heard people who say that sometimes you have to keep forgiving that person, my question is are you really forgiving them then? I mean sometimes I say yeah I forgive them, and other days it's like I'm so mad I just want to get even and goes back and forth like that. Sometimes I think that justice needs to be done but it also says in the Bible that God will do the punishing.
- Jenn

Monday, Jul 28, 2008 - 11:59:51 PM
Dawson, After reading your blog about forgiveness, I feel like I have a whole new realization about people. Most people do not intentionally hurt you, and I realize that you have to forgive if you ever want to have peace with that person and in your life. This blog made, no, helped me to forgive a boy who had hurt me unintentionally, and I really feel a lot better. So thank you Dawson!!!
- Sam

Monday, Jul 28, 2008 - 11:42:11 PM
I really appreciate you writing this blog. I have been holding on to some heavy unforgiveness. To basically almost all my family members for different things that have either done to me or said to me. This and your previous blog have brought me to a new understanding of what forgiveness is. In my opinion forgiveness is not saying i forgive and not truly meaning it. Forgiveness is also not putting on a facade of happiness protraying thay you forgive someone, because someone told you to do that when that person coomes around.
- Krysta

Monday, Jul 28, 2008 - 10:11:10 PM
I am 30 years old, and although your show is for 25 and under, you help me tremendously. I too struggle with forgiveness, as we all do at some point in our life, no matter what the age. I just want to thank you for wisdom and advice and encouragement and you are alot of help to many. I am glad that there is a person that alot of your younger population and teenagers can go to discuss their problems and concerns in their life. In todays day and age, we really need that!
- Christie

Sunday, Jul 27, 2008 - 11:24:54 PM
First I would like to say thank you Dawson for this blog about forgiveness. For I have been trying to forgive someone who hurt me badly in the past. I do not know how, and I am constantly fighting should I forgive that person. Because as you said in the last blog , forgiving is giving up your chance to get even...And I want to get even badly LOl. But I realize that holding a grudge locks me in the past and it blinds me to the bright future of tomorrow, so I am trying to forgive the person who has done me wrong. Now the second thing I would like to say, is about the myth of forgiveness. My distant family tries to practice forgiveness, and when they do forgive the person who did inflict some type of pain on them. It seems like that the forgiven or someone who knows about the wrongful deed can bring it up and have a conversation like it will not bother the forgiver. I frankly do not believe that once you forgive, you can easily talk about the wrongful act. Even if it is years later, depending on what happened.
- Stephen

Sunday, Jul 27, 2008 - 10:59:22 PM
I have someone that still accuses me of hitting her in the second grade, and she hates me for it. She says that she has forgiven me, but she is just causious. This is really hard to believe when ever i do come in contact with her she is two different people, the person she really is, she shows no one but says it to other people. its confusing, and sometimes, even if you are the one that did the harm, you can still get hurt from the effect afterwards, of when the person apparently accepted the apology but still denys it, and to this day still try to use it against you. Sometimes, you just have to be the bigger person. B/c if you are the one getting hurt, just know that they will very well hurt you in a different way sooner or later. So even if they arent big enough to let it go, you can, and therefore live better :)
- Danielle

Sunday, Jul 27, 2008 - 9:35:58 PM
I don't like to hold grudges against people but i recently got into a fight with a friend and then i heard that she talked bad stuff about my mom and that just made me really mad and she said that she "really knows" my mom but she barely knows her and my mom is a really great mom and it just makes me angry that she talked bad stuff about my mom
- Danielle

Sunday, Jul 27, 2008 - 8:18:25 PM
Everyone deserves to be forgiven. If you want forgiveness for yourself, then you must forgive others. No one is perfect, and everyone will do wrong in their lifetime. To be able to forgive is the hardest lesson learned.
- Cindy

Saturday, Jul 26, 2008 - 11:36:41 AM
I don't like to hold grudges against people. I've always been taught that life is a very sacred thing. I strongly believe that forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts you could give to any one being.
- Brooklynne

Saturday, Jul 26, 2008 - 1:02:54 AM
Dawson, thanks for everything you do. I read your blog and I like it alot. And this blog is sooo true!! And it's helping me to forgive one of my friends that never return my calls or texts. And my parents, cause I realize that the way that they behave when a certain military branch is mentioned, the reason they go haywire(even if I didn't bring it up, I try my best to avoid it) cause they don't think I'm picking the right branch. Thanks Dawson!! ;)
- Cynthia

Friday, Jul 25, 2008 - 11:22:07 PM
Thanks Dawson u have really helped me out a lot. Just this past week my girlfriend had cheated on me wit 1 of her close friends and i didnt know whether or not 2 4give her and move on wit the relationship or break up wit her. After readin these blogz i have decided 2 4give her 4 the mistake she made n move on wit the relationship. I listen 2 ur show a lot n u help me out a lot wit my problemz. Once again thankz.
- Rico

Friday, Jul 25, 2008 - 6:57:12 PM
Thank you Dawson.. i needed to hear this. I have changed over the past two months and i have realised that it was because i never forgave my ex-girl freind for cheating on me, and as i look back i see that that is when i started to change and it is because i have harbored these feelings and emotions inside of me. even though we are distant now and it would be awkward to sit down and talk to her i have the fullest intention to forgive her.. i listen every week and i thank you agian for your ministry to youth across the nation and i encourage you to keep up the good work God bless
- Travis