Nothing has a greater impact on our lives than our families. The family is the most powerful unit of society, influencing and shaping every man, woman and child for good or for bad. Unfortunately, there is plenty of pain in families. In fact, people are more profoundly hurt by those in their own family than anywhere else. Parents hurt their children and children hurt parents. Many people carry the wounds and scars they receive in their home for the rest of their lives.
The family is actually designed to be a place where our needs are met and we’re able to learn how to love and relate to others. It is within the family we are shaped into being what we are.
Some of you have a great relationship with your parents, while others find it to be one of the most difficult challenges you face. Dalton commented and expressed this very thing: “I wish I had better relationship with my mother. I love her to death but we have so many differences and we just don't bond.”
So, how can you help move your relationship with your parents from being a source of pain, to becoming a source of love and life? Here are a few ideas…
Take Responsibility for Your Part in Your Family.
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The family is the most powerful unit of society, influencing and shaping every man, woman and child for good or for bad. | One of the easiest ways to wreck a family is to be irresponsible and blame others when things go wrong. “But Dawson,” you say, “It’s not me! The bad things in my family are not my fault!” Just remember this, if you are having struggles with your family, neither is it all their fault, nor all your fault. You can’t make your parents change, but you can take responsibility for your part of the relationship. The part you can control the most is your own attitude. Sometimes on my show, Dawson McAllister Live, I hear some horrible stories of what parents have done to their kids. When I hear them I become irate. It upsets me so much. (I’ll talk about living in an abusive home later.) Yet, it is still true, blaming others only hurts you and gets in the way of your being whole and emotionally healthy. You need to say, “It may not be my fault I was hurt, but it is my responsibility to do all I can to make peace in my family.” You can’t solve every relationship problem, but you can manage it.
Understand Your Parents are God’s Tool in Your Life.
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One of the easiest ways to wreck a family is to be irresponsible and blame others when things go wrong. | From the very beginning, it was God’s idea your parents would be an incredible tool to shape your life forever. It’s God’s plan for your parents to nurture and help you grow physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Parents have the ability to see bad attitudes and weaknesses in your life. Everyone has rough edges or bad attitudes that get in the way of being happy. It’s important for you to exchange the bad attitudes for good ones. One of the best ways this happens is through the pressure and discipline of your parents.
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You can’t solve every relationship problem, but you can manage it. | When you are willing to honor and obey your parents, you are honoring their God-given responsibility and role in your life. You are saying to them, “You are God’s tool in my life and I want to cooperate.” Sometimes it may feel like obeying your parents is the most difficult thing possible. And sometimes it doesn’t seem to make any sense at all. But in the end, most of our parents do love us and want what’s best for us, and doing what they ask will be a great way to have a stable life. In fact, I have never met a teenager or young adult who is at war with his or her parents, and still happy. It’s all but impossible. That’s why we need to do all we can do to be at peace with them, no matter how flawed they may appear to be.
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Most of our parents do love us and want what’s best for us, and doing what they ask will be a great way to have a stable life. | Amy commented about how when her parents tell her to do something, she works hard to not complain about it. “Give them a little help, maybe they need it, maybe they don't. But either way, it is easier to do what they ask instead of arguing. If they ask you to do something like, clean the kitchen when you have a huge exam the next day, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then calmly explain that you need to study. Maybe suggest that they help you to get the task done faster. They really do want what is best for you, even if it is hard to see it at times.”
This is just the beginning of a very serious and intense topic. I’m anxious to write more about this over the coming weeks. I need your help. Please continue to send me your comments about how you make peace with your parents, and find ways to honor and love them.
Thursday, Oct 16, 2008 - 6:25:36 PM
i want to have a relationship with my parents but i cant when they keep pushing me away. they never let me do anything with my friends, its like they want to keep me locked up with them forever. im 15 and they never let me make any of my own desisions. its so hard. mosty because im homschooled and they make me do that. i dont know what to do.
- emily w.
Thursday, Oct 16, 2008 - 12:00:23 AM
wow this is a subject i wish my brother would read. i really get along with my parents really well. sure we have our rough moments,but i love them so i have a desire to obey them even more. our parents prepare us for the real world and how to get along with others. for those who do have problems with their parents love them unconditionally. it is super hard ,but God tells us to. i am enjoying reading these blogs!
- Rachel
Wednesday, Oct 15, 2008 - 8:16:35 PM
me and my mom have alot of problems. i've always thought that my mom would want me to speak my mind and be open with her but she doesn't seem to listen. i've tried to sit her down and have a talk but we don't seem to see eye to eye. wut should i do to have a beter relationship with my mother?
- Krissy
Wednesday, Oct 15, 2008 - 5:22:35 PM
hey i get along with my parents just great but it seem that my husbands parents hate me wat should i do>
thanks kassi
- ~ kassi b.~
Wednesday, Oct 15, 2008 - 2:17:46 AM
thank you dawson...
this blog has really helped...
- JFFRY RMS
Wednesday, Oct 15, 2008 - 12:53:27 AM
my parents think im becomeing a goth.any ideas on that?
- zeke w.
Tuesday, Oct 14, 2008 - 11:30:21 PM
I have not gotten along with my father ever since I can remember. I am 16 years old and I have 2 sisters, one is 20, the other is 11. My aunt and I always complain about being the middle child as a joke but I take it serious. My dad has always treated me badly. We get in fights every other day and I end up bawling, he may be the most inconsiderate man ever. My grandma; his mom, babies him soooo much when he hurts my feelings. He is a grown man and needs to take responsibilty. I realize that I am not perfect and I DO make mistakes and I know it sounds like I am blaming it all on my dad but he really has hurt me a lot and it makes a huge impact on my life every single day. When we talk, we can't talk like normal family members, we are constantly nipping at each other and my mom has even considered divorcing him because of his level of immaturity. He seriously acts like he could be 5 years old. I just don't know what to do anymore.
- Breanna
Tuesday, Oct 14, 2008 - 6:28:52 PM
my parenys are pretty reasonable sometimes. When I really, really want something, they tell me what to do to earn it depending of the value of whatever it is I want :)
we work it out and everything turns out good =]
- Lorena
Tuesday, Oct 14, 2008 - 12:54:46 AM
i love my mom, i do. its just sometimes she just p***es me off. my mom is always going on about how i have horrible terrible friends that give me a bad influence when she doesnt even know them. then i tell her to stop and she uses the old "but its a mother's instinct" on me. sure my friends arent good PEOPLE but they are good FRIENDS. never once did they pressure me into doing something or insult me or stab me in the back. they are true friends but ever since i had this one friend who truly WAS horrible friend, person, and influence my mom just wont give it a rest. i just wish sometimes my mom would stop and get the chance to no my friend who have always, every chance they got, said "please and thank ma'am" and respected her.
- erin
Tuesday, Oct 14, 2008 - 12:14:43 AM
find activites you and your parent(s) like to do and build off that mutual realationship
- Drew
Monday, Oct 13, 2008 - 11:22:06 PM
I don't hate neither one of my parents..well I only have one. My Momma and I are pretty close which I've heard is uncommon for a 17 year old girl and her mother to be close. Then there is my father. I've never met my father in my life--he left my mother when she got pregnant for me. They went through all the court stuff and he told the judge I was his mistake and that he wanted nothing to do with. So its not that I hate him or anything, I'm just disappointed in his decission..It would have just been easier growing up with him around. 'm about to graduate high school and go to college and he isnt even here to watch me get my diploma..its heart-breaking.
-Netasha
- Netasha
Monday, Oct 13, 2008 - 10:12:17 PM
How Can I Show Them I Respect Them?
- Kayla
Monday, Oct 13, 2008 - 9:49:40 PM
i love my parents to death. but sometimes i try to get a logical explaination to why they are the way they are. my family is christian and my parents are super involved in our church. in other words they're never home! i spend most of time with my boyfriend and i kinda miss my mom. now shes different. everything she tells me one way or another has a reference to god! and that drives me crazy! sometimes i just need my MOM not a PREACHER!!!
- nuria
Monday, Oct 13, 2008 - 1:21:23 AM
I don't hate my parents im just disappointed in what they've done. For instance I have never met my mom she bailed when i was 2, i have tried to make contact with her but no reply. 3 years ago in the middle of august my brother and me were sent to south dakota for a two week vist with our grandma. I have been here for 3 years and my dad lives somewhere in michigan from what i have hered. I have the number of the old place where i lived but my last step-mom is kinda of a b****. and i don't believe she can exactly help since the divorce between them werent good. Anyways thanks for reading this, and keep up the good work on helping others.
- Kayla
Monday, Oct 13, 2008 - 1:00:32 AM
"Most of our parents do love us and want what’s best for us, and doing what they ask will be a great way to have a stable life."
Keyword - MOST
I for one know what its like to question the love of a parent. I feel as if I grew up long before my parents ever did. And to this day I still wonder. I wonder alot, but there will never be answers.
My parents and I fought alot, It was mainly about why they did what they did. Why they do what they do. The life I live now, I never expected. Never. Often times I blame my current situation on my parents when I am down. Other timnes, I realize it has made me the person that I am. So for everything they put me through, no matter how bad it was... I can still think them for their screw ups.
- Bobby
Monday, Oct 13, 2008 - 12:15:08 AM
My parents and i at this point.. try to avoid each other... one word to each other and all hell breaks loose.
i try compromise but they don't have it...
and i have no idea what to do.
- Blessey
Monday, Oct 13, 2008 - 12:00:27 AM
I've never really had a problem with my mom, but when I was nine I lost my dad. He commited suicide and after that my mom started going out and seeing different guys. She would take us along with her to meet the guys sometimes. I would do everything in my power to make her leave them sometimes.
I was never abused by any of them luckly. I know that I was hurt though it all. I would blame her for all of it and would blame myself for my dad dying and I was not good. But now that I see that I so luck though it all I'm glad to be here on earth everyday. You can always help your family though anything and everything. Just be the bigger one even when you are the youngest because i am by a year and a half. You have to stand up and tell them how you really feel in a mature way. I was only eleven when I told my mom I didn't like her boyfriend at the time and I sat down with her just me and her and told her I didn't like him. She actually left him that same day. Now I'm 16 and she's been re-married for 3 going on 4 years and I like my step-father. I've learned how to help keep my family close by this whole experience.
- Michelle
Sunday, Oct 12, 2008 - 11:43:33 PM
i ahve been fighting and argueing with my mom for the past 2 years i don't know how to get along with her.. if you could e-mail me: this is to every 1 who wants to talk and help.. please message me so i can help or you can help me... thanks
- shyla
Sunday, Oct 12, 2008 - 10:35:14 PM
I don't know what to do. I don't get along with my mom and I don't like my mom or dad and they don't like me so we never get along and I'm just ready to leave but they won't let me what should I do.
- Ariel
Sunday, Oct 12, 2008 - 10:13:28 PM
Hey i've been dealing with horrible stuff with my parents i haven't seen my real dad in nearly 3 years and my mom has been putting pressure on me when i have t o get good grades and be the best and do everything she has gotten remarried and my step dad is kool its just that i need to get out of these advance classes but i don't know how to tell her i need to get out of the classes so Dawson i've been listening and its been good and its very emotional thats why i didn't call
- Colby
Sunday, Oct 12, 2008 - 7:21:19 PM
Actually me and my biological parents (I have 5 parents) are doing quite well. Its wonderful. Of course i dont tell my parents everything, i want to be able to tell my mom everything, but i think it would ruin our relationship that we have now.
My 2nd dad and i have issues right now, and its completely his fault. I know i shouldnt say that, but he is being immature. He treats me like crap because i have an actual talking relationship with my bio dad. I hate that he treats me that way, and ive tried telling him how i feel and he tells me how he feels, and then he gets better for a couple hours i'd say, but then he just gets back to normal, and its the worst which makes me think that he doesnt really love me like he should. I know im not his biological daughter but my sister is his, and she even see's it and she doesnt know what to do about him either. None of us do. I guess we are going to take it day by day to see where it leads to! :/
But I love listening to Dawson Mcallister every Sunday night. I think it is the best thing on the radio!
- Becca
Sunday, Oct 12, 2008 - 2:02:52 PM
I am currently in the fighting part with my family. i was placed in an inpatient facility cause i tried to commit suicide from the constant stress of dealing with whats going to happen next. i stayed there for almost four monthes and now living in a on campus school in Tulsa. My family currently wants nothing to do with me and i am no longer allowed to contact them without them contacting me first. I know its better to give them their space, but it hurts so bad to not have anyone there to lean on when i need it the most, when im almost eighteen. I know they love me and i love them with everything i have, but it will take time. i know this is something that is suppose to make me a stronger person but i never wanted to inflict pain on anyone whatsoever.
Thanks for your show,
Tina R.
- Tina R.
Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 - 10:39:31 PM
its so hard. I have been kicked out and made come home after being kicked out by my mom 3 times this year. Thursday she wanted me to do the dishes and i was worn out from working on our homecoming stuff that night. I needed to do my homework and go to bed i didnt want her to yell at me later about my grades. And instead we got into a huge argument and she kicked me out. This time my stepdad brought me home but im going crazy i hate fighting with them!
- ashley n.
Saturday, Oct 11, 2008 - 6:59:04 PM
WOW....i think this one is the best so fair! As a matter of fact i right now am having a hard time getting alone with my family....it feels like all i do is fight with them :( and it makes me very sad becuz i love them so much! I know tho that most of the time its my own fault that we fight cuz i cant just shut my pie holl long anuf to say OK MOM....its something that i have to work on i guess.....kinda sucks tho hehe Thankz Dawson for being so amazing!!!!
- Anne
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