IS THERE A CURE TO LOVE ADDICTION?

I have been blogging about love addiction the last three weeks. I have learned so much about it and how it affects you, me, and just about everybody else. A love addict is relatively easy to spot within ourselves and in others. For example, if you are a love addict, you no doubt obsessively and compulsively try to relieve or medicate the deep pain in your life through romantic relationships. Once in a relationship, you feel you can’t live without the other person and you will do whatever you have to do to keep the relationship going. If that doesn’t work, you panic and will do whatever you have to do to get into a new relationship.

No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try…

Just looking at this definition makes us think of how many people, including ourselves, in one way or another fit this description. Think of all the desperate, wounded people there are on the treadmill of what they think is love, and yet they can’t get off. They’re searching for someone who will heal them and make them feel whole, but that person is not out there. No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try, but yet we keep on searching. My mom used to say, “It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.” The only problem with love addiction is there isn’t even a needle to be found.


It’s one thing to know what love addiction is. It’s still another to break away from its chains. I received a very direct and candid comment from Sarah. “Dawson, do you really think it is possible to be cured? I'm not sure. Doesn't the saying go, ‘once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic?’ So then, ‘once a love addict, always a love addict?’ I've learned how to deal with the external stuff that stems from a love addiction, but the internal struggle is often pretty intense. I don't think I am cured. I think I just learned to practice self-control in relation to the symptoms. The ‘craving’ hasn't just disappeared. How do you fix the inside stuff?” (Sarah) Yes Sarah, there are cures to love addiction. It won’t be easy, but the struggle and the journey to find healthy relationships and peace are well worth it. So let’s begin.


To get free from love addiction, we must clearly understand how deeply the cravings for love penetrate our hearts. It’s what comes out of our hearts that affects everything else we do. There is no deeper emotional desire we have than to love and be loved. King Solomon, whose been called the wisest man in the Bible, said,

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Emotionally, our hearts are extremely fragile and can be easily hurt, therefore sending us in the wrong direction of life. Our innermost being started out as a beautiful creation of God, but with wrong choices we can easily trash it and leave it sick and in great need. Picture in your mind for a moment a beautiful white carpet (perfectly white). Then picture someone coming in to the room where the white carpet is, and throwing garbage, manure, and staining paint all over the carpet. The white carpet was never designed to be trashed like that. Something beautiful has become disfigured. That is a lot like our hearts. We, and other people, do not guard our hearts and therefore they become stained and damaged.


It is heartbreaking for me to see how many people simply throw their heart away allowing themselves to be repeatedly hurt while trying to soothe their heart. They go from one relationship to another to another to another on the treadmill of tragedy. Before long, their whole life is ruined. “…there is more to life than…your partner. To have them playing god is too much to ask. I know because I did the same and now [my boyfriend] has hurt me and left. This was going to happen anyway, my mother left me and I leaned too much on him causing the stress on his shoulders. I don’t blame him for leaving, but [what] he said hurt and I’ll never get over that…For those who seek something more and personal need to find it within them selves. Address the problem and take time to heal. If you don’t, it could be worse and you could lose everything plus more…” (Tori) Tori is absolutely right. If you don’t guard your heart, you could end up losing what’s most important in life – love.

CLICK HERE to see   the top 3  Comments of the Week!

So where does the healing for love addiction begin? It begins by admitting our hearts are priceless, and affect every area of our lives. We must make a commitment to protect our hearts and not just throw them away looking for love in people and places where love cannot be found. Let us all respect our own hearts.

More on the healing next week.

NEXT WEEK’S TOPIC – IT’S TIME TO OWN OUR LOVE ADDICTION

Why is it so difficult for you or someone you know to admit you are love addicts?

Wednesday, Oct 24, 2007 - 6:31:21 PM
I called your show twice now and youve really help me through alot of my issues.I dont feel like im conpletely done with everything yet.But im well on my way.I personaly have alot of prblems with love and trusting anyone at this point in my life.I am willing to change myself but only for me. I will not do it for anyone else. Otherwise it wouldnt be worth changing.You never know if the person your chaning for is going to be around for long.
- laura

Wednesday, Oct 24, 2007 - 6:31:07 PM
your show has helped me so much cuz i was going through a really touph time in my life with my mom in prison and having my grandpa die and my aunt and uncle died all in the same month. and hearing about people having worse problems then i do. what should i do about my dad he rubs it in that my mom is in prison and it hurts so bad
- shalynn c.

Tuesday, Oct 23, 2007 - 10:43:23 PM
If they knew I was a love addict. who would want to date me? To announce that you are a love addict is like sending yourself to prison. The thing about this addiction is that it's not all up to you. The craving isn't fulfilled alone. You can't have what you need in a secret place. This addiction is very public and involves other individuals. Fear of man, pride, maintaining reputation, insecurity, fear of rejection...these thing all make it very difficult to face reality.
- Sarah

Tuesday, Oct 23, 2007 - 10:17:55 PM
hey dawson, jus stoppin in 2 say that i listen 2 ur show every sunday night on XL106.7. i live in florida n i think ur show has helped a lot of people including me and although this is my FIRST time on your web site i will come back and visit often. i jus wanted 2 stop in and say thank you for helpin all the people u helped n your show is awesome!!! have a GREAT day dawson!
- jon

Tuesday, Oct 23, 2007 - 10:17:37 PM
I dont know what to do! I cant stand living with my family anymore. They put me down all of the time, and I dont even feel a part of the family, just an extra person that is living in this house. I am thinking about moving out of the house in January when I turn 18.I am going to move in the my boyfriend and his family; I have been with this guy for two years. I am not exactly sure what to do. I need an opinion on what to do I dont want to make a mistake that I will regret but I am tired of being treated like crap. please help!!!
- anonymous

Tuesday, Oct 23, 2007 - 8:40:53 PM
well...hello!! i listen to your show ALL thee time.i have a a story of myy own.I am 16 years old and i have a 2 year old.I got pregnant when i was a freshmen in highschool.her father and I was together for almost a year and a half before he left mee.and thee funny thing is that hee left me...but i was too scared to leave because he used to beat thee crap outta me!!i have been locked up twice for trying to commit suicide...i have been locked upp twice also for cocaine.i have NEVER met myy real father.myy mother is an alcoholic and shee patries all of thee time.myy grandmother[who im living with]has had cancer 4 times...and myy grandfather is on his death bead with cancer in like 3 different places.i have had to live on thee streets before...out of cars...itt has sucked.but i will be 17 in January...andd im trying to gett myy life bakk on track.im going back to school in November so i can get myy diploma,im going into thee militaryy when i graduate,and i have finally found someone that loves mee for who i am...NOT for whatt he thinks he can get outt of mee!!So...this whole "story"was just to sayy...i know pain!!And when you think that you are in ur lowest point&&you have NO reason to live...God will make a wayy.God will never give us too much to handle at once...ALWAYYS remember thatt.
- taylor j.

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:30:42 PM
I think there is such thing as a love addict... but it's not as addicting as some of the other things you can get addicted too. But, it can be as life changing as the next thing.
- Collin

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:30:19 PM
I am not one but I think It is hard to because you think that it is a bad thing to be one and you also don't want people in your personal life, and it sorta is but I think if you admit it then people can help you come off being one and will be easier then the first time you told someone that is my thoughts see ya jason
- jason

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:29:54 PM
Dear Dawson, My comment is not relevant to the blog. I am wondering if you could respond to this message. I will not leave my e-mail adress, as I am hoping you will type as all the kids do, so your message will appear under the blog. I have already tried to take my life in May. I have an eye-sight impaiment over which I am dreadfully upset. I have taken Nyquil tablets as drugs, but then threw-up. I am worried because today I thought of slitting my wrist. I haven't done it, but I am confused and asking your oppinion on what to do. I became an atheist a few years back, and am finding it hard to hang-on to life. I assure you that I do not hate Christians, as I was a former Catholic. After being hurt however, I will not go back to Catholocism. I am not prejudice against your show as I have obviously listened to it because I am writing this to you. I admire what your work. Also, I am aware that you are not a Physchologist, but I am wondering if you may be able to give me some advice. If it is alright with you, I choose to remain anonymous. Once again, I admire what you do, and hope you can help me!
-

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:27:55 PM
im not and never have been a love addict. but i have tons of friends who i think are love addicts. i can imagine how hard it is to break free from that addiction. it'd be like a part of you is missing or something. i wish my friends could see that theyre addicted to love. it would help alot.
- Keisha

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:26:44 PM
Sometimes when i am made at my girlfriend we start yelling at each other and i have a temper problem and i dont want anything to happen to her so what should i do
- James Blunt

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:25:41 PM
I know I was a love addict untill I read dawson's blogs.DON'T let amotions hurt you.Girle friends can't cure CRAP(NOR CAN BOY FRIENDS CURE CRAP.)
- Alex P.

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:24:45 PM
after i read your blog it helped me some but not to much i need your help dawson i need to talk to you
- tonya n.

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:24:25 PM
dude, I think it's awsome how u help people like u do. Keep doin your thang dawg.
- hayden

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:23:46 PM
dude your show rocks so hard. Keep doin your thing.
- hayden

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:23:05 PM
Hey Dawson! i listen to your talk show every Sunday night and i will admit i'm a love addict because each time i break up with my boyfriend, i end up going back to him because in my heart and mind i keep saying i need him and won't live without him. We have broken up over 10 times and he a calls me to go back to him. Me being so stupid, i go back to him and get hurt over and over again.
- Patience

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 11:21:40 PM
i just wanted to say that i am going through this love addiction right now. it is so hard for me to be able to go through everyday knowing that i dont have anyone to love and care for me. i have been single since August. i just recently meet this guy and he was really nice to me told me that i had really beautiful eyes and no guy has told me that before it was really nice to hear that from him. he even opened the car door for me to get in and out. that really got to me. well what i am trying to get at here Dawson is that the other night i told him that i cared for him deeply and right now he is not talking to me and that is so hard not to talk to him. so i really dont know what to do about that situation at all. so please Dawson help me figure out what to do.
- Lucia P.

Monday, Oct 22, 2007 - 1:08:16 AM
I am not a love addict however I once was when I was 18. I believe it is hard for people to admit due to the fact that they do not see it, once they do thats when their world comes crashing down. no one wants to believe they are with someone due to trying to run and/or hide from deep emotions. Yes there is a cure. Not necessarily an easy one. You must first admit that you are one, as that is the first step for all addictions. Next you MUST get to the root as of why. For instance, i chose to stay with a man from the time I was 17-19. i knew deep down i did not love him, but at one point I thought I did. i stayed with him because I felt I could get no one better. The REAL reason I was with him? I had been raped 1 by a boyfriend and 2 by a stranger a week later, both in jail now. I felt like trash, like I was worthless, it was easier to accept that fate then to deal with the two tragic issues stowed upon me. So getting to the root of the issue is important, then you must bring yourself to deal with each issue, all of this must be done WITHOUT being in a relationship. Does it happen over night? No of course not. It can be done, focus on who God made you and love who you are.
- Amy Lee M.

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 11:17:40 PM
Hello Dawson, I'm in a situation to where I have been with my husband for three years.I have three girls, but not by him. He new what he was getting into three years ago, now just in a sudden wind it is bothering him to raise someones else kids. but it did not bother him before so he says. now he has changed his mind again " he says he loves us and wants to stay". but how do you stay with a man your not sure that really does loves your kids. they are my whole world and they come before and man in my life. not sure which way to go. thanks for your time. jessica
- jessica

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 10:58:10 PM
Well im alawys depressed everything gets me down i stay so depressed i make staight f in school and i cut my self i have scars up and down my harm form doing it well i try to stop doing it my friends yell at me for it they tell me i shouldnt do that to myself cause im hurting my body and i just dont know i cant talk to my parents cause ill try talking to him but if it ant what they wont to here they just start yelling at me they will tell me im stupid and that im mental but taht the olny thing they will say but the littlest things like if a guy brakes up with me i get so depressed what could i do
- Britney

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 10:52:04 PM
Two years ago, I got out of rehab for heroin and replaced that habit with what I now know is love addiction. I had never heard of this term before tonight, but I listened to your radio show, and realized that I am most definitely a love addict. My boyfriend is abusive, but I am a slave to him, and for the most part, I don't care. I would have never put up with someone like him five years ago, so why now? I am terrified of being alone. My love for him is so strong, it's crippling. I try to fill every minute of every day with his company, and if not his, than somebody else's. My symptoms seem to fit that of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (constant stream of unstable relationships, fear of being abandoned, drug/alcohol abuse, promiscuity). Do you think that a lot of love addicts have BPD?
- Melissa

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 10:50:41 PM
reading all of this.. i think i am a love addict, i just got out of a real serious relationship and then went out with another guy.. we broke up and now i keep thinking i need to get a new boyfriend.. when really all i need is to be single but i cant stop trying to get with another guy...and its really hard but my best advice just be single and have fun, love and relationships can be amazing but its all drama
- nikol

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 10:41:25 PM
I moved to Texas from michigan within the last month because I was in a horrible relationship. I was with this guy who I thought was my whole world. We were together 2 years; i lost everything from my family to my friends. But, I honestly didnt care as long as I had him. He was emotionaly and physicaly abusive; but it took me a while to admit that out loud. I became out of control when I found out he cheated on me. I still havent fully gotten over everything, and I'm afraid I never will. Hes starting to talk to me again, begging me to come back. I dont know what to do. I know I deserve better; but sometimes my head doesnt want to listen. I need to find myself-- but i dont know how. I'm addicted to love =/
- Jessica

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 10:15:02 PM
i think i might be a love addict but im not entirely sure i dont like being alone and not haveing someone to love me and i lose everyone that did like me beacuse whn i thought they didnt i broke up with them and i made huge mistakes and those guys are my bestfriends now and i love them but now i have no one to love me and i cant stand that and even when i do have a boyfriend i cant stay loyal and i eel guilty when i do go out with someone even when i do anything but talk to another guy so then i brak up with them and then i want them back and they wont take me back
- cindy

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 10:09:45 PM
i have a problem. i love a girl to death and she loves me. but her last bf got her pregent. now my mom and family wont let me date her and talk to her because she is pregent. i can't talk or text or anything with he. but if i lose her i will die inside
- matt

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 9:51:49 PM
Ok I want to just put my input on my past experiences. Love truly means that you are completely comfortable with the person you see as your friend. You know the saying "the one you're looking for was right beside you the whole time, you just never realized it" right? Well they don't just say that to sound cute. Its true! The ones you truly love are those you are the most comfortable with, the ones you can hang out with without trying to be someone you're not to impress them and its them who you are truly yourself! You can't simply put love in a category and leave it. Love is something that can't be described, but the best way to put it as caring for those other than yourself. Look, a long story short, if you really want that perfect parter, start looking a little more closer to home...you never know what you may have missed all these years...
- Dante

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 9:40:40 PM
I have an addiction to love.I feel like I need to be with someone to feel loved.My ex cheated on me and it really hurt but it was for the best because of all the fights. I could have died over it but I didn't because i met this one girl who understood my pain and really cared. I started talking to people by listening to your show and I got help for cutting & drinking.Thanks alot for being there for anyone and everyone!
- Jessica

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 9:17:00 PM
ok i know peopple say that 13 is too young to be in love but im falling in love with this guy but the thing is is that he does drugs and drinks and sells them!!...so i really dont kknow what to do!!!
- rebecca h.

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 9:16:32 PM
When I was first convicted of my sin, that what I was doing was wrong in God's eyes, I was full of fear on top of all the other withdrawal symptoms. I gradually learned that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom and it's part of his love. His correction is his love just as much as all the nice and enjoyable stuff is. If I rejected the fear and correction at that point, I would have been rejecting His love. I also would have been rejecting his truth. Jesus calls himself the Truth, so I would have been rejecting him as well. God's love is tough, but the truth is the only thing that truly sets us free. I can look back through all the pain and fear and withdrawal and honestly say God is good. Everything he does is for eternal life, and that's love. It helps sometimes when things are scary to think that God was good yesterday, and he doesn't change, so he must still be good today.
- Dan

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 8:28:21 PM
omg string i love you're show
- stephanie r.

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 7:19:57 PM
Basically Dawson all I can figure out is that they are in denial and they are afraid because they've heard so many bad stories about addicts and they just don't want to face it or there scared of the recovervy process because everyone knows recovery from anything, whether it's from drugs, alcohol, or love addictions, isn't easy. It takes time and effort and there scared to go through it.
- Lisa M.

Sunday, Oct 21, 2007 - 1:21:35 PM
In my opinion, the reason people do not want to admit they are love addicts is because they don't want to have to think that it could be possible that the person they are in 'love' with isn't really love at all. There are new studies in psychology and the results are repeating over and over... people who have had adverse childhood experiences revert to some form of addiction. I think love addiction is the same way. While not everyone who is a love addict has been hurt or had an adverse experience but the majority of people have. Its just my opinion. I love your show. I listen to it every Sunday.
- Jeffrey

Saturday, Oct 20, 2007 - 7:55:00 PM
i think that ppl dont want to admit that they are love addicts because they dont want to be real to themselves about who they really are. i think that im a love addict, but im not entirely sure. i mean ive got a whole story but its forever and a day but. back on subject i think ppl dont want to come to straight terms with themselves. i kno i dont sometimes because i dont like wat i see most of the tyme but i face it anyway. but yea i love ur show dawson it really helps and i think its great wat ur doing.
- riah

Saturday, Oct 20, 2007 - 3:41:33 PM
I realize i to am a love addict. Im 16 bout to be 17 and im having some trouble telling my family im bi. them not knowin kills me idk how to tell them...
- Destiny

Friday, Oct 19, 2007 - 6:03:55 PM
I can now admitt it I am a love addict. You have put the word in my heart and now I can see it. I have just gone through another break up, and have asked the Lord to give me some words of wisdom. I then just remember listening to you show and your web site poped in my head. Its cool how things work. I am 28 years old and have been married twice. You have hit the nail on the hammer with your blog. You have opened my eyes and I look forward to reading more. If you have anymore words of comfort feel free to let me know.
- Nick