OWNING ADDICTION

“Lovers of today just throw their dreams away And play at love They give their love away To anyone who'll say ‘I love you’ Don't throw your love away, no, no, no, no Don't throw your love away For you might need it someday."

• No one wants to own the fact their life may be sadly empty.
  None of us want to admit that due to our past or bad choices we often feel dead inside and only have a sense of being alive when we have the excitement of a boyfriend/girlfriend.
  
  
• No one wants to own the fact they were the victim of early abandonment when they were children.
  Almost all love addicts were in some way abandoned by their caretakers when they were young. Just the thought of being abandoned and not being able to do anything about it can lead them to panic, fear, rage, and despair.
  
  
• No one wants to own the fact they have been living in a fantasy world.
  Most all love addicts live in a fantasy world, and in that fantasy there is someone who will rescue them or make them feel completely loved, protected, secure, and full of value. Healthy relationships are wonderful and a gift from God, but no relationship can meet all those needs. As I say to callers on my radio show, “There is no Santa Claus, or Easter Bunny, and no boyfriend/girlfriend can meet your deepest needs.” It is so very difficult to let go of your fantasies and admit they weren’t true and will never happen. I hurt even writing it now, but we can’t ever get healed until we put our fantasies aside.

Wednesday, Oct 31, 2007 - 11:53:03 PM
i know how u feel..Im love addicted to my ex
- Emily

Wednesday, Oct 31, 2007 - 5:11:12 PM
Mr. McAllister, I do not persay have an addiction but most recently, I discovered the man that I have been with for over 23 years have been bringing home porn dvd, condoms and dirty magazines, which I don't like. We have a daughter that is 21 and I don't want to be exposed to this type of stuff. As for myself, I do not have those types of problems. I believe in self control and moderation. Jeanie M. Upper Darby, PA
- Jeanie M.

Wednesday, Oct 31, 2007 - 5:10:18 PM
Key dawson i it finaly came to me that being in a relation ship at 14 is to young n to hard so i broke up with my girl n put my focuse on school n relized i can get good grades n i am actuly a gud atlete but the girl wont leave me alone i am now geting weird phone calls at night but i ignore them n i am keeping strong n staying away from her n i dont give in 2 her thanks dawson
- oscar

Wednesday, Oct 31, 2007 - 5:09:56 PM
hey i am a love addict because i want a guy in my life because i never had my dad there to treat me the way a guy would treat me i always got abused by my dad and so did my momthat is why i love the guy im with know he treats me nice and i love him.
- karina

Wednesday, Oct 31, 2007 - 5:09:35 PM
i think love addiction is a way to escape from lonliness or the fear of being alone. i have been in that position. i went out with a guy for a year in a half and half the time he was cheating on me. i knew it. i just didnt want to be alone and i thought i love him. i just loved the fact of being with him, not him. i didnt want to be alone but now i know he is a complete jack*** and that i wasted a year in a half of my life.
- sam

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 11:02:31 PM
i listen to u every weekend and i think i might be a love addic becuz i cant stand being alone becus i Dont love myself!!!!=(
- Pamie

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 10:17:09 PM
luv addicts must own up to the facts that u said before. that no one can heal them and make them feel valuable or special. u have to luv urself before anyone else can really luv you and u can tell the difference between real love and just sumone who says they love you. i think thats where ppl mess up alot of times. they arent able to tell the difference because they dont feel good about themselves and they think sumone can feel tht void. but they have to FIRST love themselves like i said before. so yea im done. i LOVE UR SHOW. i thik it helps alot. sum ppl call in with the exact same problems sumtimes that i have and u help me by helping them so i luv u and ur show and god bless.
- *riah*

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 9:47:56 PM
DAWSON I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!! I BROKE UP WIT HER I REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT U SAID HOW SHE'S TO YOUNG AND SHE WAS GOING TO GET HURT IF I DID IT BUT NOW SHE'S OK AND MOVED ON!!!!!!!AND I HAVE TO!! I HAVE DECIDED TO PUT MY SCHOOL WORK FIRST AND GIRLS LATER I REALLY MADE A CONNECTION AND UNDERSTOOD WHAT U WERE SAYING WHEN U SAID I COULD GO JAIL I ALMOST DIED! THATS WHEN I SAID ITS TIME 4 A CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!
- DEJUAN

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 9:29:50 PM
I wish my friends listened to us Dawson. WE seem to have the right idea. I mean, people my age... and love. I can't even BEGIN to explain how incompatible that is. I mean, I have been the girlfriend of a drug dealer, even at my age. No I did not LOVE him. I loved the novelty. It was cute. But nothing worth crying over. And here I have all these ignoramuses running around "falling in love". The age range of the people I hang out with are 13-15. Getting their hearts broken? For no REASON? Sorry. It's just not for me.
- Taelor

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 9:28:44 PM
I don't know...but I want to know.
- Sarah

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 8:46:10 PM
when do i listen and i hope you will share my commont over the radio to let 9girls know that their is hope out their waiting for them to take it.
- Lisa Rose

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 8:45:26 PM
hey i was listening Sunday night and heard some girls call in on abuse but didnt say anything about it. i did that for ten years when my brother finally spoke up and i just wanted to say if you say something that is better than not saying anything because i now live with my for over a year now and life is great except for my brother he doesnt want to move on.
- Lisa Rose

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 8:32:49 PM
Dawson, I listen to you all the time! However, it seems that it is impossible not to be addicted to something! Isn't everyone an addict in something? Shopping, gambling, love, substances, video games, food, exercise! Is it possible for everyone to be completely balanced? I think not!
- Allison

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 8:16:44 PM
every person in the world wants to love and be loved. its the samething with animals. they just can't help it. most people these days don't get enof love from there parents, as much as when they were young. most loves lie about who they are, 4 others will admire them and hopfuly love them. people are constinty looking 4 love. It may be within the family,friends,opistet sex, and or any pet. when love addicts or any person lies about what and who they are, and is loved 4 it. that person will feal happy. until they can't keep up lieing. there are many different people out there and they all have different fealing as in different waysto love someone. most love addicts I know, didn't get much love when they were a child. so once they get the tast of real love, they don't want to give it up. lets 4 say a guy miss treats a girl. but the girl wont leave the guy. its probly that the girl wasn't loved that much when she was little or didn't feal much towed it tell l8er in life, or maybe the girl gro up with the wrong type of family and can't tell the difference between love, and being used. thats my oppinion - panda
- Jenielle C. aka Panda

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 8:14:15 PM
I love your show i listen every Sunday night....some of the thing you say help me in my every day life thank you
- JoJo

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 8:13:24 PM
Hey Dawson, My name is Jessica I am 15 from Camden County, GA. I just wanted to say that I love your show, and it has helped me a lot! I used to be a love addict, I used to always need someone with me. Then I became single,and depressed. I stopped talking to my friends and stayed in my room listening to music, and crying. Now I am doing so much better, thanks to your show. I have a caring boyfriend, he is so sweet and he understands what I was going through. So THANK YOU DAWSON! ---Jessica
- Jessica

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 7:22:01 PM
Dearest Dawson, I really hope this is a ray of hope to those still in an addictive realtionship. I myself was in an sddictive realtionship for 5 years. Just recently, actually back in Febuary My daughters father and I split up. He has decided not to help with her and to continue using drugs. I recently spoke to him over the phone and he asked me why I was taking him to court over child support. In response I replied maybe its because you haven't sent 10 dollars to your daughter in almost 7 months and had the nerve to send a coupon for a dollar of of childrens tylenol. His response was man what ever. In the past that would have broken my heart because I never wanted him mad at me. Today I could careless If he ever is happy with me again. Its about my daughter and myself and I see that he really doesnt want to be a part of her life. Need I say that I've taken him back time and time again thinking that I could fix what was wrong with our relationship and always ending in failure. I see now that I don't need him in my life to be happy and to make it for I am now doing it all on my own. My fellow friends, If you are the only one working on the relationship, its certianly not going to work. Remember let go and let GOD!! thanx Dawson. Melissa
- Melissa T

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 7:19:53 PM
That you can do it on your own and be your own person. Personally. I have been divorced twice and have been single for ten years. I am in a LTR with an awesome boyfriend who treats me well and takes great care of me. We don't live together, but we see each other every day. I think that people need to look for certain signs in a person before investing any more time and energy. Life is too short to waste with someone who doesn't make you feel good and that way you want to reciprocate the feeling. Three things I gauge things by and they are: 1. Does it matter a year from now 2. Does it affect someone you love 3. Will it you think about it on your deathbed Then you do the 2 out of 3 to weigh it out. Thanks! ~Melody
- Melody

Tuesday, Oct 30, 2007 - 12:12:21 AM
first thing these people have to realize is that no one can complete you until you are happy with yourself, there is a fine line between lust and love and alot of people have a hard time distinguishing the two. Fact is if someone treats you like crap the ugly truth is that you don't think you deserve any better. Fact is whatever has made you feel that way you have to recognize it and own it, realize that all of us deserve someone great in our lives no matter what. Its not easy to break old habits, or to reinvent yourself, but no relationship you ever have will work out if you don't find yourself first... you have to love yourself before you can really love anyone else.
- keilah

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 10:24:00 PM
your the best!!!!!!i want to be like you!!!!
- luke

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 10:23:44 PM
Dawson, I hope you have realized all the great things that you have done for the youth of society today. Your show has put in impact on me in so many different ways..,I guess it was all in God's great plan to have me accidentally tune into your show..thanks, keep up the good show!
- John

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 10:20:32 PM
I have listened to your show and read the topic for this week for the first time tonight. After all of it i think i have realized that I too am addicted to love. Wow...it has put everything into perspective for me. I am 20 years old and have been dating this guy for about 1 1/2 years & recently had a beautiful baby boy. It was almost like he was there just to have someone there and have fun with. He never understood anything i was going through while being pregnant and lied and sneaked around. For the first time in 4 months he has paid me $300 for OUR baby. it hurts but i think i have realized its not meant to be. we dont get along good. he doesnt respect me. he lies and sneaks around and doesnt GO ABOVE AND BEYOND for his son. yes i love him but im not sure if he is the one.... love emil
- Emily

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 10:16:10 PM
they must be able to believe that not everybody really loves you that they just say it becuase they might be feeling pressured to say it! and that they shouldn't pressure peolpe to say "i love you!"
- Erin

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 8:58:35 PM
well you see.... i used to be like, when i guy told me he loved me to get what he wants. i would let him get it. i mean it's a terrible thing. it's hard to trust a guy now. you can't take anyones word for anyting. it's sad. you should just forget about it.
- Renee

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 8:15:09 PM
ok so love Addiction..what is it?? you know i think it is when you get hurt by the person you love the most but cant stad to be a way from that perso..and yeah you might know it is wrong.
- laini

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 8:14:48 PM
"Your to young to fall in love" is what i hear all the time. Why is it i have all the feelings of loves definition. There is this guy that i have been with for 2 years now. We're in a difficult relationship because his parents dont want him seeing me. They think i ruin his life, when in fact i helped him like no other. There very overprotective and he's pracitcally a man now ( 2nd year in college, ) and i don't know if they'll ever let him go. I want him to be mine, and in return be his. I just don't know if i can handle all this stress going on with my life at the moment. For Next Weeks Topic: ... I believe that to be set free, you must have self-respect, and believe in yourself when you can't rely on anyone else. Once you've mastered that, Love addiction can be conquered. If you let others lead your life, take you on an un marked path, your leading yourself to disaster. Take Charge.
- :+: Julie :+:

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 8:09:59 PM
I think the #1 lie that love addicts have to know is that the people they are with don't really love them and that they are just as addicted to love as you are so they pretend to be in love with you hopes this helps love ya Dawson
- Camcam

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 8:07:13 PM
Dawson, WOW! Your show is incredible! I was listening to it Last-night and you work very very well with people. And, I sort of have a little bit of a problem myself.....My X-Boyfriend (for right now) broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with him. I dated him for six years and he just now wants all of this?... Please Help me Dawson! Thanks!
- ~*~Tana~*~

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 6:51:09 PM
hi, i think that love addiction is very important,some people think they love someone just because they dont want to be alone, or the feel like they need to belong. im really glad im not like that, i dont fall for guys easily it takes me at least 2months to really get to know the person and then ill give him a shot. and that person must acctually be the right person, no smoking, drinking, drugs, anything. thats the safest kind of guy, and same goes for the girls. so im glad im not desperate for a man.
- sara

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 6:47:11 PM
I listen to your show on Sunday nights. I hear these young people calling in about these abusive relationships and alcoholism. It breaks my heart. IMy brother was in a 3 relationship with a woman who was both mentally and physically abusive. I saw my big, strong brother reduced to laying on the floor in the fetal position crying while she told him what a loser he was. To forget the pain and to feel better about himself he drank....a lot. My parents and I tried everything we could to help him break free of her. He had 2 suicide attempts under his belt and we felt we had to do something drastic or we would lose him. We used our savings and sent him to Florida to stay with a friend. He got him set up with a job and a pay by the week apartment. It wasn't glamorous, but, at least he wasn't being belittled and humiliated. Things went good for him, he was happy, he was sounding more and more like the brother I remember. Then he decided to call her and see how she was...within 2 weeks she was in Florida, he lost his job, and they were homeless. I got so many late night phone calls from him crying, telling me how ashamed he was. That he was supposed to be my big brother and be a role model for me, but instead he was just a loser. I finally convinced him to come home. In January of last year he came home from Florida, so did she. Things were hardened between him and my family. He put up these walls noone could scale. He was embarrassed to be a 32 year old man who had to move home with his parents and start over new....again. We didn't care about that. We loved him unconditionally and just wanted him to be the happy, fullfilled person he once was. In March my brother commited suicide. After she humiliated him one last time in a bar when she showed up with another fellow. Enough had been anough I guess and my brother died in a dirty hotel room above a bar. There were over 200 people at his funeral services. With all of his family and his friends encouraging him, my brother would not open his eyes and break his addiction to alcohol or her. I guess being with someone who was mean to him was better then being all alone. Now she is out there to abuse another man and my brother is at the cemetary. I thank you for encouraging young people to break away from detructive relationships and habits. They need to know it can happen to anyone...male or female, young or old. And they NEVER have to be ashamed to ask thier family or friends for help. That is why God brought us together, to look out for one another and to help each other stand when you can not do it on your own.
- Laura

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 6:44:04 PM
Hey Dawson. Thanks for this topic of love addiction. Many of my friends are known to go from one boy to another, and there is currently one girlfriend of mine who wants to go back to an over controlling guy. It's really encouraging, also, to hear you on secular radio talking to people whom I know are desperate for the help. I know your show and help line has helped many people. I remember sending an aquintance to call you who was having some serious troubles. I know I sent him to a place that he is in good hands and God will cover his life now. Thank you, Dawsom McAllister for the talk radio.
- Elizabeth

Monday, Oct 29, 2007 - 1:01:01 AM
Dawson, I minister on the Hopeline and praise God for your blog on Love addiction. Love addiction is so common, I just never had read it in these terms before. It has opened my eyes to a huge problem in my life. I have experienced things in my life this year that have blown my mind and want to thank God for helping me through this blog to realize that I have a love addiction. It's amazing when you minister to people they think you are perfect. I am excited to begin to minister to the hurting people with a love addiction and let them know I am right there with them and share how God is healing me and delivering me from this addiction. Trust me even when you get older and married with children unless you seek out the problems and fix them they don't go away. Thank you for seeking God and writing this blog, it has changed my life, I can't wait to read the next one.
- Hopeline Counselor

Sunday, Oct 28, 2007 - 11:52:53 PM
I have listened to your show and read the topic for this week for the first time tonight. After all of it i think i have realized that I too am addicted to love. Wow...it has put everything into perspective for me. I am 20 years old and have been dating this guy for about 1 1/2 years & recently had a beautiful baby boy. It was almost like he was there just to have someone there and have fun with. He never understood anything i was going through while being pregnant and lied and sneaked around. For the first time in 4 months he has paid me $300 for OUR baby. it hurts but i think i have realized its not meant to be. we dont get along good. he doesnt respect me. he lies and sneaks around and doesnt GO ABOVE AND BEYOND for his son. yes i love him but im not sure if he is the one....
- ang

Sunday, Oct 28, 2007 - 9:26:44 PM
Wow. I love you & thank you for everything Dawson McAllister.
- Melissa

Sunday, Oct 28, 2007 - 9:25:49 PM
Hey Dawson I just wanted to say I listen to your show every sunday night and some of the stuff you say really helps me and i think you do a great job!
- Rachel

Friday, Oct 26, 2007 - 9:47:19 PM
well this is so true ive been thro this before and this just like wat i went thro i thought i could but up with any thing to have a bf but i was wrong
- heather

Friday, Oct 26, 2007 - 7:13:57 PM
hay i love your work becuase u help SOOO many people who need it! sooo thanks for hepling people ! i hope one day i could be like you! n e ways i need ur help, its about my dad. well my parents have been fighten at each other ever since i could remember, but to-day i woke up late for shcool but still eary but my dad has been YELLING at EVERYBODY! like around the time i get out of school, me and my mom have a long talk about what they can do the HELP me to get to school on time(but im ALLWAYS ON TIME!!!) but its not me that the problem its my DAD! he need to controle his angre and EVERY ONE AGRESS with me even his own mother (my grand ma) but I REALLY WANT TO TELL HIM BUT IN A WAY THAT HE WONT GET MAD AND in a way he would understand that he will bake up a family over it! soooooo tell ME WHAT TO DOOOO!!!!!!?? sincerly, Pamela A. p.s PLEASE WHRIT BACK!!!!
- pamie

Friday, Oct 26, 2007 - 7:12:51 PM
For my point of view,love is the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to me. Everyone wants to be loved. Just knowing that someone actually cares for you is a wonderful thing. My parents are loving and caring. They always want what's best for me, but there's this desire that I have. I wanted love from a boyfriend. It makes you feel complete you know. Love has no boundaries which makes it dangerous. It'll make you do everything and get you in a sticky situation. I think its loneliness or insecurity.----Love your show!!!!------ God bless!
- GeRi

Friday, Oct 26, 2007 - 7:12:17 PM
Hey dawson I lisen 2 your show every sunday n honestly i thought wat u were saying about dating was stupid then is started to relize being in a relationship so young is a lot of stress now ecspeacaily for a 14 year old i now y you say to wait till we get older so i am going to tell m girl friend if we can take a break till i am responsible n mature anofe for a date
-

Friday, Oct 26, 2007 - 7:11:29 PM
i'm not really all that sure if im a love addict or not. from the list of symptoms that you gave i see that i have most of them. i really think i am though. its tough when you finally realize something like this. its tough to realize that your addicted to anything. at first you think that your not addicted and that you can stop anytime you want to, but then you try to stop and when you see that you cant then its just horrible. you cant belive that you've acctually lowed yourself to this. but anyway like i was saying before i really do think im addicted to love. but i always think "How can I be addicted to something that I've never had befor?" its odd bcuz i've never been in love. so how can i be addicted to it? i always crave it. i want it. i want to be wanted. is that a love addiction?
- Jeannie

Thursday, Oct 25, 2007 - 8:54:21 PM
Mr.Mcallister, Im really having trouble everywhere,home,school,especially school bus and more fights in the street i have a fight everyday and anytime i mostly start it sometimes ive been house arrested,jumped, and gone to juvie,my mom said next suspension or expulsion or anything bad im heading to either Juvie,Juvenile School,or Military School, and i dont want nothing else to happen bad no more i want to stop but i cant i go to church alot i even fight there PLEASE HELP!!!
- Eddie