When I first started in my radio career talking to teenagers and young adults, I quickly became amazed at what my audience wanted to talk about. Many of them wanted to talk about abuse in their family. I had no choice. I had to face the problem head on. For example, not long ago, I received a comment from an anonymous listener:
“I come from a family with lots of abuse and confusion. My dad left barely over 2 years ago. He sexually abused me, my brother and sister. I can’t trust anybody. How am I supposed to trust again? Every time I let my guard down, I get hurt again.”
|
No doubt, you have been abused in some way, or know somebody who has. | Not only was this listener revealing the deep dark secrets of her family, she was also speaking of the horrific consequences of those secrets. No doubt, you have been abused in some way, or know somebody who has. This is something I must write about with the hope that what I have to say will help and encourage you in some way.
No one knows just how many people have been abused in some way in their home. But the numbers we do know are staggering:
- There are nearly 3 million reports of child abuse made annually.
- The rate of child abuse is estimated to be 3 times greater than is reported.
My guess is the problem is even greater than what you and I think it is.
WHAT IS ABUSE?
Abuse simply put, is when one person causes physical, sexual or emotional injury or harm to another. Federal law defines it as: Any act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation; or, An act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm.
So the question I want to ask you is personal, but extremely important:
Have You Been or Are You Being Abused?
It can be very painful when you have to face the reality of abuse, but it is the only way to deal with the problem so you can overcome all the negative consequences of it.
Let’s get specific…
Have You Been or Are You Being Physically Abused?
This abuse is usually the most easily identified. It can include any kind of non-accidental hitting, shaking, burning, biting, choking, throwing, or any behaviors that cause physical injury, leave marks, or create significant pain.
|
The foundation of all home life should be love. | Li commented what it’s like living in a physically abusive home: “You feel like everything is your fault and that nothing you do is right. I was abused until I was 8 years old. First, I was emotionally and somewhat physically abused by my mother, and then strongly physically abused by my stepmother. While going through this, I had no one to turn to but my best friend.”
If you think you have been physically abused, please tell me your story in the comment section below. I care about you and want to hear your story.
Have You Been or Are You Being Sexually Abused?
Any type of sexual contact between an adult and anyone younger than 18, or between a significantly older child and a younger child is considered sexual abuse. This includes penetration or external touching of intimate parts, oral sex, indecent exposure or any other sexual act performed in your presence for sexual gratification. It can also include the showing of pornography to someone younger than 18.
|
It can be very painful when you have to face the reality of abuse, but it is the only way to deal with the problem… | Emily says she has lived in an abusive, hazardous family situation her entire life. “My dad started sexually abusing me at 6 years old, and it went on until I was 11. It was hard to deal with. I used to pretend that it didn’t happen, but it did, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I never figured out a healthy way of dealing with it. I was anorexic for years. I used to cut myself. I was suicidal. I hated my life.”
If you think you have been sexually abused, please tell me your story in the comment section below. I care about you and want to hear your story.
Have You Been or Are You Being Emotionally & Verbally Abused?
Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. It also includes constant family conflict. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause major damage just as physical or sexually abuse does.
|
Emotional abuse can hurt and cause major damage just as physical abuse does. | Jessie describes the verbal abuse in her family: “My father yells at me whenever I question why. I am beginning to get bitter toward him because he seems to not trust me at all, and he seems to treat me like a slave and its hard to handle. I have tried talking to him but once again he yelled at me and I began to cry. I never yell at my dad but sometimes I would like to.”
If you think you have been emotionally or verbally abused, please tell me your story in the comment section below. I care about you and want to hear your story.
Have You Been or Are You Being Neglected?
You are considered to be neglected when your parent's whereabouts are unknown, if you’ve been left alone in circumstances where you suffer serious harm, or your parent has failed to maintain contact with you. This also happens when you don’t have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, education, or supervision.
|
If you have grown up in an environment where there is violence or abuse, you may not know there are other ways for family members to treat each other. | This is something Maria deals with. “My dad was at a neighbor’s house, drunk. He didn't call home or my cell to check on me. He didn't answer his cell when I called, nothing. I get home from school at 3 and my mom gets home from work at 9:30. My dad left the same time as my mom and didn't come home until nearly an hour later than my mom. The house was wide open. ANYTHING could’ve happened to me.”
If you think you have been neglected, please tell me your story in the comment section below. I care about you and want to hear your story.
Do you identify with any of these forms of abuse? It is difficult admitting that you are being abused; especially if it’s something you have lived with for many years. You might just think it’s the way things are and there’s nothing that can be done about it. You can also mistakenly think you bring abuse on yourself by not acting right, or by not living up to someone’s expectations. The kinds of abuse listed above are not normal or healthy ways to treat people.
There is hope for you. And I can’t wait to share that hope with you over the upcoming blogs as we address each of these different kinds of abuse, specifically, where they come from, how they affect you, and what you can do about it. Thanks for continuing to share your very personal stories in the comments section.
Thursday, Nov 6, 2008 - 11:31:41 PM
yeah i was in a two year relationship and i wanted to marry this guy and i loved him very much!!!we had broken up a few times and i was with one guy while we were broken up and then a month later we got back togther and after that he never forgave me and always blamed everyhting on me !! he said i was a wh*re and was in rage!! i had never seen him so mad!! that is when he started hitting me and i stayed with him.... i put up with it because i knew he didnt mean it and he loved me.... and we are talking again..he says he has changed but i am not sure!!
- becca r.
Thursday, Nov 6, 2008 - 8:56:51 PM
I was born 4 months before my parents were married. a few years later my dad was in a work accident and is now disabled. he has had many surgeries and is very bitter twards life and anything in general. well from what i can remember things were prety good up untill my dad od on his perscription drugs and after that my parenst seperated for a bit. i think i was ten. when my mom decided to take him back i was about 11 or twelve. things were good for a little while. but then my dad started yelling at me constatly. anything i ever did was wrong. he blamed me for all his problems. because i was born he was stuck in this situation that he hated so badly. he called me names even at times throw me to the floor or hit me. when i was about 15 i tried to committ suicide but i was to scared and couldnt go through with it. i was mad at myself for it too. so i just sunk into a bad depression. my mom was always workin so when i was around her i put on a good face cuz i didnt want to cause her anymore pain then i already had. well now that i am 18 now and i cant get along with my dad hardly at all. before i moved out this summer he and i would fight every day he would hit me or throw me on the floor or try to choke me when the dishes werent done the right way. My dad for most of my life kept me a prisoner in my house. he would hardly ever let me go anywhere. a few months ago i found some letters written to my dad from my mom while she was pregnant. he would alway say how much he didnt want me. i was kinda over all his crap about me like i just got to the point of not caring what he thought. but the discovery of these letters to like have it in actually writing just pushed me over the edge and i just stared doing things to get me hit or start arguments. it was horrible and i dont know why i did it. to this day my dad and i dont get along but i still love him and that bothers me. its better now that i have moved out but i hate going back for vistis. and i have many trust and dating issues. I feel so bad for my mom and i am so sorry for all the horrible things i have put her through.
- Chels
Thursday, Nov 6, 2008 - 8:54:33 PM
i was raped by my moms husbend
- stephanie
Thursday, Nov 6, 2008 - 8:54:27 PM
I can relate to the emotional abuse portion of you blog. My mom treats me like I am stupid and she lies to me. She told me she would pay me back for a bill I had to pay. Tonight she accused me of being lazy and told me she would only re pay me when I paid her $40. The bill was for $135. I dont have a job right now and need that money back. What would you do to get the money back?
- Rosalie
Wednesday, Nov 5, 2008 - 1:13:59 AM
I was abused in every way as a child and then also my X husband did it. I still have trust issues. The after effects of the abuse still haunts me today and I am a 38 yr old woman. Abuse is awful and is life long.
- Mary Ann
Wednesday, Nov 5, 2008 - 12:13:39 AM
I Know what it is like to be abused. My sister and I were both abused when we were young. By a family friend's son. It is very hard to trust anyone again after you are abused. I think what you do is great. I listen to your show when I can. It has helped me a lot in learning to trust people especially men again. It has also taught me to talk about my feelings. So thank you for what you do.
- jenna
Tuesday, Nov 4, 2008 - 11:27:51 PM
I haven't been abused by anyone, but my boyfriend was for the first 7 years of his life, before his dad went to prison and his mom died. My best friend was sexually abused when she was 3 but she's pretty much over it. I believe that people that are abused need someone to talk to about it...i also believe that the people who do the abusing are horrible, but they need help- to be able to change the way they are.
- Abby
Tuesday, Nov 4, 2008 - 2:05:23 AM
Thanks dawsons for your blog it really helped be I wasn't abused as a child but when I was twenty I had a boyfriend that abused me physically and I am still not over it.
- anna
Tuesday, Nov 4, 2008 - 1:10:55 AM
I just dont understand why so many people get abused. I dont get why people are so mean to other people. I guess you can say I live in an "abusive" house, and yeah it is really hard.. like you just think everything is your fault, your the reason everything is bad, and even after that you still think like that even when you know its not true. it sucks. It also sucks knowing like that others peoples parents really care, really love them, but then yours dont.your not good enough for them.. its really not fair..but what are you supposed to do about it? good blog though. :)
- Sarah
Tuesday, Nov 4, 2008 - 12:16:37 AM
I know i've been emotionally abused. by my boyfriend (who was also physical and now locked behind bars) and my ex step dad(who wouldn't touch me) they used to say i was ugly one would say but clothes on the other would say take them off.
- Brianna
Monday, Nov 3, 2008 - 10:45:03 PM
This is a tough topic for me. The abuse occured years ago, by my brother and it was sexual. Over the years I have over come it, on my own. I never had anyone to really lean on about it other than friends of my own age. These friends turned out to be a mistake because they told teachers last year and my whole family found out. Yet, they don't believe it actually happened. Basically, abuse ofany kind sucks and I really appreciate that you're doing a blog on this subject because you're all I got when I have to deal with the tough stuff.
~J.
- Jay
Monday, Nov 3, 2008 - 7:37:59 PM
thanks for this article! it helped me get around to dealing with my abuse
- karley
Monday, Nov 3, 2008 - 7:04:54 PM
I did not know sexual abuse includes being shown porn when i was really young my mom and dad used to show me porn. i didnt want 2 watch it but they told me to.
- *katie
Monday, Nov 3, 2008 - 1:55:33 AM
Dawson,
I commented last week but I just wanted to add some thoughts and my personal experience with emotional abuse. I have been emotionally abused most of my life. I often think that this is the type of abuse that is the hardest to identify. I have anxiety and when I went to counseling and my counselor told me this had stemmed from being emotionally abused I was SHOCKED. I always thought that my feelings of never being good enough were because I was a horrible daughter and I didn't deserve to be treated well. My Father cut off contact when I was seven. What seven year old can honestly understand why their parent doesn't want contact with them. On top of that I could never do anything right where my stepfather was concerned. When the two father figures in your life make you fell like you are nothing special you begin to believe it. I often hid my feeling and did things perfect or didn't do them at all. I now understand my anxiety and the reason for it. When I am put in a situation that I think I may not be perfect at I began to fear what everyone is going to say and think. I am beginning to realize that I am not perfect but that's OK because nobody is.
- Cera
Monday, Nov 3, 2008 - 1:09:30 AM
I am new on this site. So please give me more detail about this site. This site is very good for all People he can share everything in this site.
====================
lisa
Drug Rehab
- lisa0025
Sunday, Nov 2, 2008 - 11:36:33 PM
I was sexually abused by an important member in my church. My dad is an alcoholic, and my mom is a junkie. Both have been emotionally abusive to us kids. I always feared going to church or home, because I knew exactly what was going to happen. I went far away for college, and am thankfully no longer in either situation. Don't get me wrong, I still love my parents. I still go see them every so often, but in order to be the woman God has called me to be, I need to love them from afar. I deal with the emotional consequences from all the abuse, but in my worst times, I trust in my Savior to turn my mourning into dancing....
- S.
Sunday, Nov 2, 2008 - 10:04:32 PM
I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused from 4 to 21 by a family memeber. I still struggle from day to day trying to figure out my life and what I did to deserve it. I am trying to get up the courage to get some help now but its really hard for me to do. I am a self injurer, I have slept with a number of much older men, have an eating disorder and still suffer from depression and anxiety. I just wish there was some way to make it all go away because now I am 23 with an almost 4 year old and still cant cope with normal everyday stuff
- H
Sunday, Nov 2, 2008 - 8:19:32 PM
i'm not being abused now but think i was when i was about 6or7 and it was both my parents my dad was more physical my mom was alot of emotional but i don't think she knew that the things she said hurt me and i still remember all the things she said to me i was not the normal girl all my friends were all boys and the girls at my grade school made fun of me we would get in word fights every Saturday when picking out what i would whear for church she wanted me to wear dresses or super "girly stuff"and i would refuze to it was the same thing every Saturday
"wear this" "no i don't like that i want to wear this" "no you have to wear something nice" "but i thought at our church it doesn't matter what you wear" that is for people who don't have nice stuff and you do so put this on and get over it" and then things would get ^uped^ a little and she would say "YOUR A GIRL SO START ACTING LIKE IT" it really hurt to have you mother say that to you like she wasn't pleased with me and there was nothing i could do about it and loads of other stuff that you just don't evern know
Kim
- Kim
Sunday, Nov 2, 2008 - 7:07:50 PM
I am 25 and i havent been abused by my parents but my spouse... emotionally... it is done everyday.. I am not real sure how to get out bc we have a daughter together... and he is always saying that he will take her from me if i leave... and that no one else will want me bc i am fat or bc i have kids.... or he accuses me of cheating.... there is alot of emotional but there is also verbal...alot of cussing and telling me i am worthless...ect.... so i know how the kids feel.... it is very painful and hard to find someone to talk tooo....but thanks for making the effort to help....
- crystal
Sunday, Nov 2, 2008 - 1:44:30 PM
This is a really hard topic to talk about, but is really needed. I have been physically abused for years and have had to deal with emotional abuse since I was 8 and am steal dealiing with it. My heart goes out to all the kids who are being abused. ABUSE IS WRONG NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!! Please don't stay quiet. Speak up and tell someone. I promise you will have a better life if you tell then if you stay quiet. I lost my twin brother to suicide because of not being able to talk to someone about his problems because of the abusive home situation. PLEASE SEEK HELP FROM PEOPLE WHO CARE!!!!! THANK YOU DAWSON FOR BEING SOMONE TO TALK TO!!!!!
- Jeremy
Sunday, Nov 2, 2008 - 9:22:40 AM
I commented you last week, and i just wanted to say this blog series really hits me close to home. I have had problems getting along with my parents for the past 5 years. I was 11 when all the fighting started, I'm 16 now. But this blog really made me understand that I have been dealing with emotional abuse. My parents mostly my mom treats me so bad, the things she says to me all the time are just horrible. We fight all the time, and i really hate it. She makes me feel so bad that I just want to ease the pain she has caused. I've been a cutter for over 2 and a half years, I started drinking and smoking, all to ease the pain. For the few minutes I'm doing it, it feels good but in the end the pain is still there. I have a feeling this is going to be a really good blog, that I will enjoy reading. Thank you for taking the time out to help all of us! =]
- Kaitlyn
|
