Walking Away From Love Addiction

• It is hard to accept that our self-esteem is so low, we often demand our partner be like a god and meet our every need. No one wants to feel helpless and end up all but worshipping someone who in the end will leave us behind. We were designed to worship God, not our boyfriend/girlfriend. Yet time after time, we are deceived into thinking somehow if we meet that next partner, they will be perfect and all our needs will be met through them.
• It is hard to accept as love addicts, we’re on an emotional treadmill which leads to nowhere but exhaustion. If you are a love addict, you will see your dating relationships tend to have a pattern to them. Stop and think for a while. How has every dating relationship that has failed you started and ended? You will see you have been doing the same thing with the same emotions, ending up with the same sad results, time and time again. But many of us have been running on the treadmill so long we don’t even realize we’re not going anywhere.
• It is hard to accept that love addiction leaves us confused about the emotions we carry for the other person. Almost every love addict confuses what is happening in the relationship with love. For example, most love addicted relationships are full of drama. Most love addicts confuse the drama of a relationship with the devotion of the other person. Just because there is a lot of excitement and drama taking place does not necessarily mean your partner is devoted to you. Most love addicted relationships also are very intense. The addict confuses the intensity of the relationship for intimacy. They are not the same, not even close. Other love addicts get heavily involved sexually with their partner. They think the deep emotion stirred by sex is really love. They confuse the sex they are having with their partner with a sense of security. The feelings of sex make them want to be closer and closer to their boyfriend/girlfriend, therefore feeling extremely secure. That of course is a lie. Sex without true commitment leads only to more insecurity, not less. Then one day they wake up and find out their partner is gone, and that sex is not the glue that held the relationship together.

Thursday, Nov 8, 2007 - 10:18:07 PM
When I was very young, I was exposed to a lot of turmoil, family breakup, drugs all around, abuse and whatnot. When you look on every side, and no-where you look is there any hope of a healthy relationship, it's easy to withdraw from reality and become isolated, live in fantasy, deviant behaviour, etc. I'd like to suggest a blog on isolation. There are a lot of hurting people who have no-one to turn to because they trust no-one but themselves. They have no one to counsil them because they don't believe anyone.
- Dan

Thursday, Nov 8, 2007 - 10:17:48 PM
It's kind of hard to admit it ... but I believe I'm a love addict. It's incredibly frusqrating. I'm blind, and a bit of a nerd--an what girl is going to want to go out with me? Well, no girls have so far. Eithe they don't like me (which I'm okay with) or pity me and lead me on (which I am NOT okay with). I've basically given up on ever getting a girlfriend. I wish I could just eliminate my desire for girls altogether--it would make my life less turbulent. Kel
- Kelby

Thursday, Nov 8, 2007 - 10:17:25 PM
I think what makes a good relationship is honesty and you can not lie to the other person or cheat no cheating! that will seriously ruin everything in the relationship and u might not be able to fix it after its done,u need to take things slow and make sure the other person is at the same pace you are dont rush into things just have fun with that person. I am in a very healthy relationship right now and i dont except gifts all the time from my bf or anything i just accept that we love love each other have fun together and we are keeping it the pace we want to keep it we spend time together we talk about everything tell each other stuff and about things and yea thats good and if anythings wrong we both tell each other and try to work it out.
- Lexie

Thursday, Nov 8, 2007 - 10:17:05 PM
Well Dawson, I am in a great relationship right now. His name is Jordan and we get along so well. We talk and listen to eachother and try to make eachother feel better if we are sad. He can tell when I need a hug, and gives me one. We tease eachother in a loving way. I always want to tell him first when something big or excitng happens to me.
- Abby

Thursday, Nov 8, 2007 - 10:15:20 PM
I have never been in a great relationship, but i have seen my mom and step dad and they have one of the best i have seen. Their PARTNERS in life, completely 50/50 on everything they do. Even though in a marriage they are still two individual people with their own dreams and goals. Niether one of them holds the other back from anything, if my mom wants to go on a trip to Africa my step dad will stay home to take care of thier 14 year old son, with no hard feelimgs towards her for wanting to do something, and vice versa. They support each other in all they do. They are very busy people with work, charity, and even school not that they need it but they want to better themselves and they set aside one night a week as date night, and although they may not go do something extravgant, they get to spend that time being husband and wife and connecting with eachother. When there is a disaggreement (which will always happen in any relationship) they calmly talk about it and actually work to find a solution to the problem. It even boild own to my step dad will cook dinner and clean the house just because he wants to, all the household chores are split and know one is expected to do it they just do. They love each other and are best friends and lovers. They make one another complete, but not in an unhealthy way. They have made each other better people and they fight harder to be all that is possible. Its hard to really define a great relationship and maybe none of this seems like anything wonderful, but i have been on the other ened of relationships, where the man believed my job as a woman was to cook, clean, take care of the kids, work, and have absolutley No time for myself, adn his job was to go to work, come home and then do nothing, while saying well i worked all day i shouldn't have to change a diaper, help with dish duty, laundry...etc. It wasn't 50/50 i had all the load and no respect and he expected his food served on a silver platter and probably would have liked it if i just spoon fed him myself. All my dreams and goals where flushed down the toilet because to him as a woman my job was to be the maid, babysitter, and chef. I had no free time.. if i went anywhere i had to take all 3 of my kids, the only time i had to myself was at night when everyone was in bed and even then i got in trouble for staying up to read because when he went to bed i was to go also. So when I look at the relationship between my mom and step dad it seems perfect to me.. neither one of them tries to control the other, no one is fighting to have the upper hand and to be the "boss". Like I said before they are two individuals in a relationship able to do what they want, no double standards, perfectly a 50/50 partnership that they have made work for 21 years and still going strong. I hitnk they key is not to hold the other one back to embrace them, support them and be their no matter what.
- keilah

Thursday, Nov 8, 2007 - 10:09:18 PM
A great relationship is all on love and it is giving 50% on both party's and how you are in love.
- Chris

Wednesday, Nov 7, 2007 - 9:50:40 AM
My son suffers from depression. I live in West Texas, and he is in Honolulu, HI. The reason that he is in HI is because that's where he was going to college but has not graduated yet. Yesterday, I found out through a letter from the University that he has withdrawn, but he has not told me. If I can convince him to come back home, I will need a good recommendation to a good psychiatrist or program for depression. Can you help me? Thank you.
- G. Jones

Wednesday, Nov 7, 2007 - 9:50:33 AM
hey, one of my friends are in a realy great relationship with this guy ahd they have been going out for like a really really long time she told me that he might be the one she spends the rest of her life with and i dnt think she should cuvz he treats her like shes an animal but she loves him its not my appinyon. --tia<3<3
- Tia

Wednesday, Nov 7, 2007 - 9:50:26 AM
Hi i am having problems with my mom she has tried to kill her self 2 times and she just got out of a abusive marrige and i didnt like him at and now my mom is going crazy like she has become a heavy smoker now since she has gotten a disvorce and now we have to have someone there when we see her and now we are just now getting to stay the weekend with her this week and i am so scared for her i love her to death but i dont know if i can take it anymore. well thanks for letting me tell you my story i may come back for help.
- Hillery Thompson

Wednesday, Nov 7, 2007 - 1:10:34 AM
hey i called the other night me and my boyfriend have been together scence we were seven and his sister had a baby and we addobted it from her so we have a 1 month old baby and we love each other we are both in high school and going to the same collage in a few years. when i called the other night it wasnt to talk about this i have alot of problems in my life right now i lost 4 friends over this past weekend. and another one today. please help me. <33 blair
- blair h.

Wednesday, Nov 7, 2007 - 1:08:57 AM
hi dawson iam glad i don't hav a boyfriend and no boy asked me so i guess iam lucky
- jade

Wednesday, Nov 7, 2007 - 1:07:31 AM
hey dawson, I'll admit i am a true love addict! i fell for this guy and i made him my world to the pint i even ran away from my home. He told me we would be together forever and all that jazz. after i ran away i got sent to a shelter for needy teenagers and i come to find out a couple months later he is cheating on me...so we are no longer together and it hurts me alot cuz i still love him so much even though he put me through all the pain and gave my heart a tear. I've been trying to get over him and i got a new boyfriend which is really hard cuz everything we do reminds me of my ex then againi hate my ex with all my heart yet i love to much too. IDK its confusing! but yeah i now can't seem to stay commited to my new boy. I keep wanting to cheat and its killing me cuz i love the boy to death and i don't want to break his heart like my ex did mine. I've considered taking a break from guys put its so hard cuz apparently i'm pretty good looking and guys drool. This is something i hate sometimes i just wish i was ugly for them to leave me alone because all guys do is give me a broken heart, lies, and tears! i'm lost and i need help to get past this addiction which the center i was at didn't really help me in that area....write me plz and thx so much
- Brooke K.

Wednesday, Nov 7, 2007 - 1:05:32 AM
Dear Dawson, I struggle quite a bit w/ a friend who had an eating disorder and claims that she doesn't anymore but yet still is so skinny, I worry about her at times. what can I do for her that would help her?
- Benjamin

Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 - 12:53:32 AM
A great relationship is based in trust and communication. i think those are the main components for a healthy relationship. I consider myself to be in a great relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 10 months and we communicate with each other everyday, we try to tell each other everything and of course we don't have any secrets. We don't only do that, but we try to set goals for each other's life and help each other financially and in every other way. I think in some way people might consider or better yet confuse a healthy relationship by a love addiction. so advise just be careful with that.
- Beatriz

Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 - 12:53:08 AM
i love what u r doing with your show you r helping people around the u.s. with ther problems and telling them that if they hav done sumthing rong it doesnt make them horrible u help them to get better!thank you!=]]
- missy

Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 - 12:52:25 AM
I'm not sure if I have a love addiction, but more so a feeling that that person is the only thing I need to survive. I have a long story with this guy that's left me really hurt and depressed, and I still haven't found a way to get over it. I've tried other relationships, I'm actually in one right now, but they never work because nobody compares to him. I know he's never going to feel the same again because I messed it all up...so how do you get over this so called 'addiction'? Once you find the one person, the one single reason you want to stay alive, how can you just give it up? Without him, I don't feel like my life is worth anything.
- Kelli

Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 - 12:51:22 AM
I have to say I too was in it but finally, after much soul searching and admitting my faults, I broke free of the depression that held me down so tightly. I feel free and like there's no more weight on my shoulders anymore...I'm ready to start life over again as a new man, and I'm also ready to see things with new eyes that I couldn't before!
- Dante

Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 - 12:50:48 AM
Dear Dawson, I think it's so great how you help the teens of our country and I just want to say Thank you, and that I listen to your show every sunday night when i get home from church, God is useing you to save these Teens. I have some sympmtoms of a Love addict, which it reminds me of the song Luv-addict by Family Froce five, I changed my love addict for males, to God and it's change my life, I'm not sad anymore, I don't think about thinks i shouldn't and your show has helped me keep on track So thanks and goodjob.. and Teens Listen he can help so much Thanks, Sarah P.¢¾
- Sarah P.

Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 - 12:48:05 AM
Hi Tiffany ~ Dawson blogged about that not too long ago and he had a lot of great things to say! Just check out Dawson's Blog Archive to read more about relationships and how to find the right guy.
- ~ from the DMLive crew

Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 - 12:40:57 AM
dawson, i keep falling for the wrong guys. my parents keep telling me to choose the right ones but, it seems that i keep going after the wrong ones. is there any advice that you can give me????please and thank you!!
- Tiffany

Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 - 12:40:44 AM
How do I know if a girl is interested in me cause there are times I think a girl is interested in me and then when I get up the guts to ask her out she gives me another cold shoulder.
- Nathan D.

Tuesday, Nov 6, 2007 - 12:40:13 AM
dear Dawson, love addiction thats not for me! But i have had some hard times with guys in my past. Yea iv got hurt. Like this one Guy i went out with him for like 3 years and then not that long ago he dumped me and i started to cut and i havent stoped since What should i do to stop? --Tia <3<3
- Tia

Monday, Nov 5, 2007 - 11:52:01 PM
ive never been in love or addicted to love but im falling rapidly for a guy and hes leaving sooo i feel bad for anyone in a situation that thier addicted to love
- julian

Monday, Nov 5, 2007 - 11:42:22 PM
yes i am a love addiced and ui no i am i want to be loved and noticed it sucks when everyone haas there back to ya i hate it sooo much so i do stupid stuff to be herd and seen kara
- kara

Monday, Nov 5, 2007 - 12:36:19 AM
i'm not addicted to love... i was addicted to someone... and he's left me maybe 3 or 4 times... and things are never going to go back to the way they were.. i went out with this guy on and off for almost two years..... and he really hurt me this last time he left me. he's hurt me every time he's left me. but now we go to the same school.. and it's a constant reminder... and he trys to be friends with his ex's but it doesn't work.. not because of what his ex's do but that he can't not do something to keep the peace.he has to have me hate him to be sure i don't love him... he's spreading rumors about me and him.. and it's always the girls rep who's scared never the guys... and it's been a couple months after he left me.. and i know he's not comig back... i don't want him to.... but because i was addicted to him an dhis love because i was truly in love with him now that it's over and i like this other guy and this guy really likes me a lot.. i'm scared... i don't want to get close to this guy... and he's the sweetest guy.. i've had friends who went out with him and were likeplease roux treat him better than i did. but because i'm scared, and because my ex broke my heart 4 times, i have part of me yelling oh joy yes he asked me out and and a nother part say tell him no tell him no and i don't know if it's my hearts way of protecting me.. or me being scared. being addicted to somone is almost as bad as being addicted to love in general
- Roux

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 11:58:16 PM
I deff have been a love addict, until I finally opened my eyes. My boyfriend used to be somewhat abusive and i couldn't take it anymore, i went to dump him, and he was begging to stay with me, ever since that night that i knew i could make it on my own if we broke up, i broke out of love addiction and am in a beautiful, healthier relationship. Glad to know there was such a thing so i can stay out of it!!!
- Tori

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 11:54:43 PM
So how does one distuish between love addiction and true love? could you have love addiction and already be with the one God has planned for you?
- Zak K.

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 11:27:12 PM
this is true. a,ll relationships have gone bad when we told eachother we loved eachother. the one im basically in now. we dont say it. but we expres it by being excited to talk to eachother. its been a lot better. :] one thing that hurts it the lust thing. i had someone one time that i guess we where in lust together. his aunt told him that we shouldnt talk because it was just lust>?? well it makes perfect since now. i tried not to believe her because i didnt want to hear something not so good come into our relationship. now i think were better off friends. and it is true love now. :] the friendship kind
- alexa

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 11:26:42 PM
love hurts
- donna

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 10:54:39 PM
Okay, so i'm probably older than most of your general demographic at 25, yet, find myself listening to your show for the first time tonight. mainly due to the fact i honestly believe in your selfless and honest approach to helping others. i am currently in a relationship with a girl who i do enjoy the company of and find myself thinking of my previous girlfriend. the current girl I am with is caring, compassionate, and, yet,cannot stop my feelings for the girl who left me behind. i'm not looking for charity or publicity, but, perhaps, an honest answer why the girl who drinks too much and would rather party than be with me still riddles my mind. if not for my own benefit i hope your ability to address this issue to help others in my current situation. i would like to give myself to the current girlfriend because she seems to be the perfect fit for me, yet, feel like i'm not honestly giving everything i have to her, which i believe to be unfair. any advice would be more than appreciated and revered. thank you.
- mat

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 10:36:30 PM
i struggle with love addiction and its rlly hard and i have panic attacks and i need help i really do and i feel like i cant survive without someone i guess iam just afraid that iam going to end up alone
- laci

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 7:38:49 PM
Just to answer the question about what makes a good relationship....A good relationship takes an equal amount of commitment from each partner. You have to all your partner their personal space, allow them to spend time with their friends instead of always wanting to know where they are. There also needs to be equal understanding and support from both partners. You have to appreciate your partners positives as well as their negatives. Relationships are mainly about equilibrium and stability between the partners.
- Sara

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 7:27:55 PM
I definitly think that trust is a key part in a healthy relationship.You always have to trust each partner when they go away on trips etc. No healthy relationship can thrive on sex, which is a cliche idea, especially for teenagers.
- katrina

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 7:27:40 PM
A great relationship is one where you prefer the other person over yourself. You want the very best for them. However in order to do this you must have an accurate sense of who you are, you're own identity. Someone who is too caught up in their own insecurities and short comings will live with a "me" mentality. A great relationship starts with being comfortable with who God has made you to be and His dream for your life, and then allowing that to overflow into the life of another.
- Sarah

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 7:27:16 PM
Love addiction is often perceived to be "less serious" than other process addictions i.e. compulsive sexual addictions, eating disorders or self-harm / mutilation addictions. Perhaps because it sounds "softer." In reality it is extremely painful and can be very dangerous to both the addict and their partners. Many suicides, murders, stalkings, rapes and other crimes of passion have their roots in this addiction. Our culture has traditionally glorified love addiction with the notion that we fall in love and live "happily ever after." This ignores the groundwork that relationships require. Many love relationships depicted in the media are really love addicted relationships. (See Romeo and Juliet as an example - not a very happy ending was it?)
- vanessa h.

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 7:26:30 PM
Hey Dawson!I really love have sex and I want to stop this problem so badly.I live in GA.Is there anywhere u recordment that I go get some help?
- Larry

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 7:26:09 PM
Dawson -- Do you accept gifts of shares of stock? How would we donate shares of stock? Thank you.
- Roger & Beth Swyter

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 - 7:25:34 PM
this is in response to Jess. Love IS an addiction. its not an excuse for women and men to have sex just bc they cant control their hormones. thats ignorant to say and u obviously have never been in love. what is 'puppy luv'??? i have some of the symptoms but i dont think im addicted to love, dawson, ive never really been in a long distance relationship. i was with someone for 5+ yrs but it was an online relationship. and ive only been in love twice. my dad left me when i was 13 so i would say i am starving for love. thanks.
- jasmyn

Saturday, Nov 3, 2007 - 12:01:05 AM
love isnt an addiction. its just a stupid excuss for gurls n boys to have sex because they cant controle their hormones. but I do no how it feels to be in a puppy luv situation like that. But now I think back and am shamed that I ever was hung up like that
- jess

Friday, Nov 2, 2007 - 11:57:31 PM
You say people are addicted to love, but how do I know? I've read all the symptoms and i appear to have them, but how does that work when I never commit to a relationship? e-mail me back if you have time. Amy
- Amy