The Danger of Gossip

It’s been said, “knowledge is power.” Unfortunately, many people like to spread damaging information or intimate details about others, whether true or not. This is what is called gossip. It used to be that people called gossip, “dishing the dirt.” Whatever it’s called, people use gossip to hurt people, in order to feel good about themselves, and to feel like they have power over others.

If you know something juicy someone did over the weekend, it’s easy to feel like you have to tell others. We especially like it when we hear something that makes someone look bad. Celebrity bloggers and gossip magazines make millions of dollars off of this unfortunate reality. I’m sure you’ve encountered gossip. Some people seem to thrive on it.

It’s time for you to decide you don’t want to have any part of it.

The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person’s reputation. A reputation is very fragile. When you gossip, you are helping to destroy something extremely valuable. An anonymous blogger wrote: “After telling my best friend, it leaked that I tried [cutting] once. Everyone thought I was even more of a freak.”

If you think it’s time for you to decide you don’t want to have any part of gossip, here are some tips on how to do it…

1) Make a commitment you’re not going to gossip.
Even though the temptation to gossip is powerful, you will always win when you choose not to use it. And really, with all gossip, there’s no way of knowing for sure what is true or not. Paul wrote: “I admit that I love spreading rumors. It’s all about telling lies about someone you don’t like. It usually works.” That’s the problem, it does work, almost every time.

The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person’s reputation.

2) Don’t listen to others when they gossip
Gossip grows an audience. You simply being there listening to it adds to its appeal. If someone starts to tell you something gossipy, say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about this person when they’re not here to defend themselves.” Not only will you break the gossip chain, but you also will gain the trust of other people, as someone who won’t spread rumors.

With all gossip, there’s no way of knowing what is truth or lies.

3) Don’t judge people based on gossip.
If you should hear gossip about someone you don’t know, you have two choices: allow the gossip to determine what you believe, or let your own personal experience determine what you think. The first time you have an experience with someone that is contrary to the gossip you’ve heard, you’ll be a lot more careful about spreading or believing gossip the next time you hear it.

Katy wrote: “My best friend is someone who people used to say really bad things about. But once I got to know her, I learned the truth about her. I’m so glad I gave her a chance.”

4) Think before you speak.
Before you repeat something you’ve heard about another person, think: does this really do any good for me to spread this information? Or am I just trying to “be in the know?” Is the information even true? Could I be hurting someone by telling this, even if it’s true? If the person you are talking to is not part of the problem, or part of the solution, there’s no need to tell them anything.

Don’t associate with people who find such great joy in belittling others.

5) Stay away from people who gossip to you—they will gossip about you. Don’t associate with people who find such great joy in belittling others. Be very careful about what you choose to tell these people. If it’s a close friend, you might consider saying how you want to stop spreading gossip, and that you’d really like her help.

There’s an old saying, “stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” That’s not true. Being gossiped about can be extremely painful. If you don’t want it done to you, don’t do it to others. In the end, it never pays to gossip.

Next week, I’m going to write about what you can do to rebuild a bad reputation destroyed by gossip, and then I’ll follow that up with ways you can protect your reputation. What have you done to repair a bad reputation? Please tell me your story. I look forward to hearing from you.

Friday, Jan 29, 2010 - 2:51:24 AM
Don't you always take a quick look to see who's around before you spill the beans? Try this... look up. No matter where you are, God is listening... and the object of your juicy story is a child of the almighty ruler of the universe. I know what I want to do when someone trash talks my little girl... what do you suppose God wants to do? Hmm? So look up before you talk it up. A dear friend of mine once said "if you have to gossip, gossip to God." Get this: He'll listen, you won't trash someone's rep, and you'll get a better rep (except with the gossip-mongers, but Dawson says you should stay away from them anyway!) P.S. God won't trash talk you to your buds, so you can trust him with the goods from the weekend.
- Matt

Friday, Jan 29, 2010 - 2:16:23 AM
love your show... i love you too.
- Luisa

Friday, Jan 29, 2010 - 2:04:00 AM
What do you do if you are torn between two guys and don't know who to be with?
- Danielle

Friday, Jan 29, 2010 - 12:56:33 AM
I once had a friend who ruined our friendship when she told people about my past and bragged that she was bad a**ed cause she hung out with someone who used to live in the "Hood"... i had never even lived anywhere near the hood and needless to say she dropped me when i told people the truth..
- amber

Thursday, Jan 28, 2010 - 11:40:03 PM
gossip, the one thing that seperates humanity and cruelity
- jonathan p.

Wednesday, Jan 27, 2010 - 11:07:39 PM
The next time you are going to gossip about someone, stop a moment and think about how you would feel if that person were gossiping about you. That's what I do, and it works to stop me from gossiping.
- Elizabeth

Wednesday, Jan 27, 2010 - 7:18:52 PM
Gossip HURTS!! Trust me, before i even got to high school, My BEST guy friend had spread horrible rumors about me.... I was hurt, and people who I used to hang out with all the time... HATES me now... Just because of a little Gossip between friends. -L-
- Lauren

Wednesday, Jan 27, 2010 - 2:08:06 PM
That is so true. The first time my ex broke up with me, she started spreading rumors that I was a stalkerish bf just for fun. I'm not even mildly close to stalkerish anything! That spread like a wildfire in my middle school. She spread more rumors about me the second time we broke up and I was lucky for being a freshman. No one takes them to much of importance. Anyway, to all of you, one way to stop gossiper extremists is to shoe them you don't kid around. Fight fire with a nuke in a way. Show them you are emotionally and socially stable as well. Beat them in only one move. That's all it takes. I learned it a hard way. Put out the fire before it even starts
- Nikolai Y. [RUA]

Wednesday, Jan 27, 2010 - 2:44:09 AM
I can't wait for next week's topic because it is going to help me regain my reputation once more. All my life I have been talked and gossiped about, and still am, behind my back. I just ignore them and walk away but sometimes I wonder what is there problem with me and what have I done to deserve being talked badly about. Thanks for all you do for us and God bless.
- Cute Boricua Model

Wednesday, Jan 27, 2010 - 1:13:22 AM
okay, so the advice would be be less concerned about what others say about you and more concerned about what God knows about you! =]
- Tajzhanea

Tuesday, Jan 26, 2010 - 11:14:48 PM
Gossip is hard to deal with in my school- Everybody catches on to about lies about me and it goes around and around, like a merry-go-'round. This boy at my school will say stuff that brings me home crying and makes me think suicidal thoughts. Gossip hurts, and makes me feel like nobody likes me when I have really good friends.
- Anonymous

Tuesday, Jan 26, 2010 - 8:37:13 PM
Im Bacially A loner, which means I'm either being ignored, or gossiped about. At one point, i actually let the gossip get to me and i lashed out pphysically at the person who started it. In ways I regret going off like that, but in others, I'm not because telling people your secrets, and even false rumors is wrong, and low to a whole new level, pathetic really. So yeh, i have a bad rep, no friends, and I'm a loner. Fun life huh? T.T
- Violet Eve

Tuesday, Jan 26, 2010 - 2:17:36 AM
i currently have a bad reputation because my boyfriend of what use to be 1 year told ALL of his friends we had sex, which we did, but thats nobodys business but ours and everyone at school calls me "the naughty minor" and it gets around. im in eighth grade and my whole cheerleading teams calls me either a whore or a slut evertime we go to practice, even the coach knows and gives me dirty looks and gossips about me to other teachers, ive had other teachers ask me during class changes, or lunch, or just anytime, one asked me in front of the class. its horrible how a grown lady talks about teenagers like their grown themselves. this has hurt my life HORRIBLY and it just keeps going around and around, when it finally starts to bare down someone who didnt know finds out and it starts all over again. ive tried ignoring them i really have.all i know to say is that theres people worse off than me, so god bless haiti.
- anonymous

Tuesday, Jan 26, 2010 - 2:14:44 AM
i love you
- justin

Tuesday, Jan 26, 2010 - 12:30:00 AM
I love how Dawson tells how gossip really hurts. Other blog sites just gossip, this one tells us how hurtful it can be. I am so glad that Dawson is down-to-earth.
- Jolene

Monday, Jan 25, 2010 - 9:58:27 PM
I think gossip is a bad thing to start because it can hurt people in a lot of ways.
- Carole Anne J.

Monday, Jan 25, 2010 - 5:47:39 PM
I'm 22 years old. I've been out of college for a year and high school for almost 5 years. For the first 6 years of my school life my mom home schooled me, and when I started public school in the 7th grade, I thought I had some friends, people I grew up with, but I learned real quick were talking about me behind my back. I was laughed at, made fun of, played jokes on, and eventually they jumped me at the neighborhood park. I was terrorized by this group of girls for 6 years, and it distroyed my whole middle school and high school experience. I believe that people that feel they have to put others down are shallow, vein individuals who obviously need a hobby.
- Haley D

Sunday, Jan 24, 2010 - 10:56:53 PM
i had a bad problem with my reputation because i hear some people that talk about me behind my back and treats me like crap and calls me bad names and thinks that i'm lazy and doesn't do anything around the house.
- ashley j.

Sunday, Jan 24, 2010 - 10:11:28 PM
I cant wait for the next blog. My reputation is ruin because of my mom who negative 24 hour a day. She mess up my life now im working on myself and reputation. Its tough but im not giving up, I refuse to drown in my emotion and feel bad about what happen to me, eventually i hope that it pays off.
- anonymous

Sunday, Jan 24, 2010 - 12:21:38 AM
When it comes to gossip for me I always want to hear it so I can go strait to the person and confirm it. Plus, chances are, they don't even know they're being gossiped about. I've never really had a problem with my reputation though, despite how many people spread rumors about me. Most of the time they do it to either try and grab my attention or use assumptions since they don't know me. The best thing you can do when someone starts to pressure you with a rumor they heard about you is to stay strong. Don't panic when someone is spreading lies. Plus, if you stand your ground and confidently say "That's not true, I don't know who you hear it from but they obviously don't know me well." they're more likely to drop the rumor. If you begin to panic it only makes you look like you're trying to save your own skin and hide the truth. Plus, if you and your close friends know the truth nothing else should really matter. Also, rumors are a part of life. People will constantly be talking behind your back. The best thing you can do is ignore it. If you try and start up drama over a silly rumor you're only making things worse and making yourself look bad.
- Roiselyn

Saturday, Jan 23, 2010 - 8:43:41 PM
im gonna get off subject and say god bless haiti!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- jonathan p.

Saturday, Jan 23, 2010 - 8:11:31 PM
Okay,Dawson I am gossip queen of my school. I know everything & anything about everyone! Who has wat n who got it from who! [[Ima use fake names!]] Okay there was this girl named Cinthia, and I had a boyfriend and she stole him from me. Eventually I moved one and was dating this girl.But my other homegirl was messin with her! But then I found out that one of them got an STD from one of my really close friends I know this for a fact because he told he had something! So yea, then she wound up going out him and had sex with him so she had domething the wound up going out with my friend Saul and having sex with him! and he had sex with my other home girl cinthia n she chearted on him with his brother who was my boyfriend n all of them got something but befor i told anyone me and my friend got in to a fight n i started puttin he biss out there for pay back!
- Lokiita Valdez

Saturday, Jan 23, 2010 - 1:48:50 AM
well i no people that talk behind my back bout this i go with wat do i do.
- ashia

Saturday, Jan 23, 2010 - 1:04:06 AM
Dawson, I read your first blog on Love Addiction about a year ago and my first thought was, "That's not me. I'm not a love addict." Well, I just finished reading all your blogs on Love Addiction... and now I realize that I am a love addict. It's like the light bulb went on and it makes a lot of sense. I don't date, but I do want a guy to care about me and sometimes it seems as if I am looking for someone to care about me, even if I don't necessarily care for them the same way, I just want a guy to love me. I know it's selfish. I don't want to do this any more. Thank you for writing the Love Addiction blogs, I finally have a name for what I have been feeling. God has really gifted you. Thank you, God bless.
- Anonymous

Thursday, Jan 21, 2010 - 1:08:48 AM
Dawson, with the next blog about gossip I have a true story for it. I had a best friend who was among the "popular girls," she was a cheerleader, everyone wanted her, ext. Well aparently one of the other girls were jealous by her for taking her boyfriend, and started a rumor about having AIDS. I knew this wasnt true of corse, me and her had dated for quite some time, but others didnt know and full realize that she had only be with one guy. Well after the rumor spread, and being in a high school rumors spread like wild fire she started becoming depressed, and reached the stage where she wouldnt be able to come back out of it without help. She ended up taking her own life over a rumor that someone started because of jealousy. This killed me to hear about it the next day, and I just hope that one day people will see that rumors really do not only hurt other people, but they also hurt themselves. When they are found out about spreading rumors it takes them to a lower level, and degrades themselvs of their respect to others. Everone has spread a rumor occasionaly, but sometimes the rumors get out of hand and could ultimatly lead to worse things than before.
- Max H