Is My Best Friend Falling For Me?
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Friendships are priceless and need protecting and nurturing so they will grow. | If you are visiting my blog for the first time, we are in the middle of a series where I answer the finest questions about the opposite sex you can come up with. Maybe you’ve been too scared to ask someone a question—for fear of looking stupid. No chance! You’re not stupid! And chances are, there are hundreds of others who have had the same question and just haven’t written in.
You have heard me talk a lot about how people seem in such a hurry to rush into a dating relationship. And how important it is to develop a strong friendship as a foundation, before heading into romance. Say you’ve done this…what’s next. That’s where this week’s questions come from.
QUESTION #21) Lucy asked: “How do I know if my best guy friend likes me more than just a friend and if he is falling in love me?”
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Someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive. | DAWSON: Friendship and dating are very important. In the end, best friends make great marriages. That being said, since you didn’t say what your feelings are for this guy, I’m guessing you don’t have romantic feelings for him. So for him, this is unquestionably a very delicate situation. If he is actually falling in love with you, he’s probably scared and nervous about you finding out, since he doesn’t know how you’ll respond. He doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the friendship you already have. That’s a good thing. Friendships are priceless and need protecting and nurturing so they will grow.
Here are a couple of questions you may want to ask yourself. When you talk with your friend about other people who you are dating, or are interested in, is he supportive and encouraging, or does he become quiet and distant? A friend will be supportive, but someone whose emotions are clouded with the possibility of being in love will tend to have a more emotional response. Another question may be: Does he want to spend time only with you, or is he okay doing things with you together with others? A friend is willing to share you with others, but someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive.
In the end, you will need to communicate with each other and define what your relationship really is. Even though it may hurt him, if you don’t have the feelings for him that he has for you, knowing the truth is always better than not. However you feel about him I’m sure what you tell him will be filled with love and respect. After all, a good close friend of the opposite sex is priceless.
QUESTION #22) Rebecca asked: “How can you tell if the friendship SHOULD go on to the next level?”
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With a friendship based on honesty and trust, you will be able to face the challenge of being vulnerable. | DAWSON: The decision to take a friendship to the next level, from friendship to a dating relationship, has to be a mutual decision. Both sides have to agree they want to go deeper with the other person. But as I often say, these things have to be talked out—even though you are best of friends. Unless they are talked out, there can be confusion and hurt feelings. So whoever brings up the subject has put themselves in somewhat of a vulnerable position. Yet, good friendships can endure these trying times.
The best thing I can tell you is to be patient. Let the relationship grow, and when you feel like you’re ready, I’d encourage you to find a time when the two of you are alone, and try bringing up the topic. With a friendship based on honesty and trust, you will be able to face the challenge of being vulnerable.
Try saying something like, “You’re a great friend, and I don’t ever want that to change. And honestly, I’ve always wondered if this friendship would ever turn into something deeper. But I’m not sure how we would know. Do you have any ideas?” Asking him for his opinion is a great way to show you value what he thinks and feels, and you’ll find out if you’re on track.
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If you settle for cheap sex, you will never discover priceless love. | Let’s assume for a moment your guy friend agrees with you about taking the relationship to the next level. What then should you do? I would encourage you to sit down together and make a list of the things you have been doing that have made your friendship so strong. Commit to keep doing them, and your relationship will automatically grow. But be extremely careful about becoming very affectionate and sexual with each other. I have seen so many potentially great relationships ruined by the misuse of sex. As someone once said, if you settle for cheap sex, you will never discover priceless love.
Life is short. So be open and honest with your feelings, but be prepared for them not to be reciprocated. But with him knowing how you feel, you very well might open the door for him to start seeing you in a different, more romantic light.
Please keep sending me your questions. What have you been waiting to ask me? I look forward to hearing more about what you’re thinking—it will really help me to write the next blog. Thank you!!
Saturday, Apr 11, 2009 - 10:33:36 PM
mr.dawson,
i have been friends with this boy at school and we have been normal friends. i feel like i may love him and i want to date him but at the same time i dont. i dont really know that much about him but i do want to know him. with only 4-5 weeks of school left i feel like i have run out of time to hang out with him. we are going to be in highschool next year and we are planning on having different classes so i wont see him. i fell like i should just defriend him and forget him. what should i do? defriend him or try to keep the relationship we have?HELP PLEASE!!!
- sara
Saturday, Apr 11, 2009 - 7:40:01 PM
i like this guy and we have recently become friends. i want to date him but i am scared to. i really like him but he may not like me. what should i do?
- sara
Friday, Apr 10, 2009 - 10:12:25 PM
Hey. I have trouble knowing if a guy likes me. When i think one does, then find out they don't, i'm crushed. HELP!
- chanel
Friday, Apr 10, 2009 - 12:40:10 AM
Thanks for answering my question, Dawson! It really helped, a lot! Hopefully I'll have the courage to take your advice, when the time is right, and I'll let you know how it goes! Thanks again! Oh, and I love everything you do for people! Keep it up!!
- Rebecca
Thursday, Apr 9, 2009 - 1:52:47 AM
i am starting to fall for my Xboyfriends best friend and my best friends Xboyfriend. he has also been my friend for a long time but neither of us want to hurt anyones feelings so what do we do?
- Kimber
Thursday, Apr 9, 2009 - 12:26:01 AM
I have this one girl at school that I Really like, but I just don't have what it takes to tell her!!! What do I do?
Jacob
P.S. I really think what you are doing for all these kids is really great!! Keep up the good work Dawson you the BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Jacob
Thursday, Apr 9, 2009 - 12:25:28 AM
THANKS A TON!!!!
- Grrr
Wednesday, Apr 8, 2009 - 9:21:35 PM
HEY DAWSON, Okay so i like this one guy (Wes) and i think he likes me back.but i am not sure. i mean my bffls boyfriend (warren) is great great friends with the guy i like. one day at lunch my friends boyfriend goes " he likes you" and then points at me. :-D so i was like really really happy so then warren was texting or he called wes after school. and then wes said no man i hate her she is such a stalker :-(( sad face add at the same time i was talking to warrens step-sister (Chloe) and thats when she told me that wes said hated me and called me a stalker another sad face
:-((
- Hailey
Monday, Apr 6, 2009 - 9:47:46 PM
Great blog Mr.DM. My best friend thats a girl is like a sister to me. We always have a great time when we are around each other & we encourage each other in our gf/bf relationships but, every now & then I wonder what it would be like to date her. So your blog has really helped me on how I should handle this situation. GRACE & PEACE!!!
- Brandon
Monday, Apr 6, 2009 - 6:42:00 PM
Hi Andy and David, Dawson had a blog about that question just a couple weeks ago. You can find that blog here: "Finding Out How She Feels About You" . Also, for a full list of all of the topics that Dawson has blogged, just click the banner at the top left of this page that says: "Back to the BLOG Main Page"
- ~ from the DMLive staff
Monday, Apr 6, 2009 - 6:41:21 PM
How can you tell if a girl you are friends with and reakky know, likes you? You like them,but you don't know if they like you. How can you tell?
- david
Monday, Apr 6, 2009 - 6:13:46 PM
how do i know if my female friend likes me more than a friend?
- andy
Monday, Apr 6, 2009 - 2:14:03 AM
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now. We started as really good friends which is what makes our relationship so great. I think it's important to be close friends with your boyfriend/ girlfriend. Relationships are all about communication and it starts when you are friends and getting to know each other. Before we started dating, we were afraid of messing up our great friendship if he didn't like me or visa-versa. But I would talk to that person about how they feel about your relationship.
- Tori
Monday, Apr 6, 2009 - 2:12:56 AM
I agree with Dawson here, and even though I'm no expert at relationships. ,I think I can say something useful here. If a male friend starts to have romantic feelings toward you its likely that this will make him uncomfortable. He may start to distance himself from you because hes afraid of being rejected and messing up your friendship. You could say I've had some experience there. If the feeling is mutual you need to let him know. If not try to let him down gently.
- Call me Greg
Monday, Apr 6, 2009 - 1:40:41 AM
thanks dowson
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Monday, Apr 6, 2009 - 12:45:44 AM
Hey Dawson,so this is a long story but..me and this guy friend of mine started to become really close friends a few months ago,we would talk on the phone every night for hours at a time and really got to know eachother well. But he had a girlfriend so for a while we never even thought of taking our relationship further.what ended up happening is we both just sort've fell into really liking eachother and eventually we let eachother know this.we still continued to be close friends but our talking would turn to more of us talking about dating and such.a few weeks ago he broke up with his girlfriend and had been planning on dating me.but recently he's been acting more distant and asked me if we could take a few steps back. what does this mean and what should i do?
- Shannon
Monday, Apr 6, 2009 - 12:25:18 AM
Hi i am Chris and i am 18 years old. i just met this girl and i really really like her. The only problem is that she lives 5 hours away, so i hardly get to see her but we talk for hours. i dont know how she feels about me and i dont know how to ask or bring it up. can you please help me?!!
- Chris P.
Sunday, Apr 5, 2009 - 11:09:03 PM
Hey dawson!!! I always listen to your talk show when i have time and your advice are helpful...my guy friend is my coworker and i really like him. I've known him for about 7 months but we don't really talk outside work i mean we chilled couple of times and we went out to eat and he sometimes give me ride from work and when we talk the stuff he would say to me make me wonder if he really likes me. I remember i was in the car with him and one of my girlfriends texted me and he said i better not be texting guys in his car so i wonder if he sees me as his girl in the future. Oh yeah he taught me how to play guitar hero!!! :-)
- Madeline
Sunday, Apr 5, 2009 - 10:45:54 PM
okay im like best friends with one of my ex's soo i think i still like him!! HELP!! so what do i do? how do i know if he likes me back? ahhhhhhh i also like this other guy who is like bffl with me ex so like what do i do if the other guy ask me out the same day my ex because if i know my ex which i do. who do i chose so ahhhhhh!! HELP!!
- Hailey
Sunday, Apr 5, 2009 - 10:12:43 PM
hi i am jake and i am 14 year old guy. i just fallen in love my friend megan and she dont know that i like her.How do i ask her out and tell her that i like her. how do i give her signs that i like her without telling her. i might be asking her out after spring break but i dont know to ask her and tell her that i like her. PLEASE HELP ME !!!!!
- Jake
Saturday, Apr 4, 2009 - 10:54:51 PM
I really like this blog and I have now read it at the perfet time. Me and my best guy friend are deciding wheteher we are ready to take it to the dating relationship. But I dont know if I can handle everything so were still discussing it.
- Kim
Saturday, Apr 4, 2009 - 9:03:39 PM
hey dawson.:) this is a great topic to blog about.
My best friend likes me, and talks about dating, BUT i have a boyfriend already. he won't back off. no matter how much i try to get him too. what do i do? i don't want to lose his friendship but i don't want him to be all over me like he is. i really like the guy i'm with and i don't plan to ever break up with him. please help?
- Shelby
Saturday, Apr 4, 2009 - 7:41:11 PM
I LOVE this blog Dawson it really helps! Thanks! :)
- Lucy
Saturday, Apr 4, 2009 - 4:30:15 PM
Hey Dawson,
one of my guy friends and I were sorta dating but then he decided he just wanted to be friends, so I agreed to just being friends cause that's what he wanted. Well then he didnt talk to me for like a week and now he hardly ever talks to me. I don't know what to think of it. We were happy when were sorta dating, but now it's really confusing.
- Tracy
Friday, Apr 3, 2009 - 5:59:20 PM
Hey dawson, a couple of months ago i was dating one of my bestt freinds and like i kina
REAAAALLLY liked him alot, like u have no idea but maybe you do, but anyways we broke up and things just go really bad between us. but things are still okay like my neice is dying bc she was in a car accident w. my sister yesterday afternoon and shes hurt really bad and idk watt ill do if she passes. and he was the first one i talked to about it. but :( and i feel like hes the only one i can really talk to. u kno? like hes still my best freind but i just hate being around him and his new GF...... GURRRR!!!00
- tye
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