Why Do People Play Mind Games?
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Other guys don’t even know they are playing games because they are so unaware of their own needs, much less yours. | Thanks to you, I’m writing a series of blogs based on questions you have about the opposite sex. Your questions are awesome and tell me a lot about the confusion and frustration you experience in relationships. My goal for these blogs is to help you deal with the confusion and frustration and offer you answers that work.
QUESTION #23) Dawn asked: “Why do guys bother with the mind games? You know, when they say one thing and mean another just to get what they want?”
DAWSON: Sad to say, some guys use mind games to selfishly manipulate women into getting what they want to meet their own unmet needs. This may include:
- sex
- always having a girl by his side
- having a girl adore him
- having a girl to control
- having a girl to heal his deepest hurts
- having a girl to show off to others
- having a girl to listen to him
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You don’t need to waste time with mind players. Who needs the drama? | Not all these needs are wrong, or unhealthy. It is the way he goes about getting those needs met that can be selfish and hurtful. Some guys play with your mind as a game in an attempt to find out how you feel about him. Other guys don’t even know they are playing games because they are so unaware of their own needs, much less yours. So what should you do?
It’s very important for the person who’s playing mind games with you to know that you know the game is being played. You may want to confront him directly, and ask him what exactly his motives are in your relationship. This will do one of two things: it will either challenge him to stop the games with you and move on to someone else, or he’ll quit not only messing with your head, but also with your heart. You don’t need to waste time with mind players. Who needs the drama? Not you!
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Perhaps you could spend some time talking about what you think your dating relationship should look like, just so you can both be on the same page. | Perhaps he is unaware of his manipulative and game-playing ways. Someone once said, “A liar will first lie to himself before lying to others.” Your willingness to lovingly, but firmly, confront him on what he has clearly doing may help him to stop a game he may not even know he’s playing. But just remember this: don’t simply listen to what a guy says, watch what he does. That will tell you more about his motives than anything. I want very much for you to have a really great loving relationship, but I sure don’t want you hurt by a game player. You can do much better than him.
QUESTION #24) Mike asked: “Me and my best friend have tried dating twice, and both times have ended tragically because it gets too awkward. I don't know what I am doing wrong or what I can do to try to get this to last.”
DAWSON: This is a great question, because as you know, I always encourage people to build strong friendships before starting to date. Mike says, yes, I did that, and we tried to move on, but it didn’t work. I’m sorry to hear it got awkward, but that’s not too uncommon. She may simply be a really great friend. What a wonderful gift! By “awkward” I’m assuming you mean that you started getting serious about the relationship and all the fun and life seemed to get sucked out of it. I’m not to going to try and convince you to keep trying to date this girl, even though it’s awkward. But if you both really want to try to make this relationship work, perhaps you could spend some time talking about what you think your dating relationship should look like, just so you can both be on the same page.
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Enjoy the time you spend together, and don’t worry about what the relationship is supposed to look like. | Most importantly, make sure you keep the fun elements of what has made your friendship so great. Don’t let things get all serious. Enjoy the time you spend together, and don’t worry about what the relationship is supposed to look like. Just be patient as you let the relationship develop naturally while you spend time alone, and together with other people. Great friendships will find a way through the awkward moments to a better relationship than you had before. It’s all about communication.
I still would like to hear from you. What question about the opposite sex would you like to get answered? Let me know down below and I’ll do my best to answer them. Thank you!
Thursday, Apr 16, 2009 - 10:04:23 PM
I have a response to Andrew's situation on the home page. I think that if going pro is something he dreams about, then go for it. But, if going pro is only a dream for his dad, then don't go pro. If you love the game keep playing, maybe just not professionally.
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Thursday, Apr 16, 2009 - 10:03:57 PM
Dawson, i think my best guy friend(who i like) likes me and possably another girl and that bothers me(even though i cant date). How can i stop feeling so jealous?!
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Thursday, Apr 16, 2009 - 1:22:25 PM
Having a guy as a best friend is hard. My best friend is a guy, and I do what I can to show him how much he means to me, but he just ignores it. I feel like he doesn't appreciate me. How can I let him know all of this and that I expect more from him without being annoying?
- Emily
Thursday, Apr 16, 2009 - 8:47:11 AM
My last relationship was wrong from the beginning. I 'thought' i loved him (convinced my self to believe the lie that i liked him in a romantic way). He went off to a therapy place for a year and a half. i just dont think i want to see him again cuz he hurt me emotionally and he took things away that i'll never b able to give to my future husband. i now have the memories bombarding me constantly and i can't get over it. do u have any advice?
- Michaela
Wednesday, Apr 15, 2009 - 7:57:21 PM
Hey Dawson, so there is this guy that i dated and well we got along for about the first two weeks, and then he invited be to go to Texas with him for a couple weeks while he was working down there, and the first week was great then it just seemed we were picking at eachother and he ended hating me basically, i did everything he wanted but still it didnt seem like enough, so we broke up, and now he is telling me he still loves me and wants to marry me, but i just dont know!?? HELP!?
- Ashley
Wednesday, Apr 15, 2009 - 5:28:29 PM
Due to abuse from a previous relationship, I have a very difficult time trusting people, particularly men. My best friend understands the resons behind my lack of trust, but I have become aware that he is still hurt by it. What can I do to make myself more trusting of him so that we can take our relationship to a deeper level?
- Jennifer
Wednesday, Apr 15, 2009 - 12:59:20 PM
Jake, it's simple. Be yourself, be honest, and DON NOT BE A SEX PIG
- charlie
Monday, Apr 13, 2009 - 10:45:27 PM
Hey Dawson, I was just wondering what most girls are looking for in a guy? And what happens when you start a relationship with a women and then break up and never really talk as much as you did before? Then what?
- Jake
Monday, Apr 13, 2009 - 6:48:05 PM
I think I play mind games with every one. Its weird, I realy can't explane it. I just do and say strange things to make people act the way I want them to act.
I don't try to play, its just I can't get out of the game.
HELP ME!!!
- Sothh
Monday, Apr 13, 2009 - 1:47:24 AM
i recently was involved in an online relationship with a man who played the head games. he would pop up into my life, say all the right things to get back into my life, try to manipulate me, would set up dates and then either the day of or the day before the date, would cause an argument so the date would be cancelled... I have called him on the manipulating parts several times. he just laughs and changes the subject. He went so far as to tell me that he was in love with me, and then vanished for 5 days.. i was frantic!! i called hospitals and everything looking for him the first couple days. after realizing he wasnt in a hospital, but had just quit talking to me, i was furious. we didnt talk again for almost a month. he was very distant until i told him i had found a decent man to date, then he was all hot for me again. i knew it was just more BS. then i happened to read his myspace profile and found out hed been on several dates with this old hag. lol. i told him very firmly to never contact me again. i blocked him on everything, including my phone. he is not what i want.. i dont want a man who feels he has to lie and manipulate to get what he wants.. im a more than willing to please my man.. manipulation is not necessary. LOL.. anyways. hes an ass who ive banished from my life for the last time. he was an emotional drain. exhausted me dealing with him. since i cut ties im feeling back to myself, and am allowing things to happen with my new fella that i wouldnt have if i was still allowing the scumbag to twist my noggin!.
- Jody
Sunday, Apr 12, 2009 - 11:20:49 PM
personally i believe guys play mind games to make there insecure feelings damper away. it feeds on there ego. i was with someone for a whole year who played mind games it was not "fun" and it took me a year to realize this so i suggest if he acts obessive or trys to control you there are the signs from my experience. so this what i think
- jamie
Sunday, Apr 12, 2009 - 10:32:56 PM
Is the saying true "once a player always a player"? I'm currently dating someone who was once called a "player". How can you tell if your boyfriend is playing you?
- Kelsea
Sunday, Apr 12, 2009 - 9:37:19 PM
I like my best guy friend and I think he also likes me, but he may also like this other girl. I kinda want him to know how I feel, but if he does like this other girl I don't want to get in the way. I really care about him, but I also want him to be happy even if he likes the other girl over me. What shoud I do?
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Sunday, Apr 12, 2009 - 8:56:02 PM
i love you sundays is my favorite night because i get to listen to you happy easter thankx
- hannah
Sunday, Apr 12, 2009 - 8:41:55 PM
hey, my stepdad has cancer and it is really bad. we have been in a love hate relationship since i can remember. i feel like i hate him ore than love him. i dont know if he will live longer than the doctors say(6 months to a year)or shorter. i feel guilty for not loving him and i feel some pitty for him. i need help withthis issue. i dont know what to do. HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! SARA
- sara
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