Why Do Girls Dress So Provocatively?

All women like to feel beautiful and be told they are seen as being beautiful.

In these blogs we are on a journey. We’re on a journey to find out all we can about the opposite sex, and in the process, learn what it means to relate to each other in a healthy way. I hope my answers will help you get through your life with more love and confidence. If you’re able to grasp some of these concepts, and incorporate them into your life, you are going to be richer in wisdom and understanding than many people twice your age, I promise. Here are this week’s questions:

QUESTION #27) Michael asked: “Why do girls dress so provocatively one minute, then complain that guys are superficial the next?”

Women love to be appreciated, but they don’t want to be disrespected.

DAWSON: This is a difficult question with many sides to it. One part of the answer is that it makes most girls feel confident if she receives attention for the way she dresses. She’s dressing up to get attention, and to be noticed. She’s even dressing to impress other girls, maybe even more than guys. But for many young teenage girls it’s even more important to fit in. Many young women feel it is social suicide to try to stick out in the crowd—to do something or wear something no one else is wearing. So if all the girls are dressing like Abercrombie & Fitch, you better do it as well, they think. Sometimes, for example A&F, is more provocative than she feels comfortable wearing, but due to peer pressure, she will wear it anyway. (Sad, isn’t it?)

Another part of the answer is that most women have come to realize that showing some of the more sexy parts of their body (tight jeans, cleavage, short dresses, etc.) will definitely get the attention of a lot of guys. Some girls don’t even realize how sexual they are dressing—they are just wearing what they think looks good. But since guys are sexually driven by what they see, it becomes easy for them to objectify women based on how they are dressed. All women like to feel beautiful and be told they are seen as being beautiful.

Just remember ladies, you get what you advertise for. If you are only advertising your body, guys will come after your body. If you advertise who you are on the inside, with such traits as kindness, gentleness, sensitivity, great personality, etc., they will be drawn to you for that.

Unfortunately, guys like to talk to other guys about their sexual conquests.

Guys, it is important to realize most women want to be loved and respected for who they are on the inside. It’s just the lies of the culture and confusion about how best to attract men has bewildered many women. As a guy, when you compliment a girl you have an opportunity to tell her she’s beautiful, without expectations on what her response should be, or you could just stare at her with lust, thinking sexual thoughts about her. Women love to be appreciated, but they don’t want to be disrespected. That’s a fine line for a guy to walk. But I believe it’s possible for mature guys to walk that line.

QUESTION #28) Tiana asked: “Why do (most) guys feel the need to have to brag about the girl they are with, and their sexual relationship with her, etc.?”

DAWSON: Unfortunately, guys like to talk to other guys about their sexual conquests. It all comes out of a deep insecurity and a desire to impress other guys. It’s a competition thing. If one guy has more “success” with women than the other guys, his ranking in the group appears to go higher. That is why there is not only bragging, but exaggerating, and even downright lies about their experiences with women. (This only shows a guy’s immaturity and lack of respect for the opposite sex.) These guys are working hard to develop a reputation as a macho guy.

Women respect a man more who can keep silent about what happens in private.

This is certainly not done to impress other women, as they are usually completely turned off by the idea of a guy talking about what a guy and another girl did the night before. Women respect a man more who can keep silent about what happens in private. Real manliness is when a guy fights to protect a women’s reputation and feelings. Little boys like to exaggerate. Real men who are confident and secure don’t have to brag to feel good about themselves.

Thanks for continuing to send me your questions in the comments section below. You are a great help to me when you tell me what you’ve always wondered about the opposite sex. Some of you will find that I’ve already answered your very question in a previous blog. So don’t forget to check those out, and then let me know what questions you have that I haven’t yet answered.

Friday, May 1, 2009 - 1:55:38 PM
I have this friend who "thinks" he's possessed by a demon, but when another of my friends talked to him about it, I found out that he was play-acting to get attention and comfort. Why can't boys ever just say what they really feel? Why do they have to act so macho all the time?
- Kayla

Thursday, Apr 30, 2009 - 11:40:50 PM
Hey dawson I was dating this guy that was so sweet to me and everything then his mom kicked him out so he had to go live with his dad in Neosho, and he broke up with me because he said he couldnt handle long distance relationships so i told him i understood and everything but when we went back to school the next day he was there but he was driving down from Neosho and at first he was cool with talkin with me but the next day came and i got to school and him and this other girl were "talking" to this other girl and we had only been broken up for 2 days but this girl kept giving me really dirty looks and any time i was my now exboyfriend she would always be handz with him and it really got to me and i had lunch with that other girls brother that day and he called me easy and said the only rason my exboyfriend was with me is cuz i putout and everything and it really ticked me off and then forth block came and i had class with that other girl and she kept braging that her and my exboyfriend were talking and she kept giving me dirty look and i just snapped and i ended up getting kicked out of school for 5 days and i got suspended for the track team and i couldnt believe i did it but i just snapped and i couldnt take it any more and now that girl and him still kinda talking but it dont bother me for some reason but he keeps throwing it in my face. But what really confuses me is what im about to ask u for help with is. This guy that i fought for told me that he still wants to be with me and misses me but keeps hangingout with this other girl and it just feels like he is playing head games with me... but this Tuesday i txt him and told how i did at our home meet and he txt me and was like dont talk to me and it was on the same day that he told me that he still likes me and everything i just dont know what to do anymore it seems like i always go for guys that end up hurting me some how and i dont know how to stay away from those types of guys so DAWSON PLEASE HELP ME...
- Kassidey

Thursday, Apr 30, 2009 - 10:17:15 PM
What's the best way to get over losing your best friend?
- Emily

Thursday, Apr 30, 2009 - 6:38:07 PM
why dont guys look on the inside of a girl first before the outside? i am one of those girls that are really nice and positive and dress not like a hooker but with dignity, and no guys wanna go out with me... i love what you are telling us, it has helped me in so many ways, Thanx ~*~ Tiffany~*~
- Tiffany

Thursday, Apr 30, 2009 - 6:37:52 PM
This so so true. I am a girl, and I don't dress provocatively, but it really bothers me when I see others dress that way. But I also understand why they do that, which is to get attention from guys, or to be accepted by their friends. Of course, if they are true friends, they will love you no matter what you are wearing. And no guy can truly love you if he only loves you for your body.
- Ryan

Thursday, Apr 30, 2009 - 3:41:58 PM
what if you like a girl but dont know if they like you back what do you do
- jim

Thursday, Apr 30, 2009 - 2:24:03 AM
I just want to say thank you. Thanks to you and all of the people on the Hope Line.. Thanks, Kelly!
- Are (Alex)

Thursday, Apr 30, 2009 - 2:23:45 AM
What if a guy you meet at first tells a little lie, but then later in the friendship, he comes out and tells the truth on his own free will? Is that a bad sign or is it just being cautious until he felt secure telling the person about it?
- Shorty

Wednesday, Apr 29, 2009 - 3:37:54 PM
going deeper into the dressing provocotively, i think it has a lot to do with self-esteem. the world's view of beauty today is so distorted, but girls are blind to it. they see the way models and celebrities look and try to copy it. they may not feel confident in themselves, so they dress in a way that they think will get them attention. when they see that this does get them attention, they continue to dress that way. the girls who dress provocatively are not confident in themselves and feel the need to fill a hole and hide the way they feel about themselves. another underlying factor of that might be a troubled home life. i may be wrong, but it seems that girls whose fathers are either absent, abusive, neglecting, or something else along those lines, are more likely to look for attention and love in all the wrong places. thats just some thoughts i had on it developed from observations and experiences. not mine personally, but some people close to me.
- Rebecca

Wednesday, Apr 29, 2009 - 9:58:54 AM
until i was in 11th grade, my mom's ex husband (then, still husband) would buy my clothes for me - two sizes too big. when he was finally gone i started wearing clothes that fit. i do my best not to show anything i wouldn't let little kids see, you know? i like wearing big hoodies, too. well, my point is, i never got any attention. never got asked out, no physical attention or anything else of that sort from guys. not so much as a second glance. well, i've been dating my boyfriend for 13 months. he is the most amazing guy ever. he thinks i'm beautiful when my hair is a mess and i'm wearing a baggy sweat shirt that makes me look like a marshmallow. i'm not sure what caused it, but lately i have been getting attention from other guys. i realize it was a blessing when i wasn't getting attention. now it annoys me. they are all obnoxious and immature guys. one went so far the other day as to completely wrap his arms around me and start tickling me. i was completely shocked. but, my point is, if you want a guy who likes you (or loves you) for who you are, you shouldn't try to show off what only your husband should see. because if thats what you show off, thats all they will see. if you show off your personality, thats what they'll fall in love with. :)
- Becca

Wednesday, Apr 29, 2009 - 12:44:38 AM
what if a guy is ashamed to make a relationship public? what am i supposed to do about that?
- Ruchi

Tuesday, Apr 28, 2009 - 7:40:56 PM
dawson i love reading your blogs every week. im having a problem of my own right now. Recently i took interest in this guy and at first it seem he did too. I told him that i had a crush on him. He told me he just got out of a 2 year relantionship, but he said he still likes me. I totally understand that, but sometimes i feel that he is putting a wall between us and we dont move anywhere. Should i continue to talk to him or just move on and for the moment just be his friend?
- Denisse

Monday, Apr 27, 2009 - 11:49:50 PM
I just wanted to say to girls that yes what Dawson says is so true. You want to find a guy who will ask you out no matter what you look like, who likes you for you. So dress however is modest because dressing slutty will only attract the wrong type of guys.
- Jake S.

Monday, Apr 27, 2009 - 3:32:09 PM
Dawson, i have a question for you. What is the Dating Game? -jojo-
- Jo jo bo bo Song

Monday, Apr 27, 2009 - 12:57:23 AM
thats so true
- diamond

Monday, Apr 27, 2009 - 12:06:09 AM
Guys are like that at my school to and I think it is dumb
- Lucas

Sunday, Apr 26, 2009 - 11:57:55 PM
Guys can say everything they want about loving a girl for her personality, intelligence, etc...but it's the girl who's dressing "sexy" that they notice and go after. The girls still want to be noticed, but it is truly shallow. I used to just wear jeans and a hoodie, but I was never asked out by guys. I started wearing miniskirts, short dresses, low cut shirts, and super high heels...pretty much everywhere-school, work, the mall, etc. Immediately, I was getting phone numbers daily, and I was asked to be a guy's "baby-mama"...as slutty as I felt, I was getting noticed-finally. It's life. I feel pretty now, because I'm being noticed.
- Christie

Sunday, Apr 26, 2009 - 11:41:09 PM
Why do guys judge by looks all the time when they dont even know the girls personality?
- Angelique

Sunday, Apr 26, 2009 - 10:51:03 PM
ok, so my childhood guy friend has a girlfriend but still likes to flirt with me, (as far as i know, i don't know who else he flirts with) but he then makes it a point to try to hook me up or convince me to date but then makes a comment about flirting with one of my gal friends. I'm at a loss. I am aware that he's a big time player but i really want to trust him bacuse of our past. Im afraid to ask but is he pulling my stings again or what?
- Ashley

Sunday, Apr 26, 2009 - 10:33:23 PM
as a girl, i know that females talk about their sexual times and i dont think guys should be looked down on for doing it. they just need to not brag and take things out of context. some girls dress sexually to be noticed by girls but most do it because of the competition. guys dont see you for a great mind, the first thing they notice is a good body and looks. id like to point out that girls are just as shallow as boys in that matter. its a longstanding battle that no one can change.
- Samantha

Sunday, Apr 26, 2009 - 10:00:44 PM
This is an easy one. I have nothing against girls but I believe that they dress provocatively for 2 reasons. They want the attention but at the same time they are trying to test a guy to see where he'll look when they talk to her. They want to show their stuff as it were, but at the same time, "this is my body, hands off"
- charlie

Sunday, Apr 26, 2009 - 8:50:13 PM
Why do girls dress sexually pretty and get mad at guys for looking at them?
- david

Sunday, Apr 26, 2009 - 8:23:21 PM
Why do guys make fun of other guys who have girlfriends that seem ugly to them,but not to the other person?
- david

Saturday, Apr 25, 2009 - 1:51:37 PM
the reason we dress like that is so we make guys late to wherever there going because its funny and we do it just because we can and they get mad because there jealous of how beautiful we are.
- kaitlyn

Saturday, Apr 25, 2009 - 1:55:36 AM
I am about to finish my freshman year in college and I just got out of a 2 year long relationship within the last month. I have recently taken interest in a girl who goes to school with me, and we just seem to click. The problem is I am moving 4 hours away in two weeks for the summer for my job, and she is moving 6 hrs away next semester for school. Is there any point in pursuing a relationship at this point?
- Josh

Saturday, Apr 25, 2009 - 1:10:27 AM
my sister and i have been close but she has been losing my trust and i dont believe what she sais she has been up to. we have found out she has been doing marijuana and i feel like i have lost her completely. i dont know how i can gain her trust back. i have tried talking to her but when i do she buisies her self with other things and ignors me. what do i do? please help as much as possible!
- sara

Saturday, Apr 25, 2009 - 12:53:43 AM
Hey dawson. I've been dating this guy for about 5 months now. Were pretty close. Well over the 5 months that we've dated I've noticed him with lots of other girls (hugging them and flirting with them) I was just wondering if he was a player or a cheater. Thanks.
- Erin