Moving Beyond Just Friends

But don’t fall into the trap that thinks being physical with each other needs to be the next step.

We have reached what I thought wasn’t possible. This is the 100th entry of my blog, and for that I’m grateful. I’m also thankful for the amazing responses on how these blogs have been affecting you. This week, I am continuing to answer the questions you have about the opposite sex. I’m tackling a couple of questions pertaining to the topic of dating people who are already your friends. If you’ve read any of my other blogs, you know by now I’m a big fan of dating relationships developing out of really great friendships.

QUESTION #35) Joshua asked: “I really like this girl and she really likes me. We keep telling each other we love one another and we would like to go out but we don't want to mess up our friendship if anything goes wrong in the relationship. What should I do?”

Experience all the good things already present in the relationship—don’t worry about trying to stir up more feelings.

DAWSON: You are in a really great place with your friend. Most people should be so fortunate. But it sounds like you’re wondering what might be next for your relationship, or what it might look like to take things to the next level. The first thing you should do is have a talk with her about what it would mean for you to start “dating” each other. Does that mean you’re going to start spending more time together? Committing to being exclusive with each other? You both might have entirely different ideas about what a dating relationship would look like. By “exclusive dating” you are telling each other—“I’m yours.” But don’t fall into the trap that thinks being physical with each other needs to be the next step. Almost all heavily sexual dating relationships self-destruct.

Don’t forget to keep having fun. Sometimes when you start “dating” the relationship can feel heavy and serious—all the more reason to remind yourself of how much you enjoy just being with each other. And most importantly, keep communicating with each other. Make a pact with each other that if at any time one of you feels uncomfortable, you will talk about it, and make adjustments to fix what is causing the discomfort. Take your time with all this, and experience all the good things already present in the relationship—don’t worry about trying to stir up more feelings by calling it a “dating” relationship. Be happy with the great thing the two of you already have.

QUESTION #36) Ginger asked: “Whenever I find a guy I'm interested in I start talking to him in a friendship kind of way, but that's all it turns into, friendship. Any advice?”

Sometimes a girl can put so much energy into trying to show a guy how much she likes him that she appears to not have much of a life outside of her desire to be in a relationship.

DAWSON: Sounds like you’re great at making friends with people of the opposite sex. This is a fantastic gift many people don’t develop. Having a great friend is priceless. But you’re probably wondering how to turn a good friend into a boyfriend. The reality is that not everyone you’re attracted to as a friend is going to be attracted to you. You can’t control who is attracted to you, but you can control how attractive you are.

Guys are attracted to a girl who takes care of herself, someone who is confident, yet still takes time to show she respects and encourages him. Most guys like a girl who works to make herself more beautiful—both inside and out.

Live life to the fullest. This will make you even more attractive.

Sometimes a girl can put so much energy into trying to show a guy how much she likes him that she appears to not have much of a life outside of her desire to be in a relationship. This is definitely a turn-off to both sexes. Guys like girls with a bit of mystery about them. They like a challenge. Guys usually don’t want the girl that everyone can have—so don’t trap your friend into making him want to have a dating relationship with you.

Keep paying attention to the people around you. But more importantly, live life to the fullest. This will make you even more attractive.

Thanks for continuing to send in your questions. We still have time for a few more questions before we wrap up the 50 questions you have about the opposite sex blogs. Guys – I’d love to hear from more of you! Send me the questions you’ve always had about the opposite sex, and I’ll do my best to answer them.

Thursday, Jun 4, 2009 - 11:47:12 PM
i need some help really bad, so i have a friends and shes a girl and about 1 month ago, she said she liked me but i didnt believe her and now, i really really like her and i want to ask her out but i dont know if she still likes me or not so i dont know what to do.
- cody

Thursday, Jun 4, 2009 - 10:06:15 PM
well its more of a question. How does one get out of the friend zone? this girl i have known for 19 years sees me like a brother. im not related to her at all. just old family friends. um what can i do with out jeopardizing the friendship? Ryan
- ryan l.

Thursday, Jun 4, 2009 - 8:55:00 PM
hey dawson thanks 4 the helpful information
- brittaney w.

Thursday, Jun 4, 2009 - 1:31:50 AM
There is a girl that I have known and been friends with for about 11 years. Her and my sister are best friends and our families are pretty close. I have recently started thinking that I would like to ask her out. I don't know what I should do. We are going to the same college this fall and I really want to talk to her about it, but I am afraid that if I do a lot of bad things will happen if she says no. I have already made one mistake similar to that this year and I don't want to make another one. What should I do?
- Anonymous

Thursday, Jun 4, 2009 - 12:35:15 AM
i'm starting to like my best friend who is a guy. everyone already thinks we're dating but if we ever did everyone would flip. he's the best friend i've ever had and we talk all the time to make sure we don't like each other. we'll say stuff along the lines of you don't like me right? i don't like you. i've felt that way until recently. he's a totally awesome guy! and i want him to like me but he already told me how he would act if he liked me and he's not acting that way. i'm not changing how i act and i don't think it is even possible to ruin the friendship but i don't know how to tell him that i would like to at least give a real relationship a try. please help me dawson!!
- britt

Wednesday, Jun 3, 2009 - 9:35:43 PM
Hey my problem is me and this girl are friends. Like i know she used to really like me and i didnt like her. Now after i got to know her better i like her but i dont know if she still likes me. Like sometimes i'll walk her home but then others she will just ignore me. What should i do about her?
- Colt

Wednesday, Jun 3, 2009 - 8:02:55 PM
hey Dawson I have some problems dealing with women in general. There has been times when I would talk to a girl and we would start to develop a friendship. Then, out of nowhere, she would stop talking to me. This has happened a couple of times and I was wondering Why? My goal is to date a good friend of the opposite sex but it’s turning out to be harder than I thought.
- Dan

Wednesday, Jun 3, 2009 - 11:33:35 AM
Dawson, is it possible to fall in love with your best guy friend when you are only 16?
- Leigh

Wednesday, Jun 3, 2009 - 1:19:41 AM
I need some help. I have a boyfriend that I've been dating for awhile; and ever since I've been with him, my lifestyle has changed drastically for the better. He's a good influence on me, I guess. But lately I've been having a lot of urges to start drinking, cutting and doing drugs again. My OCD has gotten really bad and I've been losing quite a bit of weight due to stress and anxiety. I don't know why I'm starting to fall apart all of a sudden, and I don't know what to do about it. My bf knows that something is going on, but I'm unsure as to how much I should tell him, if anything. He is the first guy I've ever let into my life in such an intimate way and I'm afraid that if I tell him what's happening, he'll realize that I'm not who he thought I was at all and that he doesn't love the person I really am. On the other hand, maybe that's not who I really am - only who I used to be. And if I tell him, maybe he can stop me from becoming that person again. I don't know. I guess what I want to know is how do you decide what secrets you should share with the love of your life, and which ones you should take with you to your grave? And either way, how can you keep them from destroying the only relationship that gives you relief from them?
- Anonymous

Tuesday, Jun 2, 2009 - 11:59:49 PM
hi, i wanted to ask for your advice!!! I am a 32yr old single mom, I have a great job with a clinic and a part time job in collections, i have a nice home with nice furnishings for my daughter and i, i have had a friend that i met through a ex boy friend, and we have always had a thing for one another, and now that we have gotten closer and spent lots of time together, he had twisted off and gone his way, he comes around when he wants and i ask if there is someone else on his part and he denies it, but then again we spend time together and he tells me all kinds of things of how were meant for one another but then again he goes home and i dont hear from him for a week or so, so basically i have met someone else, and i really like this person but he tends to be on the same page as the first man, he calls when he wants and comes around when he wants!!! i can seem to find a decent man, but i dont want the games and they are older than me!!!! what advice would you give? I am tired of being alone, and i am ready to make a life with someone special!!!!
- kris

Tuesday, Jun 2, 2009 - 11:29:21 PM
Hi Dawson! um, i have a bit of a problem that i thought you might be able to help me with. You see, i have to have a serious crush on this one, really nice, super funny boy. I get to see him all the time, due mainly the fact that we both participate in Band. However, he is in Drumline, and is ALWAYS surrounded by his "macho" friends. we talk alot online, over myspace and such, but for some reason, talking in person is easier said than done. Im really outgoing, but when it comes to this, i have found out that i do, indeed have a shy streak. How can i get him alone to talk to him face to face? and how do i do it without freezing up in shyness?
- Jasmine

Tuesday, Jun 2, 2009 - 11:18:58 PM
Hey Dawson I have known my best friend for 3 or 4 years now. At first we liked each other but every time we think we want to start a dating relationship either he gets a girlfriend or i get a boyfriend. That has went on for about a 2 months now. Now i am in a relationship with this amazing boy who would give me the world, but i know that now i am in love with my best friend. Help!
- Layci

Tuesday, Jun 2, 2009 - 2:28:23 AM
hey dawson, i need some help, my gf says she loves me but then the guy she liked last year just broke up with his gf and now is hitting on her, she made out with him and she said she was sorry but im confused on what i should i do. i know she still has feelings for him . PLEASE HELP ME!!! thank you i love you ppl! lol
- Luke

Tuesday, Jun 2, 2009 - 1:14:48 AM
what do you do when you can see a potentially good relationship with more than one girl, each for different reasons that make the pros and cons of each one match up and seem equal
- john

Tuesday, Jun 2, 2009 - 12:58:27 AM
Hey dawson I'm having a really hard time right now because my boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago and the week after he broke up with me, he started going out with all these other girls. I findnoit he was In a player game and I was really mad. We were going out for almost 3 months and he said he loved me and everything. Now whenever I see him it's really hard not to go up and spit in his face. I still really like him though and can't get over him. What to I do??
- Cate

Monday, Jun 1, 2009 - 11:49:53 PM
I really, really like this girl. We have told each other we love each other. The problem is she is afraid of getting hurt because of the fact that other guys have hurt her previously. I have told her that I'm not like those other guys. We would do anything for each other. What do I do?
- Reginald P.

Monday, Jun 1, 2009 - 12:15:21 AM
Hey Dawson I have a problem approaching women i tend to go blank and have nothing to say. I always feel like i would be turned down everytime and i have a fear of rejection so i wanted to know how to get over this.
- Sean

Monday, Jun 1, 2009 - 12:08:13 AM
Hey Dawson, me and this girl like eachother a lot. We always text eachother almost everyday. I would love to go out with her but there is one slight problem, she tells me "I don't want a relationship in the summer" because she wants to spend time with her other guy friends. What do I do? I really love her.
- Jake

Sunday, May 31, 2009 - 11:47:39 PM
you are really cool and thank you so much for every thing you do
- chad e.

Sunday, May 31, 2009 - 11:15:12 PM
I like this guy and he told me he liked me and i want to be with him so muh but im afaird i might want that only becaus ei just got heart broke twice by a best friend and boyfrind what should i do?
- Paige

Sunday, May 31, 2009 - 11:03:36 PM
Can you please help me Mr.Dawson Sir see i am a sureno & i like this guy but he`s a latin king {{its like romieo & julet}}We like each other alot but his family wont let us go out & my family wont ether {{family=Gang}} but we really like each other & if we get caught together one of us will get hurt like if my family catches me he gets hurl if his catches us i get hurt but i got jumped out a few weeks ago but they still keep it up & he`s fixin to do the same but they will kill one of us well what i wanna know is if this is all worth it or not?? p.s.we`ve know each other for 9 years im 51 & he`s 18
- Sierra

Sunday, May 31, 2009 - 10:37:32 PM
I have known this guy for about a year. We have been great friends, we've dated, but when we broke up, we didn't talk. And we just started talking again and now it's back to just friends, but I want more than that again. What should I do?
- Ann

Sunday, May 31, 2009 - 9:48:27 PM
Hey Dawson, Just wondering what I should do. I'm really great friends with this girl, and we both want to date so terribly badly. However, with no reason we don't. She lives in Alabama, I live in South Dakota. What should we do?
- Alec

Sunday, May 31, 2009 - 1:31:31 AM
Hey Dawson i was wondering if you could try to help me with a friend. She Constantly goes to Raves i think she's a addicted to Drugs, She's smokes alot of weed, Marijuana and has been doing acid and Ecstasy. And she Drink. And she's 17 i know it's still not right for anyone to do drugs, but i don't know how to tell her or to get her to quit without huting her. I really care for her i've know her since she was two.
- Chris

Sunday, May 31, 2009 - 12:11:10 AM
mr.dm great blog but what should i do if my friend of the opposite sex is a different COLOR. she is an awesome young lady, but shes white and i'm black and we been friends for 3 years. we will be Seniors next shcool year. so Mr.DM whats my next moove. PS can i get a brief response please
- Brandon aka Mr.ESPN

Saturday, May 30, 2009 - 2:32:20 PM
I have been friends with this girl for two years and we get along great and we know each other very well. I don't know if we should go out or not. What should I do?
- david