How To Handle Mixed Signals

As we cruise through the 50 questions you have about the opposite sex, a major theme has emerged - It seems like everyone would love to be able to read the mind of the person they are interested in dating. Unfortunately, this isn’t possible. Besides, it would probably freak us out anyway! But what is possible, is to learn how to communicate more clearly and honestly what you are feeling. Only through time, difficulties and open and meaningful conversation can you begin to understand what your dating partner is really like. This big challenge is what both of this week’s questions are about.

You need to avoid flirt addicts at all costs.

QUESTION #47) Shelly asked: “My friend keeps saying things about how he likes me so much, and then next day, he acts like he doesn’t even see me.” And Bret asked: “There’s a girl I like who flirts with me sometimes and at other times she walks right past me.”

DAWSON: It sounds like you’re both dealing with emotional mixed signals, which quickly leads to confusion. Some people send mixed signals because they like to, and they’re good at it. For them, it is a power and ego trip. They’ll play the game with just about anybody because they’re hooked on the game. You need to avoid flirt addicts at all costs. Because in the end, you will get an emotional pie in the face. Let’s face it, you have enough drama in your life without asking for more.

That being said, many relationships are destroyed simply by a lack of clear communication. Without it, you can imagine all kinds of crazy things are going on in your friend’s head, when in fact, he or she may simply be thinking about some problem they are facing. When people are hurting, it’s easy for them to become preoccupied and walk right by the people who can help them the most.

The only way you can truly clear up the confusion is to talk about it.

Be careful to not read too much into the “signals” you pick up from guys or girls. Girls, you might be thinking a particular guy really likes you, when in fact, he’s just being friendly. Same with guys—just because she smiles at you doesn’t mean she wants to go out with you.

Guys, you need to be careful of sending the wrong signals to girls. When you touch or flirt with a girl she’s going to assume you’re interested in her. Be respectful of her, and yourself, by not sending these mixed signals. Remember, anyone can flirt. Ladies, you might be tempted to think you can’t be nice to another guy without worrying about how he’s going to interpret your kindness. Be yourself, but be careful about being overly sexy or a tease.

If you are getting one signal one day from a person you’re trying to date, and then the next day it’s another signal, you might not be on the same page about what kind of relationship you have, meaning that it’s probably time to have a talk and get to the bottom of it, or move on. In the end, the only way you can truly clear up the confusion is to talk about it. I would go to the person who is sending you mixed signals and face to face try to clear up the confusion. You might not like what you hear, but at least you won’t be in the dark with crazy imaginations.

The only way you can truly clear up the confusion is to talk about it.

QUESTION #48) Stephen asked: “What are some things I can do to show my girlfriend that I really love her. She says things like, ‘Sometimes I wonder if you really love me or not.’ And I do!”

DAWSON: If you really care about the person you are dating, it’s important for them to know how you feel. It’s sometimes easy to assume the person you love knows how you feel. Most guys don’t understand the power of words and the needs of some women for more assurance. In your mind, you told her you loved her three months ago—so she certainly remembers that, right? Ladies, most guys don’t get it when it comes to verbal and emotional assurances. So don’t overreact. Most men learn this over a long period of time. Guys, there are many things you can do and say to her show her that she’s very important to you. Trust me, she will love your efforts. Here are just a few simple ideas to communicate your affection for her.

1- Spend time with her.
2- Take an interest in the details of her life.
3- Smile, make eye contact.
4- Truly listen to her.
5- Buy her gifts from time to time – it doesn’t matter the size or price, it truly is the thought the counts.
6- Invite her to be a part of events with your other friends and family.
7- Surprise her with a special date night.
8- Help her with some of the everyday chores she faces (wash her car, etc.).
9- Be more open about how you feel – she wants to know what’s going on in your head and heart.

There are many things you can do and say to her show her that she’s very important to you.

Thanks for continuing to send your questions to me. I love hearing from you, and I look forward to answering the final two questions you have about the opposite sex.

Next week, I will also be introducing what my new topic is going to be. I promise you, it’s going to be very controversial. And as always, I’m going to need your help.

Wednesday, Jul 22, 2009 - 1:12:57 AM
tks for the effort you put in here I appreciate it!
- MichaellaS

Tuesday, Jul 21, 2009 - 10:45:09 PM
Why do so many girls walk out on a relationship at the first small conflict or 'bump'? I'm a long-term relationship guy and I really hate it when I try and give it my best but on my first small slip, she walks out.
- Austin

Tuesday, Jul 21, 2009 - 6:43:23 PM
Dawson, I DESPERATELY need some advise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been friends with this guy for three years or so (I have known him for like 9 years) and he has been acting like he likes me like flirting with me, but when this other girl is there he ignores me and some of my friends have told me that he likes her and she is using him to make this other guy jealous! I feel like he led me on and he chose a crush over me and it hurts. My question is this: How should I act around him, I don't want to be his rebound person but I also don't want to give up on our friendship?! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Anonymous

Tuesday, Jul 21, 2009 - 2:05:44 AM
I have a boyfriend and he says how much he likes me and only me but then he goes to other girls houses and claims that it was because he was with his friend and his friend's dad took them there. and i really love him and i have huge trust issues but i still trust him but im scared of getting to close and being hurt. and everyone says hes a big flirt and he likes some other girl and i ask him about it and he just says no no he only loved me but i dont know how hes lying and me and him go to differnt school so i dont know who hes ever hanging out with. what do i do ?
- Julia

Tuesday, Jul 21, 2009 - 1:35:22 AM
there is this guy that I've liked for probably 3 years and he is one of my best friends. We have always been good friends but we both like each other and he told me that he likes me. lately he seems to be trying to make himself distant from me and not even trying to talk to me anymore. I don't know if i should try to talk to him just a friend, or leave him alone. we constantly flirted with each other and it was just for fun but I really do like him and now I don't know what to do! please help!
- Kelsey

Monday, Jul 20, 2009 - 8:28:06 PM
I think I'm painfully, hopelessly, and jealously in love with my best guy friend. We've been friends for almost six years and I can't imagine life without him. Recently, he's become close friends with a girl friend of mine (I know they'll never date, though), but I still become incredibly jealous of their friendship. It's to the point where I cry myself to sleep at night over it, and I don't understand why. I've never been like this before! I'm in pain all the time and I really want to fix it, but I don't know what to do. Any advice would be great, Dawson.
- Lizzie

Monday, Jul 20, 2009 - 8:16:08 PM
Yoooooo your show us tough!!!! I have much respect for u, that is really Good advice u gave thanx......
- Oscar

Monday, Jul 20, 2009 - 3:59:04 AM
my best guy friend and i have been hanging out for a year at first i thought i loved him as a brother and that was it. but just recently i think im head over heals. we started getting super close then one of his exs decides she wants to go back out with him so now he is in a serious relationship with her he bought her 200$ ring and i dont want to break them up cause i know he is really happy but i am really starting to love him where i cant live wthout him. i need suggestions plz!!! should i tell him how i feel?
- Angela

Monday, Jul 20, 2009 - 3:06:45 AM
so i kinda like this guy he's like one of my best guy friends and i dont think that he thinks of me at all as more then his friend i like him alot but i just dont know what to do because i dont want to just tell him and lose him as a friend...
- Danielle

Monday, Jul 20, 2009 - 2:27:09 AM
I dated a guy for 2 years on and off, I talk to him to this day, he has always said that he loves me, and he has been really distnat lately. he says he doesnt want a relationship, and when i ask him if hes over me he says, 1 thats isnt a question and 2nd its unimportant. I have to move on but deep inside i dont want to. what do i do to move on with my life? this is stressing me out!
- Adriana

Monday, Jul 20, 2009 - 12:51:33 AM
My best friend just got a new boyfriend, and I think that I love him. He told me that he loved me and we have hung out a few times without his girlfriend/ my best friend knowing about it. And I wanna know what I should do? Should I forget about him and stay true to her or should I still love him? Thanks Dawson -Chelsea
- Chelsea

Monday, Jul 20, 2009 - 12:02:47 AM
I want to know what it means when someone says they want to be your friend and when you are in town they talk to you, but the moment you leave its like they forget about you! This girl and I use to talk all the time over the computer, and she even game me her number. She told me she was really interested in being my friend. Well I always call, text, message her and she never responds. Does she really want to be my friend?
- Lil Morris

Sunday, Jul 19, 2009 - 9:43:43 PM
I want to know: what do guys look for in a datable girl besides the obvious answer: Sex appeal? Is there anything the guy wants in a girl? Does anything else count?
- Kylee

Sunday, Jul 19, 2009 - 8:04:41 PM
I've got a question. What are the common mind sets of those who are either dating or just going out to prom. It is my way of thinking that if someone is dating, they are considering sometime in their future getting married (at least considering that)and same for prom for the most part. But what are some other ways people look at those two things? Just a cool social thing to do, or a really serious time of considering your future? Thanks Dawson!
- Michael

Sunday, Jul 19, 2009 - 1:50:56 PM
Hm well I have a question that pertains to the above subject, me and my guy friend have been taking things slow because we don't want to rush into a relationship to be disappointed and find it was meaningless; so we hang out and get to know one another better everyday. We're open about everything to make things clear, but one thing does worry me often; sex does pop up, mostly when he is the one dong the talking. And I would really like to hear maybe some tips on how to tell the playboys from the honest joes, or at least almost honest, any tips would be great as im lost when it comes to this part, but other than that hes incredible and I don't want to jump to random conclusions because I misinterpreted - thanks alot!
- Pilar

Saturday, Jul 18, 2009 - 11:52:08 PM
Hi I am 14 and I am jake. One of my friends told my gf that I like a other girl now my gf is mad at me and she is cryin. I dated my gf for half of a year . I kinda cheated on her. Her friends are tellin me that she is cryin and stuff. What I should do?
- Jake

Saturday, Jul 18, 2009 - 11:28:52 AM
I understand the mixed signals but I just got dumpped by someone who told me they love me but they also love their ex and he told me he just needs time to think Does he really "need" to think or was it just an easy way out of the relationship?
- Libby

Saturday, Jul 18, 2009 - 3:30:43 AM
Is there a way to tell your best guy friend that you like him without going up to him and actually TELLING him that you like him?
- Leigh