How Lying Hurts You
My blogs about of lying have generated a tremendous response. It seems everyone has been affected one way or the other by lies. Everyone agrees lying is a destructive habit that hurts you and everyone around you. This week, I want to talk about the powerful and damaging effects of lying. So how does lying hurt all of us?
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Everyone agrees lying is a destructive habit that hurts you and everyone around you. | Lying Destroys Relationships
If you’ve ever been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to ever trust that person again. You can’t help but wonder why a friend or family member would treat you so poorly. I received a comment from Brooke, who said: “My dad lies to us (my brothers and I) about going out to bars and drinking. He doesn't think we will find out but he is always wrong! I tell him how much it hurts us each time he does lie but he just keeps on lying. The worst lie he has told me was that he was with my brother and not at the bar—but I was with my brother.”
When you lie, even if you think others will never find out, you will almost certainly create a barrier of hurt in your relationship. Rebecca said: “I am a single mom of a teenage daughter. Her continuous lies have created a huge barrier in our relationship. I always catch her in lies and it hurts. The lying escalated to sneaking around doing things with friends I don’t approve of and that hurts.”
Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust. This has been Ally’s experience. She said: “Once someone has lied to you, it somehow always happens again.”
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Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust. | Jessie said: “When I was little, I told lies all the time, and never felt guilty about them. But then something happened that I needed to tell someone about, and nobody believed me. My early lying paved the way for years of heartache. Now, I never lie. Ever. It's just not worth it. When you need the trust of others that you've lost, it's the worst feeling in the world.”
So what do you want your relationships to be based on? Lies that you tell, in order to protect yourself, or to avoid conflict? Or do you want relationships to be based on a commitment to honesty and integrity, regardless of the hard times? It’s up to you to decide.
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When you lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go. | Lying Destroys You
When you continue to lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go. It is a relationship destroyer that ends up destroying you.
A fellow blogger wrote to me about his problem with lying: “I have a lying problem and it has been causing issues ever since I was a little kid. The worst part is how I have to constantly break ties with people so I won't get caught in the lies I've told. So time and time again I find myself all alone, with no friends and a lot of places I have to avoid. And I can't even blame anybody else because it's my fault for telling those lies in the first place and then not being able to face up to them.”
Lying destroys us because it takes us into a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to get free from. Once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse. Steven H. said: “Lies grow, they never stand alone, they need more lies to support the first lie. So, if you don't fess up immediately...it grows like a cancer. It cannot be stopped.”
Whitney said: “For me lying is like a drug, an addiction. I have become used to lying—it comes out without me even thinking or realizing I am doing it. To me, lying is so bad I sometimes think I’m lying to myself.”
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It’s time for you to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of your life. | People who are trapped in a cycle of lying become controlled by fear—a fear of not only being found out as a liar, but also having the truth uncovered about themselves. Jordan said: “I've lied to my parents a lot. The know almost nothing about me, except for who I pretend to be—I wish I could clear the air with them but I know they wouldn't accept the true me, so instead I lie to please them. I wish I had told the truth.” Jordan fails to understand that he can clear the air with his parents and have the freedom of walking in the truth.
It all comes down to this: Lying comes with a huge cost—it destroys lives. Relationships will crumble and people will refuse to trust you. But the person most hurt by your lying is you. It’s time for all of us to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of our lives. Are you up for it? I’d love to hear from you about your experiences with lying. How can you tell if someone is lying to you? That’s our topic for next week. I look forward to hearing from you.
Friday, Aug 28, 2009 - 1:31:23 AM
I lie a little bit when it comes to my parents.. and sometimes I hate to do it but I feel like i have to. I would lie to my parents about what I'm doing sometimes and I feel really guilty, so now I try not to lie at all. I have learned that it only makes me farther apart from my parents. I only lied to my parents, but never my friends. I feel closer to my friends and have always felt like they deserve the truth, and now I'm feeling that way with my parents.
- Nicole
Thursday, Aug 27, 2009 - 10:11:34 PM
personally. i cant lie, @ all. when i was younger my dad would lie to me. and just abt a year ago. my mom lied to me abt her haven a boyfriend. unfortunantly it hurts. but i always look @ it as...there is a reason for everything, n by this i learnd not to lie, because i kno how much it hurts.
- Rachel
Wednesday, Aug 26, 2009 - 1:45:16 PM
Very true. Lying hurts both people, the liar and the person being lied to.
- Correen
Wednesday, Aug 26, 2009 - 2:23:18 AM
I lie a lot, mostly because i don't want people to know how my life is. I lie to keep things secret and not share. i have been lied to and it hurts to know that my bestfriends lied to me and they walked out of my life. but i don't seem to find any other way to keep things personal. I am scared to share my problems with people so i lie about it. i don't want to but there seems to be no other way.
- Zainab
Tuesday, Aug 25, 2009 - 11:12:57 PM
I am a grandmother how can I tell if children are lying? i feel they all lie all the time is it me or do the children of this generation do this I really don't like not being able to trust them they are 10, 14, and18.
- janice
Tuesday, Aug 25, 2009 - 9:50:24 PM
I've lied a lot too, but somehow, my parents gave me a second chance. Most of my lying problems is is that I don't want my parents to know who I am, who I was, and who I wanna be. My schizophrenia really doesn't help a lot, but I'm fighting it.
- Michael
Tuesday, Aug 25, 2009 - 1:22:06 AM
I have lied many times. It hurts the people you lie to, especially when they find out. But the reasons i lied (even though they're not justified) is because im afraid of hurting my parents. now i have come completely clean with them and our relationship is great again.
I've also been lied to by my supposed best friend. he used to cheat on me but i was stupid to believe the lie because i was lying to myself. I thought i was in love with this guy. When i finally woke up to the fact he was cheating, i left him. but it scared me. i have trouble believing my boyfriend now because of the trust issues i've had with other guys. so i know how it feels to be hurt by lies. The point im trying to make is...dont do it. It may be hard to tell the truth sometimes, because you dont wanna hurt someone, but it will be easier on you later in life. you wont feel guilt
- Lynn M.
Monday, Aug 24, 2009 - 9:58:26 PM
I told a lie once that still hurts me to this day. When I was 12, I really liked this guy. I told a friend about him and the first thing she asked me was if we had sex. I wanted to looked cool so of course I said yes. I felt so badly afterwards that I would cry myself to sleep. On some nights I still do. It's been 5 years, and I haven't apologized to him yet. I really want to , but I don't know what to say. It still hurts because now I feel like I will never know if he felt the same way about me. So you shouldn't lie because it might follow you later on in life. And no one wants a guilt from years back on the conscience.
- Ashley
Monday, Aug 24, 2009 - 3:46:53 PM
i have recently been lied to even though my boyfriend is strongly against me not telling him even the little parts and i will say it hurts real bad i feel i cant trust him and hes just a big lie
- Jessica
Monday, Aug 24, 2009 - 3:14:55 AM
I used to lie constantly to my girlfriend, not about cheating or anything like that but just little things like where i've been or who've i talked to because she'd get upset. I thought that it wasn't a big deal it's just protecting her in a way but in the end i wished i could go back and just tell the truth. It wasn't worth it and when she found out about one lie, it led to her finding out about more and more and the more she found out the less she trusted me and the more pain that was brought onto her. Seeing her pain and suffering affected me deeply but it didn't change a thing till she purposly lied to me and i found out how bad it hurt. Don't lie even the littest most stupid lies can and will ruin even the most perfect relationship
- Clinton
Monday, Aug 24, 2009 - 1:13:43 AM
WHEN YOU LIE JUST THINK ABOUT HOW IT HURTS OTHERS. YOU LOSE FRIENDS AND TRUST FOR IT. YOUR BETTER OFF TELLING THE TRUTH.
- ERICA
Monday, Aug 24, 2009 - 12:30:14 AM
I agree.Thanks Dawson 4 everything you did.God Bless You!
- Justin M.
Monday, Aug 24, 2009 - 12:20:14 AM
lying does hurt people and can also make it inpossible for people to trust anyone. For example my father has made it inpossible for me to trust any male i have had trust issues since i was little because of him.
- meagan
Sunday, Aug 23, 2009 - 9:02:19 PM
i used to date a boy who constantly lied and he was really good at it but i could tell by looking at his eyes when he would lie to me. his lying was the reason i broke the relationship off
- Kathryn
Sunday, Aug 23, 2009 - 1:02:37 AM
this is so true I keep telling my grandkids how lying will hurt them
i hope they take me seriously .thanks for all your ministry does to help the hurting
- becky j.
Saturday, Aug 22, 2009 - 10:55:40 AM
hi live your show
- melissa
Friday, Aug 21, 2009 - 7:38:43 PM
Lying, just makes the situation worse, because if you lie to someone you obviously don't care about that person enough to tell them what is really going on.
Ben
- Ben
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