How To Know If Someone Is Lying To You

Nobody wants to be friends with someone who lies.

Believing a lie can cause all kinds of confusion and hurt. Many a person’s reputation has been trashed by someone else’s lie, and others believing the lie. So how can you be aware so you will know when someone is lying to you? It’s not going to be completely possible to know every time someone lies, but you can learn to see the signs and read the signals so you’re not completely in the dark when someone lies to you (and they will!).

Ericka told me about some of the pain caused by the lying of her ex-husband: “I have two young children (3 & 1) and just left their father because he was addicted to gambling. I always thought that cheating would be the worst, but I soon discovered that along with gambling came lie after lie. Our relationship was never going to improve without trust.” Discovering his lying earlier could possibly have saved Ericka and her children some needless pain. Would that be possible? I believe it is possible—by figuring out how to know if someone is lying to you.

Lying is a stressful behavior, and it causes people to act differently when they lie.

We’ve all seen people take lie detector tests on TV or in the movies. It is an effective instrument, not because it can tell right from wrong, but because it can reveal when a person’s body is reacting in a stressful manner. Because lying is so wrong, it can cause stressful behavior—showing signs we can detect through body language.

You can tell how someone reacts to stress more effectively if you know how they act in normal circumstances. Notice normal eye, hand and body movements, and facial expressions during regular conversation. Then you can better notice when the body language changes—showing the stress of lying.

One of the easiest and best ways to tell if someone is lying is by looking at their eyes.

One of the easiest and best ways to tell if someone is lying is by looking into their eyes. Most people who are lying have a difficult time holding eye contact with the person they’re lying to. Jenna and Kathryn both agree. Jenna said: “It is hard to tell when people are lying to you. But in my case I found that when someone is lying they don't give you eye contact.” Kathryn said she used to date a guy who constantly lied, and was really good at it: “But I could tell by looking at his eyes when he would lie to me.”

Other Signs Someone May Be Lying:
-A lying person may become tense and freeze up while telling the lie. Others may move their body way more than normal.
-A lying person may appear uncomfortable – fast eye blinking, scratching, itching, swallowing hard, fidgeting, etc.
-A lying person may look up and to the right.
-A lying person may touch their nose, or cover up their face or mouth.
-A lying person may often raise the pitch or speed of their voice.
-A lying person may present a wide-eyed, innocent look.
-A lying person may create noticeable pauses in the conversation as they are trying to come up with something to say.
-A lying person often tells a different version of their original lie the second time around.

Usually if it feels like a lie, it probably is.

You’re not always going to be able to discover if a person is telling you the truth. But you may be able to tell if a person feels like he is lying. And usually if it feels like a lie, it almost always is. More on this next week as I address how to help yourself or a friend stop lying.

For now, please tell me your story about how you’ve gotten rid of the horrible habit of lying. It will help me so much as I’m writing my next blog.

Thursday, Sep 3, 2009 - 12:36:41 AM
This site rocks!
- Bill B.

Tuesday, Sep 1, 2009 - 11:39:47 PM
dude ur blog is awesome u really helped alot of people u should have an award.
- Dakota D.

Tuesday, Sep 1, 2009 - 11:39:11 PM
I used to lie A LOT. But, I was so good at it that I myself couldn't tell if I was lieing until I had finished what I was saying!! But it was really because I did what my friend did, and she lied a lot about so many things. I was in a couple of "Friendship Problems" classes at school, and it had helped me stop lieing once I saw all these people who had been lied to and I could share my thoughts with the people without getting negative responses from them, so I eventually stopped lieing altogether. I haven't lied about something that would matter for 2 years now!! Every once in a while a lie slips out while I talk with my friend, but it's about nothing that would ever matter, so it doesn't effect our friendship even if I had told her that it was a lie. I felt much better after I took those "Friendship Problems" class, and I recommend those for people who have friendship problems and/or lie a lot.
- Cassandra

Tuesday, Sep 1, 2009 - 9:34:50 PM
I used to lie alot because i figured i could get away with alot more(in turn making me feel like a horrible person). One thing i did when i was caught in a lie was get angry about it. If my ex caught me in a lie and just asked me about it i was more fidgety and touchy and i would get mad about her even asking me. About my ex though..when she lied i knew clearly lied because her facts and excuses were inconsistant! Lying is not a good thing. You will lose other peoples trust and it will make you feel horrible in the long run.
- Matthew L.

Tuesday, Sep 1, 2009 - 2:14:15 AM
I want to know how i can help my self stop lying ...so if u can please email me helpin me wit some advice thank u
- Karina

Tuesday, Sep 1, 2009 - 1:55:37 AM
My boyfriend of a year and i broke up the other day. He told me that he was still in love with his ex that cheated on him and now has a child. I was always there for him and he always told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. she was the first person he ever had sex with so i felt a little threatened by that. like i couldn't compare to her or something. but he would tell me that he loved me more than he ever loved her. and then recently all this stuff about him still loving her came up. and he said that he never loved me as much as he loved her. i'm just so confused. i don't know what to believe.
- Ashley

Tuesday, Sep 1, 2009 - 1:15:23 AM
My boyfriend lies all the time. I use to think that people were just making him be in these situations that made him do it, But I've realized that he just can't be trusted. He even admitted and said "I'd understand if you didn't trust me, I'm just stupid." I'm just confused because he's my first boyfriend & I care about him a lot.. But can someone really change for the better if they want to?
- Tiffany

Monday, Aug 31, 2009 - 1:53:37 AM
When I was in high school, I lied to my mom all the time. It wasn't really that hard since she was a single mom and was super busy, she didn't really realize that I had gotten home from practice an hour or two after it was over, or things like that. It continued through my first couple years of college, and gradually got worse. Eventually I found myself lying about things that didn't even matter, like what I had for breakfast that morning...who cares?? When I met the man who is now my husband, I knew I needed to work on it because I wanted/needed to be completely truthful with him. I told him that I wanted his help, and was amazed that he loved me enough to stick with me (even the few times I lied to him) and fight it out with me. I eventually called my mom and told her a whole list of things I had lied to her about..she was grateful (although most were things that were no longer important...) I think she was just happy knowing that she could trust me now.
- Megan

Monday, Aug 31, 2009 - 1:47:10 AM
My Little sister lies all the time and know i can tell how she is and how to notic it when its coming! Thank You
- Alissa

Monday, Aug 31, 2009 - 12:46:22 AM
i use to lie all the time well i would normally end up getting caught in the end, well it took me going to prison to find out that the truth is a much better way to go then to lie about everything, well i am now 21 so you know the story
- phillip

Monday, Aug 31, 2009 - 12:29:02 AM
Hey i need to talk to you about my boyfriend can you plz call me after 2 20 thank you very mush
- jamie r.

Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 - 11:33:20 PM
i emailed you about lieing ..
- bella

Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 - 11:08:33 PM
HELLO, I HAVE DISCOVERED, AFTER MUCH SELF-OBSERVATION, THAT I LIE...A LOT!!! I KNOW THAT IT'S WRONG, AND THAT I SHOULDN'T, BUT I JUST CAN'T STOP MYSELF...SOMETIMES I CATCH MYSELF DOING IT, AND I GO AHEAD AND FINISH IT BECAUSE IM HALFWAY OR MOST OF THE WAY INTO IT BY THAT POINT...I DO KNOW SOME OF THE REASONS THAT I LIE TO CERTAIN PEOPLE, MY MOTHER, IN PARTICULAR...(BECAUSE SHE'S ALWAYS WANTING TO KNOW EVERY SINGLE DETAIL ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING EVEN WHEN YOU TELL HER IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS, AND IM 23, SO SHE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.); MY GRANDPARENTS-(BECAUSE AT TIMES, THEY ARE SO PROUD OF ME, THAT I DON'T WANT TO LET THEM DOWN...AND OTHER TIMES, BECAUSE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, AND I KNOW THAT THEY DON'T SEE THINGS FROM MY PERSPECTIVE OR MY POINT OF VIEW AT ALL, AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THEM FUSS OR ARGUE ABOUT IT). I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG...I KNOW EVERYONE LIES FROM TIME TO TIME...IT'S HUMAN NATURE...BUT, I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT, AND QUITE FRANKLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP. I LIE ABOUT WHAT TIME I HAVE TO BE SOMEWHERE, WHO IM TALKING TO OR TEXTING ON THE PHONE, WHAT IM DOING ON THE COMPUTER, WHY IM TAKING A WALK, WHERE IM GOING IN GENERAL...JUST EVERYTHING...I NEED HELP...I AM BECOMING LIKE MY FATHER, WHOM I CANNOT STAND...HE IS A COMPULSIVE LIAR...IS THERE HOPE FOR ME??? AND IF SO, IS THERE HELP???
- SAMANTHA W.

Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 - 9:48:58 PM
I just want to thank you for your lying blogs. They have helped me a lot.
- Alex

Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 - 8:06:32 PM
Rachel I went through the same thing. I've heard that guys that cheat will do it again. But i can't grantee that he is cheating on you, but it's more likely he will or is going to cheat. Try to get more confidence and tell if he's lying. I wish you the best and hopefully he's not lying.
- Angelica

Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 - 6:09:28 PM
My friend lied and still lies to me a lot. I dont know how to talk to him about it.
- Amanda

Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 - 12:06:59 AM
i have had people lie to me or about me so many times that i have just gone ti the whatever if u dont have anything better to do then go right ahead people dont pay attention to lies about me anymore but the new kids still ask me if its true or not they will lear RMS is a school of lies
- Amanda

Sunday, Aug 30, 2009 - 12:06:10 AM
I'm dating a boy I really like right now. But there"s only one problem. he has cheated on some of his ex girlfriend's. And sometimes I ask him if hes cheating on me. And he always says no. But I don't know weather to believe him or not. Cause its like my heart is telling me that somethings wrong. But my brain doesn't wanna believe my heart. What should I do?
- Rachel

Friday, Aug 28, 2009 - 11:51:57 PM
I used to lie a lot when I was little because I'd follow my brother and do things my mom said I shouldn't do and I always got caught in the end. What changed me most though was through elementary there were many people who teased me and picked at me, trying to take advantage of me. Eventually I got sick of them lying to me over four years and lost trust in a lot of people who weren't my friends from the start. Because of the serious distaste I grew for liars I found that when I got to the mistrusting stage, just saying what was on my mind became so easy to everyone (since sadly a lot of what I wanted to say had been locked up for four years). When I did recover though my dislike for lying stayed, and since I can't stand lying I'm not that good at it, nor to I lie that often (if at all). I don't see why people should lie to others if they themselves hate being lied to.
- Roiselyn