How to Stop Lying, Pt. 1

There's no question lying is a horribly destructive habit. And any destructive habit leads to painful consequences. When we choose to lie, we choose to suffer. Think how much better off we’d be if we would stop lying and live in the truth. Listen to the words of Jennifer: “I was lied to my whole life by my mother—everyday it was something new. After living with her for 14 years, I sometimes find myself exaggerating, and making up stories to seem cool. I don’t ever want to be like my mother, so how do I stop before I hurt my family, friends, and myself?”

Once we see how easy it can be to lie, we start sliding down that slippery slope leading to a miserable, addicted place.

Jennifer realizes lying can go from one generation to the next. One hurt person will then hurt another person, because the curse of lying is not stopped. Once we see how easy it can be to lie, and to control what other people think about us, we start sliding down that slippery slope leading to a miserable, addicted place. So the most important question we can ask today is: How do we stop lying?

1. Admit you have a problem. This is always the first, biggest, and most difficult step. Find someone you trust and tell them about your lying habit—no matter how big or small you think the problem is. The fact is you don’t want to do it anymore, but you can’t stop doing it alone. Megan said: “When I met the man who is now my husband, I knew I needed to work on [my lying] because I wanted/needed to be completely truthful with him. I told him that I wanted his help, and was amazed that he loved me enough to stick with me (even the few times I lied to him) and fight it out with me.”
   

Find someone you trust and tell them about your lying habit—no matter how big or small you think the problem is.

2. Remind yourself how lying messes up your life. (Read last week’s blog about how lying hurts you for more on this.) The law of consequences (“You reap what you sow”) can be a powerful deterrent in breaking the tragic habit of lying. Phillip suffered the consequences of his lying in a big way: “I used to lie all the time, and I would normally end up getting caught in the end. It took me going to prison to find out that the truth is a much better way to go then to lie about everything.” Think how many lives could’ve been protected from disaster if we just stopped and asked ourselves, “What are the consequences going to be of what I say or am about to do?”
   

"What are the consequences going to be of what I say or am about to do?”

3. Tell someone when you lie. Admitting a lie can make a world of difference, and while it might hurt your pride, it’s far better than being a liar. Even better, when you realize you have lied, confess to the person you lied to immediately and seek their forgiveness. This is humbling, but it will cause you to stop and think before you tell another lie. Someone once said, “Confession is good for the soul.” And it also good in helping us break bad habits. It would also be extremely wise to confess your lying before God. After all, He’s heard every lie you’ve ever told. Alison said: “I used to lie to my old boyfriend. So with my new boyfriend I promised myself I wouldn't and I have done a good job at it. I still only lie to my parents because they freak out when I tell them—so why do it?” Alison has missed the point of confessing her lying to her parents. Her parents may freak out, but that is a far smaller consequence than her living a life of lies in front of them. She would be far happier if she lived the truth and put this lying behind her.

Thursday, Sep 10, 2009 - 12:47:02 AM
I'm so glad I found this site...Keep up the good work
- Bill B.

Monday, Sep 7, 2009 - 9:59:36 PM
Hey, Dawson! I am 13 and I live in Georgia and I have lots of problems with lying. I have had friendship and "boyfriend" problems in the past, so I know how much lying hurts people. I feel like my life is so uninteresting, sometimes I exaggerate stories, and sometimes I hurt somebody else. I really need help...lying is killing my relationships and me!
- Anonymous

Monday, Sep 7, 2009 - 1:13:54 PM
I will try these, My dad feeds me lies throughout my childhood, I'll ask him for something and he'll say yes just to shut me up, and after a little while ( just like jennifer) I started to exaggerate alot. Im 14, my friends and family are getting annoyed with me for that reason. so ill try these to see if they work.
- Paige

Monday, Sep 7, 2009 - 1:08:46 AM
Everyone lies. I have never met a person who hasn't at least once or twice in there life. And honestly, it's not the worst thing in the world. My mother used to tell me a "White Lie" can always be forgiven. When I was young and stupid, I used to lie alot. About stupid things too, things that didn't need to be lied about. I would lie only because it was easier than explaining the truth. I went through alot in my life. And I have finally grown to realize that it's easier to say "Hey mom I'm sleeping over my boyfriends house tonight" then say I'm staying somewhere else. I'm almost 20 now and I don't really think I have lied in about a year. Being honest and open has actually gotten me further than lying. My parents trust me, I feel good about myself. And when you feel good about yourself then you know that everything is okay. :)
- Mommytobe

Sunday, Sep 6, 2009 - 9:20:38 PM
I lie every day almost i just can't stop when ever i get in trouble i lie myself out of it i need help Dawson
- Kevin R.