RESISTING THE URGE TO CUT

In my last blog, I gave you four things to focus on to help you quit cutting: Talk it out, Wake up to your actual feelings, Ask for help, and Seek God. Once you decide you’re committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober—and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. May each of these practical ideas help you, or someone you know, to be set free.

Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don’t act on it.

Stop feeding the monster - wait it out.
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don’t act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you’re making that urge stronger—kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.

Distract yourself.
One of the best ways to let the urge to cut pass is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you’re feeling the deep cravings to cut, and get your mind off of it. It’s impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this…

1. Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what’s comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
2. Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body, so physically it too, is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
3. Exercise – Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
4. Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
5. Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
6. Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
7. Listen to positive music—it will definitely help to change your mood.
8. Write in your journal – learn to express your feelings through writing.
9. Create art, or some kind of creative hobby.
10. Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Someone people cut out of sheer boredom.

One of the best ways to let the urge to cut pass is by distracting yourself with someone or something else.

Natalia put it this way: “I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.” The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.

1. Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
2. Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and snap it when you feel the urge.
3. Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
4. Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.


Angel said rubber bands have helped her. “I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself.” Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. “So I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don’t cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible, and stopping is realistic.”

Stop thinking about yourself so much, and focus on other cutters who need your help.

Tell your story.
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling, and how you think YOU should be feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much, and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: “I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self destructive behavior. Everyday is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.”

Think about your future.
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you’d like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction. Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: “If I don't quit cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.”

Cyndal said: “I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, ‘Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?’ That really made me think, ‘WOW, what would I tell my children?’ And it made me cry for a really long time”

When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have other options besides cutting.

I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: “It's a challenge everyday, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture.” When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have other options besides cutting. Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you.

Next week: I’m going to shift gears a bit and write about what to do if your best friend is mad at you. Please send me your advice on how you have found to get through conflict with your best friend.

Friday, Nov 13, 2009 - 12:29:25 AM
what should i do im 15 and my mom keeps leaving me and my lil sis oh i cant forget my 2 brothers. Evrey time she leaves me my bro and my dad drink really heavly and i dont know what im suppost to do im raising my lil bro and sis like there my own kids ITS HARD I WANT HELP PLEASE
- brytany

Friday, Nov 13, 2009 - 12:27:52 AM
hey dawson my sister used to cut and do drugs she was eventually sent to the phych ward and spent her sweet sixteen in there she is now fine but in march her 4 month old child died and she became very depressed. but i felt that she wasnt going to cut again and she didnt! i was extemely happy that she over came it and i know that others can too
- Kati

Wednesday, Nov 11, 2009 - 11:29:32 PM
hi i have always been a cutter and i dont wanna stop the only time i stop is when my boyfriend is around and when he leaves i start cutting myself again i have been in hospitals becasue of this and i dont like it but it gives me something 2 do but i would love 2 stop but i dont think i can my boyfriend is worries about me but i tell him im fine so finally he came 2 live with me but when he goes 2 school i cut and when he gets home he see's all the blood so i really do wanna stop this. This is my story from a long time ago i have not cut myself 4 almost 5 months and it is all thanks 2 my boyfriend i love u babe and thank u dawson all the stuff u say it got 2 me and i finally put the knife down thank u
- allyson

Wednesday, Nov 11, 2009 - 11:27:13 PM
hi i have always been a cutter and i dont wanna stop the only time i stop is when my boyfriend is around and when he leaves i start cutting myself again i have been in hospitals becasue of this and i dont like it but it gives me something 2 do but i would love 2 stop but i dont think i can my boyfriend is worries about me but i tell him im fine so finally he came 2 live with me but when he goes 2 school i cut and when he gets home he see's all the blood so i really do wanna stop this. I need help
- allyson

Wednesday, Nov 11, 2009 - 7:06:21 PM
I used to cut when I'd get upset, but I met someone at a residential summer camp who I love with my whole heart. It was only platonic though, as he become more of an older brother figure to me. But he told me he loved me and hugged me and gave me advice and I believed everything he said. He made me promise to stop cutting. It was only 3 weeks and I haven't seen him since, but he changed my whole life. Its been two years since I last cut and my life is so much better.
- katie

Wednesday, Nov 11, 2009 - 4:36:01 PM
I started cutting in 5th grade and continued until seventh when one day someone noticed my arms and told the school counselor, my friends came with me and she talked to me,but i don't think she really understood so i continued, but now i am trying to stop and it has been over a week since i last cut.
- ________

Wednesday, Nov 11, 2009 - 2:45:30 PM
When i started to cut, My sister found out, and i remember when she use to. I walked in on her doing it, when she almost killed herself in the process. When i remembered that story, it helped me stop. And now i wear a rubber band on my wrist to stop. Or to stop myself from cutting, I'll scream to release the anger, than if i'm upset, I'll just listen to music and take a walk. Or Just cry.
- Brenna

Wednesday, Nov 11, 2009 - 1:58:12 AM
i myself struggled with cutting and it was hard to stop and i still randomly have urges but i think you should reword it cause snapping your self with a rubber band is still self harm. a lot of friends i know did that to escape the pain. well any way God bless and you changed my life
- tiera

Wednesday, Nov 11, 2009 - 1:43:03 AM
I started cutting when I was 14. I am now 22 with a 4 year old son. Life is very hard right now, seeing I lost cusdoty of my son, and I am financially struggling. I met who I thought was my best friend exactly a year ago, who helped me stop cutting. Of course, during the roughest of rough times, we are not getting along. I carry a razor with me, but I have yet to cut for 10 months now. It feels good to know I have resisted, but it is so hard. Considering I kicked a drug habit as well, cutting sounds better everyday. I will not succomb to it though. I don't write in a journal, and I am generally miserable when I am not with my son or at work, But I find relief in a hot shower, doing my make up or nails, clean, take a nap, watch a movie. It is a terrible habit, and you can not stop unless YOU want to. Even though my boyfriend and I are not getting along, and I feel he is no longer an influence to my decisions, I don't do it. My son has asked me what the scars on my arm were, and I just told him "don't worry about it, it will be okay." it WILL be okay.
- Diana

Wednesday, Nov 11, 2009 - 1:30:00 AM
i myself struggled with cutting and it was hard to stop and i still randomly have urges but i think you should reword it cause snapping your self with a rubber band is still self harm. a lot of friends i know did that to escape the pain. well any way God bless and you changed my life
- tiera

Tuesday, Nov 10, 2009 - 11:47:29 PM
I am a cutter and have been since I would say about the 8th grade. I am now in 11th grade and this past year I have gotten even worse with the cutting. I do it for no reason at all anymore. Evn when everything is going wrong, I grab the razor and just hurt myself. I can't cry unless I am drunk, I feel as if I have no emotion, and I need to get all my feelings out, so when I drink, I also cut because I can get everything out at once. I have stopped off and on, and one thing helpful I have found is that writing a list of people you love, or love you and everytime you have an urge to cut, you read it and know that you are letting down and "cutting" every person who loves you. Cutting is a hard thing to over come. My parents are there for me, and talking to someone does help. I try seeking help all the time. Dawson's talks are so inspirational and I believe I'll be okay.
- Maryclare

Tuesday, Nov 10, 2009 - 7:24:23 AM
When I was trying to get rid of the urge to cut I would wear a rubber band and snap myself. I snapped myself because it gave pain. I would snap it so many times that it would leave bruises. I stopped wearing the rubber band after a while. Now and then I would put a rubber band on and people would freak because they thought it was a red flag to cutting again. I have completely stopped now and it's been about a year.
- Chelsea

Tuesday, Nov 10, 2009 - 3:26:18 AM
I've tried doing the rubber band thing also, and everything else. I feel like i need someone in my life to put that place of cutting and put in joy, like when i was in a long relationship, well the longest for me. 8 months, i didnt cut or anything, but now since im not in that relationship i feel like i dont have someone i can talk to that will really impact me. I've tried talking to friends and family but it doesnt work, please help
- Josh

Tuesday, Nov 10, 2009 - 1:58:31 AM
I'm slowly but surely stopping my bad habit. I didn't do it all the time, I say it only happened maybe two or three times a month. I started to realize that the only reason I truly was doing it, was because it was pain that I could actually handle. I still only do it when I get super upset. This sounds wrong, but after I do it, I feel beautiful..
- Arianna

Monday, Nov 9, 2009 - 11:48:56 PM
I sometimes cut myself but am scared because I hear all these people who get made fun of for it. I never have cut myself with anything sharper than nail clippers. I mean, I'm trying to stop cutting myself, but I can't all the time. I don't cut myself because I hate me. Not all the time anyway. It's usually just because I'm mad and sad and I want to take it out on myself. Once I had to babysit my cousin and she asked me why I have scratches all over my legs and arms. It made me so sad, I had no idea what to say. My advice is just write in a journal and write your feelings out.
- Kaitlyn

Monday, Nov 9, 2009 - 10:14:09 PM
well it stared after i met this dude i stared 2 cut my self wat do i do?
- ashiaswingle

Monday, Nov 9, 2009 - 9:15:39 PM
Gabrielle--->im nobody speical but please if you can read this dont kill yourself! i lost my unlce a year ago to sucide and i know how it feels. You have to be strong for your boyfriend and yourself he wouldnt want you to hurt yourself or kill yourself please be safe God bless. you you are a speical person and no one would want you to kill youself!
- Jewel

Monday, Nov 9, 2009 - 7:36:15 PM
cutting is a way to take the issue away from your mind by hurting yourself. i have never had this issue but i have had many friends that have cut themselves its a horrible cycle its like a drug hard to quit. i almost lost a friend once becuase she cut too far into her arm. I wish the best for all of you who do feel the urge to cut and i will pray for you and your families, God bless you.
- jewel

Monday, Nov 9, 2009 - 1:23:01 AM
For me the rubber band trick helps and so does writing in my journel, but the main reason im trying to stop is im having a baby in less than a month and i want to be a good influence on him with everything especially since im only 15. i wish the best of luck to everybody trying to overcome this.
- Erica

Monday, Nov 9, 2009 - 12:37:57 AM
I wish this blog was out there when I started to cut. Becuase I had no one and I had no help. I did it for a while until I got caught by my sister. Then months later I turned to God about it, but it wasnt honestly turning to God about because I still struggle with it. I still cut when I cant handle the bad things going on in my life, wheather its school or if its my family...theres just this pressure that builds up and my heart starts to hurt bad..like the pain is unbearable until i cant take it anymore and i cut so much till I'm numb and fall asleep. I can stop cutting for a long time then when something happens that hurts soo much i go rite back to where i fought so hard to stop all that work was useless because i start cutting again. It crosses my mind alot when I stop for a long time. But I think what the best thing is is having someone there who you can trust and who you know wont judge you, and I found my youth pastor. Thank you for this blog.
- Brittney

Monday, Nov 9, 2009 - 12:20:40 AM
i need some relationship advice..
- cierra

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 11:57:15 PM
I cut for 5 years it's an addiction that controlled my life i suffer from manic depression. I use to find any sharp object to cut and in school if i couldn't cut id burn my skin with an eraser or pull my hair out. My senior year of high school i almost lost my life... I ended up in a psychiatric hospital after i attempted suicide by overdosing and nearly bled to death from self mutilation. I haven't cut in a year and 2 months. Getting help was the best thing that i could have ever done and because of that im alive today.
- liz

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 11:39:58 PM
... The stuff I've tried on this list didn't work for me either....
- Haley

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 11:23:23 PM
i wish this blog was out about a year ago, when i used to cut a lot. i'm completly done with it but there are still sometimes it crosses my mind. Some of these things don't really work, like the pen on your wrist thing, but the physical activities and talking to someone are the best options. I talked to my school counselor before, and she didn't help, it just made me feel like there was something wrong with me. So i felt worse, but i talked to a lot of my friends about my cutting, and i saw how much it hurt them. I couldn't stand it, so i stopped. My mom found out about me cutting, and I could see the pain in her eyes; I wanted to cry. So I stopped for good because of my friends and family. Thanks(:
- Lea

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 10:59:52 PM
Pleas help me, I'm going crazy in ways you wouldn't beleve! It's very stressful I'm only 11!
- Claudia t.

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 10:31:46 PM
hey dawson this is my view on cutting: A disease had manifested itself in me. Just like over half the teen population. Never in my life have I felt so worthless and never have I endured so much pain. I couldn’t have made it out alive without the continuous help and support of my friends. This serious condition overtook me in a matter of days, it blindsided me before I could even realize how much it had totally consumed me. Just what was this disease? DEPRESSION. Depression had me in a chokehold. A whirlwind of dark thoughts constantly swirled around inside my head. I had a monster in me. And even when I closed my eyes in this nightmare, the monster wouldn’t go away, it was always there, hiding in me. It surrounded me, overtaking my every thought and emotion. I was out of control. An overwhelming stream of emotions drowned me. I felt alone, there was nothing left to live for, so what was my reason of thriving? Nothing. I was an empty shell and all hope was chased away by the monster in me years ago. The pain was unimaginable and endless, always growing. I began experiencing many suicidal thoughts. Belts became nooses, sharp objects became my obsession. I would imagine patterns of lines, cuts, across my arm. These cuts acting as a temporary escape, something to take my mind away from the utter misery it seemed to cling to. I was slowly destroying myself and I didn’t even care. A cloud of darkness followed me like my shadow. No one has the ability to be happy all the time, but some feel as though happiness is always out of reach; Some feel as if their entire life is devoted to nothing but pure pain and suffering. Everyday is a struggle, each minute agony and every breath, every heartbeat is a fight for survival. Depression isn’t just sadness, its emptiness, its misery. This disease drains the life out of you. I would push though the day knowing every hour would carry more struggles then the last. People started to question, and ask if anything was wrong. I would simply put on my fake smile that I had practiced so many times and reply “nothing, I’m just tired.” I was tired. Tired of slowly drifting through the motions, with no motivation to actually live. The temporary escapes became my lifeline. The acts soon invaded my thoughts, and I would spend my days not only in a haze of depression, but also feeling as though I would explode from the whirlwind of thoughts. My mind became permanently glued to thoughts of pain; I would spend my nights plotting ways to destroy myself, or more specifically, the monster inside me. No one seemed to understand. They all thought it was just a phase. I felt like I had no way to get the help I knew I desperately needed. The smallest disruption could send everything spiraling downwards into that deep abyss again. The tiniest crack in my already broken world could make it all seem worthless. I felt as though my whole body would crumble at any moment, that I had lost everything that was holding me together. I was hanging from a mere thread. I’d piece myself back together just to fall apart again. It wore me down so even the smallest crack seemed as though it was an earthquake and every minute was spent waiting for the next shake. Happiness became a foreign feeling, I wouldn’t even allow myself to experience it, I didn’t deserve it. Numbness eventually overtook the pain. But I found myself on my knees begging for the pain to return because I’d rather feel the pain than nothing at all. Depression is one of the cruelest of all illnesses. The thing about depression is it blurs your perception of the future and makes it nearly impossible to see the end. You start to think that there’s no such thing as ‘winning’ and why bother fighting if you already know the outcome. It slowly strips you of any hope you used to have. And without hope, it’s difficult to see a future or a reason to fight. But I now know there is hope. There are people willing to help, and I don’t have to waste the rest of my life with an empty heart full of despair. I used to push away happiness, but now I embrace it. I now have control over my life and through it all I know it has made me a much stronger person. I have learned to live life for today; I don’t worry about the past or the future. Every day is a new day, a fresh start.
- mikayla

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 10:13:17 PM
For those of you who say God isnt answering...you have to give it time. God works on His schedule not ours. So you have to be patient and wait it out. But while your waiting, think about living for God. That will take your mind off cutting. It will change your mood. Even if God doesnt answer right away, just be patient and keep living for Him!
-

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 10:01:09 PM
I have cut in the past and been caught by my parents. I didn't for a while but have started again. On top of that I have turned to drinking and other things to help dull the pain. Most of my pain is caused by I have felt like God isn't there anymore. I used to believe with all my heart, and I trusted completely in him. Horrible life altering things happened and I lost my faith. It ruined by life because something I based my life on had been ripped away from me. It left me ruined... This has been going on for three years. I just can't stop being depressed no matter how much I want to.
- Lauren

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 9:37:15 PM
Hi Dawson- I used to be very addicted to cutting. It was my solution to everything, but I saw how it hurt all the people I loved and it hurt me, and I wanted to stop. I talked to a therapist, the school guidance counselor, and I tried to spend more time with my family. I relate to people who have found no way to stop it because it’s so easy to get caught up and do it again. I would go weeks and then have one bad day and felt like I was starting over. But what helped me the most was being honest. By not hiding it I was able to get more help from people around me. Not many people stop drugs cold turkey cutting is an addiction just like drugs so you can't expect to stop self-harm with out a fight. Learning self-control over an addiction is a hard thing to do but it is possible. god bless you.
- katie

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 9:25:26 PM
i would also have to agree with Scarlett; all the things you've mentioned such as the rubber band or coloring have never helped me. there is just something different about the way when you see blood flow
- jess

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 9:09:45 PM
I need help. I'm so depressed!!!
- Bill

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 8:29:17 PM
I agree with Scarlett. I've been trying to turn to God, but so far He hasn't answered.
- Idina

Sunday, Nov 8, 2009 - 12:09:49 AM
I have never been a cutter, but I used to pull and yank my hair out all the time; some people were suspecting that something of the sort was going on. It took me years to overcome it, and the more I learn about cutting the more I see the similarities it has to hair pulling. Cutting is definitely hard to overcome, but with God's help you can overcome it like I did with the hair pulling. Just remember: do what you can and ask God to take care of everything else.
- Mark

Saturday, Nov 7, 2009 - 10:15:58 PM
hey dawson. ive been doing the rubber band thing for years, but it doesnt help. ive tried everything else too. its just putting me through more pain. all i do is sneak out at night to go to the park to sit in a tree. its the only place i feel i can be me, and where i feel i can think freely. its the place that keeps me from cutting. but its getting really hard now, that my boyfriend just commited suicide 3 days ago. i was in too much pain to even go to his funeral. i considered taking my own life to be with him. what do i do?
- Gabrielle

Saturday, Nov 7, 2009 - 10:15:37 PM
i may hav 2 agree w/ scarlett
- Michaela

Saturday, Nov 7, 2009 - 2:14:51 AM
ive tried all this...it doesnt work...none of it f****** works
- scarlett

Saturday, Nov 7, 2009 - 1:32:35 AM
i understand everything but i tried almost everything to stop fighting with my friends but it never seemd to work.i miss being with my old friends back in ohio! we never fought but i live wtih my mom. i dont like ontario. i always try not to fight with my friends but they bring something up that has been in the pas and we fight.i dont know what to do.
- sandra