How to Socialize

Many people dream about being able to walk into a room full of strangers and immediately begin to talk to people and develop relationships. This isn’t an easy task. If you're like most people, you have visions of yourself standing alone against the wall, looking awkward, sweating, until you’re able to sneak out the back door early. But it does get easier the more you practice.

We all know someone who is always the “life of the party.” It seems so easy for them, the way they appear so confident, having fun and being sociable, even in new situations! What is their secret to success?

Socializing is a perfect opportunity for rejection.

1. Realize fears are normal. Socializing is a perfect opportunity for rejection. If you start talking to someone, it’s a real possibility they may find you boring. It’s normal to feel like you won’t be able to think of anything to say. You can’t be fascinating to everybody! But at the same time, there will be some people who think you are interesting and fun to be with.

Sarah admitted to having worried about getting people to like her: “It’s natural to worry about whether people will like you or not. The truth is, some people will like you, and some people won’t. You can’t control either.”

2. Look your best. A good appearance will not only make you feel more confident, but it will attract more people to you. Just like going to a job interview, you get one chance to make a first impression on new people.

People are flattered when someone takes a sincere interest in them.

3. Start the conversation. When you begin the conversation with someone, you take the pressure off of him or her. A great way to start is with a question: “What brings you here today?” or “So, where are you from?” Simple, friendly, complimentary questions are very helpful. “I love your jacket, where did you get it?” Do your best to be calm and relaxed. This will encourage others to relax with you.

4. Take a sincere interest in the other person. People are flattered when someone takes a sincere interest in them. Keep the conversation about them by asking lots of questions. Key in on the things they bring up and ask follow-up questions to get more information. When listening, don’t interrupt or look around the room. Stay focused on them.

David said he loves it when people take an interest in him. “If someone asks me a good question about what I do for fun, or what I like, and then really listens, it makes me feel like they could be a friend. That’s how I hope to be to other people.”

In the course of your conversation, it will be helpful for you to have some funny or interesting things to bring up.

5. Have something interesting to talk about. In the course of your conversation, it will be helpful for you to have some funny or interesting things to bring up. You may have read about it, saw in on TV or the internet. Whatever it is, be prepared to talk about something you found interesting. “I saw the funniest thing yesterday, did you happen to see this?” and then explain what you saw or heard.

6. Respect personal space. It’s easy for other people to be uncomfortable when a new person comes up and starts taking an interest. Make sure to keep a respectful distance between the two of you when you’re talking. If you notice them folding their arms, or stepping back, you may be too close for their comfort level.

Amanda can tell when a guy is trying too hard. “If a guy I don’t know comes too close, or tries to be too personal without having established a connection with me, it’s easy to write him off.”

The people who appear to have an easy time socializing are the ones who have had a lot of practice.

7. Take a friend. Entering into a new social situation is always easier if you go with a friend. It helps to know someone who likes you is there cheering you on as you begin reaching out to new people. This is great practice for when you have to be in a social setting alone. However, avoid spending all of your time with your friend, or appearing like you are having a private conversation. People will think you’re not in the mood to socialize.

Remember, your fears are very normal. Just relax. The people who appear to have an easy time socializing are the ones who have had a lot of practice. You will find the more you work on some of these points, your fears will decrease, and you will look forward to the new adventures, and interesting people you will meet, as you act with courage and confidence.

Next week I’m going to write about How to Be Funny. Are some people just naturally funny? Or is it something you can work on? Let me know what you think makes people be funny. I look forward to hearing from you.



Monday, Nov 30, 2009 - 3:05:09 PM
Hey Dawson, I've wanted to call your show so many times, but I can't. My parents found your number in my phone and I got in big trouble because they thought I was hiding too much from them, or something like that. Well, basically my problem is that I have a ton of problems! My friend constantly lies to me and talks about me behind my back, and I don't know what to do about it. That same friend has cancer and she's gonna die very soon. That was a major contributer to the next point- Just recently I realized that I had many, if not all the symptoms of depression. I thought about cutting and suicide all the time, but God spoke through my youth leader and showed me that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, so that would be incredibly wrong. Also, my home life is not all that great. My parents have never been the kind of people that I want to talk about my problems with, because they just make judgmental statements like I'm making too big a deal over nothing, or they make a big deal of the littlest things, and then complain when I don't talk to them. So I end up keeping every feeling I have inside of me. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, so I just end up crying myself to sleep. I also have an issue with holding on too strongly to relationships. I really liked one of my best guy friends, who lived in a different state, and it seemed like he really liked me too, but then he started to completely ignore me. That really hurt. Even though that happened over 3 months ago, I still think about him a lot. I still make myself cry just thinking about him and how he hurt me. It doesn't help that his friend wants me to fly out to Cali so he can meet me. He talks to me a lot and it just reminds me of my "friend" all over again. I always want too much from a relationship. I feel like if I'm really good friends with a guy, and he doesn't LIKE like me, then it's just not enough. I'm homeschooled so I don't really have many friends either. I just really need a good effective way of dealing with emotions and stress. Thanks Dawson, for all you do.
- Rachael from Az....

Monday, Nov 30, 2009 - 1:33:05 PM
Hi Dawson! Personally, i'm a fairly shy person ~ although I really want to work on it, and be more relaxed when I'm around people. But it's not just people I don't know, I get shy around people like my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I'm even too shy to sing in front of my Dad! The only people that I've never been shy around are my mom and my cousin who is also my best friend in the world ~ Jacquelynn. The thing I'm wondering is, WHY am I shy around these poeple? When I feel nervous around them I think to myself, "Its not a big deal, its just Grandma," but that doesnt change the fact that I always end up having a hard time talking with them, or sitting in a room with these people. I guess having something to talk about would help, but even if I try to talk with people, I always end up thinking in the end that I didnt do a very good job of "pretending" I wasnt nervous. Otherwise, the only times that I'm not nevous around people, is when Im talking with them over the phone, internet, or writing a note or a letter. Its like Im super shy if I have to talk to someone in person, but I can go for hours talking to even people I don't know if its over the phone.
- Michelle

Sunday, Nov 29, 2009 - 11:35:29 PM
Hey Dawson!The tips really helped since i usually tend to stay friends with the same ppl. for some reason it's easier to talk to different ppl rather than others(some of them are shy & some aren't). in ES i use 2 be so shy i didn't want 2 go 2 school and had no friends. in MS i use 2 have a group of 3 friends, we drifted apart & moved, i made new friends. Now in HS i 7 BF's and the tips hav helped be comfortable enough 2 make a fresh start of new friends(NONE of my old friends were in my classes this semester) But still in 2 out of 4 classes most say i am shy but in the other classes most say i am outgoing even my teachers think the same thing. in one class i hav 3 acquaintances but in another i have tons of ppl and friends i talk 2. sometimes i just choke or chicken out. =^.^= WHY IS IT HARDER TO 4 ME TO TALK IN 1 BLOCK BUT NOT THE OTHER?
- Jada

Sunday, Nov 29, 2009 - 11:17:36 PM
I know this wont come out till morrow, but I love your show and how you have helped me with your blogs!
- jordyn

Sunday, Nov 29, 2009 - 11:15:24 PM
Hey, Jordan B. I know exactly what your feeling, from kindergarten to 8th grade, and still in highschool, i'm a loner, a social outcast. I've taken so many insults, felt so much hatred directed at me... so I know exactly how you feel, but I kept being nice and now, 10th grade, I have like maybe, 6, 7 friends. Don't give up hope, that's the big thing never lose hope that you'll make friends. I don't know what ECOT is, so don't know what 2 tell ya dere...well, wish you best of luck with making friends and stuff. ^.^
- Zach15years

Sunday, Nov 29, 2009 - 10:46:09 PM
this helped me
- nick

Sunday, Nov 29, 2009 - 9:30:21 PM
Hey Dawson!!! ^_^ I know this probably wont be posted until tomorrow, but im listening to your show right now. AMAZING!!! :D I'm a loner, and i don't have any friends. My mom deprives me of everything now that i'm in ECOT. I cant do anything, let alone leave the house. What do i do?
- Jordan B.

Sunday, Nov 29, 2009 - 9:15:50 PM
i was reading some of your blogs and was looking for something to help me. im 17 about to turn 18. when i was 13 i was raped and i havent told anyone. i had a older boyfriend and he lived with me and my mom and he raped me. i dont think it really matters if he lived with me or not i didnt want to have sex with him. but the point of my story is ive been seeing this guy for a while now and i think he wants to have sex with me. and it scares me and that just doesnt feel normal..i actually want to (have sex)but like i said the thought of it brings me to tears for some reason but i have no idea how to get over that fear. i want to tell him about all of this but it sounds werid doesnt it? but it would be wonderful if you could write a blog about rape and the affects of and ways to get over the affects of rape or how to work on it at least...plz help
- chelsea

Saturday, Nov 28, 2009 - 12:43:23 PM
I dont have the best social kills but i do not see the point in this blog. we do not need help with socializing. there are bigger problems in are life. -Christine 15 years old elyria, ohio
- Christine

Friday, Nov 27, 2009 - 8:21:51 PM
There's plenty of easy answers to the "How To Be Funny" thing. It's pretty obvious that hanging out with funny people will contribute to how you're able to make others laugh, because you can see what makes people laugh first hand. On the other hand, if you're spending all of your time around more serious people who would rather not act silly and all that, there's a good chance you'll be way out of practice. So technically I guess it doesn't come naturally. The more time you spend with humorous people, the better you get.
- Richard

Wednesday, Nov 25, 2009 - 2:05:12 AM
People don't ejoy the fake ones. You know, the people who are always trying to hard to be the center of attention and getting most of the realization, most of those get that attention because we are too afraid to come out of our shells. Most people enjoy the real person. I don't know about everyone else, but I don't like meeting a person then a few months later them acting completely different and me standing there alone. So just be yourself. Find a group that you feel a positive vibe to, and, although it's intimidating, don't be afraid to stand out and follow your dreams/beliefs.
- Olivia

Tuesday, Nov 24, 2009 - 1:01:26 AM
Hey Dawson, what do you do if you have mean girls in your life (which I'm guessing a lot of girls have had or will have a mean girl at some point for whatever reason)? You know the girl that will do things just to be MEAN. How am I supose to handle it? I don't want to end up being mean back to her because if I do that, then I am being just as mean. PLEASE HELP!!!
- Hannah

Tuesday, Nov 24, 2009 - 12:41:45 AM
I am 17, and I think some people are just naturally funny, but some people need to work od their jokes.
- Rayette

Monday, Nov 23, 2009 - 1:39:55 AM
Dawson, I wish I could have known this early. Ha ha ha! I've always had a hard time making friends but now, I can become successful in making friends... Thank you for helping me... But I do have one more problem in making friends... My lying. I can't stop and I read your blogs on how to stop... What should I do if those tactics don't work? I find myself in a lie, I turn around and say, "That's a lie." and make up a new one... I don't know what to do... Can you help?
- Colby

Monday, Nov 23, 2009 - 12:36:27 AM
Dear really need help, to start i am so sorry you have had to go through this. i think the first step is to tell your parents, then talk to a school counselor or personal therapist. being 12 is a difficult time for everyone. healing is a slow prosses, but with a good support system it is a sure one. p.s i am not in any way a professional, im 12 years old aswell and went through this last year.
- trying to help

Sunday, Nov 22, 2009 - 11:29:21 PM
Hello! My name is amanda and i am 18 years old. Your show helps me so much! Thank you for all you do and help with!
- Amanda tuttle

Sunday, Nov 22, 2009 - 10:13:23 PM
The message i sent before that use to me. My life altered because i didn't have any guidance. And it was something that was entirely not my fault. I've forgiven my parents I'm not mad at them at all and I'm still struggling with talking to people I don't know I think because the people I do know (parents) never was there to teach me I had to learn things through experience and it sucks because I'm a good guy with bad parent for teachers about life.
- Brandon

Sunday, Nov 22, 2009 - 9:52:02 PM
A person can be funny if they laugh at themselves and don't take themselves to seriously and is always positive. I'm talking from personal experience
- Brandon

Sunday, Nov 22, 2009 - 9:44:10 PM
In the course of 3 years, I've been though depression, social disorders, insanity and so much more. I took self diagnosis test alot and found out i was a strong candidate for depression. it took me about a year to come out ot my parents. next i became diagnosed with social anxiety disorder which caused me so much problems that for a period of time, i drove myself insane. I've wanted to commit suicide so many times, but i just cant do it. i have no one here that would care if i died but me but i still cant do it. I'm so confused about my life but i can't tell anyone. even my parents don't know the whole truth. I can't put down my email because i want to remain anonymus. I just need to tell people so i wont feel so alone. Its reall hard to go throuh this feeling alone. And trust me, its even harder to deal with this when im only 12 years old.
- Really need help

Sunday, Nov 22, 2009 - 7:47:24 PM
What makes people funny? Well, lots of things really. Some people are funny by being able to come up with witty comments on the moment. Some are funny because they take day to day things and turn them into jokes. For some people it all depends on what sense of humor you have. Personally, my favorite jokes are the ones that point out the flaws of things you see every day. Not only is the statement true, it's great for giggles.
- Roiselyn

Saturday, Nov 21, 2009 - 6:00:47 PM
i tHiNK i MESSED UP A REAllY G00D FRiENDSHiP :( i G0t DRUNK WitH SUM FRiENDS AND AlM0ST HAD SEX WitH 0NE 0F MY BESt GUY FRiENDS...i WAStED AND i DiDNt KN0W WHAt i WAS D0iNG...i D0Nt WANt tHiNGS t0 be DiffRENT BEtWEEN US...i HAVE N0 iDEA WHAt t0 SAY t0 HiM...S0ME0NE PLZ HElP ME
- randi lynnette :(

Saturday, Nov 21, 2009 - 3:28:55 PM
Hey Dawson! your amazing!!! i just have one question. What if your a loner, and none of these tips work for you? then what?
- Loner-sadface:(

Saturday, Nov 21, 2009 - 2:44:07 AM
my social life in high school was ok i mean i had some friendz not alot thorugh and when i finally got a girlfriend she played head games with me i don't like that so she eventually found sopomeone like her at school so now I'm on the single scene again oh well hopefully i'll find someone someday I love your show dawson!!!!
- Anthony V. II

Saturday, Nov 21, 2009 - 12:48:08 AM
i am really good at being able to talk to anyone because i dont know i just am i guess because people think im funny and random.... but some people i just freeze up and cant talk. i dont get it.
- jonershia

Friday, Nov 20, 2009 - 10:09:58 PM
Some of these tips seem so obvious, but they are also one's that are easy to forget. I feel pretty socially awkward most of the time, it's hard to find the balance between not trying at all and trying to hard. Thanks for the ideas!
- Melissa F.

Friday, Nov 20, 2009 - 3:29:30 PM
My social life in middle school was a flop. I barely had friends, and when I finally got a boyfriend, he abused me. He hit me, and verbally/Emotionally hurt me. The problem, was that I held on tight to him. Because he was someone who liked me. I've met new people, and i'm glad to have tons of loving friends. This article will definitley help lots!
- Emily