How To Make Friends

In the last couple of blogs, I’ve been suggesting ways on how to become more outgoing. This blog continues that topic, but deals specifically with how to make friends—for some people a very difficult task, and one that requires great patience, love, and commitment.

You’ve heard me say on my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, about the incredible value of having good friends. Friends will be the anchors that will keep you grounded when everything else around you seems to be out of control.

But what if you’re at a new school, or maybe starting a new job, the sooner you learn how to make friends, the more fulfilling your life will be. So, how do you make new friends?

The best way to make friends is to get involved in programs and activities that you like.

1) Spend more time around people with similar interests.
You can’t make friends sitting at home watching TV. Sooner or later, you have to move out into unchartered waters—the real world where things can sometimes be unpredictable and uncomfortable. The best way to work through this is to stare down your fears and take the plunge. It may not be a great experience the first time, but if you keep at it, you will attract people to yourself.

The easiest way to make friends is to get involved in activities that you are comfortable with, and let the relationships develop naturally.

  • Volunteer – when you work together with other people on a common goal, you will develop friendships more rapidly.
  • Join a club – find a group of people with similar interests and interact with them while you do what you love.
  • Join a sports team – this is a great way to make friends as you compete against an opponent. Don’t worry about being “good enough,” just give it your all.

Shana said, “Having a goal you share with other people, even strangers, will draw you together. I went on a missions trip with people from my church and we all became really great friends.” Shana is right—she took her eyes off herself and her own fears, and found new friends who all had a common goal.

Ask people questions about themselves and take an honest interest in them.

2) Reach out to people
You can join all the clubs or teams in the world and you’ll never make friends with anyone if you don’t reach out to others. Better yet, you don’t have to join anything to be able to be kind and loving to others. Remember, everybody needs encouragement and attention, even small words of kindness will make a difference. You can talk to people behind the counter at restaurants, in a store, at church, or just about anyplace. Ask people questions about themselves and take an honest interest in them. People are most concerned about themselves, therefore, to reach into their world, in time, will bring you friends.

Jessie said, “People sometimes think you’re crazy for talking to strangers. But being nice to other people is a great way to live. And it’s a great way to make new friends.”

3) Make efforts to get together
When you meet someone you find interesting, be courageous enough to ask him or her to meet with you at another time. It’s a great way to find out if the other person is open to having your friendship. Don’t ever try to pressure anyone into getting together with you. But be honest and sincere about your desire to get to know them.

Be courageous enough to make plans to get together another time.

4) Be a good friend.
Some people have a lot of acquaintances, but very few friends. What is the difference between friends and acquaintances? An acquaintance is someone you might see everyday, and you might even have conversations with her or him. But it usually doesn’t go beyond friendly, superficial talk. If you’re looking for a good friend, you will have to work harder and go deeper than just saying hi to everybody. A good friend is available, reliable, and trustworthy, and also a great listener.

Wade said, “I don’t want any friends who don’t care what goes on with me. If someone wants to show me they’re a good friend they will ask me about what I’m thinking and feeling.”

A good friend is available, reliable, and trustworthy.

Just remember, there are many people like you all around you waiting to make new friends, too. Make it your goal to find them. It takes a while to develop friends, so be patient, it will work out. Look over the last two blogs on How To Socialize and How To Be Funny, for additional tips that will help you to be more outgoing. Next week I’m starting a new series on What To Do When Your Parent’s Get Divorced. Please write me and tell me your thoughts and experiences about what has helped you get through your parent’s divorce. I appreciate your comments and NEED your insights! Thanks!


Thursday, Dec 10, 2009 - 3:52:42 AM
Awesome Blog once again Dawson! Your amazing!
- Mary

Thursday, Dec 10, 2009 - 12:41:20 AM
what if your parents were never together to begin with.
- larry

Monday, Dec 7, 2009 - 9:31:15 PM
BEiNG A G00D FRiEND iSNT AlWAYS AB0UT BEiNG THERE iTS AB0UT BEiNG THERE THR0UGH THE BAD STUFF THE STUFF 0NLY FRiENDS CAN HELP WiTH...FR0M S0METHiNG AS SillY AS A B0Y Y0U LiKE 0R AS SERi0US AS TELLiNG Y0UR M0M Y0UR PERGENAT...Y0u G0TTA HAVE THEiR BACK DURiNG THE R0UGH TiMES && Y0U G0TTA TELL THEM WHEN THEY ARE iN THE WR0NG EVEN iF iTS G0NNA HURT THEM...iF Y0UR A REAL TRUE FRiEND Y0U'LL WANT Y0UR FRiENDS T0 BE ALL THEY CAN BE && Y0U WiLL D0 ANYTHiNG T0 HElP THEM BE ALL THEY CAN BE && THATS REAL SUPPORT
- Chelsea

Monday, Dec 7, 2009 - 8:28:30 PM
One of the most difficult parts of my parents getting divorced was after they got divorced. My dad has never really been around or invloved in my life, even though he lived with us, he was never there. About 5 years or so after my parents got divorced, my dad started causing a lot of chaos. What helped me during this was writting out how I felt and what was going on in a journal. I also told one of my closes friends what was going on. Before I started talking about it and witting about it, the mistake I made was trying to keep it bottled up. But keeping it bottled up created more problems than it solved. I thought I was protecting myself, but I started getting really angry and I was taking it out on the people around me. I was also so focused on myself that I didn't even stop to think that there were other people who were hurting. So my advice would be to write it out and talke it out. When I told my friend what was going on, I felt like a burden had been lifted off of my shoulders. Try to find a close friend who is not only a good listner, but is also understanding.
- Leigh

Monday, Dec 7, 2009 - 3:09:13 AM
all the friends i did have ended up bein two faced and i dont go to school or can find a job there is nothin at all to do in this town wit no car or job how will i be able to meet people besides people on the internet
- ashley

Monday, Dec 7, 2009 - 12:27:53 AM
Hey I'm desperate. I really like this guy. I think I've fallen for him too. He always says he likes me back but he never does anything to show it. He tells me all of his problems though if that counts. He really doesn't act like he likes me at all but all his friends tell me that he always talks about me.
- raine W.

Saturday, Dec 5, 2009 - 8:35:47 PM
I like this blog and I will try to use as much of it as i can. As a kid I had and still have parents that just work, come home and watch tv, make us dinner, and do no active things with us at all. Not much involvment going on with any of our lives and now that I'm more mature I am realizing this and I want to be more active in life and to have someone truelly show that they care about me. I want someone in my life that can be able to do things with me. I recently had a girlfriend that I would do numerous activities with and I got involved in a few sports because of her but now she is gone and its just hard to do the things we did by myself. I need your advice on what I should do on how to get my situation looking a lot better so i can help my family and myself in our lives. I know I have a long ways to go in life, I am 17, and I want to make the best of everything and to have a fulfilling and successful life. I will most likely be calling you tonight and I hope I get a response to this comment!
- Sean

Saturday, Dec 5, 2009 - 6:04:44 PM
What is the difference between gossiping and sharing with a friend? This question has been on my mind for a while and I can't seem to find where the line is between telling a friend about someting and when it turns to gossip? If you only tell 2 people is it still gossip?
- Leigh

Saturday, Dec 5, 2009 - 12:35:03 AM
I sent you a email today and was wanting you to help...I'd appreciate any advice you could give. THankyou and GOD BLESS
- Amber H..