How To Help A Suicidal Friend

If you know someone who has thought about committing suicide, you realize how hard it is to know what to say or do about it. Are they just joking? Do they just want attention? Or is something serious going on? The truth is, most suicidal individuals give definite warnings of their suicidal intentions, but people around them are either unaware of the significance of those warnings or don’t know how to respond to them.

Most suicidal individuals give definite warnings of their suicidal intentions.

Kendra said she has thought about killing herself many times: “If I don't have anyone to talk to once in a while, to get my feelings out, I get really sad, because I feel like no one cares about me. I think about what would people think if I was dead, or would they be happier without me?”

I’d hate to think Kendra, or someone like her, would kill herself because she feels no one ever showed her they cared. Perhaps you have a friend like Kendra who has said some things to you that sounded like she or he might be deeply depressed, or even suicidal. It’s very important to recognize those signs.

Here are some of the signs to watch for. A suicidal person may:
- Talk about suicide, death, and/or having no reason to live
- Withdraw from friends or social activities
- Experience drastic changes in behavior
- Lose interest in hobbies, work, school, etc.
- Give away prized possessions
- Lose interest in their personal appearance
- Express a deep sense of hopelessness
- Increase in drug or alcohol use
- A deep sense of serenity, or being at peace
- Complain about being a bad person or feeling rotten inside

They even may be so desperate they might say something like...
- If I killed myself, then people would be sorry
- If I wasn’t around no one would miss me
- All of my problems will end soon
- I won’t be a problem for you much longer
- Nothing matters; it’s no use
- I won’t see you again

So what can you do to help someone who is threatening suicide?
- Get involved. Be available. Show interest and support
- Don’t be afraid to talk with them about suicide. Talking about it does not make it worse, but better. Be direct. Talk openly and freely about suicide
- Ask if he/she is thinking about suicide
- Ask if they have a plan. If so, take them seriously and move quickly to get help. Remove anything that would help them carry out their plan – guns, drugs, alcohol, knives, etc.
- Don’t bait the suicidal. Don’t say, “I think you’re just bluffing. I don’t believe you.”
- Be willing to listen. Be non-judgmental. Don’t lecture
- Don’t ask “why.” This encourages defensiveness
- Don’t act shocked
- Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Get support
- Offer hope that alternatives are available

Nicole said her sister saved her when she felt suicidal: “Because of her, I am still here. If you know anyone who you may think have depression or suicidal thoughts ask him or her if everything is okay and comfort them.”

Make sure you take any threat of suicide seriously.

Reassure your friend that you love them. That’s what happened when Heather was feeling suicidal: “I told [my friend] what was going on and he just kept telling me that he cared—that it wasn’t the right thing for me, that I had so much more to do with my life. But the thing that helped me was that he said he loved me. I had felt so alone and no one had told me that in awhile not even my mom.” Remind your friend that no matter how awful his/her problems seem, they can be worked out, and you are willing to help.

Get involved. Be available. Show

Please make sure you take any threat of suicide seriously. Of all the people who have committed suicide, 80% have given some kind of warning. A person who you feel is “high risk” for suicide should never be left alone, if even for a moment. Keep talking to that person, and stay with him or her. Don’t feel like you have to handle this on your own. Get help from individuals or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.

You could very well be that voice of hope to someone you love.

Most times a suicidal person needs someone close to them to be a voice of hope. Amberly agrees: “Sometimes all you need is to be loved and know someone is there to catch you when you are about to fall.” You could very well be that voice of hope to someone you love. Your efforts might just save someone’s life. But in the end, you can only do your best. If your friend should commit suicide, it is never your fault. Each person is responsible for their own actions. Remember, 20% of all suicides cannot be prevented, no matter what. So don’t drown in a sea of guilt if someone you know kills themself.

Next week, I’m going to end this series on suicide by writing about what to do if you feel suicidal. What can you do to help save your own life? I look forward to reading your comments.

To respond to Dawson's Blog, enter your message below:

Thursday, Mar 11, 2010 - 12:30:38 AM
My best friend tried to kill himself in feb because of some major bullcrap that was happeneding with my bfs mother and the stuff she was saying. But he has tried to kill himself before. And he's got this brain problem thats causes him to pass out and when they put him on some meds it did the roller coaster effect and the living environment isn't that great either and i've told him that killing himself won't help any thing. In feb when he tried to kill himself he drank some bleach and then told his mom and she called 911 and he got taken to the er and then he went to the crazy farm which is where he stopped talking to me b/c the therapist said that i'm to close to the problem which isn't really true. His mom and grandma blame me for makin him try and kill himself b/c i told him all the stuff my bfs mom was telling me about him. But i was shocked when he called me from the crazy farm and i told him why didn't u just call me and we could have talked it out. he said that before he knew it he was drinking the bleach.
- Kim

Wednesday, Mar 10, 2010 - 1:47:29 AM
I've attempted to O.D. two times because I was suffering from verbal abuse and anorexia. It was a horrible time for me, but I didn't die and wound up with no damage. Now I'm happy, healthy, and myself again. I've realized that I'm here to bring hope to other people and help them so they don't leave this earth. for people struggling with an eating disorder, KEEP FIGHTING!!! :) it's so worth it to be healthy again. I'm here if anyone needs to talk to a perfect stranger and for those who survived and ED, I LOVE YOU! the world is a beautiful place isn't it? for those who know someone who is struggling, just talk to them. it really does help when they're about to cut the cord of life and they remember that you care about them. <3 lots of love
- Alexa

Wednesday, Mar 10, 2010 - 1:25:54 AM
Tiffany, you probably not going to see this again or something but if you do, hey even the minimal person in this world would care about you, try to get rounded with friends that is going to make you forget a lot of what is going on in your life. Your boyfriend appreciate you a lot if he did that, and hey he cares Idk you and you dont know me but something made me try to talk to you because that you actually need and probably i cant give you but another friend could is a hug and a hey Im here for you and I care :) smile life have wonderful things ahead, mine for example even in the darker days i still thinking hey i can change my situation and make it a good one. I would hope to know more about your case but till then. Just get friends and tell someone how you feel if u suppress ur feelings its harder to win a battle. :)
- Javier

Tuesday, Mar 9, 2010 - 10:11:19 PM
@ Tiffany: please listen to what your boyfriend said, think about how much you care about him. Don't you think that he means what he said? I believe he really does love you, and you are worth so much more than you realize. @ Adam: I am in the army and we have a suicide prevention program called ACE. (Ask Care Escort) Although this program is geared toward suicide prevention in the military, it has application in the civilian world too. Ask directly if he or she is thinking about killing himself/herself.
- Mark

Tuesday, Mar 9, 2010 - 5:01:40 PM
I've tried to commit suicide, i've cut. but all people tell me to do is stop, i try to hide the scars but people find them. i try to talk to my friends about my situations, but a lot of times they don't write back, so i don't know what to do and then it happens. even though to me..after cutting for a while, it stops your thoughts for a minute, but then later you look at the scars and you think even more about why you did that, yeah, so it ends up making you think mmore, but i just can't stop. i always feel that when people don't answer my texts or calls that they don't care. and that im not needed or important in their lives. im scared to go to counsling, and i would refuse to. i just dont know what to do.
- ---

Tuesday, Mar 9, 2010 - 1:32:17 AM
Personally.. I am (still in the process of) dealing with the things that made me feel like I had no reason to live. I had a plan and everything, just needed to work out the timing. The point is I've started working on the things that made me want to be done with this life. So I'm slightly enjoying it.. I know it will be great once I reach my goals! :)
- Michael

Tuesday, Mar 9, 2010 - 1:29:10 AM
My friend is suicidal. This has helped me so much, after reading this I talked to my school counsler who talked to her and convinced her to go into therapy. I told her parents about what you said in this blog about taking sharp objects away and how to pick up on hints. My friend is doing so much better and seems to be much much happier. Thank you so much!
-

Monday, Mar 8, 2010 - 9:14:52 PM
Wow, I think that she must be going through alot. I feel the same way at times, but I know I'd never have the guts to harm myself. I think she should see someone with a lisence about her problems.
- Siera

Monday, Mar 8, 2010 - 2:06:41 AM
i tried 3 or 4 times to commit suicide and all those times it failed. I should had died but didnt. I figured out that i was ment to be here dont know why but i am trying to figure out why lol. I have 4 kids and a hubby. They love me and show me love. I went through counseling 5 years ago for my personal issues and figured out through counseling that the reason i was suicidal was cause i felt abandoned. I felt abandoned by both my moms. My real mom and step mom. I was also abused by my step mom. I survived all of that and the attempts i did and i have a different out look on life. Yes i go through rough issues but i find a way to make it and change the bad to a good and use it to my advantage. My advice is that the best thing is get counseling and find the root cause of what is causing the suicidal thoughts and. I have fogiven both my moms for what they did and i dont talk to either one of them very often. I dont want children to be around ppl like them. I tell my children and show them how much they are love
- Shawna

Monday, Mar 8, 2010 - 2:02:02 AM
Hi my name is Tiffany b. and I umm well Ive thought about killing my self many times I've even allmost done it the reson is becuase when I was little my mom left me and since then my life has taken a bad turn my dad is in jail I live with my grandpa and grandma I have since I was 2 I'm 14 now and depressed beyond belife my mom never cared neither has my dad nor does anyone in my faimly I feel so alone I get made fun of every day of my life I cut my wrists a lot and well it seems the only person who really cares about me is my boyfriend just a couple of days ago he kept me from killing my self he talked me out of it just by saying things like I love u and I'd miss u and If u die I die and he beged me not to do that to him he said it would kill him if I did :( I chouldnt take it if I did that to him so I didn't but I need some help from someone anyone please I don't know I feel like I'm alone and that maby my boyfriend was lieing to me but if anyone chould please give me some advice it'd be very apreciated
- Tiffany

Monday, Mar 8, 2010 - 12:03:20 AM
- Talk about suicide, death, and/or having no reason to live ***have no reason*** - Withdraw from friends or social activities ***moved away from the beach(quit surfing/fishing)*** - Experience drastic changes in behavior ***potentialy bi-polar(extreme emotional unbalance- day to day from ok to EXTREMELy depressed)*** - Lose interest in hobbies, work, school, etc. ***quit community college, work sucks but same old thing-money is needed 4 everything*** - Give away prized possessions ***not yet but thought about selling personal items to pay 4 camp sites to live alone*** - Lose interest in their personal appearance ***lol started DRINKING gained 60-70lbs in 1 1/2 - 2yrs - Express a deep sense of hopelessness - Increase in drug or alcohol use ***Alcohol!! keeps some people alive - A deep sense of serenity, or being at peace................................ - Complain about being a bad person or feeling rotten inside ***no, but do realize how much better other people are compared to myself
- BoB<--its fake! can u believe it!

Sunday, Mar 7, 2010 - 11:23:26 PM
i honestly thought about suicide a lot of times its not easy and i never had any one around to talk to either my mom amd dad had gotten a divorce and my mom always went out and left me home and we just recantly moved to a diffrent state so really i had no one there for me either i got really bad addicted to drugs at such a young age (13) but no one ever knew i was thinking of killing my self and i got hung up with the wrong people . i attmepted to kill my self atleast 3 times thought about it 24/7 so then my mom found out i was on drugs and she just hit me and stuff which never really helped at all so ... she tried to threaten to send me off which my dad came up from tennesee and got me so i went back home but,then he didnt have his own house or anything and he was addicted to drugs so i got sent back like 2 weeks ago i recantlyy stopped drugs cuase i relized the un gratefull live i was living and i was unhappy so i just started going to church and recantly got saved cuase i ahd been in church my whole life god does help but you gotta put effort into it then i stopped church for a while and my life screwws up worse my boy friend i had for 4 yearss broke up wit me so i just bascically stayed to my self and never talked to any one then i actully went and got a knife to kill my self and i just stopped and thought many diffrent things through my head what will happen after if you know i was thinkin this really isnt solving my promblemss is it?? so i just decied to try to et into something like hip hop classses and got my mind of my life and try to life it to the fullest
- kelsey

Sunday, Mar 7, 2010 - 10:58:20 PM
I was suicidal for over three years,when I was in 5th grade to 7th grade, and I tried to kill myself at least once a month. But, I had a friend who was there for me no matter what. I tried to push this friend away so many times, she took away the knifes and scissors I'd cut with, my Dad's diving knife, my grandpa's gun, and the hose and rope so I couldn't hang myself. Even though I was so mad at her for it, I knew she cared and that she really did love me. And, Dawson, you are also a huge part of my recovery. If it hadn't been for your show, I would have felt loads worse. And I never even called in. You are such an inspiration and keep doing what you've been doing!
- Wendalin

Sunday, Mar 7, 2010 - 8:11:26 PM
Its so cool how you help people!if only you could help me.
- jewel a.

Saturday, Mar 6, 2010 - 10:57:59 PM
Heres my question how do u ask someone you think my be suicidal if they are having thought of suicide with out pushing them away ?
- Adam

Saturday, Mar 6, 2010 - 7:06:02 PM
I used to be suicidal, and for the most part it comes right down to having hope and knowing you are loved. As Dawson said we need to show interest and support, that includes saying "I love you." Try not to be shocked by hearing that a loved one is suicidal, just help them find hope.
- Mark

Saturday, Mar 6, 2010 - 1:36:37 PM
Last year I was really depressed and wanted to kill myself so bad. I spent the night at my sisters house who was living with some friends and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and I got this wonderful full feeling like God had just come inside of me and showed me that even though I feel so alone and helpless in this world that he is always there for me.
-

Friday, Mar 5, 2010 - 9:05:30 PM
Honestly, I have had a crappy life in all, and I was talking about suicide, but when I told my mom about you guys, I went to your website, I called the suicide hot line that is listed on your website, and I got help. Don't be afraid of anything, just learn to either deal with it, or turn it around. I have been listening to your on-air talk show for 5-9 years, and I really appreciate what your doing for this world Dawson. You bring hope into everyone. All the stories I've heard about this subject, I've listened too very closely, and I even brought my mother into it too, and she says your doing a great thing for the youth of America. You may not be a professional, but your really good. I've learned so much from you and I help others too, I had a friend of mine wanting to do suicide also, but I stopped him, it's a matter of how you put your words. You have to be careful about what you talk about, people are very sensitive when it comes to talking about suicide. I'm a big fan and I love how your straight up and get to the point. Hope one day I'll call you and tell you this.
- Rachelle

Friday, Mar 5, 2010 - 5:38:29 PM
wonderful blog it helped me give help to a friend at my school
- Bobby C.